Good day, team,

Each Labor Day reminds me that there are just a few months left until the year is up. It’s a good time to review what I’ve accomplished in the past eight months and what’s left to do.

It’s a curious time of year. We are in full harvest, reaping the benefits of spring planting and summer ripening in the short season of Indian summer. The melancholy of autumn is right around the corner, the season that leads us right into the darkest time of the year, when things go underground and to sleep. I see September and October as the last big chance to show off my flowers and colors, so to speak, before the seasons change again and the window of opportunity that harvest brings is gone.

I think we all suffer from procrastination from time to time. For me, in September I realize that what I’ve been putting off all year still needs attention. Usually I avoid what I don’t enjoy. If I have a list of five things to do, it will be the ones I enjoy the most that get done first.  Sometimes the fourth and fifth never get addressed at all.

I’ve taken plenty of time management classes, and they all tell me to do the things I don’t enjoy first to make sure they get done. But it’s a little like dieting. I start out eating the recommended foods and within a few days something like a potato chip creeps in and the next thing I know, I’ve lost my resolve.

So it’s a good time of year to be honest with yourself and face what you’ve been avoiding, or maybe have talked yourself out of. I friend of mine told me last week, “I was going to buy myself a new car this year, but then decided against it, although I know that the repairs on my old car have cost me more than it’s worth at this point. In fact, I just missed the August sales. I guess I didn’t really want to spend the money.” I encouraged her to give her original resolution some more thought.

This week, take a good look at where you are procrastinating in your life. What are you avoiding that requires attention? Do you remember what you resolved to do this year? Have you made any progress? Don’t wait until November is here and the holidays start to gobble up your extra time. There’s no time like the present.

Johann Goethe wrote, “Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.”

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Good day, team,

This week I am reminded of the importance of celebration and ceremony.  Summer is the time of year when the ceremony of marriage often takes place.  We mark this new beginning for the bride and groom by creating an event that sanctifies and celebrates their union. Many other types of ceremonies and celebrations mark some aspect of change in our lives.

We often think of change as just one thing, but it is, in fact, three things: an ending, a transition and a beginning. When things change, something has to end that we need to release. Then there’s a period of transition that is often disorienting and scary because we’re not sure what we’re moving toward.

Eventually, a new beginning occurs. This happens with the budding of the leaves on the trees, it happens with the rising of the sun each day, it happens to us as we move into new phases of our lives. How do we acknowledge these changes and, in particular, the events that significantly impact our lives?

In this past week alone, a friend bought a new house, two other friends got married, and another friend’s father died. A few weeks ago, my husband began a new job. All of these events force lots of readjustment. In each case, it is important to acknowledge the end of one way of life and embrace a new way. So creating ceremony for or celebration of these events seems appropriate and also very helpful to the people experiencing the greatest change.

We  can also celebrate our good fortune. Most companies have rewards and recognition programs that give teams the opportunity to celebrate their successes, often with a ceremony or some type of ritual to honor those who have gone above and beyond their normal work requirements to contribute significantly to the success of the business and their team. The importance of these events has been proven time after time in studies of team dynamics and motivation. People love to be recognized for doing a good job, and taking the time to celebrate their success goes a long way toward continuing to motivate them.

Your challenge this week is to acknowledge changes that have occurred in your life recently and to create some form of celebration or ceremony as you move from one part of the change to another. We often think of celebrating as involving many people, but these rituals can be quite small and intimate. Perhaps you light a candle for someone who has recently died and take a few moments to contemplate his or her passing. Maybe you are close to a person who has had a baby or is sending a son or daughter off to college for the first time. These events deserve some form of celebration that helps the people who are most affected move from what used to be to what is now. In your workplace, see if you have rightfully acknowledged your team members recently. Have you taken the time to celebrate their successes and to thank them publicly for doing such a good job? Maybe you could take someone who’s recently changed jobs out to lunch to celebrate the new venture.

Life often asks us to make a rite of passage. Our ability to do this is much more meaningful when we share in ceremony or celebration with others as we move toward a new beginning.

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Good day, team,

This week, your challenge is to see things from a different perspective. As we get older, our attitudes and opinions become more set in stone, and it becomes more difficult for us to change our viewpoint. And yet we all know how refreshing it is to experience a completely different viewpoint that broadens our vision. It’s always exciting to talk with someone, completely convinced of our view of things, and hear new information that suddenly expands our perspective. When we hear ourselves say, “I never thought of it that way; it sounds like a good idea,” we open up to new possibilities and a feeling of lightness and freedom.

One of the great benefits of traveling to places you’ve never been before is that it gives you the chance to see things for the first time. Recently, I went to Israel on business. During my week there, I was able to visit the city of Jerusalem with a guide. As luck would have it, I had the guide all to myself for the day (he usually takes 4 to 6 people at a time), and he was able to take me to places that he would not normally take a group.

At one point during my tour, we traveled on foot through back streets, behind old buildings and up hidden staircases, until we arrived on a rooftop where we had a 360 degree view of the city. We looked down on the old city, where so many different religious communities live closely together: Jews, Muslims and Christians.

Amazingly, all these different communities exist within a few feet of each other (the entire old city takes up less that one square mile), though their beliefs and customs are completely different. The buildings around us were all pretty much the same—the white stone was old and weathered, laundry hung from porch clotheslines, flower boxes spilled over with geraniums, and a variety of sights and sounds emanated from darkened windows that protect the residents from the bright, hot sun. The smell of ethnic foods wafted through the air as people prepared their daily lunch.

I stood there in amazement. How was it possible that people of such different religious and cultural beliefs could live so closely together? While religious and cultural conflicts continue among them as they have for centuries, these people, who live less than a few feet from each other, go about their daily lives in relative peace and prosperity.

I heard a sound from the alley below. A small boy, seven or eight years old, was kicking a soccer ball. Long curls fell beneath his yarmulke on either side of his face. He was totally absorbed in kicking the ball with the side of his foot, back and forth along the alley way, totally oblivious to what was around him. No more than a quarter of a mile away stood the infamous Dome of the Rock, its golden roof gleaming in the sunlight, the place where Abraham was willing to sacrifice his only son to God. No more than 100 yards from him, Muslim families were having their lunch. In the other direction, Christians were doing the same. Above him, in his own home, his mother prepared kosher food.

For this young boy, in this moment, his perspective on the world was all about how well he could kick that soccer ball. All of the strife and wars that had occured in this place over so many centuries didn’t exist. He was just like any other boy of similar age in any other country, absorbed in the moment by what he loved to do: kick a soccer ball. His view of the world was just that alley way.

From my perspective, on the rooftop, I was able to see in all directions. I realized that my view of this part of the world before I visited Israel was much like the young boy’s, innocent about what exists elsewhere and limited to my small view of the world from the United States. Now that I have visited Israel and Jerusalem, my view has expanded and my understanding has increased. I never would have believed that people of such different faiths and customs could live a few feet from each other and go about their daily lives doing many of the same things: hanging wash, preparing food, caring for their families.

Your challenge this week is to seek out a way to expand your vision and your understanding of the world. Maybe it’s by reading something new about a part of the world you know nothing about, or seeing a film about a person who influenced history. Perhaps you go to a restaurant that prepares ethnic cuisine you’ve never tried before or speak with someone at work who is proud of a cultural heritage different from your own. Whatever it is, try expanding your view: to gain more understanding and make your life more interesting.

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Good day, team,

This morning I happened upon an article about Dr. Albert Ellis, a noted psychotherapist who died last week at 93. Dr. Ellis focused much of his psychotherapeutic treatments on action; that is, rather than overanalyzing everything, he encouraged his patients to take action regarding their emotional and psychological states by accepting who they were and not delving too deeply into the reasons why they were that way. He wrote over 75 books with titles like “How to Stubbornly Refuse to Make Yourself Miserable About Anything,” “How to Keep People from Pushing Your Buttons” and “How to Make Yourself Happy and Remarkably Less Disturbable.”

Dr. Ellis’s words remind me of the importance of staying sane in our daily lives by dealing with the internal dictator that tries to tell us all sorts of ridiculous things. For example, some of us walk around all day with internal thoughts such as “I’ve got to do this. I’ve got to do that. I should have said this to that person. I need to more like that. I ought to be more organized. I should be more attractive, intelligent, witty, popular and personable. I ought to be more assertive. I need to be less aggressive. I’ve got to speak up more. I really need to keep my mouth shut.” Some of us “should on ourselves” all day long!

This mind chatter makes us crazy. And if that’s the state of mind we harbor most of the day, we tend to project that same state onto others. It often takes the form of judgment and blame: “He should do this. He should do that. They ought to know better. They should treat us more fairly. She should be more sensitive. She ought to be more personable,” etc., etc.

This week, try to give yourself a break from thoughts and attitudes that continually judge and blame yourself and others. Ellis wrote, “Not all emotional disturbance stems from arrogant thinking, but most of it does. And when you demand that you must not have failings, you can also demand that you must not be neurotic…and this only makes you nuttier! Neurosis still comes mainly from you… And you can choose to stop your nonsense and to stubbornly refuse to make yourself crazy about anything.” Often the simple practice of trying to think of how we can serve others, either at home or at work, will take us out of the subject of “I am the center of the universe” and expand our thinking.

I see that continually thinking about myself is where my arrogance shows up. When I spend more time thinking about the well-being of others rather than continually entertaining thoughts about myself, I am a lot happier, and life is much more rewarding and interesting.

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

(c) Copyright 2007 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

Good day team,

Over the years, I have recommended a wonderful book to many of my clients called “The Four Agreements”, by Don Miguel Ruiz. Sr. Ruiz describes four agreements you can make with yourself to improve your life and your relationship to it. For those of you who have not read this book, I highly recommend it. Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about the third agreement, ‘don’t make assumptions’.
One of the assumptions we often make is that the political and social freedoms we enjoy in the United States are guaranteed. I notice that this assumption comes from being born in a free country. Because ‘it’s always been this way’, we just assume it will continue. But, you don’t have to travel very far in this world to find yourself in a place where you cannot do as you please. The simple exercise of going out for a daily newspaper may land you in jail for an undetermined period of time, with no liberation in sight.

Connected to our assumption of living in a free country is the notion that we also have free will, i.e. the ability to think and feel as we wish and act in a manner that best reflects our conscious attitudes. However, I often work with people who relinquish their personal freedom to the will and power of others. They exhibit a lack of empowerment and a sense of enslavement. I’m not talking about the simple resentment that results from doing what someone else reasonably asks us to do when we don’t want to (we’ve all had that experience). I’m referring to the effects of the bullying behavior that wears people down to the point where they disengage emotionally and intellectually. By submitting to bullying, they relinquish their freedom. They just go through the motions without any commitment and, as the days wear on, feel more and more disheartened and disempowered. Max Stirner wrote, “Whoever will be free must make himself free. Freedom is no fairy gift to fall into a man’s lap. What is freedom? To have the will to be responsible for one’s self. ”

Ironically, I know people who live in countries where many of the basic freedoms we have in the US don’t exist, and yet, in many ways they have more personal freedom than some of my friends here at home – simply because the work they do and the personal lives they lead reflect their love of life.

This week, your challenge is to celebrate your freedom in whatever way seems appropriate for you. Perhaps you will remind your co-workers about the importance of taking ownership for something and seeing how lucky you are to work in an environment where that activity is supported. Maybe you will remind your children about the value of freedom and the appreciation you have for living in a free country. Try thinking about all the freedoms you take for granted. Beware of indolence, carelessness or cowardice in regards to your inherent freedoms as a human being.

Our founding fathers had to fight for our ability to live in a free country, so celebrating their victories and acknowledging their sacrifices is a way of honoring their efforts. As Thomas Paine wrote, “Those who expect to reap the blessing of freedom must undertake to support it.”

Have a great week!

Note: The coach will be traveling on business and then taking a week’s vacation this month. The next coach’s challenge will be sent out the
week of July 30, 2007.

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

(c) Copyright 2007 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

Good day, team,

This week, I was working with a team that put together an activity that challenged another group within the company. They went all out: rented a large space in a beautiful park, provided a barbeque, and came up with lots of games that the two teams could play in which they competed head to head. Each group had its own t-shirts to identify one team from another so the “cheerleaders” could root for the right team member.

There was volleyball, soccer and a variety of large, overinflated rubber play stations, as I call them, in which people can compete and not get hurt. There was some crazy game in which a person gets tied to a bungee cord in an inflated play station with two lanes for running. The opponents try to run up their lanes while still attached to the bungee cord and put a baton on some Velcro before the opposing player can do so. It was a hoot to watch as people ran as hard as they could, only to get suddenly yanked back by a bungee cord into a big pillow of large rubber bumpers.

At one point, I stood back to survey the scene. I realized that there’s nothing like the spirit of competition, particularly when we’re engaged mentally, physically and emotionally, to bring out the best in what it means to be a team player.

I often wish that that same spirit of team work and camaraderie would be as apparent when people are sitting in a meeting together and trying to agree on a process or business decision. I wonder if, when we’re engaged only intellectually, the very nature of our intellect leads us to become overly analytical and, rather than supporting our fellow team members, we become critical of them. Engage your whole self, and many more parts of your nature show up.

This week, your challenge is to think of ways to engage your team members differently. If they haven’t experienced each other in a completely different environment recently, consider taking them off-site. Maybe you go rafting or challenge another team to a softball game. Miniature golf is ridiculously funny, and you could also try signing up for nine or 18 holes. If you can’t afford to take the team off-site, think about setting up a competition within your work space just to get people working together differently. Consider taking them outside, even if it’s just lunch in the park for a few hours, to change their view.

The day after this company’s outing in the park, the energy in the office was completely different. People were talking and laughing about the events of the day before. They shared pictures online and told lots of stories: “Did you see when he kicked that goal?” and “It was so funny to see the expression on her face when she won!” People were energized in a lively way, and there was a sense of renewal everywhere in the office.

It’s that time of year when people take vacations and try to renew themselves. Don’t forget, your teams need to be re-created and restored as well.

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

(c) Copyright 2007 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

Good day, team,

I read a short story yesterday that I wanted to share with you.

You are eight years old. It is Sunday evening. You have been granted an extra hour before bed. The family is playing Monopoly. You have been told you are big enough to join them. You begin to lose. You are losing continuously. Your stomach cramps with fear: The pile of money in front of you is almost gone. Your brothers are snatching all the houses from your streets. The last street is being sold. You have to give in. You have lost.

And suddenly you remember that it is only a game. You jump up with joy, and you accidentally knock the lamp over. It falls on the floor and drags the teapot with it. The others are angry, but you laugh when you go upstairs.

You know, for you have seen the joy of being nothing and having nothing. And that knowledge gives you an immeasurable freedom.

-Janwillem van de Wetering

This lovely story comes from a book called “The Art of Forgiveness, Lovingkindness and Peace” by Jack Kornfield. It’s a collection of poems, stories and sayings about these subjects. His lesson from this story is “With a big picture, life becomes a play.”

Your challenge this week is to see how your life is like a play. There are days when we win and days when we lose. And, all along, we continue to play our parts the best we can. When I read this story, I actually could feel the anger and frustration in my heart that the child was experiencing when losing. I have vivid memories of playing Monopoly and losing, and I really hate to lose!

As the story progressed, I found that I was breathing more easily as I read about the lamp falling and the teapot spilling-life can be a tragedy one moment and then quite a comic scene the next. That’s the way it is, and holding on to any portion of it often brings us great suffering. None of us picture ourselves as losers. In our mind, we’re all winners. But if we enlarge that picture to include the entire drama, we realize that we play many parts, some of which involve not winning or losing but learning something new that we didn’t expect.

This week, choose some aspect of your life to which you’d like to apply a more objective view. Maybe you feel that you’re losing a battle at work-someone is winning out over you. Ask yourself, “What am I really losing?” As my father used to say, “Where’s the blood?” Is this situation really harming you in such a way that it’s life-threatening? Probably not. Perhaps in this scene you’re playing the part of someone who’s learning about humility. Try learning as much about it as you can before the scene changes again. Perhaps you are winning in this particular scene, and therefore your heart fills with pride. So be it. Wear it proudly until the scene changes again.

I’ll always try to win at Monopoly, and I’m sure I’ll always hate to lose. But if I can remember that’s it just a game, it tends to take the sting out of the loss. I’ll still wake up the next day, the sun will still rise, and the play will continue. There will be a new scene with new costumes and new actors, and my challenge will be to continue to play my part the best I can and not to be attached to the outcome.

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

(c) Copyright 2007 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

Good day, team,

This week, I’d like to talk about empowerment, a word that’s used a lot in business these days. Here’s one definition:

“Empowerment refers to increasing the spiritual, political, social or economic strength of individuals and communities. It often involves the empowered developing confidence in their own capacities.”

Recent research suggests that exercising personal discretion and completing meaningful work engages employees and contributes to their well-being. There is evidence (Thomas and Velthouse, 1990) that initiative and motivation increase when people can control their circumstances. This empowerment influences their belief in themselves, resilience when faced with set-backs, and ability to visualize themselves overcoming problems. Many employers value and encourage the personal development-continuous learning, increased self-awareness and emotional intelligence-that fosters individual empowerment.

So what tends to make us feel like our power is being taken away? Certainly, situations in which we can clearly see that others are not telling the truth or we feel that telling the truth ourselves would bring us harm. Perhaps the truth is plain to see, but no one is addressing it: the elephant in the room. Perhaps we experience the emperor with no clothes phenomenon: people who present themselves one way, when in fact, they are exactly the opposite, and everyone pretends that what’s obvious isn’t there.

We can lose our power in more subtle ways as well; for example, if we’re asked to support a company policy or decision that we know is not right. If we don’t support it, we fear we might be left out or ostracized, part of that unenviable group of people who are no longer promoted or sought out for advice. We also lose power by pretending. A client of mine who attended a Harvard University executive program saw this graffiti in the men’s bathroom: “What are we pretending not to know?” This is a wonderful question in regard to empowerment. If our energy goes into pretending that we don’t know something, it’s usually because we are afraid to say what we do know. It’s that fear that robs us of our inherent power in the moment to act on the truth.

Is it possible to maintain our power and dignity in these circumstances without jeopardizing our livelihood and careers? I believe that empowerment has everything to do with how we feel about ourselves each moment. You may be sitting in a meeting and the elephant hooting loudly, with no one even glancing at it, thinking to yourself, “Why is everyone in denial about this when it’s so plain to see?” It doesn’t necessarily mean you need to be the one person in the room who reveals that which is so obvious. I do believe it’s important not to ignore what you know. It’s also important to assess a situation and act according to your intuition. Sometimes it’s appropriate to let the emperor know he’s naked, and other times it’s not. But having the courage to act when we know it’s appropriate is how we keep our power intact. To be empowered is to not lose our internal weathervane, no matter which way the wind is blowing.

Empowerment is ultimately driven by our belief that we can influence events. Practices such as yoga and meditation that increase self-awareness and awareness of the world around us help us to feel connected in a way that increases our personal power. Contemplation and prayer can do the same.

This week, try not to lose your power. Whether it’s to another person or a situation, try holding to what you know is true and to not be afraid of that knowledge and the actions that may spring from it. As one of my favorite poets, Rainer Maria Rilke, wrote, “Take your practiced powers and stretch them out until they span the chasm between two contradictions… .for God wants to know himself in you.”

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

(c) Copyright 2007 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

Good day team,

Back by popular demand, this coach’s challenge was originally sent out in Feburary of 2005. It was written by my fellow coach, Kate Dwyer and I have had many requests to re-send it.
> The coach’s challenge for the week is inspired by a quote from Albert
> Einstein: “A problem cannot be solved at the level of consciousness in
> which it occurs.”
>
> The challenge this week is to consider one problem you’re currently
> dealing with and find a completely different way to solve it. To
> create new ways of doing things, we have to think very differently
> about possible solutions. This requires us to actually “see”
> differently, that is, we must be able to look at our difficulties with
> a completely different perspective in order to create new solutions to
> them.
>
>
> One of the great benefits of working on a team is that you can ask a
> team member how she or he views a situation. In asking for another’s
> point of view, we gain a different perspective, and this allows us to
> see something in a new way. This then enables us to also seek a
> different solution.
>
>
> Changing your environment can alter your perspective, too. How often
> have you found yourself sitting at your desk laboring over possible
> solutions to a problem, just to find that your mind is continuing to
> circle around the same solutions you’ve already tried that aren’t
> working? If at that moment you decide to get up and take a short walk
> outside, you can easily change your state of mind and have access to
> more creative thoughts. It’s as though the cobwebs have cleared, and
> you can literally see the problem and possible solutions in a different
> light.
>
>
> Try experimenting this week with different ways to solve a problem. If
> you’re able to allow an outside influence to alter the way you see a
> problem, you may find the right solution.

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinder’s Coaching
(503) 296-98249

(c) Copyright 2007 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights
reserved.

Good day team,

Here’s a challenge that I wrote last year while working on a presentation about teams. I think it’s the right time to share it again.

> The coach’s challenge this week comes from some material I gathered for a team off-site I helped facilitate this past week. It’s entitled “The Truth About Teams”. These truths are presented in an article I read in a special edition of Fortune magazine entitled “Team Work”. These are certainly not the only team truths, but these are some good ones.
>
> THE TRUTH ABOUT TEAMS
>
> TRUST IS THE MOST FUNDAMENTAL ELEMENT OF A WINNING TEAM
>
> If people think their teammates are lying, withholding information, plotting to knife them, or are just incompetent, nothing will get done.
>
> TEAMS CANNOT TOLERATE COMPETING AGENDAS
>
> It’s important for people to create a vision for their success and be pro-active about realizing that vision. But, if there are competing visions within the same team, the team will fail in achieving it’s overall goals and objectives. We are all competitive when it comes to what we think is important. When team members compete to get their personal agendas put front and center, the entire team suffers.
>
> TEAMS CANNOT THRIVE WHEN CONFLICTS FESTER
>
> If we can’t be open and honest with each other, when conflict does occur we hold it inside and it becomes resentment. It’s healthy to wrestle with each other from time to time. That way we can bring tensions out in the open and resolve them in the moment. Once the air is cleared, we can get back to business.
>
> TEAMS CAN’T HIDE FROM THE REAL ISSUES
>
> “Put the fish on the table,” says George Kohlrieser, a professor at the International Institute for Management Development in Switzerland. You’ve got to go through the “smelly, bloody process of cleaning it”, but the reward is a “great fish dinner at the end of the day.” Most people don’t want to put the proverbial fish on the table. But if you don’t express your real feelings about the most important issues, they are never dealt with.
>
> BEWARE THE SUBTLE SPIN
>
> Watch out for the desire to always make yourself look good when it comes at the expense of others. We all tend to put a subtle spin on information to make us appear better than others. We may look good in the end, but the people who suffer are our teammates and it makes the team look bad. Know how to share credit and shoulder blame.
>
> DREAM TEAMS DON’T REALLY EXIST
>
> Be prepared to have an imperfect set. Know that you will always have to devote a considerable amount of time and energy to get them to synchronize. That’s what management is all about. Putting together a few talented people who will work honestly and rigorously for something greater than themselves – that’s more than enough of a dream.
>
>
> Your challenge this week is to choose one of these “truths”, see of you can observe it to be true with your team, and work on it.
>
> Have a great week!
>
> Kathleen
>
> Kathleen Doyle-White
> Pathfinders Coaching
> (503) 296-9249
>