Good day team,

This week’s challenge is about the opportunities that lie in each problem.

I’ve been reading a book recently about the 1918 flu pandemic. The doctors and scientists who struggled to find a cure had to spend many years studying the problems that caused the disease. Most failed. Some of the doctors who worked on finding the cure became frustrated by their lack of success and quit their search early on claiming that the flu was actually a form of pneumonia, a disease they thought they understood. But, the doctors who didn’t become discouraged by failure after failure and continued to study the problems created by the disease, discovered many new opportunities. These opportunities led to numerous breakthroughs in medicine that eventually changed the way all doctors understand bacterias and viruses and how to treat them. And, one doctor actually discovered DNA, the foundation of our genetic design. This doctor was never discouraged by any problem he confronted. A problem would arise, he would try to solve it, and inherent in that exercise, he would discover more problems and try to solve them. This went on and on for 40 years! Eventually, in his 70’s he discovered what he never anticipated finding, and changed the course of history.

This teaches me how powerful opportunities are that arise out of problems. It’s in our ability to perservere when we can’t find easy solutions that we are empowered to make new discoveries. In visiting a client last week, I saw this quote on the wall near her desk. It expresses this thought so well;

“Every problem has hidden in it an opportunity so powerful that it literally dwarfs the problem. The greatest success stories were created by people who recognized a problem and turned it into an opportunity. You’ll find that every situation, properly perceived, offers opportunity. As fast as each opportunity presents itself, use it. No matter how tiny an opportunity it may be, use it. You’ll find new frontiers when you have an open mind and a willing hand.”

This week, consider the problems confronting you. Don’t be afraid to investigate them. Try considering new solutions
or ask another team member for some suggestions. If you’re becoming discouraged, look at the problem from a different perspective. Remember the doctor who kept looking for solutions and didn’t give up in the face of more problems.

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

* Many thanks to Lanette Bailey from Wells Fargo Bank for sharing this quote with me.

Good day Team,

Your challenge this week is to review the following “8 Attributes of Supportive Communication” and choose a few that you will use in your communications this week. Many of you will recognize them as they have been sent out before. I hope you find them useful.

> *8 Attributes of Supportive Communication*
>
>
> *Problem oriented, not person oriented* -focus on how problems and issues can be changed rather than on people and their characteristics (“How can we solve this problem”, Not “Because of you this problem exists”.)
> *
> Congruent, not incongruent *- focus on honest messages in which verbal statements match thoughts and feelings (“Your behavior really upset me”, Not, “Do I seem upset? No, everything is fine.”)
>
> *Descriptive, not evaluative*- focus on describing an objective occurrence, describing your reaction to it, and offering a suggested alternative (“Here is what happened, this was my reaction; here is a suggestion that is acceptable”. Not, “you are wrong for doing what you did.”)
>
> *Validating, not invalidating* – focus on statements that communicate respect, flexibility, collaboration, and areas of agreement (“I have some ideas, but do you have any suggestions?” Not, “You wouldn’t understand, so we’ll do it my way.”)
>
> *Specific, not global* – focus on specific events or behavior, avoiding general, extreme, or either-or statements (“You interrupted me three times during the meeting.” Not, “You’re always trying to get attention.”)
> *
> Conjunctive, not disjunctive* – focus on statements that flow from what has been previously said and facilitating interaction (“Relating to what you just said, I’d like to raise another point.” Not, “I want to say something (unrelated to and/or regardless of what you just said.”))
>
> *Owned, not disowned *- focus on taking responsibility for your own actions by using personal “I” words (“I have decided to turn down your request because…” Not, You have a good idea but it wouldn’t get approved” or, “I liked your proposal, but Mary said we should use another.”)
>
> *Supportive listening, not one-way listening* – focus on using a variety of appropriate responses, with a bias toward reflective responses, (“What do you think are the obstacles standing the way of improvement?” Not, “As I said before, you are making too many mistakes. You’re just not performing.”)

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

Good day, team,

This week’s challenge comes from something my grandmother–Nana–used to say in response to a variety of circumstances. It’s a wonderful piece of wisdom and a reminder as well.

Each summer my family and I would travel to Maine to see my grandparents. It was a long drive, so the first morning after arriving, we would sleep in. Nana was always awake before everyone else, and the first thing she did was make coffee in the old percolator she kept on the stove. After awhile, members of the family would make their way down to the kitchen, and she’d greet us by saying, “Time to wake up and smell the coffee.” She’d hand us a cup, and the day would begin.

My relatives always sat around the dining room table after dinner and drank coffee. I never understood how they could sleep at night with that perked coffee running through their veins. They’d sit around the table and chat about this and that and sooner or later someone would tell a story about someone in the town who’d done something stupid. These were stories about local folks who, in their daily experience, had been forgetful in some way or another. For example, the tale could be about Charley down at the filling station who’d left someone’s gas cap off again, or how Ellie at the library had forgotten to close the windows last night and a whole bunch of new paperbacks had blown off the shelf. There would always be a pause at the end of the story (I think to give everyone a chance to ponder the significance of the story), and in that pregnant pause Nana would say, “Well, they should wake up and smell the coffee!” Everyone would nod in agreement and take another sip.

I remember when my cousin George flunked algebra in high school. Nana wrote to him and among other things said, “George, it’s time to wake up and smell the coffee. Otherwise, you won’t make it to college.” We were all grateful that we weren’t George that year and the thought of being reminded by Nana to “wake up” kept many of us with C and above averages. Even when my father left my mother after 18 years of marriage, Nana’s first bit of advice to Mom was “Well, honey, time to wake up and smell the coffee. He’s just gone, and there’s nothing else to be done. We all have to go on.”

Nana died many years ago, and I’m happy to say she had a long and satisfying life. She was the kind of grandmother who never intended on being wise or making statements that the family would continue to quote for years after she was gone. She just lived her life as best she could and tried to pay attention to whatever came her way. She seemed to understand that worrying about something if it wasn’t in front of you was a distraction. There was enough to deal with in each moment, and any speculation about what could go wrong or what might happen in the future just prevented her from dealing with whatever the moment delivered.

While Nana was alive, it never occurred to me how her use of this phrase would affect me. And yet, this simple homespun phrase has become a cornerstone of my life. A day doesn’t go by that I don’t hear her reminding me. She reminds me to wake up so I don’t miss something or become forgetful. And she also reminds me to wake up so I accept life, just as it is. The fact that she added in the part about “smell the coffee” was her way of sharing something she enjoyed every day of her life.

Your challenge this week is to “wake up and smell the coffee”-or the tea, or the chai, or whatever brew is part of your morning ritual. We can use this ritual to remember to wake up and experience whatever is happening in the moment. It can also remind us to accept life-just as it is.

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

Good day, team,

This week’s challenge is about having hard conversations with
colleagues. This subject comes up with my clients more often than any
other. It is certainly one of the most challenging things we have to do
as supervisors and managers. It’s also incredibly challenging for us to
do with a friend, spouse, intimate relation or family member. Why is it
so hard for us to tell others the truth?

I’ll start by sharing a small story from Andy Rooney, staff member of
“60 Minutes” and noted author. In his book “The Most of Andy Rooney,” he
recounted the following anecdote in the chapter “Friendship: Handle with
Care.”

Six months ago I was talking to a friend on the telephone. We used to
talk two or three times a week, and we often had lunch. For about the
fiftieth time he started telling me about some money he was trying to
get from his father’s estate. (After his mother died, his father
remarried a schoolteacher. Later his father died, and the schoolteacher
took up with another man, and my friend thought this fellow was after
the money.)

I didn’t really know or care about all the details and finally I said,
“Charley, if you’d spent as much time working in the past years as
you’ve spent trying to get that money, you’d be rich.”

It seemed like half a joke and half a sharp remark that I could make to
my old friend, but I was wrong.

“Who needs a friend like you?” he said, and slammed down the receiver. I
haven’t talked to Charley since and may never. I made one attempt to
call him, but he was out and I haven’t tried again. I suspect I violated
the first rule of friendship. To stay friends with anyone you have to
avoid saying anything unforgivable and in Charley’s mind, what I said
was unforgivable. I embarrassed him.

Rooney’s point highlights the potential we all fear: That what we say
could permanently alienate another person. Communication with others is
difficult enough without having to potentially embarrass or offend
someone. But inevitably in a work situation, we must have hard
conversations with people from time to time. Whether it’s the person who
reports to us who’s chronically late or our co-worker who says
inappropriate things to customers, at some point each of us has to take
the risk of offending someone else by pointing out what needs to be made
clear.

And no one likes to be corrected. Therein lies the problem. When we have
to confront others, we invariably remember how it makes us feel to be
corrected or criticized (even if we know it’s constructive criticism).
So we chicken out because we don’t want the other person to feel bad.
Sometimes we think we have more leeway with friends and family, but the
results are often as Rooney describes them.

Most companies have programs that train managers how to have difficult
conversations. These programs advise that staying with the facts,
framing the message in a positive way, inviting the other person into
the conversation to get his or her views first and then offering another
perspective are all good ways to deliver tough messages. But the bottom
line is that “The sting of a reproach is the truth in it,” and sometimes
trying to avoid or sugar-coat the message makes the entire communication
even less effective than it would have been if we’d just said what we
needed to say and moved on. When I think back over my career, the best
messages I’ve received were often the hardest to hear. I try to recall
that insight when I’m heading into a difficult conversation with
someone, instead of worrying about how that person will react.

Why is it so important to step up, to have these difficult conversations
and tell the truth? Because in the end, deep down, we all know what is
true. And relationships based upon anything other than the truth will
not last. In a work environment, nothing is potentially more corrosive
than avoiding an obvious truth by suppressing it, lying about it, or
most commonly, pretending it doesn’t exist. Maintaining these
deceptions takes up too much energy that could otherwise be channeled
into productive work. Once spoken, the truth can actually set us free.

Your challenge this week is to have a difficult conversation you’ve been
avoiding. Consider who you need to speak to and give some consideration
to what the best way is to deliver the message to that person. Try to be
sincere and plain-spoken. If you speak from your heart with a clear
message, you can’t lose. The listener may have difficulty hearing the
words, but she or he will recognize your sincerity and the clarity of
your message.

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

Good day, team,

The coach’s challenge this week comes from a quote by famed author Mark Twain. When I read his words recently, they inspired me.

“Now and then a man stands aside from the crowd, labors earnestly, steadfastly, confidently, and straightaway becomes famous for wisdom, intellect, skill, greatness of some sort. The world wonders and admires, idolizes, and it only illustrates what others may do if they take hold of life with a purpose. The miracle or the power that elevates the few is to be found in their industry application and perseverance under the promptings of a brave, determined spirit.”

This week’s challenge is to find some purpose in the work you do. It doesn’t have to be large or grandiose. It can be as simple as “My purpose is to create a healthier work environment for my team” or “My purpose is to stay gainfully employed so that I can continue to support my family and sustain what’s most important to me” or “I purposefully approach each task with presence and mindfulness so that I can do my best in everything.”

Think about your purpose in life as it relates to your job. It may serve to inspire you to take a new, refreshing look at how your daily work serves a higher purpose.

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

Good day, team,

This week’s challenge comes from an article from “Fast Company” that one of my clients shared with me. In “Can C.K. Prahalad Pass the Test?” technology professor and CEO C.K. Prahalad shares what he’s learned so far in his many years in business, giving great advice on leadership and managerial skills.

1) *When the going is roughest, leadership matters*. In times of trouble, Prahalad says, “Leaders must behave like emotional and intellectual anchors. There are no external cues now. The critical issue is about faith, passion, and, most important, authenticity-so people know you are not pretending. People see a sham.”

2) *Successful managers embrace discomfort*. “If you do precisely what you’re supposed to do, and you’re boxed in, then you’re going to do that very well.” But if pressed to do things that aren’t in your normal job description, he says, the challenge can push you to a new level of achievement.

3) *Great leaders stay on message*. For Prahalad, nothing is more important than reminding people what his company stands for. “I spend a lot of time talking about what we’re doing in terms of strategy. You have to give the same message over and over again.”

4) *It’s not one person. It’s not the team. It’s both*. A painting of a pack of wolves in Prahalad’s office symbolizes the combination of leadership and teamwork that pervades successful organizations. “With wolves, solidarity is first,” says Prahalad. “But when they hunt, they change roles. The implicit hierarchy depends on who does what. In an organization, one unique person makes a difference, but you need teamwork to make it happen.”

5) *Think? Act? Balance the two*. “In a company like ours, if we want to do something, we can just call a meeting. But in a small company, you have to exercise caution and build your own personal dampers so that you don’t act on everything. Sometimes not acting may be smart. But if I get the feeling that everybody’s becoming so thoughtful that nobody’s doing anything, I want to go and light some fires somewhere.”

Your challenge this week is to choose one of these five suggestions and apply it practically in your job. Maybe you will try being more authentic with your team members, or perhaps you’ll consider not doing something instead of forging ahead. You might choose to consider whether you’re consistent in your messages to your team and whether you’re sharing strategic direction as well as tactical suggestions. Whatever you choose, see if it makes a difference with your team.

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

*Many thanks to Mike Costello, manager from Wells Fargo Bank, and his team member Asha, whose uncle is the subject of this article. I appreciate your sharing his wisdom.

Good day, team,

The challenge this week is about realizing that we are not indispensable and working to cultivate backup and support. At this time of year, we are much more susceptible to colds and flu, and we often find ourselves struggling with the question “Am I well enough to go to work?” Yet we all know that it’s pretty stupid to go to work when we’re sick. Not only do we function poorly, but we also expose others to our illness. I often see whole departments affected because one person felt that he or she was well enough to go to work, and then many other people in the department caught that person’s illness.

So why do we go to work when we’re ill? Perhaps we think that we’re indispensable and the work won’t get done if we’re not there. This is an illusion. Anyone who has been away from work for an extended period of time knows that somehow the work gets done. At times it’s done better by the person who pitches in for us when we’re out! One of the advantages of being part of a team is that our team members support us when we need it most. There’s nothing more gratifying than being able to help someone when they really need us.

Unfortunately, none of us wants to think that we can easily be replaced, so often we make unreasonable demands upon ourselves to show up to get the work done. Generally, people who think they’re indispensable have a difficult time letting go of control. Be honest with yourself. Are you cultivating this attitude because you’re really afraid that if you don’t do it, the work won’t get done at all, or because you can’t control the outcome? We all know that it’s never just a single person who accomplishes a task, but a team of well-coordinated, talented people who make it happen. No one is indispensable, and thinking that we are keeps us imprisoned in our fear of losing control.

Try challenging your attitudes about being indispensable this week and look at whether or not you have sufficient backup. If you don’t have people to delegate to, set up a good support system for yourself in case you have to be out of work for a time. Ask yourself, “Who do I rely on most for support?” Let the person who supports you know how much you rely on them. This helps a lot when you wake up some morning with a splitting headache and sore throat. With one phone call, you can easily engage your team member to take over, and that person won’t be surprised by the request.

Having backup also makes it easier when you call your boss to say you won’t be in. You can reassure her or him that the work will be done by your team member and that the team is covering for you. If you work on your own, take a look at your network of business associates and friends. See if there’s someone who can back you up if you need it. Don’t be afraid to ask for help from a trusted friend or colleague. You may find that person asking you to return the favor, and then you both get to feel dispensable but valuable!

Have a great week and stay healthy!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

Good day Team,

The coach’s challenge this week is about appreciating diversity. It’s also about making you’re way through this long e-mail. There’s a story here, so this week’s challenge is longer than usual.

By some stroke of luck, I find myself in Nice, France for a week. It’s a jewel of a place with the beautiful blue water of the Mediterranean and the pastel pinks and and whites of the limestone buildings in perfect compliment to each other. After 27 days of gray, cold, rain in Portland, the sun here shines brightly and is a welcome sight.

Upon arriving yesterday, I realized that I was quite ill. So, I went to the nearest pharmacy to describe my malady in hopes of being given some medicine that would cure me. Of course, I needed to use my very limited French, which is comical to most French people since it doesn’t sound like any language they have ever heard. They’re generally very amiable with me, which helps a lot when you’re not feeling too well. The pharmacist heard my symptoms and advised me to go to the hospital since it was Saturday, late afternoon and there would be no doctors available until Monday. We both agreed that waiting until Monday to see the doctor would be too difficult given my condition, so off I went to the hospital. Thankfully, my husband was with me throughout all of this. I must admit, I was frightened, so having support was very helpful.

We arrived at the hospital and stood in line at reception. I began to look around. The first thing I noticed is how old everything looked. There were no fresh coats of paint on the walls or slick, high tech doors that opened quietly as you approached them. This was obviously an old hospital; well used and broken in. The second thing I noticed was all the different kinds of people who were standing in line, milling about or being brought in on gurneys. Here was an opportunity to observe a slice of life that I don’t often see in Portland. There were so many different kinds of people, not just in terms of race but also economic background. Since medical care in France is available to everyone, the hospital is a place where anyone and everyone is welcome. It treats everyone the same, all you have to do is show your card, and you’re the next in line to be treated. It was also pretty chaotic and disorganized. And yet, somehow, everyone was taken care of and most of the nurses and doctors had a smile and kind word for anyone who came in.

After explaining my symptoms to the nurse, I was told to go into the basement where a doctor was seeing people who were not in need of immediate emergency care, but needed a doctor in any case. Since my French is so poor, the admissions woman actually left the main desk and took us downstairs and alerted the doctor. She didn’t take my name, or have me fill out a form, or even ask to see my passport. She just helped me get what I needed. We were lead to a waiting room where we waited for quite awhile to see the doctor. Again, I noticed the diversity of the people around me and as we began to talk with them, it was obvious that we were all very different. But, what I found most interesting was our similarities. Whether it was the street guy who had gotten punched in the eye, the Lebanese construction worker who had shoulder problems, the African mother who ‘s children were most polite, or the crazy Algerian who complained every few minutes about the wait and commented that “someone could die in here, and no one would notice,” we were all just human and in need of care. With all of our obvious differences, we were far more alike than you would have thought. Here I was in a room full of people I could barely talk to, and yet we were all speaking a common language of suffering and concern. It made me wonder if that isn’t usually the case. We think we are so different from each other until we are put in a similar situation and then our differences don’t seem so great. This occurred to me during Hurricane Katrina. Black or white, rich or poor, the storm didn’t discriminate about which home floated away or which neighborhood it flooded. Everyone affected needed help.

Your challenge this week is to work on appreciating our differences. Strike up a conversation with someone you find to be different. Ask and learn what is happening in their life and look for the underlying similarity with your own. Reflect on what it feels like to see that we are not quite as different as we appear to be and at the heart of it, we are all equally human. In this, we learn to appreciate and accept each other for our differences and similarities alike.

Have a great week!

Kathleen

PS – A day has passed since my visit to the hospital and I am doing much better! The doctor was most kind.

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

Good day, team,

The coach’s challenge this week is about listening. These days, almost everyone in business is familiar with the idea of “active listening,” that is, listening for meaning, in which the listener checks with the speaker to see that a statement has been correctly heard and understood. The goal of active listening is to improve mutual understanding. Take a look at how Wikipedia, the online encyclopedia, describes active listening:

Active listening is a structured way of listening and responding. It focuses attention on the speaker. Suspending one’s own frame of reference and suspending judgement are important in order to fully attend to the speaker. It is also important to observe the other person’s behavior and body language. Having heard, the listener may then paraphrase the speaker’s words. It is important to note that the listener is not necessarily agreeing with the speaker-simply stating what was said. In emotionally charged communications, the listener may listen for feelings. Thus, rather than merely repeating what the speaker has said, the active listener might describe the underlying emotion (“you’re angry” or “you feel frustrated, because…”).

When interacting, people often are not listening attentively to one another. They may be distracted, thinking about other things, or thinking about what they are going to say next (the latter case is particularly true in conflict situations or disagreements).

Individuals in conflict often contradict one another. This has the effect of denying the validity of the other person’s position. This can make people defensive, and they may either lash out or withdraw. On the other hand, if a person finds that the other party understands, an atmosphere of cooperation can be created. This increases the possibility of collaborating and resolving the conflict.

The benefits of active listening include getting people to open up, avoiding misunderstandings, resolving conflict and building trust.

Your challenge this week is to try active listening in your daily interactions with others. See if you can listen to people without thinking about what you’re going to say next while they’re still talking. Notice if you frequently interrupt others or cut their sentences short. These are all behaviors that can make other people feel unworthy.

Interestingly enough, most of us know when someone stops listening to us: Maybe the person looks at his or her watch while we’re speaking. We feel that the other person is discounting what we’re saying or that we’re wasting his or her time.

Try being fully attentive to others when they’re speaking. Don’t be afraid to ask them to repeat themselves if you didn’t fully hear them. It’s worth the effort. I like this advice from Hugh Prather: “In order to listen, I will have to listen without obligation. I will have to give up my intention to hear. If I will let the meaning flow through me like wind blowing through leaves, then I can open up loosely to what is being said, instead of howling it down with my intensity.”

Have a great week!

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
2839 NE Hoyt Street
Portland, Oregon 97232
(503) 296-9249

Good day Team,
I thought a good way to start out the New Year’s coach’s challenge would be to give you some useful information from an article a read recently in the Harvard Business Review.

The name of the article is “Radical Change, The Quiet Way”, by Debra Meyerson. Here are some key points from the article.

How do you bring about constructive change within your work environment? If you push your agenda too hard, resentment builds against you. If you remain silent, resentment builds inside you. Myerson suggests that you become a /tempered radical/ – an informal leader who quietly challenges prevailing wisdom and provokes cultural transformation. Tempered radicals embody contrasts. They yearn for rapid change, but trust in patience. They often work alone, yet unite others. Rather than pressing their agendas, they start conversations. And instead of battling powerful foes, they seek powerful friends.

Here are some of the tactics tempered radicals use:

*Disruptive self-expression* – demonstrate your values through your language, dress, office decor, or behavior. People notice and talk – often becoming brave enough to try the change themselves. The more people talk, the greater the impact.

*Verbal jujitsu* – redirect negative statements or actions into positive change.
*
Variable-term opportunism* – Be ready to capitalize on unexpected opportunities for short-term change, as well as orchestrate deliberate, longer term change.
*
Strategic alliance building* – gain clout by working with allies. Enhance your legitimacy and implement change more quickly and directly than you could alone. Don’t make “opponents” enemies – they’re often your best source of support and resources.

Your challenge this week is to try using one of these tactics. I hope they help you start the new year with a different perspective and a new approach.

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249