This past week, I’ve been practicing not complaining. I’ve noticed that I never feel better after complaining, so reducing the habit felt worthwhile. But before I could change the behavior, I first needed to become aware of it. It’s impossible to stop doing something you don’t notice yourself doing.
I began by observing what triggered my urge to complain. A pattern quickly emerged: I was usually tired, not feeling well, or simply hungry. In other words, my energy was low. I then paid attention to the language I used when I complained. Most often, I was frustrated about something I wanted to be different but couldn’t immediately change. When that wasn’t possible, irritation set in—and the complaining followed. Of course, the complaints didn’t help; in fact, they usually made me feel worse.
I also noticed moments when I would catch myself mid-sentence, complaining about someone else or about something not working the way I expected. When I became aware of it, I practiced pausing and stopping. There was often a part of me that still wanted to express my frustration, but by not feeding it, the momentum of irritation diminished. Complaining tends to build on itself, so interrupting that momentum was encouraging.
The more consistently I observed my thoughts, the easier it became to recognize complaining before it left my mouth. This was another good sign: if I could see the thought arising, I had a better chance of choosing not to voice it.
I also discovered that the hardest moments to avoid complaining were when I felt unfairly treated. In those situations, the sense of injustice energized my thoughts, making them feel more urgent and emotionally charged. That combination—hurt feelings and a narrative of unfairness—made it particularly difficult to let go of the impulse to complain.
I invite you to observe your own patterns this week. Notice what triggers your complaints, what language you use, and how it feels when you pause instead of reacting. I’d be interested to hear what you discover.
Kathleen