Good day, team,

This week’s challenge is about connectedness. Having returned from two weeks’ vacation in France, I want to share some observations I made while traveling that are applicable.

I first traveled to Europe in the summer of 1970. I had just graduated from high school, and my mother took my sister and me as a gift. We traveled throughout the continent and found the diversity and specific cultures of each country to be not only very interesting, but also surprising. As Americans we were accustomed to living in a large country where everyone spoke the same language and had molded their cultural European, Asian or African ancestry into an American melting pot. But in Europe, we’d get on the train in one country that had its own language, foods, currency,  and traditions and, within an hour or two, get off the train in another country where it was all completely different. We were amazed by and challenged to relate to people who lived in such unfamiliar cultures.

Today, the world is a very different place. Most of the European countries now share one currency, the euro. It has united them in ways that they are still learning about and created a European economic entity that did not exist before. English is spoken in most countries (even in the countryside), since almost all European children are taught English as a second language from the minute they start school, and this common language allows people who might not otherwise be able to communicate to understand each other.

I found the French to be particularly interested in our upcoming election. In Paris the cafes and bars were full and lively. Over cafe au lait or wine, we found ourselves talking with others about what we thought of the candidates, what was important to them, how they felt about their own president, etc. Overwhelmingly, people emphasized that our president needed to understand the importance of reaching out to partners across the globe. They felt it would be detrimental for all if America isolated itself and continued to see itself as the dominant world power that needed to stay separate in order to maintain it’s position.

Ironically, they would then complain about having to pay for everything with one currency and bemoan having become more connected to other European nations with the advent of the euro. I think they feel that their unique identities have been threatened in some ways. But their understanding of the world as one whole is quite strong.

The second week we traveled to our friend’s home in the Perigord region with it’s gorgeous farm land and abundant culinary delights. While we were there, we heard of the European leaders gathering to put together a plan to save their financial institutions. The stock market in the U.S. had plunged, and its effects were being felt worldwide in such a profound way that the Europeans had to take swift action.

Our conversations in the cafes and bars became even more impassioned. Now it was not just about hoping we would elect someone who would partner, but also about ensuring that the new president of the United States truly understood how connected we all are. As one Frenchman said to me, “We are not separate anymore. It’s like dominoes: When one country falls, we all suffer. The health and welfare of the U.S. financial system is as important to us as it is to you. And we can no longer see ourselves as being completely independent. We hope you elect someone who is willing to work together with us.”

Your challenge this week? See how connected you are to others. Maybe your company is reorganizing, and you’re suddenly working with a new team or a new partner. Find your commonalities and work from your combined strengths. Try reaching out to your partners and be open-minded enough to see their point of view, even if it doesn’t match your own. Think about how your actions each day influence many others, even the people you don’t see. Your e-mail could easily be sent to 100 people in a matter of minutes and has the potential of affecting each person who reads it.

Just as we are connected to the earth, we are also connected to all  the beings on it in profound ways. Spend some time this week thinking about your connections (both seen and unseen) to others and work to strengthen those connections. Perhaps you just tell someone that you understand they are different from you, and with that understanding you become more emotionally connected to who they are and what makes them unique.

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Good morning, team,

I’ve long wanted to write about a problem that I have most recently seen far too much of: cronyism.  First, a definition from Wikipedia:

“Cronyism is partiality to long-standing friends, especially by appointing them to positions of authority, regardless of their qualifications. Hence, cronyism is contrary in practice and principle to meritocracy. Cronyism exists when the appointer and the beneficiary are in social contact; often, the appointer is inadequate to hold his or her own job or position of authority, and for this reason appoints individuals who will not try to weaken him or her, or express contrary views. Politically, cronyism is derogatory. The word crony first appeared in 18th century London, believed by many to be derived from the Greek word chronios, meaning long-term; however, crony appears in the 1811 edition of Grose’s Vulgar Tongue with a decidedly non-collegiate definition, placing it firmly in the cant of the underworld. A less likely source is the Irish language term ‘comh-roghna,’ which translates to close pals, or mutual friends.”

Abraham Lincoln is a good example of a president who didn’t rely on his cronies. When he chose his cabinet members, he intentionally picked men who were affiliated with the other political party, men who had criticized him vehemently and worked hard to prevent him from becoming president. But Lincoln understood the dangers of cronyism and the benefits of having many different viewpoints at the table to help him make the most informed decisions.

In contrast, the Bush administration demonstrated a clear case of cronyism when Donald Rumsfeld was the Secretary of Defense and he and Dick Cheney, old friends for many years, were in complete agreement about how the U.S. should involve itself in Iraq. When Colin Powell began to disagree with them, he was soon ejected from his position as Secretary of State (we were told that he resigned). As we now know, President Bush did not benefit from hearing only the Rumsfeld-Cheney viewpoint. If cronysim in the White House hadn’t been so widespread, Secretary Powell’s views might have been considered more seriously.

The consequenses of cronyism can be devastating. Consider the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina when the head of FEMA, Michael Brown (a close friend of President Bush’s), suddenly found himself responsible for thousands of lives and didn’t have a clue what to do in a disaster of such magnitude. As Bush said, “Heck of a job, Brownie,” which has now become a common phrase used by people when they detect cronyism.

Cronyism is like putting on blinders. It inhibits you from seeing any other way to deal with a situation and allows you to stay attached to your own ideas of how things should get done.

Your challenge this week is to take an in-depth look at whether cronyism has crept into your work situation. Are you working closely with others whom you trust because of years of friendship, even though they may not be qualified to do the job? Are people being promoted in your organization because of their skills or is it because of their similarity in thought and ideas to the person who promoted them? Are you surrounding yourself with people who parrot your ideas and are too afraid to tell you what they really think?

If you’re in a position of power, try talking about cronyism with your teammates.  Let people know that you are not in favor of promotions that are made due to friendship. Encourage your co-workers to tell you what they really think, not just what they think you want to hear. Spend some time each week listening to the views of people in your organization whom you disagree with. Find out why they hold this view and keep your mind open enough to consider that they might have a better idea or a more accurate viewpoint.

As a staff member, if you see cronyism at work, try finding a diplomatic way of pointing it out. Maybe you do this by asking the cronies if they’ve considered other ways to approach a situation. Try offering your viewpoint to the team as a way of broadening the perspective, rather than keeping it narrow.

Whatever you do, try to summon the courage to stand up for what you think is a healthier way for people to work together as a team. Cronyism limits all of us and our ability to surround ourselves with fresh, new thoughts and the qualified people who can mean the difference between success and failure.

* The coach will be on vacation for the next two weeks.  Your next challenge will be published October 20, 2008.

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2008 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

Good day, team,

In the midst of all the bad financial news that came our way last week, a small ray of light was given to my husband and me yesterday by a dear friend. It’s a quote from Virgil that she printed on a lovely card using a letter press. Words from this famous poet, born in 70 BCE (before the common era), brought to life with ancient printing techniques, enlightened our day and gave us some much-needed perspective.

Here is the quote:

“First the sky and the earth and the flowing fields of the sea, the shining orb of the moon and the titan sun, the stars; an inner spirit feeds them, coursing through all their limbs, mind stirs the mass and their fusion brings the world to birth.”

I offer this as your challenge this week: to remember what’s really important in your life. The price of gasoline and groceries may continue to rise, but where there is love and peace in your life, there you are most rich. And no matter how major these events all seem, we are still just a speck in the greater universe.

Above all, human beings have an amazing ability to survive even the most dire circumstances. Last evening at my husband’s birthday party, I felt that the love, kinship, and kindness of friends and family is worth so much more than any material thing we possess. And, in our everyday struggles, we find that asking for and receiving help from others is such a great gift.

This week, remember what is most important in your life and don’t be afraid to tell others. Think of Virgil’s words: He reminds us that each day is a rebirth as the world continues to re-create itself. And as our relationships with each other continue to feed us, we are renewed and revitalized to meet whatever challenges come our way.

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2008 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

Good morning, team,

I read a quote in “Wired” magazine recently that I want to share with you this week. Shai Agassi, the man quoted, has created an audacious plan to put electric cars on the road. These cars are not hybrids: They are totally electric. Agassi also wants to create a nationwide grid of charging stations to plug them into. His story is interesting, and you can read about him in the September 2008 edition of “Wired.” But back to his quote.

When the fellow who interviewed Agassi for the article asked whether he was worried about competitors, Agassi looked at him like he was an idiot. He replied, “The mission is to end oil, not create a company.”

I’ve been thinking about this statement all week. It made me wonder how many companies were created for a particular mission and then, because of competition, the founders lost sight of their mission and let the companies become something else. Look at the banking industry. Banks were created to lend money to people so they could build homes, create businesses and work toward a better life. Remember when the local bank loaned money to farmers so they could grow more crops and feed more people?

Look at the banking industry today. It still lends money to people, but the industry has become so competitive that it’s much more about sales than service, with disastrous results. Financial institutions that no more than five years ago were worth billions of dollars have just collapsed due to greed and mismanagement.

When I started coaching 10 years ago, I was completely jazzed about the potential changes I could help facilitate in companies. Many of my clients were going to work disheartened and disengaged. It had become too hard for them to get anything done in environments rife with politics, where people put up obstacles in front of each other so they could win their next position. Think of how much healthier the work environment would be if we could encourage people to focus on the core business and work together more successfully as a team.

Years later, when someone asked me, “What’s your competition doing and how do you plan to flip this company of yours if you can’t leverage yourself?” I was shocked. I hadn’t started coaching people so I could create a company to flip, and I had never thought about competition. I started coaching because I believe in the service it offers to make the world a better place. I figured that for all the people and companies who needed a coach, there was plenty of work to go around.

People could argue that my mission won’t create a good retirement fund for me. But they would need to understand my interpretation of what a good retirement fund consists of: By acting in service to others, I feel incredibly abundant and know that I have more than enough of what I need.

Your challenge this week is to explore how far away you’ve come from your personal mission just for the sake of competing. If you own a business, examine whether your emphasis still matches that of your original mission. Are you still as passionate about what got you started in the first place? If you work for a larger company, what are you doing each day that furthers the original mission of the company and are you still excited about it? Are your external efforts aligned with your internal desires? What’s meaningful to you in your job?

Maybe you don’t think you are in a position to ask yourself these questions. My clients often say to me, “I don’t have the luxury of doing what I love, I have to support a family and send my kids to college.” But I do think that each of us has an opportunity to work with others to add more value to the world (and I don’t mean just monetarily). Competition has its place. However, if it’s become your main goal and has taken you away from doing what you originally set out to do, try putting your focus back where it belongs.

You may just find that by refocusing on what you originally set out to do, you actually become the best at it without trying to be better than anyone else. And you might  just change the world for the better as well.

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2008 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

Good day, team,

Among other things, September is a placeholder month for me. That is, it’s the month when I stop to review how the year has gone so far and what my intentions are for the last quarter of the year.

I developed this habit when I went into business for myself years ago. It’s wise to stop periodically to see how you’re doing in relation to the goals you set, the intentions you had, and the business you have developed.  It also helps to review what you’ve achieved and where you continue to get stuck.

September is also the glorious season of Indian summer. As the days grow shorter and the light gets longer, we move into autumn with one last, great burst of heat and light.  It’s a time to reap what you’ve sown, to harvest what’s grown since springtime.

Your challenge this week is to assess the fruits of your labors so far this year by asking yourself three good questions. Here are mine:

1)  What progess have I made toward the goals I set for myself last December and January and what’s left to do?

2)  Where do I get stuck?  What prevents me from moving forward?

3) What makes the most sense: Do I continue to try to achieve the goals I set for myself? Do I need to realign my priorities so that I’m working on what’s actually happening now and not just an idea of what I thought was supposed to be happening this year?

Sounds like more than three questions to me, but that’s what I love about questions: As I formulate them, I often find some answers within them!

If you’re really having a tough time meeting your goals, try setting a very small one and accomplish that. Every time we achieve a small goal, it makes it much easier to achieve a larger one. I tried this recently by setting a goal of keeping the top of my desk clean for a week. It made me feel really good by week’s end that I had done so and also enabled me to get something done that I hadn’t been able to finish previously. Small gains create the kind of attitude and energy we need to accomplish larger tasks.

Whatever you do, enjoy this Indian summer. Use the energy of harvest and abundance to feel good about what you have accomplished this year. This season will be over before you know it and different opportunities will arrive with the coming of autumn.

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2008 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

Good day Team,

Here’s one of my favorite challenges that I’m often asked to republish.

The coach’s challenge for the week is about the 8 attributes of supportive communication. Please see below. They speak for themselves.

8 Attributes of Supportive Communication

� Problem oriented, not person oriented – focus on how problems and issues can be changed rather than on people and their characteristics (”How can we solve this problem”, Not “Because of you this problem exists)

� Congruent, not incongruent – focus on honest messages in which verbal statements match thoughts and feelings (”Your behavior really upset me”, Not, “Do I seem upset? No, everything is fine.”)

� Descriptive, not evaluative – focus on describing an objective occurrence, describing your reaction to it, and offering a suggested alternative (”Here is what happened, this was my reaction; here is a suggestion that is acceptable”. Not, “you are wrong for doing what you did.”)

� Validating, not invalidating – focus on statements that communicate respect, flexibility, collaboration, and areas of agreement (”I have some ideas, but do you have any suggestions?” Not, “You wouldn’t understand, so we’ll do it my way.”)

� Specific, not global – focus on specific events or behavior, avoiding general, extreme, or either-or statements (”You interrupted me three times during the meeting.” Not, “You’re always trying to get attention.”)

� Conjunctive, not disjunctive – focus on statements that flow from what has been previously said and facilitating interaction (”Relating to what you just said, I’d like to raise another point.” Not, “I want to say something (unrelated to and/or regardless of what you just said.”))

� Owned, not disowned – focus on taking responsibility for your own actions by using personal “I” words (”I have decided to turn down your request because…” Not, “You have a good idea but it wouldn’t get approved” or, “I liked your proposal, but Kim said we should use another.”)

� Supportive listening, not one-way listening – focus on using a variety of appropriate responses; with a bias toward reflective responses, (”What do you think are the obstacles standing in the way of improvement?” Not, “As I said before, you are making too many mistakes. You’re just not performing.”)

Try using some of these suggestions in your communications this week. You may find your listeners to be much more open and willing to continue the conversation!

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2008 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights

Good day, team,

Lately, one group of my clients is going through a particularly stressful time. From what I can see, their stress is a result of uncertainty about the company’s direction and confusion about who’s in charge. This is a deadly combination for people trying to understand what they’re responsible for and where they fit in, not to mention for getting results.

The state of mind that often prevails in stressful environments is disengagement. Frankly, it’s just too difficult to work in a place where you don’t know what you’re working toward, so you just show up every day, and you don’t commit to anything: It’s not safe to do so. Entire work forces can become unproductive in these circumstances, so I think it’s important to understand more about what’s actually happening to us when we become too stressed.

Here is an excerpt about the chemistry of stress from “Social Intelligence and the Biology of Leadership” by Daniel Goleman and Richard Boyatizis; it appears in the September 2008 edition of the Harvard Business Review. (The entire article is well worth reading.)

“When people are under stress, surges in stress hormones adrenaline and cortisol strongly affect their reasoning and cognition. At low levels, cortisol facilitates thinking and other mental functions, so well-timed pressure to perform and targeted critiques of subordinates certainly have their place. When a leader’s demands become too great for a subordinate to handle, however, soaring cortisol levels and an added hard kick of adrenaline can paralyze the mind’s critical abilities. Attention fixates on the threat from the boss rather than the work at hand; memory, planning and creativity go out the window. People fall back on old habits, no matter how unsuitable those are for addressing new challenges.

“Poorly delivered criticism and displays of anger by leaders are common triggers of hormonal surges. In fact, when laboratory scientists want to study the highest levels of stress hormones, they simulate a job interview in which an applicant receives intense face-to-face criticism—an analogue of a boss tearing apart a subordinate’s performance.

“Researchers likewise find that when someone who is very important to a person expresses contempt or disgust toward him, his stress circuitry triggers an explosion of stress hormones and a spike in heart rate by 30 to 40 beats person minutes. Then, because of the interpersonal dynamic of mirror neurons and oscillators, the tension spreads to other people. Before you know it, the destructive emotions have infected an entire group and inhibited its performance. Leaders are themselves not immune to the contagion of stress. All the more reason they should take time to understand the biology of emotions.”

Your challenge this week is to check your stress levels and try to regain balance for your heart, mind and body. Perhaps you’ve noticed a tendency to disengage when you’re at work. If that’s the case, try finding one particular thing you really love doing and focus on that for awhile. Passion naturally re-engages us, and lends us a new source of energy. Maybe you find yourself becoming negative toward your co-workers. Try getting some exercise at lunchtime to counter these feelings: Burn off that extra negative energy you’re experiencing. If you find that your behavior is having a negative impact on others, try asking for help. Allow someone you’re close to on the team know that you’re having a hard time and could use help seeing things in a more positive light. Experiment with meditation techniques. Recent studies have proven that daily meditation reduces high blood pressure, high levels of cortisol, migraine headaches, and a number of other high stress symptoms.

Whatever your experience of stress, remember that it’s not just your brain that does the work: A healthy body and an open heart are necessary to face each day as it comes, with all of its successes and failures. If you’re running at a deficit, figure out what you need to do to turn that loss into a gain. And chill out from time to time throughout the day. It might just help you think more clearly and creatively while it supports your body’s ability to be stress free.

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2008 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

Good day team,

Once awhile in your career, you have a rare opportunity to work on an assignment that is life enhancing. When I was asked last month by the board of director’s at St. Mary’s Home for Boys in Beaverton, Oregon to help them find a new executive director, I knew it was just this kind of opportunity. But, I didn’t really understand how rare it was until I met with 15 of the courageous people who work at St. Mary’s last week to get a better idea of what they thought was needed for the director position and the kind of person they’d like to see in the job. But first, here’s a brief description about St. Mary’s.

Founded in 1889, St Mary’s offers residential treatment and services to boys at risk between the ages of 10 and 17. Treatment plans include individual and group therapy, counseling, training sessions, juvenile sex awareness program, and aftercare services. Physical, social, emotional, and spiritual programs are also conducted. Cognitive, behavioral, and relationship treatment approach is provided. The curriculum includes reading, language, computers, art, life skills, health, and physical education.

I cannot begin to explain all of the emotions I experienced while I was there this past week. I am still digesting much of what I saw and learned.  But I did come away from the experience knowing how vitally important it is that St. Mary’s and other institutions like it exist and how much they need our support.

The staff members I met were very open and honest in our discussions and gave me more information than I  expected. They also gave me the great privilege of having lunch with the boys and to attend a student’s graduation. What these children have survived is unspeakable.  I honestly cannot imagine a world where the kinds of abuse and neglect these children experience exists.  But it does happen and often, in our own communities.  St. Mary’s embraces these children with safety, security, sensitivity and sanitation as their underlying values in practice and for most of these kids, it’s the first time in their lives they’ve had any experience of these four things, let alone 3 meals a day, a roof over their heads, and an education.

The statistics prove that these kids have a much greater chance for success when people on the outside volunteer to mentor them.  It only requires about one hour a week, but it improves these kids lives forever.  While I was there last week. some drama coaches were there volunteering to give the kids acting lessons;  there was also a play writing workshop going on.  All of these activities were conducted by local people volunteering their time and energy for the children.  And, the kids just loved it.  When I saw the joy on their faces at lunch time I knew that this kind of activity was essential to their healing and the importance of it was priceless.

As a coach, I see clients all the time who are trying to find some inspiration in their daily lives. They want to be happier or to move in a direction that gives them joy and abundance. They are often looking for more meaning in their lives.  In that search, people try to find happiness by delving deeper and deeper into their own psychology. They work so hard to try and fix what’s wrong and then become narrowly focused and obsessed with themselves. This doesn’t bring any joy at all.  As one client said to me recently, ‘ All of these thoughts about myself are driving me nuts and it’s all the same old stories,  over and over again.”

One of the best remedies for this kind of psychological and emotional trap is to be of service to others. Your challenge this week is to serve someone by volunteering your time and/or energy on their behalf.  It doesn’t mean you have to become an official volunteer;  there are small ways in which each of us can serve others every day if we try to make that kind of service a priority.  Perhaps you clean up after someone at work or set a goal to spend more time reading to your children each day. Maybe you do actually sign up for a mentoring program or to serve meals to the homeless.  If you can spare some extra time during your week, investigate ways in which you can volunteer that time to benefit others.  In Oregon we have the SMART reading program, Habitat for Humanity, Meals on Wheels,  to name a few.  Perhaps your company has a program that allows you to take some time from work to do volunteer work during the week.  Whatever it is, find ways to broaden your emotional life and reap the rewards of serving others.

This past week I realized, yet again, the importance of extending my heart and hand to others.  The world is very much in need of us and we are very much in need of experiencing the good we can bring to the world.  Extending your loving kindness to others is a sure way to experience it in yourself.  At the end of the day, isn’t that what life is all about?

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Good day, team,

The title of this challenge could be “atttitude is everything.” I continue to be amazed at how our attitude has everything to do with how we feel about ourselves and our lives. Here are some examples of friends whose lives have changed recently and how the changes have altered their attitude.

My friend Kimberlee realized her lifelong dream this past year by buying a home in France. Ever since she was a young child, she has dreamed of this event. After working full time through most of her adult life, she now lives in France in her new home. But having just moved there, she’s living without furniture till it arrives. She’s also living in a construction zone while the house is being renovated. When I last read her blog, she had written, “First off, imagine undertaking home repairs and renovation with someone who doesn’t speak your language. Extraordinary patience, especially—cough, cough—for a male… [smiles]. Not only that, I am sleeping on a ‘mattelasse’ he has loaned me until my bed arrives and using a one-burner camping stove for coffee and such.”

Kimberlee was very successful in her career. She had grown quite accustomed to living in comfortable surroundings, be it her home, beach house, or nice hotel rooms (having traveled a lot for business over the years). In her American life, she never would have put up with sleeping on a mattress and making coffee on a hotplate each morning. But she’s now living her dream come true, and that’s made her quite willing and happy to endure whatever hardships she encounters, knowing that someday she will have the home she has always envisioned. Her attitude toward creature comforts has changed, and what would normally be intolerable circumstances are more than bearable in light of this change.

One of my previous clients works for Morgan Stanley. Two years ago, he sent me an e-mail with a picture attached of his new multimillion-dollar condominium in New York City. He was overjoyed to have finally reached the kind of financial success that allowed him to live the kind of life in New York that he had always desired. He dined at the best restaurants, had his shirts and suits hand-tailored, had season tickets to Knicks games, and frequently went to the best Broadway plays and nightclubs. I began to worry about him raising his standard for quality of life too high when he complained that because his local dry cleaners had gone green, he could no longer get his shirts cleaned in 24 hours. He was becoming incredibly spoiled, by my view, but he felt entitled to his lifestyle, particularly since most of his co-workers were experiencing the same success and had similar attitudes.

Today, he’s lucky to still have a job. His salary is a quarter of what it was, his condominium sold for quite a bit less than what he paid, and he’s living in an apartment that’s much smaller than anyplace he’s ever lived. I reminded him the other day about his disgruntled attitude about the green dry cleaners, and he replied, “Now I feel lucky when I come upon an unoccupied machine in the laundry room at the apartment building and I have enough quarters at the same time.” His sudden change in fortune has changed his attitude dramatically. Two years ago he felt entitled to immediate service and was angry when it didn’t happened. Today, he’s grateful to be able to accomplish his chores himself.

Your challenge this week? Take a look at your attitude about your life and the way you live it. Have you lost your ability to be grateful for some of the simplest things? Have you been forced to adjust your living standards, given current economic pressures, and struggle with old attitudes that cause you to resent your current circumstances? Do you believe that because of your title at work, you’re entitled to certain privileges and perks that you don’t really need, but have grown accustomed to?

Instead, try cultivating an attitude that serves your current situation. Experiment with changing your circumstances so that you can change your attitude. I used to think I couldn’t cut my use of electricity. So I experimented by stringing a clothes line and hanging my laundry. My electricity bill went down. More important, my attitude changed about doing my laundry. It was nice to go outside to hang it, it folded better when it was dry, and my sheets smelled incredibly good when I made the bed. (I even found that my clothes lasted longer: Dryers are hard on clothes.)

Whenever I feel disgruntled and ungrateful, I try to remember this story.

A Buddhist monk once traveled to the next village to help his brothers. While he was gone, his small home burned to the ground. As it was burning, a friend from the village found the monk and told him what was happening. They ran to the home site and arrived as the last few bits of wood turned to embers. The monk’s friend looked at him with tears in his eyes and exclaimed how sorry he was that the monk had lost his home. The monk stood in silence for a moment and then, as he gazed up at the sky, proclaimed, “Ah, now I have a much better view of the moon.”

Take a hint from the Buddhist monk: It’s all in your attitude!

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Good day, team,

This week, the Olympic games start in China. I’ve been watching the games on television ever since I can remember. I’m not necessarily interested in all the sports that are showcased, but I always marvel at how well-trained and highly disciplined the athletes are who make it to the competition. In reading about the upcoming events in today’s paper, I was thinking about the spirit of competition and what makes some people more competitive than others.

Competitive comes from the Latin word “competere,” which means to meet, coincide, be fitting, and to seek or ask for. Our English definition is as follows: to strive to outdo another for acknowledgment, a prize, supremacy, profit, etc.; engage in a contest; vie: to compete in a race; to compete in business.” Perhaps that’s why we use words like track meet. A competitive event actually has something to do with meeting with another to engage in a contest of some kind.

Anyway, back to my original question; Why are some people more competitive than others? In “Now, Discover Your Strengths,” Marcus Buckingham identifies competitiveness as one of the possible 34 traits a person can have. There is some truth to his observation. Some people spend their lives striving to win in almost everything they do. That’s not true of all of us, so I have to believe that some people are just predisposed to this kind of behavior. Growing up in a highly competitive family greatly influences a person to be more competitive. A friend of mine on the East Coast grew up with some of the Kennedy children. She told me that almost everything they did was in competition with other members of the family or close friends. Joe Kennedy brought up his children to be highly competitive, and we can see from history that it’s a trait that has put many of the Kennedys into high positions in business and politics.

A few years ago, my mother joined a shuffle board team at her retirement community. She was very excited, going on and on about how she had done so well in her first game and how much she was enjoying it. I said something like, “Gosh, Mom that’s great exercise for you.” She replied sharply, “I don’t do it for the exercise, I do it to win!” I suddenly realized that my mother had always tried to be the best at whatever she did, and striving for that brought her the most enjoyment. This trait often shows up in me in my inability to lose gracefully. I don’t always have to win, but I sure hate to lose!

Many of us work with people who are highly competitive. Working on the same team with such people can be difficult. Their overwhelming desire to always win leaves very little room for failure, and it’s hard not to feel judged as the competitive person continues to raise the bar and set standards that are often hard to meet. But most competitors love doing whatever they need to do to win, and their inspiration can carry a team much farther when the going gets tough. Somehow the greater the challenge, the more these competitive people dig in and ramp up their skills and energy level to try to meet it and then overcome it.

This week, see if there are people you work with or know who are highly competitive. Try to appreciate their dedication and strong desire to win. If you have a competitive streak, ask yourself what brings it out in you? When you become more competitive, is it for yourself or for the team? Do you try to use your competitive nature to help your teammates, or do you often try to overpower them? How can we use competition to work together in a more healthy and productive way?

This week, as the Olympics begin, enjoy the spirit of competition in its finest form.  We’ll have the opportunity to see the winners and the losers and the lessons they learn from their extraordinary experience as they compete on the world stage.

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

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