Good day Team,

The coach’s challenge this week is about appreciating diversity. It’s also about making you’re way through this long e-mail. There’s a story here, so this week’s challenge is longer than usual.

By some stroke of luck, I find myself in Nice, France for a week. It’s a jewel of a place with the beautiful blue water of the Mediterranean and the pastel pinks and and whites of the limestone buildings in perfect compliment to each other. After 27 days of gray, cold, rain in Portland, the sun here shines brightly and is a welcome sight.

Upon arriving yesterday, I realized that I was quite ill. So, I went to the nearest pharmacy to describe my malady in hopes of being given some medicine that would cure me. Of course, I needed to use my very limited French, which is comical to most French people since it doesn’t sound like any language they have ever heard. They’re generally very amiable with me, which helps a lot when you’re not feeling too well. The pharmacist heard my symptoms and advised me to go to the hospital since it was Saturday, late afternoon and there would be no doctors available until Monday. We both agreed that waiting until Monday to see the doctor would be too difficult given my condition, so off I went to the hospital. Thankfully, my husband was with me throughout all of this. I must admit, I was frightened, so having support was very helpful.

We arrived at the hospital and stood in line at reception. I began to look around. The first thing I noticed is how old everything looked. There were no fresh coats of paint on the walls or slick, high tech doors that opened quietly as you approached them. This was obviously an old hospital; well used and broken in. The second thing I noticed was all the different kinds of people who were standing in line, milling about or being brought in on gurneys. Here was an opportunity to observe a slice of life that I don’t often see in Portland. There were so many different kinds of people, not just in terms of race but also economic background. Since medical care in France is available to everyone, the hospital is a place where anyone and everyone is welcome. It treats everyone the same, all you have to do is show your card, and you’re the next in line to be treated. It was also pretty chaotic and disorganized. And yet, somehow, everyone was taken care of and most of the nurses and doctors had a smile and kind word for anyone who came in.

After explaining my symptoms to the nurse, I was told to go into the basement where a doctor was seeing people who were not in need of immediate emergency care, but needed a doctor in any case. Since my French is so poor, the admissions woman actually left the main desk and took us downstairs and alerted the doctor. She didn’t take my name, or have me fill out a form, or even ask to see my passport. She just helped me get what I needed. We were lead to a waiting room where we waited for quite awhile to see the doctor. Again, I noticed the diversity of the people around me and as we began to talk with them, it was obvious that we were all very different. But, what I found most interesting was our similarities. Whether it was the street guy who had gotten punched in the eye, the Lebanese construction worker who had shoulder problems, the African mother who ‘s children were most polite, or the crazy Algerian who complained every few minutes about the wait and commented that “someone could die in here, and no one would notice,” we were all just human and in need of care. With all of our obvious differences, we were far more alike than you would have thought. Here I was in a room full of people I could barely talk to, and yet we were all speaking a common language of suffering and concern. It made me wonder if that isn’t usually the case. We think we are so different from each other until we are put in a similar situation and then our differences don’t seem so great. This occurred to me during Hurricane Katrina. Black or white, rich or poor, the storm didn’t discriminate about which home floated away or which neighborhood it flooded. Everyone affected needed help.

Your challenge this week is to work on appreciating our differences. Strike up a conversation with someone you find to be different. Ask and learn what is happening in their life and look for the underlying similarity with your own. Reflect on what it feels like to see that we are not quite as different as we appear to be and at the heart of it, we are all equally human. In this, we learn to appreciate and accept each other for our differences and similarities alike.

Have a great week!

Kathleen

PS – A day has passed since my visit to the hospital and I am doing much better! The doctor was most kind.

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

Good day, team,

The coach’s challenge this week is about listening. These days, almost everyone in business is familiar with the idea of “active listening,” that is, listening for meaning, in which the listener checks with the speaker to see that a statement has been correctly heard and understood. The goal of active listening is to improve mutual understanding. Take a look at how Wikipedia, the online encyclopedia, describes active listening:

Active listening is a structured way of listening and responding. It focuses attention on the speaker. Suspending one’s own frame of reference and suspending judgement are important in order to fully attend to the speaker. It is also important to observe the other person’s behavior and body language. Having heard, the listener may then paraphrase the speaker’s words. It is important to note that the listener is not necessarily agreeing with the speaker-simply stating what was said. In emotionally charged communications, the listener may listen for feelings. Thus, rather than merely repeating what the speaker has said, the active listener might describe the underlying emotion (“you’re angry” or “you feel frustrated, because…”).

When interacting, people often are not listening attentively to one another. They may be distracted, thinking about other things, or thinking about what they are going to say next (the latter case is particularly true in conflict situations or disagreements).

Individuals in conflict often contradict one another. This has the effect of denying the validity of the other person’s position. This can make people defensive, and they may either lash out or withdraw. On the other hand, if a person finds that the other party understands, an atmosphere of cooperation can be created. This increases the possibility of collaborating and resolving the conflict.

The benefits of active listening include getting people to open up, avoiding misunderstandings, resolving conflict and building trust.

Your challenge this week is to try active listening in your daily interactions with others. See if you can listen to people without thinking about what you’re going to say next while they’re still talking. Notice if you frequently interrupt others or cut their sentences short. These are all behaviors that can make other people feel unworthy.

Interestingly enough, most of us know when someone stops listening to us: Maybe the person looks at his or her watch while we’re speaking. We feel that the other person is discounting what we’re saying or that we’re wasting his or her time.

Try being fully attentive to others when they’re speaking. Don’t be afraid to ask them to repeat themselves if you didn’t fully hear them. It’s worth the effort. I like this advice from Hugh Prather: “In order to listen, I will have to listen without obligation. I will have to give up my intention to hear. If I will let the meaning flow through me like wind blowing through leaves, then I can open up loosely to what is being said, instead of howling it down with my intensity.”

Have a great week!

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
2839 NE Hoyt Street
Portland, Oregon 97232
(503) 296-9249

Good day Team,
I thought a good way to start out the New Year’s coach’s challenge would be to give you some useful information from an article a read recently in the Harvard Business Review.

The name of the article is “Radical Change, The Quiet Way”, by Debra Meyerson. Here are some key points from the article.

How do you bring about constructive change within your work environment? If you push your agenda too hard, resentment builds against you. If you remain silent, resentment builds inside you. Myerson suggests that you become a /tempered radical/ – an informal leader who quietly challenges prevailing wisdom and provokes cultural transformation. Tempered radicals embody contrasts. They yearn for rapid change, but trust in patience. They often work alone, yet unite others. Rather than pressing their agendas, they start conversations. And instead of battling powerful foes, they seek powerful friends.

Here are some of the tactics tempered radicals use:

*Disruptive self-expression* – demonstrate your values through your language, dress, office decor, or behavior. People notice and talk – often becoming brave enough to try the change themselves. The more people talk, the greater the impact.

*Verbal jujitsu* – redirect negative statements or actions into positive change.
*
Variable-term opportunism* – Be ready to capitalize on unexpected opportunities for short-term change, as well as orchestrate deliberate, longer term change.
*
Strategic alliance building* – gain clout by working with allies. Enhance your legitimacy and implement change more quickly and directly than you could alone. Don’t make “opponents” enemies – they’re often your best source of support and resources.

Your challenge this week is to try using one of these tactics. I hope they help you start the new year with a different perspective and a new approach.

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

Good day, team,

This week brings the winter solstice, and I am reminded of the importance of light in our lives. Your challenge this week is to bring more light into your life and someone else’s. This can be accomplished in many ways. Here are some suggestions:

1. Light a candle.

2. Offer someone a small gift to brighten their day.

3. Spend some time watching the fire in your fireplace.

4. Put some holiday lights up in your home.

5. Open the blinds and let the light into your environment.

6. Make a flambe dessert. (Be careful with this one: It takes a steady hand!)

7. Offer to help someone else at work to lighten their load.

8. Delegate something to someone else to lighten your own load!

9. Tell someone how much you appreciate them. It will light up their day.

10. Let the love and light in your heart shine through. It will enlighten everyone you meet.

Have a joyful, light-filled week and a wonderful holiday,

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
2839 NE Hoyt Street
Portland, Oregon 97232
(503) 296-9249

The coach will be on vacation next week, but she’ll be back the first week of January.

Good day Team,
This week brings the winter solstice and I am reminded of the importance of light in our lives. Your challenge this week is to bring more light into your life and someone elses. This can be accomplished in many ways. Here are some suggestions:

1. Light a candle.

2. Offer someone a small gift to brighten their day.

3. Spend some time watching the fire in your fireplace.

4. Put some holiday lights up in your home.

5. Open the blinds and let the light into your environment.

6. Make a flambe dessert (be careful of this one, it takes a steady hand!)

7. Offer to help someone else at work to lighten their load.

8. Delegate something to someone else to lighten your own load!

9. Tell someone how much you appreciate them. It will light up their day.

10. Let the love and light in your heart shine through. It will enlighten everyone you meet.

Have a joyful, light filled week and a wonderful holiday,

Kathleen

The coach will be on vacation next week, but she’ll be back the first week of January.

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
2839 NE Hoyt Street
Portland, Oregon 97232
(503)296-9249

Good day Team,

2005 is coming to an end and in looking back over the year, I feel compelled to say something about our environment. Nature has spoken very loudly this past year, in New Orleans, in Florida, in the Himalayas, in Indonesia. Even in the Pacific Northwest, we saw Mt. St. Helens erupt a few times. There is no doubt that nature can change everything in a moment and in doing so, change our lives forever.

Most of us work inside all day long, so the experience of nature is somewhat foreign to us. This disconnects us from nature and we often take it for granted or are surprised when natural occurances change our daily patterns. Think of what happens when a big storm hits and the electricity goes out. It is often a real pain to watch your food in the freezer melt or your thermostat hover around 50 degrees for days at a time. We all hear about the importance of being prepared for natural disasters, but how many of us have those extra water containers and a week’s supply of food in our garages? Frankly, I find that I’m much more prepared for nature’s surprises after a week of camping than I am after a long days work in my office.

Nature lets us know that she is mighty and does not like to be ignored. We do our best to adapt to it’s changes but the results are often costly. Businesses spend lots of money creating business resumption plans and secondary sites to ensure that customers can continue to get service in the face of natural disasters. One of our challenges for 2006 is to be more observant of our external environment and to cultivate an attitude of respect for such a powerful force. We would be wise to consider nature by paying attention to it more often and by preserving it in some way.

Your challenge this next week is to do one thing that takes nature into consideration. Maybe you throw away a piece of paper in the recycle box or consider buying individual re-cycling containers for your home or office as part of your New Year’s resolution. Perhaps you decide to use organic fertilizer in your garden or find an organic alternative to using pesticides. The next time you turn on your computer, remember that if it wasn’t for sand (silicon), the chips in your computer that give it it’s memory wouldn’t exist. I like to remember to turn the water off when I’m brushing my teeth so that I don’t waste a lot of water when I’m not using it. It’s a small thing to do, but it’s one way that I can respect nature in her providing me with an abundance of water. One of my New Year’s resolutions is to re-stock my disaster recovery stash so that I can be more prepared in an emergency.

Nature provides us everything we need to live. It’s the least we can do to let her know that we love and respect her. Even though we don’t get out to experience her often enough, we know she’s there for all of us to appreciate.

Here are a few quotes I read recently about nature that I found inspiring:

“I woke up in the middle of the night and climbed out of the tent to make coffee. There was no sound save the wind and, in all that space, not one light, just a scant new moon that heng in the sky like a find silk thread. The twentieth century had vanished. I raised my cup in a toast.” Richard West

“The heron, unseen for weeks, came flying wide-winged toward me, settled just offshore on his post, took up his vigel. If you ask why this cleared a fog from my spirit, I have no answer.” Denise Levertov.

“Nature is not a place to visit. It is home.” Gary Snyder

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

Good day, team,

This week’s challenge comes from a lovely little book called “Mocha with Max,” by Max Lucado*. I hope you enjoy it!

Several years ago my daughter Andrea and I had a bicycle adventure. She had just learned to keep her balance on a two-wheeler and was ready to leave the safety of the front street and try the hill behind our house. She’d never ridden down a hill before.

We sat atop the descent and looked down it. To her it was Everest. “You sure you want to try?” I asked.

“I think so,” she gulped.

“Just put on your brakes when you want to stop. Don’t forget your brakes.”

“Okay.”

I rode my bike to the midway point and waited. Down she came. The bike began to pick up speed. The handlebars began to shake. Her eyes got big. Her pedals moved in a blur. As she raced past she screamed, “I can’t remember how to stop pedaling!”

She crashed into the curb.

If you don’t know how to stop, the result can be painful. True on bikes. True in life.

We need one day in which work comes to a screeching halt. We need one 24-hour period in which the wheels stop grinding and the motor stops turning. We need to stop.

Your challenge this week is to remember to stop during the busy holiday season. Life is both movement and rest. It seems like we all have the movement part down; don’t forget about the rest.

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

*Many thanks to Meg Amberg from OCP for the gift of “Mocha with Max.”

Good day, team,

The coach’s challenge this week is about assessing your progress toward a
goal. There is nothing more satisfying than deciding what you want to do,
setting a definite goal for accomplishing it, and then meeting that goal.

While we go through this process, however, we often stop to see how we’re
doing. This analysis of how much progress we’ve made is sometimes
gratifying, sometimes frustrating, and often difficult to judge: either we
don’t have enough information available or we are unable to see the whole
picture as we try to evaluate our progress.

Last week, I took a moment to analyze how far I had come on a project that
I’ve been working on for awhile. It seemed as though I had taken two steps
forward and three steps back. Some obstacles I hadn’t accounted for came up,
and I became frustrated and depressed.

It took me a few days to see that although I felt I had taken many steps
backwards, I was still moving toward meeting my goal: I just wasn’t moving
as fast as I thought I should be. I also saw that my frustration and
depression about it could easily themselves become obstacles to moving
forward. It’s easy to deviate from our original plan and get side-tracked by
many things, including our own state of mind.

Your challenge this week is to look more objectively at the progress you’re
making in your job. Maybe it’s a project you’re working on or the results
you’re looking to achieve with your team. Perhaps you’re trying to achieve a
goal that seems unattainable some days and feasible the next. It could be a
professional goal you’ve set for yourself like learning a new computer
program or applying some training you’ve received in the past few months.

See if you can look at your progress and relate it to the larger picture,
rather than thinking that you’ve made no progress at all because an obstacle
came up in the short-term. Try looking at what you’re achieving in context,
remembering that anything done well requires time, consistent effort and
patience.

It’s easy for us to see our progress with hindsight; it’s difficult for us
to see how far we’ve come when we only consider it day to day.

Have a great (and thankful) week!

Kathleen

Good day Team,

The coach’s challenge is to re-visit is what I call the delivery sandwich. We all know the shorthand of that: Good News/ Bad News/ Good News. Sandwich the bad news between two pieces of good news. Sandwich the weakness between two slices of strength. Sandwich the thing that needs to get fixed between two things that person does well, etc…

This shorthand approach works, sort of. Just like a glib, insincere compliment works…sort of. It’s easier to swallow some bad news in the moment, if it’s lubricated with a compliment. But is it any easier to digest? Slapping some meat between two slices of bread gives you a pretty darn mediocre sandwich that often falls apart while you’re handing it out.

One way the delivery sandwich works better is when we take the time to truly think about the person we’re about to talk with. We remind ourselves, most of all, about their strengths, their value, and place our message within the context of all that person brings to the table. Now when we talk with that person about whatever it was that needs addressing, we feel differently. Because we feel differently, we’re careful to present what we have so it can be utilized, not just swallowed.

Think about it. Have you ever had a bite of someone else’s sandwich in a restaurant or deli, that was absolutely fabulous? You ask what’s in it, and they name some ingredient that you usually can’t stand. But the whole sandwich was so terrific, that one ingredient just blended into the mix. That’s what a well-crafted delivery can do. And good delivery turns into action and results.

So pull out your cutting boards, and whip up a sandwich that someone can not only swallow, but digest and act on.

Have a great week-

Kathleen Doyle-White

Good day, team,

Your challenge this week is not to blame other people when things go wrong.

We all fear failure to some extent. And when we fail, we often blame other people around us for mistakes we’ve made. Sometimes we can’t control the outcome of our actions because of natural occurrences: “Oh well, the hurricane caused the delay,” or “Because of the power outage, we weren’t able to complete the project on time.” But when we think we should be able to control the outcome of our work (it’s often in our job descriptions), we can’t accept failure, and we blame someone else if things going awry.

Earlier this week, I was talking with a client who just six months ago praised his managers for the work they were doing and the success they were having. Now, he blames the same managers “for not doing their job.” I was surprised to hear him make this claim, and yet I realized that, because he’s afraid of failing, he’s making the situation someone else’s fault.

The truth is that everyone involved knows what’s really been going on, and no amount of blame or judgment is going to change the outcome. And everyone finds it upsetting to see other people get blamed for things that are not their fault. In the long run, the truth always emerges, but in the meantime, watching people get blamed unfairly is hard on everyone. No one likes to be blamed, and so we feel bad for anyone who’s on the receiving end of this negative emotion.

Your challenge this week is to pay attention to your impulses to blame others. Is it really true that a bad situation is their fault? Is the failure really your responsibility? Most of us work on teams; when we fail, is it just certain peoples’ fault, or is the whole team involved? Can anything come to a good end by your blaming others?

Blaming becomes a bad habit if not checked early on. It erodes trust and creates an unhealthy environment where people strike out at each other and defend themselves. It robs us of the chance to examine our own behaviors and make changes that will improve our performance and self-esteem. I also found it worth noting that according to a local Chinese herbalist, blame is one of the five causes of disease, the others being anger, criticism, hatred and boredom/annoyance.

Try to notice who and what you blame, and take responsibility yourself instead. You may find that if you stop blaming others, you’ll be kinder to yourself about adverse circumstances you can’t control.

Have a great week!