3/14/11 “Remembering What’s Important”

Good day, Team.

This week, I can’t help but reflect upon the earthquake and tsunami in Japan. Sometimes I wonder if the size of a tragedy proportionately influences our humanity. Do disasters like this have to keep happening to wake us up and remind us of what’s important? How it is that I’ve almost forgotten about the oil spill that happened just last year? or the earthquake in Haiti? What is it in our thinking that so quickly forgets? And how is it that in our day-to-day lives, we fuss and fight and strike out at one another when instead we could be appreciating all of the good things in our lives?

This week’s challenge is about remembering what’s important. Last week I found myself embroiled in an internal struggle that was all too familiar: worrying about what others think of me. I know there’s no way I can control what others think of me. Goodness knows I can barely control my own thoughts, let alone someone else’s. In reality what others think and say about me is a projection of what they think about themselves — so worrying about it is not very productive. However, I’m also aware that this affliction is quite common, and that it’s the rare person who doesn’t spend time worrying about what others think of them.

As I was struggling last week, with my monkey mind jumping from limb to limb pondering this topic, screeching at me and demanding my attention, I heard about the earthquake and everything stopped. In that moment, I was completely still inside. That stillness produced a sacred moment for me. I felt the suffering of thousands of Japanese people whose lives were changed forever, and I thought of what’s important to me: the people I love and the quality of the life I’m leading. These thoughts catapulted me into a state of gratitude and prayer. This kind of earth-shattering news causes me to pause and feel for others who are experiencing loss and devastation. It also fills me with gratitude for what I have and the safety of my own surroundings.

Each day this week, spend some time remembering what’s most important to you. Try not to let your thoughts of blame, resentment, worry and dissatisfaction take over. Try not to complain or speak against yourself or others. Allow yourself to appreciate the world and people around you, and don’t forget to let them know it. Give thanks for the abundance we have in our lives and take a few moments to reflect on our good fortune. And when all else fails, remember that love is universal and always here.

In that vein, I offer a variation of I Corinthians, 13: 4-13 from the Bible. These words remind me of what’s truly important:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, then that which is in part shall be done away. When I was a child, I talked as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see through a glass darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.


Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White

Pathfinders Coaching

(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.

3/7/11 “Self-Compassion”

Good day, team.

This week’s challenge sprouted from an article I read last week in the New York Times, “Go Easy on Yourself, a New Wave of Research Urges,” by Tara Parker-Pope.

She opens the article with the question, “Do you treat yourself as well as you treat your friends and family?” She goes to say how research shows that giving ourselves a break and accepting our imperfections may be the first step toward better health.

This same idea became apparent to me years ago when I attended a weekend meditation retreat with Sylvia Boorstein, a wonderful meditation teacher who was focusing that day on “metta.”

In Buddhist philosophy, metta is often translated as “compassion” or “loving kindness.” The great meditation teacher Henepola Gunaratana maha tera has called it “loving friendliness.” This attitude focuses on friendliness, compassion and concern for the wellness of others. Metta is not something everyone has automatically. It is an aspect of thought that must be developed through meditation.

Within minutes of sitting with Sylvia, it became apparent that she had a different take on how we could develop metta in regards to others. What she really wanted us to do was first create it for ourselves. I remember her saying, “You can sit on your backside for years trying to cultivate more compassion for others, but if you don’t experience it toward yourself, you will continue to fail.” This idea was surprising to me. I had not thought about the importance of creating loving kindness toward myself. In fact, I often regarded myself as a familiar stranger, and, more often than not, I experienced a lot of judgment and blame toward myself.

During the retreat, we did a number of meditative exercises that created a lovely state of inner love and peace that I had rarely experienced. The more my meditation focused on self-compassion, the more I was able to be compassionate toward others. It was like learning how to exercise a muscle that hadn’t been used before. Once it became stronger, my ability to use it not just for myself but for others was the beginning of feeling a greater state of compassion for all living beings.

However, when I first practiced metta meditation toward myself, it felt a little selfish. It seemed too self-indulgent. It wasn’t until I experienced a major health scare years later that I realized the importance of allowing myself to drop down into that incredible well of love that existed within me. I learned to appreciate how much it could truly heal me from the inside out. By allowing myself to love myself, I was able to experience that state of love and compassion on a daily basis, and in turn, it was much more accessible to me for giving to others.

In her article, Parker-Pope references several research studies on self-compassion with interesting results. Most doctors and self-help books suggest that developing more willpower and self-discipline are the keys to better health. However, new research shows that creating self-discipline as a result of self-criticism only leads people further into a state of anxiety and depression. People who score high on tests related to self-compassion have less depression and anxiety. These people tend to be happier and more optimistic.

However, self-criticism resulting in various disciplines for self-improvement is deeply rooted in American culture, so it can be a challenging habit to break.

In the book “Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind” Dr. Kristin Neff writes, “Self-compassion is really conducive to motivation. The reason you won’t let your children eat five big tubs of ice cream is because you care about them. With self-compassion, you care about yourself, you do what’s healthy for you rather than what’s harmful to you.”

Jean Fain, a psychotherapist and teaching associate at Harvard Medical School writes, “Self-compassion is the missing ingredient in every diet and weight-loss plan. Most plans revolve around self-discipline, self-deprivation and neglect.”

This quote reminds me of all the times I’ve told myself I couldn’t eat something and within days found myself stuffing my mouth with that very thing. Then the amount of guilt and self-recrimination I experienced afterward took days to recover from and left me with a profound feeling of failure.

This week, try giving yourself a break from all the internal thoughts and feelings of judgment, blame and self-hatred. How about spending some quiet time thinking of all the good things you did this past week for others? How about taking a compassion break just like you would a coffee break? Spend a moment or two saying to yourself, “I’m going to be kind to myself in this moment.”

Try patting yourself on the back for something you’ve done well this week or for having a good conversation with someone. Free your mind from the inner voice that says, “You made of fool of yourself” or “You could have done a much better job” or “That was a stupid thing to say.” Don’t hold onto those thoughts and allow them to rule your state of mind. Instead, tell yourself, “I am not inadequate but actually just as I am: human, loving and kind.”

You might just find that you feel better about yourself as well as others.

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White

Pathfinders Coaching

(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.

2/28/11 “Adaptability”

Good day, team.

This weekend, we found ourselves at our home in the Columbia River Gorge, where the temperature was 11 degrees, with no electricity. Fortunately, our wood stove kept the temperature in parts of the house at about 60 degrees, and because we have solar panels, our refrigerator, freezer and some light switches continued to function. This situation brought couple thoughts to mind. One, we live in a world dominated by conveniences that constantly serve our needs. Second, when we find ourselves without those conveniences, we become inventive, and often lifelong memories are created.

Human beings are highly adaptable, and when the going gets tough, we tend to rise to the occasion. Case in point: when I realized I would soon run out of hot water, I immediately put a large pot of water on top of the wood stove. This may not seem very inventive, but what I noticed is that I never gave it a second thought. I just instinctively did it. My husband was already piling extra wood by the stove so we could keep the temperature in the house consistent. I began to think about ways I could cook dinner with only my gas burners working or what we could make on the wood-fired oven outdoors. These alternatives to our usual routines just came to us naturally.

Herein lies this week’s challenge. Consider what you would do to keep the home fires burning if your modern conveniences were unavailable. How long has it been since you lost electricity and had to be more inventive in dealing with your daily life? Have you forgotten what it’s like to be without a computer or a television or some other electronic devise for a few hours or days? Have you gone without your car for a day or two, or had to rely on your fireplace or wood stove to heat your home? When was the last time you had to walk home because your car broke down? I’m not suggesting that you create some problem to test how adaptable you can be, but I am asking you to consider what you would do if something did occur that forced you to give up some of your conveniences.

When I was a child, we lived in places with extreme weather. During a bad winter storm, we would camp out by the living room fireplace with our sleeping bags and pillows, huddled together to stay warm, telling stories by the firelight. Sometimes in the summer,  it was so hot at night that it was impossible to sleep upstairs, and we would bunk out on the porch. These childhood memories are some of my most vivid. What many adults consider to be major inconveniences, children often see as grand adventures.

This week, consider how you would live if you lost most of your day-to-day conveniences. Perhaps you will take time to store up on food and water in your pantry. Maybe you will purchase a good oil lamp for use when you have no electrical light. Think about what you might have to do at work if you lose power or people are stranded for a few days because of a storm. Most companies have business resumption plans that collect dust on the shelves because no one really thinks about them until a disaster hits. How will you adapt if you have to come up with alternatives to supporting yourself and others around you?

Try seeing the loss of convenience through a child’s eyes; instead of it being bothersome, think of it as an adventure. Get creative, and you might find it creates a memory you will never forget.

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White

Pathfinders Coaching

(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.

2/21/11 “Two Wolves”

Good day, team,

Back in June of 2009, I shared this challenge with you. I am re-publishing it for your consideration.

This week’s challenge comes from an old Indian tale, “Two Wolves,” which was shared with me by a  *coaching contact.  She heard it from Lou Tice, chairman of The Pacific Institute, an organization dedicated to transforming peoples’ lives through education and training.

“One evening, an old Cherokee man told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, ‘My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all. One is evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego. The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.

“The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, ‘Which wolf wins?’ The old man replied, ‘The one you feed.’

How often are we faced with a choice about how to react to each day’s challenges? Do we rail at the outrageous winds of fate that pound us from time to time, falling in the pit of self-pity, or do we look upon these moments as opportunities to learn and grow, and broaden the humanity within us?

The good news is that we do have a choice. We can choose to feed the wolf of envy and resentment or the wolf of humility, benevolence and compassion. We can choose to be happy or to be miserable. The choice we make colors our days, our work and our relationships to those around us. Which wolf will you choose to feed today?”

Your challenge this week is to observe what your state of mind is throughout the day and choose what serves you best. Which wolf are you choosing to feed? In some cases, we don’t make a conscious choice but rather find ourselves in a state of negativity that creates a bad day. If you recognize that a difficult state has come over you, then you can choose to do something to get yourself out of it. In that moment you can choose the good wolf, rather than have the evil wolf to determine how your day will go.

The opportunities we have to choose our state of mind and heart are endless. Events throughout our day create all kinds of reactions in us. But if we are self-aware enough to observe what we’re thinking and feeling, we can ask ourselves, “Does this state serve me well?” Just by asking the question you will have an opportunity to choose which wolf you want to feed and which wolf you can tell to find its food elsewhere.

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

*Many thanks to Debbie Neuberger, Senior Vice President of Customer Care at Move Inc., for sharing this story with me.

© Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.

2/14/11 “Integrity”

Good day, team.

This week’s challenge is about integrity. What does it mean to be a person who has integrity? In my mind, it’s when our external actions match our internal values — what we do and how we behave reflect what’s most important to us. The following is a description of what I mean and the basis for this week’s challenge.

As we’ve all seen, the real estate market in the past few years has challenged anyone who owns property. Because of the rapid decline in property values, many people have had to sell their homes for much less than what they purchased them for. In many cases, people have just walked away from their mortgages simply because they couldn’t sell and didn’t have the money to continue to pay the mortgage. Foreclosures and short sales are a daily occurrence.

A friend of mine bought his first home about six months before he got married. He had a good job with lots of career potential. The house was small, but it was in an excellent neighborhood where they were pretty sure property values would increase over time. My friend’s wife became pregnant shortly after they married. In thinking about the birth, they decided to move closer to his family so that everyone would get to know and enjoy the first grandchild, and his company was willing to transfer him to another position in his home town. The move was a strong indication of his core values. Family was important to him and taking a lesser job just to get back to family was a good demonstration of his integrity.

However, the real estate market had begun to decline and their house had some problems. They couldn’t sell it, so they decided to keep it as a rental property to cover the mortgage and purchase another house in his hometown to live in. Now my friend had the stress of paying two mortgages, plus taxes and all the maintenance expenses that come with owning a home.

The stress continued over the next four years, during which my friend and his wife had another child. My friend’s job situation was pretty stagnant, which was not helping. He decided to take a job with another company in his hometown. He did well in this position, and the company offered him a better job in another city. My friend and his wife had to consider moving the family across the country away from his family. By now, the children had solid relationships with grandparents, aunts and uncles, and extended family. Much of what he hoped his children would experience with his family had occurred. So he decided to take the new job and move his family. I saw this as another display of his integrity. He let his family know that the first move was for family. The next move, when one occurred, would be about career. With a growing family, he had to think about his career progression to be able to provide for them.

The move meant selling the house in his hometown, which was no small feat. The real estate market was at it’s worst. For many months, he had to travel back and forth across the country each week to see his family while he worked at his new job. Eventually the house sold, and they bought a new home in the new city. During this time, he still owned the original house, which was rented by various people over the years, some good and some not so good.

Now comes the true test of integrity. The current renters have decided they want to buy the original house, but at a much lower price than my friend’s mortgage. My friend will have to spend much of his savings to make the deal go through.   He could have let the house go a long time ago and been out from underneath that mortgage and responsibility. But, he would have had a hard time living with himself if he had done this. As long as he could manage to pay the two mortgages, he continued to do so. Now, he’s dealing with the dilemma of finally selling the house and spending his savings to cover a short sale or just letting it go into foreclosure.

I know him well enough to know that he will do what allows him to stay in alignment with his inner values and ethics. His situation reminds me of how our personal integrity is tested throughout our lives and how important it is for us to pay attention when this happens. It’s the dilemma of doing what we know is right versus what’s easiest or taking the short cut out of an obligation. Sometimes, we don’t have many choices, and we have to do the only thing we can do. But, when we do have the choice, siding with our inner guide is as important as anything we can do in our lives. Most regrets are born from experiences where we didn’t follow our intuition; our heart and head told us what was right and we did something else instead.

This week, look at your actions and see if they’re in alignment with your inner values. Do you walk your talk? If you say something is important, do you express that in your actions and behaviors? Are you stuck in a situation where you’ve been asked to do something that goes against what you think is right? If you say your family is important to you, does the way you live your life reflect that? Are you willing to say no to someone if they ask you to do something that goes against your true nature? How do you stay in integrity in your life?

As Ovid, the ancient Roman poet and author wrote;

“No man can purchase his virtue too dear, for it is the only thing whose value must ever increase with the price it has cost us. Our integrity is never worth so much as when we have parted with our all to keep it.”

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White

Pathfinders Coaching

(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.

1/31/11 “Exploring Nature”

Good day, team.

This week’s challenge is about exploring new places in nature. Saturday, my husband and I went for a long walk in an unfamiliar area of the Columbia River Gorge. It’s a place where a back road not far from our ranch meets Major Creek. We wondered about that name because the creek looked more like a stream when we got out of the car. A gravel road went directly up the hillside alongside the creek, so we headed up the road to explore the area.

When we started out, all we could see was the road at our feet, the creek to our left and woods all around us. We had no idea where the road would lead us. I thought, “Isn’t this always how it is when we embark on a new journey to a place we’ve never been?” We experience excitement, hope, and some fear. The spirit of exploration is all about discovering new things and the joy that comes from that experience.

We came to the top of the first hill where the road leveled out. From here, we could look down on the creek, which was increasing in size. Now we began to understand why it was named “Major Creek.” We saw large rock formations and hills with many varieties of tall pines and oak trees. I sensed that this land was very old. The rock formations were covered in what I call “old moss,” which is the kind that’s been there so long it’s actually taken on the color of the rocks. We saw dramatic crags and stalactite-looking formations. We even saw a rock cave in the side of the hill and wondered what kind of animal or serpent might live there.

Each time we ascended another hill or rounded a bend, the road would stretch out inviting us to continue with our exploration. With every step, we saw something new. The creek broadened and became a rushing cascade of water. We saw a red rock on the road that looked like it had a face etched into it. I noticed that my state of mind began to change. I felt lighter — not just on my feet but in my heart. The experience of being in nature, exploring a new place on a beautiful day with my husband, made me feel more connected with the world around me. I felt like I could breathe more freely and that the world had so much abundance, so much to offer.

This week, try exploring new places in nature. Perhaps you can take a different route while riding your bike to work or go for a different walk around town. Maybe you can visit a park you’ve not been to before. How about taking your kids to the beach or on a hike? Even in winter, natural spaces have their own special beauty. No matter where you live, you can experience the outdoors, whether it’s the local park or a nearby ski area.

See how you feel after you spend some time in nature. John Muir wrote, “I only went out for a walk and finally concluded to stay out till sundown, for going out, I found, was really going in.”

And Standing Bear said, “Man’s heart away from nature becomes hard.”

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White

Pathfinders Coaching

(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.

1/24/11 “Innovation and online video”

Good day, team.

This week’s challenge is about innovation. Recently, I read an article in Wired magazine titled “Film School — Why online video is more powerful than you think,” by TED curator, Chris Anderson. It’s all about the significance of online video and the impact it’s having on society.

Anderson’s theory is that online video is creating new global communities, granting members the means and the motivation to step up their skills and broaden their imaginations.  He writes, “It’s unleashing an unprecedented wave of innovation in thousands of different disciplines, some trivial, some niche, some central to solving humanity’s problems. But, all in all, it’s helping the world get smarter.”

Here’s an example. Last week I was thinking about starting a new knitting project. My friend’s mother-in-law gave her a pair of hand-knit socks for Christmas, and I was quite impressed with them. They were soft, durable and extremely well made —even pretty. She and I were talking about where we might get a good pattern for knitting socks. What shop in Portland or what book or magazine might give us some good ideas for making socks? In overhearing us, my friend’s young daughter said, “You just need to go on YouTube. I’m sure there’s a good video of someone making socks that would teach you.”

In that moment, I realized what has happened in my lifetime. The old ways of accessing information and getting input have changed drastically. Some say that the print media revolution has become the video revolution, and it could quite possibly have at least as much if not more impact. Watching someone make socks, along with providing instructions, is a much more effective way for me to learn. And, it’s also fun.

Herein lies your challenge this week. Spend some time thinking about fun ways to be innovative and find ways to introduce them at work. It could involve making a video related to your work, but it doesn’t have to. The point is to do something innovative. Maybe you change the way your team conducts meetings by adding a fun exercise at the beginning. Perhaps you suggest new ways your team mates can work together. One coach I know uses old “I Love Lucy” videos to show how Lucy and Ethel often worked together to get themselves out of challenging situations. Another consultant leads weekend retreats during which his clients play games such as bridge, chess, Monopoly, cribbage, horseshoes and so on. He videos his clients while they compete and then in the evening, their entertainment is watching how they play together. This allows them to experience different aspects of each other’s behavior as well as their own.

This week, try being more innovative in your approach. You might find that it wakes everyone up and helps them access more of their creativity and brainpower. And, as the following YouTube video shows, you might just have more fun!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=APWW1xzJvsw

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

1/17/11 “Story Telling and Shining”

Good day, team.

“Playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do.”

  • Marianne Williamson, spiritual activist, author, lecturer and founder of The Peace Alliance

My sister sent me this wonderful quote a few months ago, and it’s been on my mind this week. It reminds me of how often I worry about what others think and stop myself from realizing my full potential. Maybe it’s because I don’t want to offend someone I’m working with or I’m in a situation where I don’t want to outshine a family member. Sometimes I find myself holding back information or actions because I’m afraid of taking up someone else’s space or because I don’t want to attract envy or jealously. Whatever it is, I realize that it happens more often than I’d like. This kind of consideration to others is based on fear rather than inspiration or love.

This weekend, on the other hand, I was reminded of how children can really shine. We had friends visiting us at our home in the Columbia River Gorge. They brought their daughter and one of her close friends. So we had the delightful experience of having two lovely, incredibly curious, intelligent 10-year-old children to keep us company.

Saturday nights with guests in the gorge have become story night. That is, after dinner we all go into the living room, sit around in a circle and tell stories. They can be sad or happy, frightening or inspirational, about every day occurrences or great adventures we’ve had in our past. I’m always amazed at how interesting and creative people’s stories are — and how much fun it is to hear them!

As we listened to the stories of our 10-year-old visitors, we saw them shine in our candlelit circle. One minute, we were holding our sides from laughing so hard as Bella told us the story of the most embarrassing event in her life, and in the next moment, we were held in close attention as Estelle told us a story about an adventure she had at camp last summer. In both cases, these girls shone in their ability to recount their stories of humor and life lessons.

Listening to the children share their stories allowed the adults to free themselves from shyness or an unwillingness to participate. In the girls’ uninhibited way of allowing their stories to flow through them, they allowed the rest of us to do the same. It made for a wonderful night of sharing, laughter and tear-filled eyes, while we opened ourselves up to one of the oldest traditions in the world — storytelling.

This week, try not to worry so much about what other people think of what you’re saying or doing. I’m talking about the low hum of constant internal chatter that often says, “What will they think of me if I say that?” or “Maybe I’ll just not say anything at this point and let it be” — even if you know that your suggestion might be helpful. Try not to allow those thoughts to prevail. Make an effort to have a more courageous conversation or take a bold action rather than shrink from the opportunity.

If you have children or grandchildren around you, notice how their eyes shine when they tell you a story, whether it’s true or not! Think about how we all have that childlike desire to hear a good story or tell someone a tale that holds their attention for a few moments. Although we live in a culture that seems to prefer hearing and watching stories on television, try making time to share stories together. It’s not only empowering, giving each person an opportunity to have a voice, but it’s also very entertaining.

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249 

© Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights  reserved.

1/10/11 “Perspective”

Good day, team.
This week’s challenge is about changing our perspective.

One morning as my husband waited for the coffee to brew, he stared at the reflection of a painting in the mirror across the room. He noticed that if he moved toward the mirror, the painting would appear smaller, and if he moved away, it would appear larger. He was puzzled for a moment. Normally, he thought, as you move closer to something, it appears larger not smaller. For example, hold your hand in front of your face about an inch away. It seems quite large. Then move your hand away from your face, and it becomes smaller.

After my husband delivered my coffee to me (a Sunday morning ritual I am most grateful for), we discussed this phenomenon for a while. We surmised that the reason for this change in perspective was because we were seeing the painting as a reflection rather than looking right at it. Perhaps the image did just the opposite of what it normally would do. Anyone reading this who knows a lot more about reflection and visual perspective is welcome to write to me as I’m sure there is an exact reason why this happened. In any case, our conversation made me think about changing how we see things.

When we’re in the middle of something, it can be difficult for us to see with any relativity or context. For example, when I’m tallying up my monthly business accounts for my bookkeeper, it’s difficult to see how the columns of numbers relate to how my business is doing. I have to see the results of the numbers on a balance sheet to give me a better look at the month. Then I can look at the profit and loss statement to see how I’m actually doing for the quarter or the year. Having context and relativity enable me to compare and contrast with clarity. They widen my viewfinder and give me more information.

I find this is true in my relationships with others as well. If I focus too much on one aspect of someone, I lose my ability to see the whole person. For example, when one of my friends talks with me about her ex-husband, she can be quite negative. She expresses hurt feelings and resentment about him and the life they had together. This is not an experience that I enjoy having with her. At the same time, I greatly appreciate many things about her. She loves music and has shared many kinds with me that I otherwise never would have heard. She’s a hard worker, and I respect how she perseveres. She’s a wonderful mother and loyal friend. And yet, when I think of her, I tend to think of how negative she is about her ex-husband. Consequently, by focusing exclusively on one aspect of her personality, I tend to think of her only in that vein. However, if I stand back and look at the whole picture of her, I see that she’s many things. She’s not just one color of the rainbow but is composed of all the colors of the rainbow — the dark as well as the light.

In the book “Leadership and Self-Deception,” published by the Arbinger Institute, the authors talk about how it’s the seers who end up putting themselves in a box by not being able to see others in their entirety. Changing how we see others by standing back and taking in the entire impression, not only frees them from how we otherwise confine them, but more important, it frees us from the box of limited vision that imprisons us.

I recall standing in the Musee d’Orsay in France a few years ago gazing lovingly at some beautiful Monet paintings. If I stood too close, it was just a jumble of colorful brush strokes. Once I stood back, those same brush strokes created beautiful scenes of the French countryside. Aha, I thought, impressionism!

This week, try changing how you see others. Broaden your perspective by opening up the viewfinder. Give yourself the opportunity to see someone from many angles, not just the one that bothers you or the one that stands out the most. Step back to take in the whole impression and marvel at its beauty.

Have a good week,

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White 
Pathfinders Coaching 
(503) 296-9249 
 
© Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights  reserved.

1/3/11 “Beginnings & Intuition”

Good day, team,

There’s no better time for new beginnings than now. It’s the first of the year, the beginning of a new cycle, the root of the musical scale for the year or the “do” of the octave. However you see it, it’s a start, and with all new beginnings, comes energy. Sometimes I see it like running a foot race. I start off with lots of energy that bursts forth and propels me down the track. Along with this burst of energy, comes an increase in intuitive powers. My ability to see things in a new way is heightened, and my perspective is broader – so many more things are possible. This week’s challenge is about paying attention to your intuition in the midst of a new beginning.

For the new year, I moved my office into commercial space. It’s a big change for me. I’ve been working from a home office for many years. About a month ago, I looked up and suddenly realized it didn’t feel right any longer. This was a surprise because nothing had changed and I wasn’t at all sure where the thought came from, but I tend to pay attention when these things happen. Strangely, there was no intellectual basis for my intuitive experience, so I decided to just sit with it for a while and observe.

The next day, I walked into the bakery around the corner, and as I was waiting for my coffee, I saw a sign on the wall that said, “Office space for lease — contact Dan.” That’s interesting, I thought. I wonder who Dan is? I looked around the shop and saw a man sitting in the corner having a coffee and muffin, working on a computer. I walked up to him and asked, “Are you Dan?” and he replied, “Yes, I am.” The next thing I knew, we were ascending the stairs to the office spaces above the bakery. When we walked into the space for lease, it just felt right. My normal reaction in these situations is to strike while the iron is hot, so to speak. But my mind cautioned me to think about this for a while and get more information. I thought I should talk to my husband, some other coaches, my accountant and my attorney before I made a final decision. Of course, none of that was going to change the initial intuitive message that it just felt right. However, I’ve learned over time that when it comes to business, doing your due diligence is important.

The real challenge came over the next two weeks as I went through the process of weighing all the positives and negatives, consulting others, negotiating with Dan the landlord and reviewing the lease agreement with my attorney. The more I looked into all the details and spent time analyzing whether this was a good decision or not, the farther away I got from that intuitive feeling and the more I doubted whether or not it actually happened to me.

In the end, I decided to lease the space. But I wonder what difference would it have made if I had taken the space in that first moment when I felt it was right, rather than two weeks later after all my information-gathering and analysis? You can make the case that by waiting and looking into all the details, I made sure that there would be no surprises and that everything was in good order. However, the more I looked into it, the more energy I lost. And I didn’t feel nearly as excited about my decision to rent the space as I did in those first few moments.

The lesson I learned is that sometimes, going with that strong intuitive feeling in the moment is important because it gives you a rare kind of energy and enthusiasm that cannot be created any other way. If you need to jump, that’s a good time to do it because you’ll have all the energy you need to jump high and wide. At other times, using that energy to check all the details and engage others in your decision makes the most sense, particularly when longer-term commitments are being made. Understanding which action is appropriate is the challenge.

This week, as you experience the beginning of the new year, pay close attention to your intuition. Take a look around you and sense whether things feel right. Do you need to do some adjusting to realign things? Maybe your desk at work needs to be moved or your team needs to be reorganized. Perhaps you need to change a process or approach to something at work or in your home. Whatever it is, spend this week observing people and processes around you. See if you can feel what needs to change and what the best way to make that change would be. Maybe you can jump in because the risk is minimal and the pay-off might be great. In other cases, analyzing and processing are the keys to making the right decision.

Most important, use the special energy of the first of the year to observe what needs changing and don’t be afraid to take action in whatever way is best. There’s nothing like new beginnings to revitalize us and renew our goals.

As Plato wrote, “The beginning is the most important part of the work.”

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White

Pathfinders Coaching

(503) 296-9249

©Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.