Category: Life Lessons

2/14/11 “Integrity”

Good day, team.

This week’s challenge is about integrity. What does it mean to be a person who has integrity? In my mind, it’s when our external actions match our internal values — what we do and how we behave reflect what’s most important to us. The following is a description of what I mean and the basis for this week’s challenge.

As we’ve all seen, the real estate market in the past few years has challenged anyone who owns property. Because of the rapid decline in property values, many people have had to sell their homes for much less than what they purchased them for. In many cases, people have just walked away from their mortgages simply because they couldn’t sell and didn’t have the money to continue to pay the mortgage. Foreclosures and short sales are a daily occurrence.

A friend of mine bought his first home about six months before he got married. He had a good job with lots of career potential. The house was small, but it was in an excellent neighborhood where they were pretty sure property values would increase over time. My friend’s wife became pregnant shortly after they married. In thinking about the birth, they decided to move closer to his family so that everyone would get to know and enjoy the first grandchild, and his company was willing to transfer him to another position in his home town. The move was a strong indication of his core values. Family was important to him and taking a lesser job just to get back to family was a good demonstration of his integrity.

However, the real estate market had begun to decline and their house had some problems. They couldn’t sell it, so they decided to keep it as a rental property to cover the mortgage and purchase another house in his hometown to live in. Now my friend had the stress of paying two mortgages, plus taxes and all the maintenance expenses that come with owning a home.

The stress continued over the next four years, during which my friend and his wife had another child. My friend’s job situation was pretty stagnant, which was not helping. He decided to take a job with another company in his hometown. He did well in this position, and the company offered him a better job in another city. My friend and his wife had to consider moving the family across the country away from his family. By now, the children had solid relationships with grandparents, aunts and uncles, and extended family. Much of what he hoped his children would experience with his family had occurred. So he decided to take the new job and move his family. I saw this as another display of his integrity. He let his family know that the first move was for family. The next move, when one occurred, would be about career. With a growing family, he had to think about his career progression to be able to provide for them.

The move meant selling the house in his hometown, which was no small feat. The real estate market was at it’s worst. For many months, he had to travel back and forth across the country each week to see his family while he worked at his new job. Eventually the house sold, and they bought a new home in the new city. During this time, he still owned the original house, which was rented by various people over the years, some good and some not so good.

Now comes the true test of integrity. The current renters have decided they want to buy the original house, but at a much lower price than my friend’s mortgage. My friend will have to spend much of his savings to make the deal go through. He could have let the house go a long time ago and been out from underneath that mortgage and responsibility. But, he would have had a hard time living with himself if he had done this. As long as he could manage to pay the two mortgages, he continued to do so. Now, he’s dealing with the dilemma of finally selling the house and spending his savings to cover a short sale or just letting it go into foreclosure.

I know him well enough to know that he will do what allows him to stay in alignment with his inner values and ethics. His situation reminds me of how our personal integrity is tested throughout our lives and how important it is for us to pay attention when this happens. It’s the dilemma of doing what we know is right versus what’s easiest or taking the short cut out of an obligation. Sometimes, we don’t have many choices, and we have to do the only thing we can do. But, when we do have the choice, siding with our inner guide is as important as anything we can do in our lives. Most regrets are born from experiences where we didn’t follow our intuition; our heart and head told us what was right and we did something else instead.

This week, look at your actions and see if they’re in alignment with your inner values. Do you walk your talk? If you say something is important, do you express that in your actions and behaviors? Are you stuck in a situation where you’ve been asked to do something that goes against what you think is right? If you say your family is important to you, does the way you live your life reflect that? Are you willing to say no to someone if they ask you to do something that goes against your true nature? How do you stay in integrity in your life?

As Ovid, the ancient Roman poet and author wrote;

“No man can purchase his virtue too dear, for it is the only thing whose value must ever increase with the price it has cost us. Our integrity is never worth so much as when we have parted with our all to keep it.”

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.

1/31/11 “Exploring Nature”

Good day, team.

This week’s challenge is about exploring new places in nature. Saturday, my husband and I went for a long walk in an unfamiliar area of the Columbia River Gorge. It’s a place where a back road not far from our ranch meets Major Creek. We wondered about that name because the creek looked more like a stream when we got out of the car. A gravel road went directly up the hillside alongside the creek, so we headed up the road to explore the area.

When we started out, all we could see was the road at our feet, the creek to our left and woods all around us. We had no idea where the road would lead us. I thought, “Isn’t this always how it is when we embark on a new journey to a place we’ve never been?” We experience excitement, hope, and some fear. The spirit of exploration is all about discovering new things and the joy that comes from that experience.

We came to the top of the first hill where the road leveled out. From here, we could look down on the creek, which was increasing in size. Now we began to understand why it was named “Major Creek.” We saw large rock formations and hills with many varieties of tall pines and oak trees. I sensed that this land was very old. The rock formations were covered in what I call “old moss,” which is the kind that’s been there so long it’s actually taken on the color of the rocks. We saw dramatic crags and stalactite-looking formations. We even saw a rock cave in the side of the hill and wondered what kind of animal or serpent might live there.

Each time we ascended another hill or rounded a bend, the road would stretch out inviting us to continue with our exploration. With every step, we saw something new. The creek broadened and became a rushing cascade of water. We saw a red rock on the road that looked like it had a face etched into it. I noticed that my state of mind began to change. I felt lighter — not just on my feet but in my heart. The experience of being in nature, exploring a new place on a beautiful day with my husband, made me feel more connected with the world around me. I felt like I could breathe more freely and that the world had so much abundance, so much to offer.

This week, try exploring new places in nature. Perhaps you can take a different route while riding your bike to work or go for a different walk around town. Maybe you can visit a park you’ve not been to before. How about taking your kids to the beach or on a hike? Even in winter, natural spaces have their own special beauty. No matter where you live, you can experience the outdoors, whether it’s the local park or a nearby ski area.

See how you feel after you spend some time in nature. John Muir wrote, “I only went out for a walk and finally concluded to stay out till sundown, for going out, I found, was really going in.”

And Standing Bear said, “Man’s heart away from nature becomes hard.”

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White

Pathfinders Coaching

(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.

1/24/11 “Innovation and online video”

Good day, team.

This week’s challenge is about innovation. Recently, I read an article in Wired magazine titled “Film School — Why online video is more powerful than you think,” by TED curator, Chris Anderson. It’s all about the significance of online video and the impact it’s having on society.

Anderson’s theory is that online video is creating new global communities, granting members the means and the motivation to step up their skills and broaden their imaginations. He writes, “It’s unleashing an unprecedented wave of innovation in thousands of different disciplines, some trivial, some niche, some central to solving humanity’s problems. But, all in all, it’s helping the world get smarter.”

Here’s an example. Last week I was thinking about starting a new knitting project. My friend’s mother-in-law gave her a pair of hand-knit socks for Christmas, and I was quite impressed with them. They were soft, durable and extremely well made —even pretty. She and I were talking about where we might get a good pattern for knitting socks. What shop in Portland or what book or magazine might give us some good ideas for making socks? In overhearing us, my friend’s young daughter said, “You just need to go on YouTube. I’m sure there’s a good video of someone making socks that would teach you.”

In that moment, I realized what has happened in my lifetime. The old ways of accessing information and getting input have changed drastically. Some say that the print media revolution has become the video revolution, and it could quite possibly have at least as much if not more impact. Watching someone make socks, along with providing instructions, is a much more effective way for me to learn. And, it’s also fun.

Herein lies your challenge this week. Spend some time thinking about fun ways to be innovative and find ways to introduce them at work. It could involve making a video related to your work, but it doesn’t have to. The point is to do something innovative. Maybe you change the way your team conducts meetings by adding a fun exercise at the beginning. Perhaps you suggest new ways your team mates can work together. One coach I know uses old “I Love Lucy” videos to show how Lucy and Ethel often worked together to get themselves out of challenging situations. Another consultant leads weekend retreats during which his clients play games such as bridge, chess, Monopoly, cribbage, horseshoes and so on. He videos his clients while they compete and then in the evening, their entertainment is watching how they play together. This allows them to experience different aspects of each other’s behavior as well as their own.

This week, try being more innovative in your approach. You might find that it wakes everyone up and helps them access more of their creativity and brainpower. And, as the following YouTube video shows, you might just have more fun!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=APWW1xzJvsw

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

1/17/11 “Story Telling and Shining”

Good day, team.

“Playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do.”

*

Marianne Williamson, spiritual activist, author, lecturer and founder of The Peace Alliance

My sister sent me this wonderful quote a few months ago, and it’s been on my mind this week. It reminds me of how often I worry about what others think and stop myself from realizing my full potential. Maybe it’s because I don’t want to offend someone I’m working with or I’m in a situation where I don’t want to outshine a family member. Sometimes I find myself holding back information or actions because I’m afraid of taking up someone else’s space or because I don’t want to attract envy or jealously. Whatever it is, I realize that it happens more often than I’d like. This kind of consideration to others is based on fear rather than inspiration or love.

This weekend, on the other hand, I was reminded of how children can really shine. We had friends visiting us at our home in the Columbia River Gorge. They brought their daughter and one of her close friends. So we had the delightful experience of having two lovely, incredibly curious, intelligent 10-year-old children to keep us company.

Saturday nights with guests in the gorge have become story night. That is, after dinner we all go into the living room, sit around in a circle and tell stories. They can be sad or happy, frightening or inspirational, about every day occurrences or great adventures we’ve had in our past. I’m always amazed at how interesting and creative people’s stories are — and how much fun it is to hear them!

As we listened to the stories of our 10-year-old visitors, we saw them shine in our candlelit circle. One minute, we were holding our sides from laughing so hard as Bella told us the story of the most embarrassing event in her life, and in the next moment, we were held in close attention as Estelle told us a story about an adventure she had at camp last summer. In both cases, these girls shone in their ability to recount their stories of humor and life lessons.

Listening to the children share their stories allowed the adults to free themselves from shyness or an unwillingness to participate. In the girls’ uninhibited way of allowing their stories to flow through them, they allowed the rest of us to do the same. It made for a wonderful night of sharing, laughter and tear-filled eyes, while we opened ourselves up to one of the oldest traditions in the world — storytelling.

This week, try not to worry so much about what other people think of what you’re saying or doing. I’m talking about the low hum of constant internal chatter that often says, “What will they think of me if I say that?” or “Maybe I’ll just not say anything at this point and let it be” — even if you know that your suggestion might be helpful. Try not to allow those thoughts to prevail. Make an effort to have a more courageous conversation or take a bold action rather than shrink from the opportunity.

If you have children or grandchildren around you, notice how their eyes shine when they tell you a story, whether it’s true or not! Think about how we all have that childlike desire to hear a good story or tell someone a tale that holds their attention for a few moments. Although we live in a culture that seems to prefer hearing and watching stories on television, try making time to share stories together. It’s not only empowering, giving each person an opportunity to have a voice, but it’s also very entertaining.

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

1/10/11 “Perspective”

Good day, team.

This week’s challenge is about changing our perspective.

One morning as my husband waited for the coffee to brew, he stared at the reflection of a painting in the mirror across the room. He noticed that if he moved toward the mirror, the painting would appear smaller, and if he moved away, it would appear larger. He was puzzled for a moment. Normally, he thought, as you move closer to something, it appears larger not smaller. For example, hold your hand in front of your face about an inch away. It seems quite large. Then move your hand away from your face, and it becomes smaller.

After my husband delivered my coffee to me (a Sunday morning ritual I am most grateful for), we discussed this phenomenon for a while. We surmised that the reason for this change in perspective was because we were seeing the painting as a reflection rather than looking right at it. Perhaps the image did just the opposite of what it normally would do. Anyone reading this who knows a lot more about reflection and visual perspective is welcome to write to me as I’m sure there is an exact reason why this happened. In any case, our conversation made me think about changing how we see things.

When we’re in the middle of something, it can be difficult for us to see with any relativity or context. For example, when I’m tallying up my monthly business accounts for my bookkeeper, it’s difficult to see how the columns of numbers relate to how my business is doing. I have to see the results of the numbers on a balance sheet to give me a better look at the month. Then I can look at the profit and loss statement to see how I’m actually doing for the quarter or the year. Having context and relativity enable me to compare and contrast with clarity. They widen my viewfinder and give me more information.

I find this is true in my relationships with others as well. If I focus too much on one aspect of someone, I lose my ability to see the whole person. For example, when one of my friends talks with me about her ex-husband, she can be quite negative. She expresses hurt feelings and resentment about him and the life they had together. This is not an experience that I enjoy having with her. At the same time, I greatly appreciate many things about her. She loves music and has shared many kinds with me that I otherwise never would have heard. She’s a hard worker, and I respect how she perseveres. She’s a wonderful mother and loyal friend. And yet, when I think of her, I tend to think of how negative she is about her ex-husband. Consequently, by focusing exclusively on one aspect of her personality, I tend to think of her only in that vein. However, if I stand back and look at the whole picture of her, I see that she’s many things. She’s not just one color of the rainbow but is composed of all the colors of the rainbow — the dark as well as the light.

In the book “Leadership and Self-Deception,” published by the Arbinger Institute, the authors talk about how it’s the seers who end up putting themselves in a box by not being able to see others in their entirety. Changing how we see others by standing back and taking in the entire impression, not only frees them from how we otherwise confine them, but more important, it frees us from the box of limited vision that imprisons us.

I recall standing in the Musee d’Orsay in France a few years ago gazing lovingly at some beautiful Monet paintings. If I stood too close, it was just a jumble of colorful brush strokes. Once I stood back, those same brush strokes created beautiful scenes of the French countryside. Aha, I thought, impressionism!

This week, try changing how you see others. Broaden your perspective by opening up the viewfinder. Give yourself the opportunity to see someone from many angles, not just the one that bothers you or the one that stands out the most. Step back to take in the whole impression and marvel at its beauty.

Have a good week,

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

1/3/11 “Beginnings & Intuition”

Good day, team,

There’s no better time for new beginnings than now. It’s the first of the year, the beginning of a new cycle, the root of the musical scale for the year or the “do” of the octave. However you see it, it’s a start, and with all new beginnings, comes energy. Sometimes I see it like running a foot race. I start off with lots of energy that bursts forth and propels me down the track. Along with this burst of energy, comes an increase in intuitive powers. My ability to see things in a new way is heightened, and my perspective is broader – so many more things are possible. This week’s challenge is about paying attention to your intuition in the midst of a new beginning.

For the new year, I moved my office into commercial space. It’s a big change for me. I’ve been working from a home office for many years. About a month ago, I looked up and suddenly realized it didn’t feel right any longer. This was a surprise because nothing had changed and I wasn’t at all sure where the thought came from, but I tend to pay attention when these things happen. Strangely, there was no intellectual basis for my intuitive experience, so I decided to just sit with it for a while and observe.

The next day, I walked into the bakery around the corner, and as I was waiting for my coffee, I saw a sign on the wall that said, “Office space for lease — contact Dan.” That’s interesting, I thought. I wonder who Dan is? I looked around the shop and saw a man sitting in the corner having a coffee and muffin, working on a computer. I walked up to him and asked, “Are you Dan?” and he replied, “Yes, I am.” The next thing I knew, we were ascending the stairs to the office spaces above the bakery. When we walked into the space for lease, it just felt right. My normal reaction in these situations is to strike while the iron is hot, so to speak. But my mind cautioned me to think about this for a while and get more information. I thought I should talk to my husband, some other coaches, my accountant and my attorney before I made a final decision. Of course, none of that was going to change the initial intuitive message that it just felt right. However, I’ve learned over time that when it comes to business, doing your due diligence is important.

The real challenge came over the next two weeks as I went through the process of weighing all the positives and negatives, consulting others, negotiating with Dan the landlord and reviewing the lease agreement with my attorney. The more I looked into all the details and spent time analyzing whether this was a good decision or not, the farther away I got from that intuitive feeling and the more I doubted whether or not it actually happened to me.

In the end, I decided to lease the space. But I wonder what difference would it have made if I had taken the space in that first moment when I felt it was right, rather than two weeks later after all my information-gathering and analysis? You can make the case that by waiting and looking into all the details, I made sure that there would be no surprises and that everything was in good order. However, the more I looked into it, the more energy I lost. And I didn’t feel nearly as excited about my decision to rent the space as I did in those first few moments.

The lesson I learned is that sometimes, going with that strong intuitive feeling in the moment is important because it gives you a rare kind of energy and enthusiasm that cannot be created any other way. If you need to jump, that’s a good time to do it because you’ll have all the energy you need to jump high and wide. At other times, using that energy to check all the details and engage others in your decision makes the most sense, particularly when longer-term commitments are being made. Understanding which action is appropriate is the challenge.

This week, as you experience the beginning of the new year, pay close attention to your intuition. Take a look around you and sense whether things feel right. Do you need to do some adjusting to realign things? Maybe your desk at work needs to be moved or your team needs to be reorganized. Perhaps you need to change a process or approach to something at work or in your home. Whatever it is, spend this week observing people and processes around you. See if you can feel what needs to change and what the best way to make that change would be. Maybe you can jump in because the risk is minimal and the pay-off might be great. In other cases, analyzing and processing are the keys to making the right decision.

Most important, use the special energy of the first of the year to observe what needs changing and don’t be afraid to take action in whatever way is best. There’s nothing like new beginnings to revitalize us and renew our goals.

As Plato wrote, “The beginning is the most important part of the work.”

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White

Pathfinders Coaching

(503) 296-9249

©Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.

12/20/10 “Human Connection”

Good day, team,

A few years ago, I had a memorable experience with a wonderful young girl while traveling on a business trip. I wrote about it for the weekly challenge and it evidently, made a strong impression on a number of subscribers. In the past few weeks, I’ve received e-mails from them asking if I would re-publish the challenge about the ‘girl on the plane who could not speak’. After re-reading it, it seems particularly appropriate for this time of year. I offer it again with a grateful heart.
While flying back to Portland, I sat next to a 10-year-old girl named Bailey. She seemed just like any other little girl, but as I sat down next to her, the flight attendant informed me that Bailey was a “challenged child” (an odd term) in that she could not speak. However, the flight attendant went on to say that Bailey would understand everything I said to her and could communicate with movement and expressions.

This news made me immediately uncomfortable, as if she were made of fine porcelain and, if I wasn’t careful, she might break. I was also confused, unsure whether I should speak to her or not, since we usually receive some type of response in communicating.

Fortunately, Bailey immediately put me at ease with her beautiful smile and sparkling blue eyes. When I said hello to her, she smiled and waved hello. The plane took off, and I began to read a magazine. The many Christmas advertisements featured pictures of snowflakes, stars, icicles, presents, etc.

Each time that I turned a page and a picture of a star appeared, Bailey pointed to the star and looked at me and smiled. I would then say, “Yes, that’s a star.” Before long, I noticed that I was actually looking for more pictures of stars so we would have a way to communicate with each other.

Coincidentally, there was a boy sitting behind us about the same age as Bailey. I realized before long that he talked pretty much continuously, first about the Game Boy he wanted for Christmas, then about his friend’s new cell phone, then about school, then about his Dad, and so on and so on.

After awhile, I realized I had toned him out. I may have been open to hearing what he had to say in the beginning, but after so many words, I was no longer interested. And yet every movement and expression of the little girl sitting next to me, who couldn’t speak a word, kept me keenly interested in what she was communicating.

This experience made me think about our basic need to connect with each other as human beings, and the importance of allowing our emotional beings to reach out to each other in any way possible. When we take up all the space by talking about ourselves and don’t allow the other person room to respond, the connection is lost, and the speaker becomes a nuisance rather than someone we want to know.

Bailey taught me something fundamental about our true nature as human beings. Wordlessly, her communication came through loud and clear. Her loving nature spoke volumes, and our communication had a quality that I don’t often experience when I talk with another person.

This week, try connecting with others in ways that you don’t normally use. Experiment with being more present to someone who is speaking to you so that you can not only hear her or his words, but can also notice expressions and gestures. Perhaps you’ll try greeting someone with a smile and some eye contact instead of a hello. If you find that you tend to talk a lot about yourself, try to ask other people questions about themselves instead. Practice listening more, especially to the words that are not being spoken, so that you can have a different experience in your communications.

And finally, be grateful that you have the amazing ability to connect and communicate with others in so many ways. By meeting Bailey, I understood that some of us are not so fortunate and that many of the things we take for granted, like saying our name, are not possible for others.

This holiday, be thankful for your ability to let others know what you think, how you feel, and who you are. And don’t be afraid to really connect by allowing the beauty of your heart to speak out, whether it’s in words or silence.

* Please note: The coach will be enjoying the holidays over the next two weeks. The next challenge will be published on 1/3/11. May the New Year bring us all more prosperity and peace!

Have a great week,

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

12/13/10 ‘Stilettos and the Dalai Lama’

Good day, team,

The other day I walked into my walk-in closet (which I had to have built because
my other closet was way too small) and looked at all the clothes hanging there.
I saw the bright pink sweater I’ve never worn and remembered the craving I
experienced when I bought it. I just had to have it! I looked down at the bright
gold stiletto sandals on the floor and reflected on how I’ve worn them only
once, at my friend’s wedding reception, and nearly damaged my ankles permanently
by dancing in them. And really, how many pairs of black pants or blue jeans can
one woman wear? I thought about all the craving and aversion that closet
represents and how much space it takes up in my life.

This time of year, the world seems like one big advertisement, creating lots of
craving for holiday gifts. But what happens once we satisfy that craving? We
then react with a predictable aversion to having so much stuff! After all the
gifts have been opened, we’re left with a mess of trash that we have to recycle.

Sometimes I feel as though craving and aversion act on me like waves on the
seashore. When I want something, the desire builds in me like a wave as it comes
crashing toward the beach, the water rushing up into the dry sand. And then in
the next moment, my aversion is the receding wave, pulling me away from the
shoreline, so to speak, taking all the shells and pebbles—the trinkets and
baubles of my desires—with it as it pulls back into the wider sea.

This repetitive cycle makes me yearn for simplicity. (Am I craving yet again?) I
envy the Dalai Lama. His entire wardrobe consists of two robes, one pair of
shoes and one pair of sandals. He’s not plagued by the question “Should I wear
the gold stilettos or the purple flats?” I would imagine that he is troubled by
other things, but he probably doesn’t lose his inner peace over what shoes to wear.

This week, try seeing what happens when you crave something and when you
experience aversion. Maybe you have a lot of trouble with one particular
colleague. Or perhaps you’re craving a new job or a promotion or just sweet
things to eat. Lately I’ve been craving homemade chocolate chip cookies, but I’m
afraid to make them, knowing I’ll eat too many and then have the predictable
aversion to the few pounds I might gain. Perhaps you just have to have a new
car, or an expensive watch, or a better house, etc. See what happens when your
craving starts to take over and verges on becoming an obsession.

Pay particular attention to these states as they rise up and fall away. Does it
make you feel better to satisfy your craving? Or do you find that once you’ve
satisfied one craving, another quickly rises up. What happens when you feel the
opposite, for example, when you receive the credit card bill that reflects the
results of satisfying your craving?

If you find, as I have, that craving and aversion make you feel like you’re
being pushed and pulled by outside forces, try letting these states pass before
you act on them. Allowing a craving to pass before I give in to it also saves me
from having to feel any aversion afterward.

As Bishop Thomas Wilson said, “The fewer desires, the more peace.”

Have a good week!


Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White

Pathfinders Coaching

(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2010 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

12/6/10 “Being Present”

Good day, team,

Years ago, when I first learned about being present, I had some vague
intellectual idea of what the phrase meant. I had heard that it was the key to
self-awareness and becoming more conscious, so I asked a number of gurus,
meditation teachers and people who claimed to know a lot about awareness, “How
do you do this, I mean, how do you be present?” I received answers like “You
just be in the moment” or “Just allow yourself to be where you are” or “It’s
your natural state, just allow it to happen” that frankly didn’t give me any
specific help. It wasn’t until someone suggested that I try to feel my breath or
feel my feet that I began to experience my attention in my body, which brought
me into the moment.

This week’s challenge is about the experience of being present and some good
reasons and suggestions for doing it. A client* of mine sent me this recent
article from ‘The Huffington Post’ that addresses some of the benefits of being
present. It’s written by Soren Gordhamer, the author of ‘Wisdom 2.0’. Take a look:

“Researchers are slowly coming to the same conclusion. Harvard researchers, in a
study of over 2,200 people, asked them how they were doing at various random
times. The researchers found, as reported in ‘The New York Times’
, that
what mattered more was not /what /people were doing but rather the degree of
attention that they were bringing to what they were doing. According to the
article, ‘Whatever people were doing, whether it was having sex or reading or
shopping, they tended to be happier if they focused on the activity instead of
thinking about something else. In fact, whether and where their minds wandered
was a better predictor of happiness than what they were doing.’”

We’re used to thinking that sitting on a beach in the Bahamas is much better
than sitting in rush-hour traffic in New York City. And while there may be some
truth to the fact that is easier to pay full attention while in a relaxed
environment, according to the researchers, “The location of the body is much
less important than the location of the mind, and the former has surprisingly
little influence on the latter.”

But where is our attention during most of the day? It is generally lost in
thought. According to the researchers, “On average throughout all the
quarter-million responses, minds were wandering 47 percent of the time.” But we
do not need researchers to tell us that our mind wanders just about all the
time: We can watch and see for ourselves. As Eckhart Tolle has said, “Compulsive
thinking has become a collective disease.”

And now we have all kinds of gadgets that, essentially, help us stay in our
minds, disconnected from our bodies and actual experiences in a given moment.
Walk down the street of any major city and you’ll notice that most people are
essentially somewhere else, either because they are on their phone or are
daydreaming about some future moment or reliving a past one. This moment, the
one we are living now, is often missed.

As Ram Dass used to say, “We become human doings instead of human beings.” How
do we connect with being? For Eckhart Tolle and others, one simple way is to
“focus your attention away from thinking and direct it into the body, where
being can be felt.”

Even now, reading these words, can you bring attention to your body and see
thoughts arise and pass without riding the train of associated thoughts that
take you away from this moment?

Try this: for today, whenever you notice your mind wandering, invite attention
back into your body. Focus less on doing and more on being, and see if the
actions you do take come more often from that place of ease and focus, what in
sports they call “the zone.” Prioritize not what you are doing as much as the
quality of attention you bring to what you are doing, as if what you are doing
right now deserves your full attention.

This week, see what the experience of being present is like and if it makes a
positive difference in your life.

Have a good week,

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White

Pathfinders Coaching

(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2010 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

* Many thanks to Mark DeWald from Move Inc. who forwarded this article to me
while he was feeling his feet!

11/29/10 “The Benefits of Failure and Imagination”

Good day, team,
This week, I bring you part two of last week’s challenge, the second part of J.K. Rowling’s commencement speech to Harvard’s 2008 graduating class, about the importance of imagination. I’ve printed most of it below because, in all honesty, I couldn’t leave out anything she said: It’s so compelling and beautifully written. It’s lengthy, but worth it.

“You might think that I chose my second theme, the importance of imagination, because of the part it played in rebuilding my life, but that is not wholly so. Though I will defend the value of bedtime stories to my last gasp, I have learned to value imagination in a much broader sense. Imagination is not only the uniquely human capacity to envision that which is not, and therefore the fount of all invention and innovation. In its arguably most transformative and revelatory capacity, it is the power that enables us to empathize with humans whose experiences we have never shared.

“One of the greatest formative experiences of my life preceded Harry Potter, though it informed much of what I subsequently wrote in those books. This revelation came in the form of one of my earliest day jobs. Though I was sloping off to write stories during my lunch hours, I paid the rent in my early 20s by working in the research department at Amnesty International’s headquarters in London.

“There in my little office I read hastily scribbled letters smuggled out of totalitarian regimes by men and women who were risking imprisonment to inform the outside world of what was happening to them. I saw photographs of those who had disappeared without trace, sent to Amnesty by their desperate families and friends. I read the testimony of torture victims and saw pictures of their injuries. I opened handwritten, eye-witness accounts of summary trials and executions, of kidnappings and rapes.

“Many of my co-workers were ex-political prisoners, people who had been displaced from their homes, or fled into exile, because they had the temerity to think independently of their government. Visitors to our office included those who had come to give information, or to try and find out what had happened to those they had been forced to leave behind.

“I shall never forget the African torture victim, a young man no older than I was at the time, who had become mentally ill after all he had endured in his homeland. He trembled uncontrollably as he spoke into a video camera about the brutality inflicted upon him. He was a foot taller than I was, and seemed as fragile as a child. I was given the job of escorting him to the Underground Station afterwards, and this man whose life had been shattered by cruelty took my hand with exquisite courtesy, and wished me future happiness.

“And as long as I live I shall remember walking along an empty corridor and suddenly hearing, from behind a closed door, a scream of pain and horror such as I have never heard since. The door opened, and the researcher poked out her head and told me to run and make a hot drink for the young man sitting with her. She had just given him the news that in retaliation for his own outspokenness against his country’s regime, his mother had been seized and executed.

“Every day of my working week in my early 20s I was reminded how incredibly fortunate I was, to live in a country with a democratically elected government, where legal representation and a public trial were the rights of everyone.

“Every day, I saw more evidence about the evils humankind will inflict on their fellow humans, to gain or maintain power. I began to have nightmares, literal nightmares, about some of the things I saw, heard and read.
And yet I also learned more about human goodness at Amnesty International than I had ever known before.

“Amnesty mobilizes thousands of people who have never been tortured or imprisoned for their beliefs to act on behalf of those who have. The power of human empathy, leading to collective action, saves lives, and frees prisoners. Ordinary people, whose personal well-being and security are assured, join together in huge numbers to save people they do not know, and will never meet. My small participation in that process was one of the most humbling and inspiring experiences of my life.

“Unlike any other creature on this planet, humans can learn and understand, without having experienced. They can think themselves into other people’s minds, imagine themselves into other people’s places.

“Of course, this is a power, like my brand of fictional magic, that is morally neutral. One might use such an ability to manipulate, or control, just as much as to understand or sympathize.

“And many prefer not to exercise their imaginations at all. They choose to remain comfortably within the bounds of their own experience, never troubling to wonder how it would feel to have been born other than they are. They can refuse to hear screams or to peer inside cages; they can close their minds and hearts to any suffering that does not touch them personally; they can refuse to know.

“I might be tempted to envy people who can live that way, except that I do not think they have any fewer nightmares than I do. Choosing to live in narrow spaces can lead to a form of mental agoraphobia, and that brings its own terrors. I think the willfully unimaginative see more monsters. They are often more afraid.

“What is more, those who choose not to empathize may enable real monsters. For without ever committing an act of outright evil ourselves, we collude with it, through our own apathy.

“One of the many things I learned at the end of that Classics corridor down which I ventured at the age of 18, in search of something I could not then define, was this, written by the Greek author Plutarch: What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.

“That is an astonishing statement and yet proven a thousand times every day of our lives. It expresses, in part, our inescapable connection with the outside world, the fact that we touch other people’s lives simply by existing.
But how much more are you, Harvard graduates of 2008, likely to touch other people’s lives? Your intelligence, your capacity for hard work, the education you have earned and received, give you unique status, and unique responsibilities. Even your nationality sets you apart. The great majority of you belong to the world’s only remaining superpower. The way you vote, the way you live, the way you protest, the pressure you bring to bear on your government, has an impact way beyond your borders. That is your privilege, and your burden.

“If you choose to use your status and influence to raise your voice on behalf of those who have no voice; if you choose to identify not only with the powerful, but with the powerless; if you retain the ability to imagine yourself into the lives of those who do not have your advantages, then it will not only be your proud families who celebrate your existence, but thousands and millions of people whose reality you have helped transform for the better. We do not need magic to change the world, we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already: we have the power to imagine better.”

Your challenge this week is to allow your imagination to envision how your life and the lives of others could be better. Give yourself free license to dream. When we spend most of our time checking off our to-do list as we get things done, we become efficient and boring. Take a moment to give your heart and mind free time to imagine what you would be doing if you were sublimely happy. Maybe you think about creating something beautiful for yourself and others, like raspberry tarts! Or maybe it’s something much larger, like the woman who decided that every child should have a pair of pajamas to wear to bed and at last count had collected 8 million sets to distribute to kids who didn’t own a pair.

Whatever it is, listen to your imagination and allow whatever flight of fancy you conjure up to take wing! Give the power of your imagination an opportunity to become reality.

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White

Pathfinders Coaching

(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2010 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.