Category: Uncategorized

  This post is about decision-making. One of my clients sent me the following article years ago. I just stumbled upon it again and realized how much wisdom there is in it. Take a hard look at how decisions get made within your organization. What team myths are getting in your way of making good […]

Good day, team,

The coach’s challenge this week is about abundance. Look around you. What do you see? Do you have everything you need? Do you have everything you want? What is the difference? Are you grateful for what you have, or do you find yourself constantly longing for what you don’t?

Recently, I’ve been reading a book about life in the slums of Bombay, India. Most of the people in this book live in small, handmade huts on the outskirts of the city. They own a change of clothes, a toothbrush, a cup, a plate, a fork and a mat to sleep on. (And these are the lucky ones!) I am amazed at how happy these people are and how they experience abundance in their lives. They are grateful for the smallest things, because they have so little. I’m also reading a book about a young girl who was born into a family of billionaires and has all she’s ever wanted. Her life is characterized by continual displeasure with everyone and everything around her. The contrast between the two stories is obvious: Abundance is not about having more and more things, but about our attitude toward the things we have.

We live in a world of enormous wealth and consumerism. The selection of products is overwhelming at times. Do you ever find yourself in the store unable to decide among the 30 brands of laundry detergent on the shelf? I often think that the time I spend analyzing which brand to buy is worth far more to me than any benefit I might derive from saving money or getting better quality with the “right” choice. I have found that I’m actually happier if I have a more limited selection. Faced with too many options, I chafe for what isn’t available, and then I’m dissatisfied with what is.

Cultivating an awareness of our surroundings is one of the best ways to experience abundance. Right now, we are enjoying the beauty of autumn as it moves into winter. Geese are migrating to their southern habitats and small birds are grateful to find birdfeeders full of seeds. Each of us can experience the abundance of this season, but only if we take the time to see it, smell it, touch it. This time of year we can be especially grateful for some aspect of our indoor environment: a warm fire and a good book to read, the beauty of candlelight on such short days, or good food with family and friends around the dining table. Perhaps you buy something new for yourself to wear over the holidays and you appreciate how well it fits or how nice the cloth feels on your skin. The next time you laugh with a friend or team member, try experiencing the abundance of being rich in relationships.

When we feel abundant, we tend to attract abundance. When we cultivate an attitude of scarcity, our minds focus on what we don’t have, and in turn, we attract less of what we need and want. Try finding something in your environment this week that makes you truly grateful. Experience how happy and abundant this appreciation makes you feel; enjoy life as William Blake expressed it in “Auguries of Innocence.”

“To see a World in a grain of sand
And a Heaven in a wild flower,
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand,
And Eternity in an hour.”

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2009 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

Good day team,

The coach is currently on silent retreat. Your next challenge will be published on October 11, 2009.

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Good day, team,

My, my! September is almost gone, and I can tell by the shorter days and the long light of autumn that we are moving rapidly toward winter.

I love this time of year, although I must admit that along with the beauty comes a melancholy which creates an elusive longing in my heart. It’s not as if I long for a specific thing; the experience is more of a wistful state that comes over me at no particular time and leaves me with a sense of loss. Perhaps it’s no more complicated than the passing of summer, its promise of light and warmth and long, languid days of relaxation no longer possible.

I thought about this mix of enjoyment and regret the other day while I was meeting with a client. As I sat listening to him, trying to be open and present to what he was saying, watching his body language, hearing his tone of voice, etc., my mind kept trying to draw me into its own complicated web of opinions, attitudes and general noise that goes on in my interior world.

How difficult it is, I thought, just to sit here and try to be silent, both internally and externally. I found myself struggling with my own emotional state thoughout our meeting; something he said reminded me of a time when I had felt that same kind of frustration, and within seconds I was feeling that same anxiety. I had to work to rise above the internal chatter and emotions and just be still and listen.

I know my experience is not uncommon, and so your challenge this week is to try to be still and just be where you are: listen, observe, feel your feet, experience your breathing, whatever it takes to not act from your own internal voices; try rather to listen to what others around you are saying or not saying, as the case may be. Take it in, give it time to digest, let it rattle around in there for a bit of time.

For those of us who are highly achievement-oriented I know how hard this challenge will be. We feel compelled to do so many things in a day that the idea of not doing seems totally contrary to what were supposed to be doing. But it’s important to remember that our thoughts and feelings color so many of our actions that sometimes it’s better to just be quiet and watch.

Walt Whitman wrote:

Apart
from the pulling and hauling
Stands what I am,
Stands amused, complacent, compassionating,
idle, unitary,
Looks down, is erect, or bends an arm on an
impalpable certain rest,
Looking with side-curved head curious
what will come next.
Both in and out of the game
and watching and wondering at it.

Backward I see in my own days where I sweated
through fog with linguists and contenders
I have no mockings or arguments
I witness and wait.

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2009 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

Good day, team,

This past week I’ve been reminded of the wisdom of Don Miguel Ruiz. He is the author of “The Four Agreements,” one of my favorite books.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with him, here’s a bit of background.

Don Miguel Ruiz was born into a family of healers and raised in rural Mexico by a curandera (healer) mother and nagual (shaman) grandfather. They anticipated Don Miguel would embrace their centuries old legacy of healing and teaching and, as a nagual, carry forward the esoteric Toltec knowledge. Instead, distracted by modern life, Don Miguel chose to attend medical school and later taught and practiced as a surgeon.

After studying traditional medicine and finding that its healing capacities were limited, Don Miguel began teaching the Toltec traditions he had learned from his mother and grandfather. Beginning in 1987, with his mother, the curandera Sarita, he taught small groups of people in a small room in Logan Heights, Calif. He began with healing practices. As his knowledge of English grew, he realized that he preferred to share his lineage through oral tradition.

Don Miguel’s students grew in numbers and his mythologies and guidance grew with them. He gave lectures in Santa Fe, N.M.; Los Angeles; Sacramento, Calif.; Santa Rosa, Calif.; and many other locales. When he witnessed his students struggling to quiet their minds, he began to share the wisdom that resulted in the creation of “The Four Agreements.” Don Miguel created a specific series of practical tools that, when used by anyone, can result in consistent and long-term personal transformation.

His teachings are based on common sense and shared with such simplicity that the underlying message is recognized by many. His message is straightforward, practical and, when implemented even incrementally, life-changing.

In the Toltec tradition, a nagual guides an individual to personal freedom. Combining new insights with old wisdom, Don Miguel has dedicated his life to sharing the ancient Toltec wisdom by translating it into practical concepts that promote transformation through truth and common sense.

Here are The Four Agreements:

Be Impeccable With Your Word

Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

Don’t Take Anything Personally

Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

Don’t Make Assumptions

Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

Always Do Your Best

Your best is going to change form moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

Your challenge this week is to take a look at “The Four Agreements” and decide which one will help you gain more personal freedom. In my case, it will be the first one, “Be impeccable with your word.” Because I spend so much of my time at work conversing with others, this first agreement is one I have to continually be aware of and practice. Speaking with integrity requires the ability to hear what I’m saying as I say it, and that takes a lot of attention.

Whatever agreement you choose to work on this week, embrace it with compassion for yourself and others. These teachings are not meant to increase your self-judgment or to scold you. They are meant to give you guidance and peace of mind.

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2009 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

Good day, team,

This week’s challenge highlights a truism about our lives. In the grand scheme of things, we are here for a brief moment in time. Our lives often seem like a long adventure, but compared to the age of our sun, or the amount of time the young redwood trees in my local park have been growing, a human life is not very long at all.

This became even more apparent last Friday evening when my husband and I attended the wake of the brother of one of his colleagues. The man who passed away—affectionately nicknamed “Rabbit” at an early age by his siblings—was not very old, but he had led a full and unusual life. Some said he lived so much life in such a short one that his passing didn’t seem altogether strange. But in looking around at the eclectic crowd of friends, family and acquaintances who collected last Friday to pay homage to Rabbit, I realized that we were all touched by his death because it reminded each of us of our mortality and that we too shall travel his path sometime in the future.

When I awoke Saturday morning, I pondered this idea of our mortality. I felt a deep appreciation for being able to get out of bed, brush my teeth, walk downstairs, receive a kind “Good morning” from my loving husband, feel the swipe of the cat’s tail on my ankle, enjoy the pleasure of that first sip of coffee. Such small things, but so lovely.

Later in the morning, our grandsons came to stay with us for the weekend. Upon seeing me, their eyes lit up, and I was greeted with the familiar “Hi, Nana!” and hugs. Again, small moments, but for anyone who has had this experience with children, there is nothing finer and more life-affirming.

Someone said about Rabbit, “He had a kindness about him and a rare ability to be so present to anyone he met; he made people feel like he truly understood them and that they were special.” He exchanged those small moments of love and consideration with anyone he connected with.

Your challenge this week is to make the most of your small moments. There is nothing more satisfying than surfacing to whatever is actually in front of you and allowing yourself to be fully aware of it. Let yourself be in whatever is happening, and revel in those small miracles that occur every moment of every day all around and within us.

At the end of our days, perhaps we can look back over the span of a lifetime and see that we allowed ourselves to be alive in all our small moments. Whether it’s the feel of the chair underneath you as you sit at your desk at work or the breeze as it softly brushes over your forehead when you walk outside, these little occurrences are what a life is made up of. Try appreciating them in whatever form they take.

As Michel de Montaigne said, “Life does not occur in large events, but in many small ones that enrich the lives we live.”

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2009 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

Good day, team,

Today is Labor Day, and it’s a day of rest for many of us, a day to reflect on the fruits of our labors. As we move from summer to Indian summer, the cornucopia of life appears on our dining tables in the form of fresh fruit, corn, vegetables, fish, etc. It’s a wonderful time to see how we reap what we sow.

This particular holiday weekend is one of the results of organized labor in this country. Many of us don’t realize what organized labor has done for us over the years: Holiday weekends, minimum wage, health benefits, a guarantee of certain labor practices that protect employees, even weekends are a result of what organized labor has put into place for the American worker.

I grew up in a family that thought organized labor was a bad thing, and I heard many negative stories about labor leaders and the effect unions had on companies. As a consequence, I don’t know very much about unions, and so today I decided to do some research about it. I was amazed to find that much of what I took for granted as common practice in most companies had something to do with organized labor’s attempts to improve conditions for workers.

Here are a few things I learned about Labor Day:

“The holiday originated in Canada out of labor disputes (“Nine-Hour Movement”) first in Hamilton, then in Toronto, Canada, in the 1870s, which resulted in a Trade Union Act which legalized and protected union activity in 1872 in Canada. The parades held in support of the Nine-Hour Movement and the printers’ strike led to an annual celebration in Canada. In 1882, American labor leader Peter J. McGuire witnessed one of these labor festivals in Toronto. Inspired from Canadian events in Toronto, he returned to New York and organized the first American Labor Day on September 5 of the same year.

“The first Labor Day in the United States was celebrated on September 5, 1882, in New York City. In the aftermath of the deaths of a number of workers at the hands of the U.S. military and U.S. Marshals during the 1894 Pullman Strike, President Grover Cleveland put reconciliation with labor as a top political priority. Fearing further conflict, legislation making Labor Day a national holiday was rushed through Congress unanimously and signed into law a mere six days after the end of the strike. Cleveland was also concerned that aligning a U.S. labor holiday with existing international May Day celebrations would stir up negative emotions linked to the Haymarket Affair. All 50 U.S. states have made Labor Day a state holiday.”

Upon reading this background, I did further research into the Haymarket Affair and the Pullman Strike. I discovered that, over the years, many people have died trying to defend the rights of workers in our country and that the struggle to create good working conditions for people has not been without great strife and hardship. I now have a better understanding that much of what I take for granted in the workplace didn’t always exist and that those who came before me had to fight and die to increase the rights of the American worker.

This week’s challenge is to find one thing in your work environment that you take for granted and rekindle an appreciation for it. Perhaps you or your child goes to the doctor and the receptionist tells you that your cost for the doctor’s visit is a $10 co-pay; without your company’s health benefits, that visit could have cost you $150. Maybe you have to care for an aging parent and the Family Medical Leave Act allows you to do that while still retaining the right to return to your job. Recently, I found out that a friend of mine is going to take further advanced education courses that her employer is reimbursing her for so she is more qualified for her next promotion. The next time you work more than 40 hours in a week, pay close attention to your overtime pay, if you are an hourly worker. Or walk into your lunch room, cafeteria or break room: Is coffee and tea available for free there?

These benefits may seem like small things, but we live in a world where many other countries have no labor laws at all, and people, including children, work seven days a week for pennies with no one to protect their human rights. Be grateful this week for your current employment situation. It’s easy to complain about working conditions, but when you stop to consider that we work in relatively safe circumstances with people who get paid to care about our general welfare, it’s worth stopping for a moment to appreciate our good fortune.

I find the words of Abraham Lincoln best express this appreciation:

“Labor is prior to, and independent of, capital. Capital is only the fruit of labor, and could never have existed if Labor had not first existed. Labor is superior to capital, and deserves much the higher consideration.”

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2009 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

Good day, team,

Many people seek me out as a coach because they’re not sure what they want to do in life or they’ve been doing something (usually it’s their job) that they don’t enjoy any longer. Most people want to be able to do what they love. But often, they have no idea what that something else is, and so they hire a coach to help them discover their new path.

This week’s challenge comes from the article “What is Work? Finding your Path by Laying the Bricks” by Sharon Glassman. The article traces the steps by which the writer’s naturopathic physician discovered her chosen profession. It also describes how, while in naturopathic school, this woman became a bricklayer to pay for her schooling. Though she had grown up wanting to be a doctor, she found over time that naturopathy was a much better fit with her values and experience. She also learned some invaluable lessons while working as a bricklayer that influenced her path as a doctor.

Most notable for me in the article was an exercise she has all of her patients do when they tell her they feel stuck in their lives:

–Write a list of how you nourish yourself: mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

–Most people have an area that’s underfed. Balance the system, and new ideas will emerge.

I gave her suggestion a lot of thought this week and realized that almost all of us are a bit askew in one or all of these areas most of the time. That is, we have to make an effort to keep them continually fed and well-balanced.

In my case, I used to meditate regularly. In the past year or so, that practice has slipped away, not because I haven’t had the time (in fact, I’ve had more time to meditate daily since I haven’t been traveling as much for work), but because, well, I don’t know exactly why, I just stopped making it a priority. So the other day I decided to start meditating again in the mornings. Already, after just a few days, I feel remarkably better: more balanced, calmer, less agitated by bothersome trivia.

Successfully adding a meditation practice back into my daily schedule encouraged me, so I decided to make a list as the doctor had suggested. I was surprised to find that the areas I thought were getting plenty of attention were actually lacking, and vice versa. My mental life gets loads of attention, and my emotional life gets a good amount too, although I need to be more cognizant of how it gets fed. But my spiritual life is somewhat lacking at the moment.

Your challenge this week is to try the naturopath’s exercise. Write down how you nourish yourself in these three areas. See if one area gets too much of your time and attention. Create a better balance by putting your energy into the areas that you’ve been ignoring or that have become stale.

See what happens when you achieve a better balance. Perhaps, as the author suggests, new ideas will emerge. Maybe your head and heart will gain more clairity about a troubling situation, or you’ll find some new inspiration by changing your weekly spiritual practice.

We may experience some uncertainty about how to live our lives in a more fulfilling way, but as the author notes, “This idea applies to the work of work itself. Some days we’re laying the bricks. Some days we’re walking on them, en route to our next step. What is it? We may not know that…yet. But that’s okay.”

Have a good week,

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

P.S.: The coach will be on vacation next week. I’ll be back to write a challenge for Labor Day.

© Copyright 2009 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

Good day, team,

As this summer ebbs and flows, I’m reminded how important it is to allow ourselves the luxury of taking a vacation. Or, if you prefer, spending time doing nothing at all.

When I mention this idea of doing nothing to some of my clients, I get an “Ugh!” in response or the comment “I can’t just do nothing. I have to do something; otherwise, I’ll get bored!” Sometimes I ask these clients to make the something they have to do be the doing nothing itself, but that doesn’t work well for people who feel that a day without achieving something is a waste. In my case, I have to occasionally stop doing everything to see who I am and where I am. There’s something deliciously calming about the experience. It’s a mini-respite.

On a bit grander scale, my idea of vacation looks like this: lying around on the beach with my husband, where the temperature is 75 degrees and the ocean not much colder, looking at a gorgeous view of the ocean with my favorite book tucked under my arm, and knowing there’s nothing on the agenda for days ahead of us. Or looking at wonderful paintings in one of the world’s great museums with fellow art lovers, having dinner at a scrumptious restaurant later that evening, and then walking back to spend the night at a lovely inn. Or visiting friends in Europe who’ve managed to create a lifestyle that encompasses much of the above on a more consistent basis. Or hiking with my favorite hiking buddies somewhere in Great Britain for the morning, then having lunch at the local pub, a nap in the afternoon, dinner that evening that includes yorkshire pudding, and later on, sitting by the fire while engaging in scintillating conversation, sipping on a great scotch. Or sitting on my front steps admiring the sunset, enjoying a glass of cold white wine on a hot summer evening, and watching the street scene (which in my NE neighborhood can be quite entertaining), thinking of not much at all, just watching the world out in front of me.

On a bit grander scale, my idea of vacation looks like this: lying around on the beach with my husband, where the temperature is 75 degrees and the ocean not much colder, looking at a gorgeous view of the horizon with my favorite book tucked under my arm, and knowing there’s no agenda for days ahead of us. Or looking at wonderful paintings in one of the world’s great museums with fellow art lovers, having dinner at a scrumptious restaurant later that evening, and then walking back to spend the night at a lovely inn. Or visiting friends in Europe who’ve managed to create a lifestyle that encompasses much of the above on a more consistent basis. Or hiking with my favorite hiking buddies somewhere in Great Britain for the morning and then having lunch at the local pub, a nap in the afternoon, a dinner that evening that includes yorkshire pudding, and sitting by the fire while engaged in scintillating conversation, while sipping on a great scotch. Or sitting on my front steps admiring the sunset, enjoying a glass of cold white wine on a hot summer evening, and watching the street scene (which in my NE neighborhood can be quite entertaining), thinking of not much at all, just watching the world out in front of me.

Do I have your attention yet? This week’s challenge is a reminder that if you haven’t taken a vacation this year, now is the time to go or at least plan one for the fall. I wonder how many of us haven’t spent time doing the things that made us really happy when we were kids. I used to spend my summers in Cape Cod and in Maine. One of my favorite things to do was look for shells on the beach. I haven’t done that in many moons. Perhaps I could arrange a vacation around that idea. Maybe you haven’t been fishing in a long time, and could plan such a vacation with your kids or grand kids. One of my friends recently traveled to Peru and tromped around Machu Picchu, then took only local buses into small villages and made friends with some Peruvians who took her in for a week and infused her with their loving hospitality and culture. She’s made new friends for life.

We forget that the process of renewal and regeneration is crucial to our well-being. We forget how to take a vacation and find ourselves steeped in too much to do, in lives that have become increasingly difficult to keep up with. Sooner or later, we forget what makes us happy and how to let go of all the things that keep us trapped in our daily existence. Life becomes very narrow, and our ability to think new thoughts, feel different feelings and experience new sensations diminishes to a dangerous degree. As my shaman used to say, “Don’t let your inner fire go out.” In other words, don’t let the momentum of daily life hypnotize you into taking care of it every minute of every day, using up so much of your energy that there’s nothing left to reignite your flame.

The dog days of summer will be over before we know it. Don’t miss the chance to enjoy some of it by relaxing, refreshing and doing absolutely nothing, if it pleases you!

Have a good week,

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2009 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.