One of the most insightful books on decision-making is Don Maruska’s How Great Decisions Get Made. In it, Maruska writes, “Be a mirror, not a sponge. Many hard feelings arise and decision-making efforts derail because people absorb what they think others said and meant without checking it out first. It’s much easier, more effective, and less painful to be a mirror rather than a sponge. Discover the real issue that needs immediate attention.”
This simple idea has profound implications for communication, collaboration, and leadership. All too often, we assume we understand what someone else is saying—or worse, we interpret it through the lens of our own biases and experiences. We “soak up” words and intentions like a sponge, often jumping to conclusions or forming immediate judgments. The result can be misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and stalled decisions.
Maruska’s concept of being a “mirror” encourages a different approach. Instead of absorbing and reacting, reflect back what you see or hear. Ask clarifying questions: “What I’m hearing is… Is that correct?” or “Can you tell me more about what you mean by that?” By doing so, you create space for the speaker to adjust, clarify, or expand on their perspective. This not only prevents miscommunication, but also demonstrates respect, curiosity, and presence—qualities that are essential in effective leadership and teamwork.
When was the last time you paused before assuming you understood someone else’s point of view? How often do you reflect rather than react? Practicing the art of mirroring allows us to slow down, notice the real issue, and make decisions based on clarity rather than assumption.
In coaching, I often encourage leaders to adopt this practice in meetings, one-on-one conversations, and even informal interactions. The results are striking: teams feel heard, misunderstandings decrease, and decisions get made more efficiently because they are grounded in shared understanding rather than misinterpretation.
The next time you’re tempted to assume, pause and mirror. Ask for clarification. Reflect what you see and hear. It may feel simple, but the impact on your relationships, your decision-making, and your leadership effectiveness can be transformative.
Kathleen