5/23/11 “Choosing Optimism”

Good day, team.

This week’s challenge comes directly from a wonderful blog called “Tiny Wisdom,” http://tinybuddha.com/quotes/tiny-wisdom-on-choosing-optimism. Many thanks to my friend, Patty Mitchell, for the introduction. Here’s a recent post from the site, which begins with the following quote:

“I am a pessimist because of intelligence but an optimist because of will.” — Antonio Gramsci

“They say that ignorance is bliss, and there’s a really good reason for it. There are a lot of things we learn as we get older that can get us down if we dwell on them.

“The world feels a lot safer when you believe in Santa Claus and magic, and haven’t yet learned about the tragedies and injustices that happen every day, all over the world.

“It’s a lot easier to feel happy when you believe that everyone has pure intentions and don’t yet realize that people sometimes hurt other people, knowingly and intentionally.

“If you want to, you can easily find tons of reasons to live your life scared and negative. You can use all kinds of logic to justify a bitter, guarded attitude, as if it’s the only way to protect yourself from bad things that could happen.

“The irony is that this is the worst thing that could happen because it makes the space inside your head persistently painful — and it doesn’t actually prevent pain or misfortune. It’s a self-made prison that you can only escape by choosing to shift your perspective.

“Since tomorrow is always uncertain, you can torture yourself hiding from the bad things that could happen, or you can decide to take responsibility for creating the good. But you can’t do both at the same time.

“Today if you’re feeling like the odds are stacked against you, ask yourself, which you would prefer — to assume that things will go wrong and then find evidence to confirm you’re right, or to believe that good things will happen and then make every effort to create them?”

This piece of writing really touched me this weekend. Over the past two weeks, I have struggled to maintain a positive attitude, which is unusual for me. My internal world, although complex in various states of mind and heart, is generally a pretty positive place. I don’t seem to dwell in many dark, scary places. But sometimes a wave comes over me, and my usual buoyancy is interrupted by a feeling of drowning in sorrow, worry or negativity of some sort.

I noticed this past week that I was particularly susceptible to external impressions and the media. Perhaps, I was less able to defend my inner lightness of being with the onslaught of negative news that we are bombarded with daily. When I found myself bursting into tears after finishing the last few pages of a book I’ve been reading about American POWs in Japan during World War II (not a light read by any stretch), I realized that I need to be careful about what kinds of information I consume. We are what we eat, and that’s as true about the kind of cellular food we buy at the grocery store as it is about the kind of intellectual and emotional food we buy on Amazon.

So, this week’s challenge is to take the words from “Tiny Wisdom” to heart. Try having the will to change your attitude about something that’s dragging you down. If you feel resentful or angry, try taking the energy of those feelings and use it for something positive. It’s a good practice to try finding the positive side of situations that appear to be nothing but negative.

To help with my attitude, I’ve decided to become more selective this week about what I take in. Maybe I’ll visit a place of great beauty so that the impressions I take in are more uplifting. Whatever I do, it’s definitely time for a change of heart and mind.

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White

Pathfinders Coaching

(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.

5/16/11 “Giving Back”

Good day, team.

A few weeks ago, Portland lost one of its leading citizens: Harold Schnitzer. This man, along with his wife Arlene, impacted our city in so many positive ways that I couldn’t possibly list them all. They have funded the arts, our medical community and our schools. They have served on boards, helped organize charitable events and made huge efforts through their philanthropic foundation to important causes.

Harold was a humble man who was an extremely successful businessman. He had a strong set of values centered on the idea that people who are fortunate should give back to their communities. Herein lies this week’s challenge. How do we serve others? What are we doing to help support our communities, our team members and our social structures?

When I first moved to Portland in 1998, I met Harold Schnitzer on an airplane. He was with his son Jordan and some business associates. We were flying from Sacramento to Portland, and our flight was unable to land in the deep layer of fog that had descended over Portland. We were rerouted to Tacoma where they would put us on a bigger airplane that could land in such weather. All of this took awhile and everyone in the group was not too happy — except Harold. He took it all in stride. In fact, I think he took a nap on the Portland to Tacoma leg, while everyone else in his group fussed and complained about airline inefficiencies.

When we landed in Tacoma, we were told that our new airplane was being prepared and we would probably be flying out in another hour. As we deplaned, Harold could see that I was alone and asked if I would like to join them for a burger. Having not had dinner, I was glad for the invite. We began to talk, and I soon learned that Harold and my father had both gone to MIT and were actually there at the same time. We chatted like old friends, and I thought, what a lovely man. Of course, having only lived in Portland a few months, I had no idea who the Schnitzers were or what they meant to Portland.

At one point, when Harold went to buy a magazine, one of his business associates pulled me aside and said, “Do you know who these people are? I mean, they are the Schnitzers!” To which I replied, “Oh, you mean like Schnizerdoodle?” Little did I know that Harold and Jordan had overheard my comment and laughed and laughed. I realized that Harold thought it was great that I didn’t know who they were. I was treating them like normal people, which was exactly what Harold liked. For all the work he did to support the community and for all the fortune he had made, Harold Schnitzer knew that he was a human being like anyone else. He knew that having a lot of money didn’t make him special. When I asked him naively if he knew of any volunteer work I might be able to do in Portland, he chuckled and said, “I might be able to think of something that would be good for you.”

It was Harold who suggested that I read for SMART, a volunteer reading program that gives you the opportunity to read to young children once a week during the school year. Honestly, that program saved my emotional life. At a time when I was starting over and needed more love in my life, the SMART program allowed me to receive the unconditional love of some wonderful children. For the next four years, I reveled in that.

This is the kind of impact that Harold had on our community. And, now that he is no longer here, it occurs to me that it is up to us to follow in his footsteps. We may not have a fortune to spend or a philanthropic organization to fund major projects, but each of us can do one small thing to make a difference in our communities.

This week, look to see if you have included ways to give back in your life. Perhaps you can spend a day working at a local food bank or sign up to be a big brother or sister. You could volunteer at a local community center, hospital or care center. I have one client who volunteers at a hospice center once a week, and my mother-in-law still works as a volunteer at the front desk of one of our hospitals. She’s been there 15 years and, at the age of 90, still goes to work a few days a week to give back. She is one of my heroes.

Whatever it is, find ways to give back. We all have such abundance, and so many people are not as fortunate. One small act of kindness can change not just their lives but your own.

As Harold said, “I feel we each have a mission in life, so to speak. Decide what you want to do to help others, and if you’re fortunate like we have been, move ahead and do it. I’m very pleased with what we have done. I feel that’s what we’re here to do.”

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White

Pathfinders Coaching

(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.

5/9/11 “Building Trust”

Good day, team.

Last week, a client of mine sent me the following sentiment: “You would be a good person to be with in a foxhole.” I think this is one of the best compliments I’ve ever received. It means much to me to be seen as reliable and trustworthy, and these words could not have said that any better. So I decided this week’s challenge would be about trust and how we gain the trust of others.

I’ve had an opportunity to share the trust equation with many of you over the years, but I will mention it here for those of you who are not familiar with it. Basically, it says that trust = reliability + competency + intimacy, divided by self-orientation.

When an employee at eBay first introduced this equation to me, I was put off. The notion that trust could be reduced to a simple equation seemed impossible to me. How could you take such an emotional subject and use math to describe it? But over time, I’ve turned my thinking around. Much about this equation is spot on in terms of how we learn to trust the people we work with.

When getting to know the people, we first tune into how reliable they are. It’s as simple as seeing that they routinely show up on time for meetings. Or maybe if they are going to be late, they send a text or call to let you know that they’re running a bit late. Either way, we begin trusting others by seeing how reliable they are.

Second, we want to know that our co-workers can do what they say they can do. That’s competency. If I say I’m a coach, am I capable of doing my job? When you work with other people on a team, their abilities are key to the team’s success, and you want to know that they can do the job they’ve been assigned. If not, the entire team suffers.

The third component of the trust equation is intimacy. This part is tougher to define but my view is this: Intimacy develops when you know someone has your back and you know he or she won’t speak poorly about you when you’re not around or when the fur starts to fly. Intimacy grows when you know you can meet with someone one on one and tell each other the truth, no matter how bad it sounds or how embarrassing the situation. This kind of emotional intimacy between team members is irreplaceable; it creates a bond between people that is worth its weight in gold.

So, if these are the components of trust, what does “divided by self-orientation” mean? Self-orientation, as stated in the trust equation, refers to the way a person orients him- or herself in relation to the team as a whole and each team member individually. Team members who are totally self-oriented are focused on their own individual benefit. These people are only in it for themselves and their personal gain. They really don’t care about the team or their fellow team members. As long as they get what they need, they’re fine. This phenomenon will break trust in an instant. Even if a person is reliable, competent and able to be intimate with you, you will not trust him or her if you have an inkling that he or she is only doing all these things for personal benefit. Conversely, if someone is not always reliable or competent or isn’t able to be intimate, we will trust him or her if we believe that in their heart of hearts, they really want what’s best for their fellow team members.

All trust is challenged over time. So, how do we ensure that the trust we build remains a constant in our friendships and working relationships? We do this by coming back to the trust components that reaffirm the relationship. We remain open and willing to have the hard conversations. We tell the truth, no matter what it sounds like. We reach out and ask for help when we need it. We continue to respect each other by being willing to come back to the table, whether we agree or not, and listen. We ponder what our co-workers propose even when we are opposed to what they’re saying. We do not speak poorly about them with others. We are not afraid to let them know how much we care about their well-being and how happy we are to be on the same team with them.

This week, think about who’s in the foxhole with you. When things heat up, who’s right there with you? Who’s willing to stand by your side when you’re not popular or politically correct? When you’re suffering through a difficult time with a project or another co-worker, who’s willing to listen to your woes and able to be honest with you, even if you have a hard time hearing it? Look at your own reliability, competency and intimacy factors. Are you trustworthy? Do others see you as a team player, someone who lives the phrase, “all for one and one for all”?

We were not put on this earth to be alone. Our ability to trust each other is a key component to our happiness as human beings as we try to live together. Work to be reliable and competent and then extend yourself to others to create intimacy. You may just find that as you do so, others will trust you even more.

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White

Pathfinders Coaching

(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.

5/2/11 “Nature”

Good day, team.

Today the sun is shining. The temperature is 68 degrees. Wildflowers are out in
abundance; acres of yellow, pink and purple fill my field of vision. I am so
happy to experience this wealth of nature after so many months of cold rain that
I cannot stay inside to write this challenge. So, I will do what I encourage all
of you to do this week: go outside, be in nature, smell the flowers, feel the
sun on your skin, take your shoes off and feel the grass under your feet,
commune with the wonderful world of nature in whatever way possible.

And enjoy it!

Have a good week.

Kathleen

Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.

4/25/11 “Ceremony and Celebration”

Good day, team.

Maybe it’s the upcoming marriage of the future King of England or the emerging buds on our lilac bushes, but this week, I am reminded of the importance of celebration, ceremony and new beginnings. Spring and summer are the time of year when the ceremony of marriage often takes place, and we most often experience new beginnings. We mark the new beginning for the bride and groom by creating an event that sanctifies and celebrates their union. Many other types of ceremonies mark some aspect of change in our lives, and this week’s challenge is about taking the time to acknowledge them.

We often think of change as just one thing, but it is, in fact, three things: an ending, a transition and a beginning. When something comes to end, we need to release it. Then there’s a period of transition that is often disorienting and scary because we’re not sure what we’re moving toward. Eventually, a new beginning occurs. This happens with the budding of the leaves on the trees; it happens with the rising of the sun each day; it happens to us as we move into new phases of our lives. How do we acknowledge these changes and, in particular, the events that significantly impact our lives?

Since the beginning of the year, we’ve seen so many powerful events: the uprisings in Egypt and other countries in the Middle East, the earthquake and tsunami in Japan, the recent tornadoes in the Midwest — all of these events have created enormous changes in the way people live their lives. It’s easy to concentrate on the tragedies that occur in these times of change, but what about the new beginnings they create? Last evening, I watched a short film about a Japanese man who has rebuilt a small hut for his family to live in after losing everything in the tsunami. Having just finished the front door of his new home, he had his family join him inside. They gathered around him as he lit a candle and placed it in the middle of the floor and prayed to the Buddha. He expressed his gratitude for having a roof over his head and a family that was still alive and well. I was moved by his courage and appreciation in the midst of such a meager beginning.

Big life events force lots of readjustment. In each case, it is important to acknowledge the end of one way of life and embrace a new way. Celebrating or creating a ceremony for these events seems appropriate and also very helpful to the people experiencing the greatest change.

We also can celebrate our good fortune. Most companies have rewards and recognition programs that give teams the opportunity to celebrate their successes, often with a ceremony or some type of ritual to honor those who have gone above and beyond their normal work requirements to contribute significantly to the success of the business and their team. The importance of these events has been proven time after time in studies of team dynamics and motivation. People love to be recognized for doing a good job and taking the time to celebrate their success goes a long way toward continuing to motivate them.

Your challenge this week is to acknowledge the changes that have occurred in your life recently and to create some form of celebration or ceremony as you move from one part of the change to another. We often think of celebrating as involving many people, but these rituals can be quite small and intimate. Perhaps you can light a candle for someone who has recently died and take a few moments to contemplate his or her passing. Maybe you are close to a person who has had a baby or is sending a son or daughter off to college for the first time. Maybe you could take someone who’s recently changed jobs out to lunch to celebrate the new venture. These events deserve some form of acknowledgment that helps the people who are most affected move from what used to be to what is now. In your workplace, see if you have rightfully acknowledged your team members recently. Have you taken the time to celebrate their successes and to thank them publicly for doing such a good job?

Life often asks us to make a rite of passage. Our ability to do this is much more meaningful when we share in ceremony or celebration with others as we move toward a new beginning.

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White

Pathfinders Coaching

(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.

4/18/11 “Stories”

Good day, team.

This week’s challenge is about the stories we tell ourselves and others. I recently had an experience of my own storytelling that illustrates the theme of this challenge.

A few Sundays ago when the sun was shining brightly and the air was clean and crisp, my husband and I embarked on a 2 1/2 mile hike not far from our ranch in the Columbia River Gorge. It’s a well known trek, which ultimately leads to an old grove of cherry trees, and although it’s not far as the crow flies, you spend much of your time ascending many feet up rocky hillsides on switchbacks and steep trail. In one spot, because of landslides, you have to pick your way through piles of rock that have nestled into the hillsides — some permanently and some precariously.

I approached the hike with trepidation. I’ve had a bad right knee for many years, and since my early 20s when I had surgery for it, I’ve always had knee pain with strenuous exercise. Now, having had surgery again on my knee last November, I’ve been working to rehabilitate it, and this hike would be its first big test. As we took our first few steps at the trailhead, I looked anxiously around for a branch that could be my walking stick. Once I found it, I felt reassured that I could do the hike.

It didn’t take long before I tired and began to hear the same old story in my head about how I wouldn’t be able to make it. “You can’t do this, your knee’s not in good enough shape. You don’t have the lung capacity since you never exercise. See how far ahead your husband is on the trail? Well, of course — he doesn’t have bad knees and is probably irritated that he has to keep stopping to wait for you. You shouldn’t even be out here.” On and on and on, my internal thoughts kept telling me a story about how I would fail if I continued. Still, I trudged on up the hillside, determined to do the hike.

After a few hours, most of the hike had been accomplished and my husband and I were coming down the hillside. David was telling me how proud he was of me for having accomplished the hike. I felt light on my feet and happy that we had seen such beautiful sights along the way. We decided to stop and take a short nap in an oak grove that was sheltered from the wind, and the sun warmed us as we lay down to rest. I felt a wonderful sense of exhilaration and suddenly realized that my knee didn’t hurt at all. What a surprise! I hadn’t been able to take a hike without my knee hurting since I was a teenager, and here I was, bounding down the hillside like that same young girl who used to be so active.

More important, I realized the story I had been telling myself all these years about my knee was no longer true. My knee is fine now. I came to see that all those thoughts and voices trying to tell me otherwise were just a waste of energy. I felt completely liberated in that moment from all of the stories that I’ve told myself and others about my knee. The story about how I originally injured it was one I didn’t have to tell anymore. The stories about what I could or couldn’t do for physical exercise were no longer true. I didn’t have to tell myself or anyone else anything at all about my knee. In fact, people wouldn’t even be asking me anymore because I could walk normally and didn’t have to complain about how much my knee hurt. What a relief!

Later, in the car driving back to the ranch, I spoke with my husband about my realization. We both talked about how strange it is that we often get so accustomed to telling a particular story to ourselves and others that even after it’s no longer true, we continue to talk about it as though it is.

This week, try observing the stories you tell yourself and others that are not true. Maybe things have changed in your relationship with someone and yet you still talk about that person as though things haven’t changed at all. I remember talking about my father a few months after he’d died as though he was still in the room with me. I eventually realized the story I was telling about him occurred 10 years earlier, and I was talking about him as though he were still alive. I didn’t need to tell that story anymore. In fact, I honored him more by not telling the story and accepting that he had moved on.

Perhaps you tell yourself stories about people you work with that are no longer true. We all change, and when we tell stories about others as if they haven’t changed at all, we also prevent ourselves from seeing others anew. Notice if you tell people stories that degrade yourself or others. Maybe these stories don’t serve anyone, least of all yourself, and only convince you of things that aren’t true.

Whatever the case, try observing your stories and see if you can stop telling the ones that are no longer true. You may find you can do some things that your stories have tried to tell you weren’t possible. Or, you may begin to see others differently when you stop telling the same old stories about them. If you’re like me, you’ll experience a moment of liberation when you realize that your stories don’t have to restrict you any longer. In fact, you can create a new story that sets you free!

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White

Pathfinders Coaching

(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.

4/11/11 “Poetry”

Good day, team.

It’s April again and that means it’s National Poetry Month. In celebration, I’d like to offer you poetry to challenge your mind and fill your heart. As Johann Goethe said, “A man should hear a little music, read a little poetry and see a fine picture every day of his life in order that worldly cares do not obliterate the sense of the beautiful which God has implanted in the human soul.”  Your challenge is to find a poem that speaks to you, inspires you and connects you with all and everything.

Here are some of my favorites:

Loaves and Fishes

This is not
the age of information.

This is not
the age of information.

Forget the news,
and the radio,
and the blurred screen.

This is the time
of loaves
and fishes.

People are hungry
and one good word is bread
for a thousand.

— David Whyte

Mockingbirds

This morning
two mockingbirds
in the green field
were spinning and tossing

the white ribbons
of their songs
into the air.
I had nothing

better to do
than listen.
I mean this
seriously.

In Greece,
a long time ago,
an old couple
opened their door

to two strangers
who were,
it soon appeared,
not men at all,

but gods.
It is my favorite story —
how the old couple
had almost nothing to give

but their willingness
to be attentive —
but for this alone
the gods loved them

and blessed them —
when they rose
out of their mortal bodies,
like a million particles of water

from a fountain,
the light
swept into all the corners
of the cottage,

and the old couple,
shaken with understanding,
bowed down —
but still they asked for nothing

but the difficult life
which they had already.
And the gods smiled, as they vanished,
clapping their great wings.

Wherever it was
I was supposed to be
this morning —
whatever it was I said

I would be doing —
I was standing
at the edge of the field —
I was hurrying

through my own soul,
opening its dark doors —
I was leaning out;
I was listening.

— Mary Oliver

The Soul Bone

Once I said I didn’t have a spiritual bone
in my body and meant by that
I didn’t want to think of death,
as though any bone in us
could escape it. Maybe
I was afraid of what I couldn’t know
for certain, a thud like the slamming
of a coffin lid, as final and inexplicable
as that. What was the soul anyway,
I wondered, but a homonym for loneliness?
Now, in late middle age, or more, I like to imagine it,
the spirit, the soul bone, as though it were hidden
somewhere inside my body, white as a tooth
that falls from a child’s mouth, a dove,
the cloud it can fly through. Like bones,
it persists. Little knot of self, stubborn
as wildflowers in a Chilmark field in autumn,
the white ones they call boneset, for healing,
or the others, pearly everlasting.
The rabbis of the Midrash believed in the bone
and called it the luz, just like the Spanish word
for light, the size of a chickpea or an almond,
depending on which rabbi was telling the story,
found, they said, at the top of the spine or the base,
depending. No one’s ever seen it, of course,
but sometimes at night I imagine I can feel it,
shining its light through my body, the bone
luminous, glowing in the dark. Sometimes,
if you listen, you might even hear that light
deep inside me, humming its brave little song.

— Susan Wood

Please feel free to share any of your favorite poems this month on my blog.

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White

Pathfinders Coaching

(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.



4/4/11 “Civility via Modesty”

Good day, team.
This week, I’m happy to send the second part of what I wanted to share about the subject of civility. The following comes from John Limb, the publisher at Oregon Catholic Press (OCP) here in Portland. After reading an editorial written by David Brooks in our local newspaper, John was quite impressed with how Brooks wrote about civility via modesty. Here are John’s comments and an excerpt from the editorial:

“The following is an excerpt from an editorial written by David Brooks as it appeared in a Saturday issue of The Oregonian a few months ago. It is excellent — perhaps the best editorial Brooks has ever written. Its subject is civility via modesty. While directed primarily at politicians, I think Brooks’ advice is good counsel for anyone in a leadership position. I recommend you read the whole editorial, but I especially like the following excerpt:

‘Every sensible person involved in politics and public life knows that his or her work is laced with failure. Every column, every speech, every piece of legislation and every executive decision has its own humiliating shortcomings. There are always arguments you should have made better, implications you should have anticipated, other points of view you should have taken on board. Moreover, even if you are at your best, your efforts will still be laced with failure. The truth is fragmentary, and it’s impossible to capture all of it. There are competing goods that can never be fully reconciled. The world is more complicated than any human intelligence can comprehend. But every sensible person in public life also feels redeemed by others. You may write a mediocre column or make a mediocre speech or propose a mediocre piece of legislation, but others argue with you, correct you and introduce elements you never thought of. Each of these efforts may also be flawed, but together, if the system is working well, they move things gradually forward. Each individual step may be imbalanced, but in succession, they make the social organism better. As a result, every sensible person feels a sense of gratitude for this process. We all get to live lives better than we deserve because our individual shortcomings are transmuted into communal improvement. We find meaning — and can only find meaning — in the role we play in that larger social enterprise.’

“I particularly like Brooks’ comment that ‘even if you are at your best, your efforts will still be laced with failure.’ That’s why we need one another to do our best work. That’s why we have co-workers to help us be the best we can be, both as individuals and as a company. I have been publisher at OCP for more than 18 years now. As OCP’s chief executive, I can certainly attest to this — both professionally and personally. These are good words to consider whenever we think we have all the answers or have the best answer or can’t possibly be wrong. As Brooks says, we are all ‘redeemed by others …We all get to live lives better than we deserve because our individual shortcomings are transmuted into communal improvement.’ May we all have the modesty to realize and accept this truth.”

Your challenge this week is to think about how important your co-workers are and show them your gratitude. Consider how often they help you become a better manager or offer you a suggestion that makes your life easier or create a new process that lightens your load. Realize how often your thoughts and ideas are only one piece of a much larger puzzle that could never be solved without the help of others. Be grateful for all the times you’ve made a mistake and there’s someone right by your side willing to help you out of the mess you’ve created. Thank your teammates for being there to support you and forgive your failures.

Understand that civility comes from the modesty to know that we cannot do any of this alone. Let yourself be “redeemed” by the people around you.

My special thanks to John Limb for allowing me to publish his thoughts about the editorial. He inspires many of us who are fortunate enough to work with him with his wisdom and dedication to servant leadership.

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White

Pathfinders Coaching

(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.

3/28/11 “Civility”

Good day, team.

This past week, I had the delightful experience of traveling to Vancouver, B.C., to visit a client. I’m particularly fond of Vancouver, so I intentionally arrived a day early to enjoy the city.

As in past visits, I was struck by the friendliness of the Canadians and how helpful they are, especially to travelers. From the fellow who helped me buy my ticket for public transport to the woman in the elevator at my hotel who introduced herself as one of the staff, handed me her card and offered to assist me in any way she could, I was delighted by each encounter. I found the same attitude in the meetings with my client. Each person I spoke with was friendly and welcoming. They were respectful and courteous in their demeanor.

These experiences made an impression on me, and I realized it’s because so many people in this day and age seem to have lost their civility, along with the graciousness that generally accompanies it. To define “civil,” I refer to two definitions:

  1. Adhering to the norms of polite social intercourse; not deficient in common courtesy
  2. Marked by benevolence — “He was a very civil sort; we liked him immediately.”

So many people seem to have lost the value for what it means to be civil when communicating with others. In today’s world, we hear people use swear words on a daily basis. Many programs on television and radio focus on violence and negativity (watch or listen to any of the talk show hosts and you’ll be appalled by the lack of civility and humanity). The way many people relate to one another is void of grace and eloquence. I remember my father saying to my sister and me, “Try to keep a civil tongue in your head.” But that’s not a phrase I hear any longer.

One thing I remember strongly about our annual visits to see my grandparents in Boston is the civil tone that was always used in their household. My father’s father was a lawyer, and listening to him speak about almost any subject was a delight. He read Latin and Greek and was extremely well versed in classical literature. Consequently, he had an extensive vocabulary and was an accomplished orator. My grandmother, also well educated, occasionally would spice up the conversations by adding a ribald (but never vulgar) comment now and again just to “get his goat,” as my grandfather said. She’d get a chuckle from the rest of the dinner guests. Sunday dinner at their home was always a somewhat formal affair but not without warmth and humor. The entire event had an air of civility and graciousness that I often try to recreate in my own family dinners.

Visiting my mother’s parents in Maine was a very different experience, but no less in its graciousness. My maternal grandparents were more down to earth and approachable. My grandfather, Pearl Woodbury, or “Woody” as he was affectionately called, always had a smile and a helping hand for everyone. The sparkle in his blue eyes and ever-present sense of humor were known to all. He and my grandmother had a loving way of being together, and they showered grace on their family and friends. I never heard my grandfather say a bad word about anyone, and he was always civil in his tone and interactions.

These people raised my parents to be civically minded; that is, with the understanding that doing one’s civic duty and helping the community was a requirement of those more fortunate than others. Although my mother’s family was not wealthy by any means, they had strong values and extended their help whenever they could to friends and community members in need. I realize now that this made them richer than many people I’ve known who have much greater material wealth.

Both of my parents were always active in our community and church, wherever we lived. It made them happier and better people to be able to extend themselves to others, and they made every attempt to be courteous and respectful to others, just like the Canadians did for me this past week.

These ideas of civility and graciousness may seem a bit outdated. But, even in today’s world, I see that a person who shows a strong sense of civility and graciousness in their dealings with others is highly respected.

Your challenge this week is to think about how civil you are in your speech and actions. Would others describe you as gracious? How about the way you communicate with others in meetings and social events? Do they see you as a bully or vulgar? And do you extend yourself to others? Do you involve yourself in community activities that serve others? This week, try being more civil in your conversations. See if you can find ways to extend yourself with grace and warmth.

In closing, I share one of my favorite quotes about civility from the country singer, Emmylou Harris. She said, “As citizens, we have to be more thoughtful and more educated and more informed. I turn on the TV, and I see these grown people screaming at each other, and I think, ‘Well, if we don’t get our civility back, we’re in trouble.’ ”

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White

Pathfinders Coaching

(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.

3/21/11 “Design Thinking”

Good day, team.
I wrote this week’s challenge in 2008 after reading an article in the Harvard Business Review titled “Design Thinking” by Tim Brown, CEO and president of IDEO, an innovation and design firm in Palo Alto, Calif. It’s as relevant today as it was then.

Here’s how the article starts:

“Thomas Edison created the electric light bulb and then wrapped an entire industry around it. The light bulb is most often thought of as his signature invention, but Edison understood that the bulb was little more than a parlor trick without a system of electric power generation and transmission to make it truly useful. So he created that, too.

“Thus, Edison’s genius lay in his ability to conceive of a fully developed marketplace, not simply a discrete device. He was able to envision how people would want to use what he made, and he engineered toward that insight.

“Edison’s approach was an early example of ‘design thinking’—a methodology that imbues the full spectrum of innovation activities with a human-centered design ethos. By this I mean that innovation is powered by a thorough understanding, through direct observation of what people want and need in their lives and what they like or dislike about the way particular products are made, packaged, marketed, sold and supported.”

Brown’s observations got me thinking about people who design great products and the particular approach they take in the design process. In the article, Brown points out five characteristics most typical of designers.

The first is empathy. Good designers can imagine the world from many different perspectives and are acutely aware of details that others don’t see. It’s always about people first and how others will experience (feel, think about and use) their product.

The second is integrative thinking. Good designers can analyze what’s needed and also consider all the contradictory perspectives that might confound them. They create novel solutions to go beyond and dramatically improve the existing alternatives.

Third, they are optimistic. They believe that at least one of their solutions will work and improve upon anything that currently exists.

Fourth, they constantly experiment and explore new possibilities.

And fifth, they often work in a variety of disciplines, never taking just one approach. They are not only engineers but can think like marketers, psychologists and anthropologists. They involve themselves with other specialists to expand their view of the world.

Certainly, we are not all designers by trade or inclination. But for anyone in business, whether you produce light bulbs or provide a service, creating something that people want to buy and use is the name of the game. I think we can all use Brown’s suggestions as a guide for creating better products and services.

Your challenge this week is to consider these five characteristics and see if you can apply them to your work. Maybe you’re a manager trying to think of a new way to motivate your team members. Can you design an activity that would inspire them? Have you considered what they would experience while doing the exercise?

Perhaps you’re working on a new product, and you haven’t really looked at it from a marketer’s point of view. Asking your marketing associates how they would promote your product might give you the perspective you need, even if it contradicts your original design ideas.

Say you’re a product marketing professional. Don’t forget to include your engineers from the get-go if you want to deliver a successful product. Are you convinced that your innovative ideas will be useful to others? If not, why would anyone else be convinced? Quite simply, have you actually used the product or service you’re offering? Try it out so that you know exactly what it feels like.

Everywhere we look, we see problems that can be solved through innovation: energy usage, healthcare, world poverty, to mention a few. Brown writes, “These problems all have people at their heart. They require a human-centered, creative, iterative and practical approach to finding the best ideas and ultimate solutions.”

This week, try taking a more people-centric approach to solving problems and use empathy, integrative thinking, optimism, experimentation and a variety of disciplines to help you innovate.

Have a great week,

Kathleen

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Kathleen Doyle-White

Pathfinders Coaching

(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.