Author: Kathleen Doyle-White

Good day, team,

By special request, I’m resending a challenge I first sent out in October 2006; it’s still relevant today.

The coach’s challenge this week is about setting healthy boundaries with people at work. Professional boundaries are important because they define the limits and responsibilities of all members of a team. When workplace boundaries are clearly defined, the organization works more efficiently because redundant work assignments are eliminated and people are held accountable for specific tasks. When everyone in an organization is aware of who is responsible for what, a healthier workplace results. It then becomes very difficult for someone to blame others for his or her failed or inadequate performance, and managers can clearly identify superlative contributions.

With professional boundaries and priorities clearly defined, a group can function effectively even in the absence of its leader. If everyone on a team understands what to do, how to do it, and when to do it, then team members feel safe in their roles. A smooth-functioning organization is a tangible demonstration of the team leader’s commitment to mutual success, which creates trust. Every team leader is responsible for setting the tone of the group by clearly defining acceptable and unacceptable workplace behavior.

Effective leaders understand that failing to define boundaries, having no boundaries, or having inappropriately rigid boundaries can negatively affect their organization and employees. In some cases, boundaries need to be firm. For example, lying, stealing, and verbally or physically abusing others are never allowed.

It may sound as if the responsibility to create a smooth-functioning organization falls only upon the team leaders; however, every team member has a role to play. Each person must be willing to speak up to a colleague or supervisor, clearly define any problem, and help find a resolution that works for everyone.

Interpersonal boundaries must also be negotiated, because they substantially impact workplace productivity and the quality of the social environment. Parameters for interacting include the following:

* The tone, attitude and approach co-workers use with each other.
* The ability to focus on work objectives even when people dislike each other or are in conflict.
* The ability to effectively set limits with those who have poor boundaries.
* Clearly defined consequences when a boundary is violated, and actions that back up these words.

Here are some suggestions for setting healthy boundaries with your team members*:

1. Know your limits: what you can do well within the allotted time frame.
Don’t exaggerate your ability by overselling it. Give accurate estimates. Delivering a good product on time will improve your credibility, while missing deadlines or delivering a substandard product will only hurt your reputation.

2. Tactfully and openly communicate about goals and limitations.
Don’t try to undersell or misrepresent your ability. Underselling artificially prevents you from being able to demonstrate your professional skills, which might affect your career advancement. When discussing your limitations, focus on what you want and what you are willing to do to get it. Keep your focus on your positive intentions; ask for help when it’s needed to ensure good quality work; actively engage in problem solving; and don’t complain about the problem. Ensure that others are receiving the message you intended by asking for feedback when it’s not forthcoming.

3. Be available to discuss differences and reach agreements.
Reflect back your understanding of the other person’s needs, interests and concerns. Attempt to negotiate win-win solutions.

4. Don’t be afraid to let people know if they’re acting inappropriately. Workplace bullying is much more common than we think; it can come in the form of expressing undo negativity toward another, intentionally excluding others from team activities, or ganging up on someone. It can also come in the form of domination by withholding information or not actively engaging and contributing to the work. It’s important to let people know when they act inappropriately, that it is unacceptable and won’t be tolerated. The emotional health and safety of an organization depends on direct and clear communication when someone has trespassed on a professional and/or personal boundary.

This week, try setting healthy boundaries with your team members. You’ll find that establishing boundaries and priorities go hand in hand because they both help manage interpersonal relationships in the workplace. Together they go a long way toward establishing productive work environments based on trust. Competent and credible leaders understand these principles and consistently model them for their staff.

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

* Special thanks to the Faculty and Staff Assistance Program at UCSF for most of the information in this challenge.

Good day, team,

Last week’s challenge was about wanting to accomplish something and having difficulty doing it. Whether it’s a long-term goal or a short- term task, sometimes we just get stuck.

I received many wonderful and helpful responses to my challenge. Here’s one from my friend Dan Meador, who I think offered some wonderful suggestions.

“After many years of working in technology and wanting to be an engineer, but not feeling like I had the qualifications, I’ve come to the conclusion that I am an engineer and always have been. More recently, I’ve discovered that I am also a man of faith. Although I grew up with religion, went to a religious school and as a child bought the package, I’ve long since recovered from that upbringing. Still, I can’t do anything significant without an unrealistic amount of faith.

When I find an interesting problem to solve or widget that I want to design and build, I come up with some fairly lofty vision of what the thing will be. I think of all the good it will do and how the world will be a far better place because of my efforts. I don’t typically think about how rich I’ll become because that doesn’t really matter as much to me as the good that will come from my efforts.

After I have become totally convinced that the widget will be the best thing on the planet, the point where you’ll notice I’ve suspended my disbelief, I put on my engineer’s thinking cap and start working through the issues to complete the task.

Invariably, I arrive at some intersection of insurmountable barriers and have to make a decision on whether to continue or stop. At this point I very objectively evaluate the odds of success associated with each option. If I stop, the odds of success are zero. If I continue, it’s easy to argue that the odds of success will be better.

This of course is not blind faith. I can actually calculate the odds of success, and besides, I must have had some good reason for launching the project in the first place.

Finally, it comes down to a simple observation. What else am I going to do with my time? Typically when I’m engaged in a project I don’t come up with other really bright ideas because I’m busy solving the problems with my current project. So if I didn’t continue, I’d be sitting around wondering what to do next.

Then some bright idea usually hits me about how to overcome the latest barrier, and I’m off again, making some progress toward the vision.

While I typically achieve what I set out to do, it is a rare event that the lofty ideas I had initially become reality. But my satisfaction that I completed the mission is fuel for the next effort, and I’ve learned to be generous with forgiveness for the difference.

I think your idea of putting your challenges into a book is a great idea, one that has occurred to me and many others, I’m sure. So go forth and put it together. Take the leap of faith into the abyss, and if the naysayers in your head get too noisy, turn the music up.”

Many thanks to Dan for his insights.

And, speaking of getting things accomplished, the coach will soon be turning this challenge into a blog so you can all see each other’s comments. They’re all so good I have to share them… so stay tuned!

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2009 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

Good day, team,

This week’s challenge is about a dilemma I’ve wrestled with for the past couple of years. I think it’s one that many people can relate to: wanting to do something and not being able to find the way to do it, to continue to stay motivated or to push yourself into a completely unknown area to get what you want.

I’ve been trying to put these coach’s challenges into a book for the past two years. I’ve written one each week since 2004, so somewhere in the neighborhood of 200+ challenges about a variety of subjects. But every time I try to get them published, many things get in my way, I lose momentum and yet another month goes by without any progress.

Maybe because I’m a coach I’ve been analyzing why I can’t seem to accomplish this project. Lots of other people publish books about all kinds of things and don’t seem to have a difficult time doing it. So where do I get stuck?

Recently, I realized that, underneath it all, I have a pretty negative attitude about self-help books and, in some ways, about the coaching profession. I walk into a book store and see all the “Chicken Soup for the Soul” type books, and they make me want to run out of the store as quickly as possible. I look at the e-mails I get from various coaching associations, federations and institutions I belong to, and the message is so often the same: “Live your best life,” “I have the secret to unlock your dreams,” or the one I saw last week “How to remember what you learned in kindergarten.” The last one made me laugh. A client once said to me, “I really don’t understand why I pay you money to remind me about what I learned in kindergarten.” Of course, if he remembered what he learned in kindergarten, I would not have to remind him, but that’s another story.

So what do you do when you love to write and, for whatever reason, this is the mode in which you express yourself, but you just can’t get it together to take a book project to completion? How do you get past the bad attitude and the cynical voice in your head that says, “Who really cares about all this stuff?” “Why would anybody be interested in reading it?”

Fortunately, I have lots of great clients and friends who encourage me to put these challenges in a book if for no other reason other than they would like them indexed by subject so they can go back and read the ones that might help them with a particular challenge they are facing. And, when I think about it, this is the whole reason I want to compile them in a book in the first place.

My good friend and sometimes coaching associate Kate Dwyer sent me this great comment by Eleanor Blumenberg, of Santa Monica, California, in reaction to a piece in the current N.Y. Times book review.

“I continue to be amazed at the number of advice books listed each week in the book review as best sellers. I have led a long, productive life based on only two pieces of advice, both of which I learned as a preschooler some 80 years ago. First, I try to play nicely with everybody; second, if I am crabby, I take a nap. What more does anyone need to know?”

At the end of the day, I happen to agree with Ms. Blumenberg. It doesn’t mean that I think the coaching profession is just a bunch of hooey; I’ve seen too many people derive great benefits from it. But there is a practical side of me that often feels we all talk too much, and if we could remember some basic principles with which to guide ourselves, our lives might be simpler.

So what’s the challenge this week? Frankly, I’m not too sure. Maybe it’s about aiming to accomplish one specific project, and, no matter how much self doubt you experience, continuing to strive for that goal. Perhaps it’s about challenging yourself to find the basic values that guide you day by day and to remind yourself of them more often. You choose this week, and let me know how it goes.

Have a good week,

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2009 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

Good day, team,

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been tuning in to a recurring message that’s come from the news media, friends, clients and even a bumper sticker a few days ago. The message is “Beware of certainty.”

This week’s challenge is about the danger of being so convinced about something that your mind and heart become closed to any other possibility. Here’s a good example of what I mean.

Robert McNamara, the secretary of defense during the Johnson administration, died a few weeks ago. There’s been much written about him lately, but what struck me most were clips from the film “The Fog of War,” a documentary that includes many interviews of McNamara reflecting on how his views had changed over the years. In one scene, the interviewer asked him to speak about how his views on the war in Vietnam changed over the years. Here was a man who was absolutely certain that the Russians were behind the push of communism into Vietnam. If Vietnam fell to communist ideology, so would all of Southeast Asia, victim of the domino effect: If one falls, the entire row falls. Now, in his later years, McNamara realized how mistaken he had been and how almost all of his decisions about the war had been based on faulty thinking.

Over time, he began to see that his certainty had caused the deaths of thousands and that much of what he had based his decisions upon wasn’t true. Earlier in his career, he said with complete confidence, “It would be our policy to use nuclear weapons wherever we felt it necessary to protect our forces and achieve our objectives.” He came to regret these words, and many of the actions he took during the war haunted him until the day he died.

Similarly, the Bush administration was certain that Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction in Iraq poised to use against the United States. Life-changing decisions were made based on the administration’s certainty. We now know that those decisions were based on false information.

I wondered this week why people cling to certainty and the false sense of security that comes from thinking it’s this way or no way. Why do we feel more secure when someone says, “No doubt about it”?

In one of his interviews, McNamara explained that, as a younger man, he had been taught that indecision and lack of certainty were seen as signs of weakness. Even if you weren’t 100 percent certain, you had to show others that you were completely convinced that your decisions were correct. Where doubt existed, the potential for opposition and rebellion could occur.

History has shown us many examples of how dangerous this kind of thinking can be. The Holocaust is probably our primary example. And yet, as human beings, we can see how much we desire a simple, sure solution to all our questions. The desire to come up with an answer, to put something in place, is very strong. The feeling of getting it done and not having to think about it anymore is satisfying.

I’ve learned how important it is to question my thinking, particularly when I am completely convinced of something. I try to remember that there is no such thing as an absolute and that my thinking is often influenced by my present circumstances. Change those circumstances, and my thinking and feelings change as well.

This week, try questioning your certainties. Ask yourself, am I missing another way of seeing this situation? Is my belief in this subjective? Is it possible that I might be wrong or that I’m basing my certainty on information that is not completely true? Am I able to see other points of view? Are my views excluding others from participating? Are my thinking and actions encouraging inclusiveness or exclusiveness?

One of the best ways to broaden our thinking is to ask others what they think. If you see yourself being absolutely certain of something, ask someone who doesn’t always agree with you what he or she thinks. I often check my thinking with my husband. He and I have similar values, but he often has just enough of a different viewpoint to get me to open my mind to new possibilities. I’ve also used the Internet to give me new ways of viewing situations. As much as I don’t like overly conservative viewpoints, I will go to such Web sites to read what people who disagree with me think. I’m always surprised by how certain they are of their views! In scoffing at their viewpoints, I have to admit that it’s the certainty in my liberal views that makes me judge the certainty in theirs.

In the editorial section of the newspaper this morning, I read a piece written to President Obama by a man who is dying. He appeals to the president to be honest with the American people about the economy. He writes, “So even as you speak words of hope and quell our fears with your steady presence, let us know that you proceed in the spirit of not being too sure because you cannot be, because no one can be, because a global economic meltdown is unprecedented in scope and nature.” Earlier, he quoted Judge Learned Hand: “The spirit of liberty is the spirit of not being too sure.”

Try asking better questions and digging more deeply into your opinions and views. See if there’s another way to look at the world around you. Remember that being flexible in your thinking and approach gives you more room to move when circumstances change, which they invariably will do.

Bertram Russell wrote, “The whole problem with the world is fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.”

Have a good week,

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2009 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

Good day, team,

This week I heard a program on NPR about astronauts and their experience of landing on the moon. One of the Apollo 12 astronauts, Alan Bean, who was the lunar module pilot for the mission, was interviewed with his co-writer of a children’s book about astronauts.

The interviewer asked Bean, “Does a man feel different after walking on the moon?” Bean replied, “I think he feels satisfied. I think his childhood dreams are satisfied. You don’t have to go to the moon for that. If your childhood dream is to become a doctor and you become one, then your dreams are satisfied. It all depends on what’s in your heart and what your dreams are.”

This insight raised a question for me that is the theme of this week’s challenge. What were my childhood dreams? Was there one in particular that has stayed with me all these years? Did any of my dreams come true? Have I pursued that which I held most dear in my heart?

Frankly, in thinking about this subject, I was surprised to realize that I had a hard time remembering what my life dreams were when I was a child, so I spent some time thinking about it today.

I do remember that I wanted to travel overseas, and I’m happy to say that I’ve not only traveled to but also lived in foreign places at times in my life. I wanted to be a dancer in a big Broadway musical, but the closest I got was dancing and singing in high school musicals. For awhile, I dreamed of being the first lady, but I couldn’t quite figure out how to do that without being married to a president. Unfortunately, all the presidents I was familiar with as a child seemed like fuddy duddies, although when John F. Kennedy took office, my dream was renewed.

When I got a little bit older, I dreamt about becoming a race car driver. The closest I got was driving a Ferrari around a racetrack in upstate New York one summer when I worked in a booth there. One trip around the track at 120 miles per hour was enough to satisfy my dream. I never dreamed about becoming a writer, but I’ve always just done it, so I guess to some extent, it’s a dream fulfilled. I always had a deep desire to find the kernel of truth that runs through all things, to share what I learned with others, and to someday become one with the universe. No small desire to be sure, but that dream still lives in my heart as much today as it always has.

But what struck me most was how distant the idea of having a dream has become for me as an adult. What happens to that incredible enthusiasm we have as children when we wish with all of our hearts and minds that a particular dream comes true? When my cousin George was 12, he dreamed about becoming Superman. It was all he could talk about. His room was filled with pictures and comic books of Superman. He tried jumping off the roof of the dog house with a towel safety-pinned to his T-shirt so he could feel what it would be like to fly with a cape. (The dog seemed very distressed by his attempt.) When my Aunt Gerry bought him a Superman costume for Halloween—he wouldn’t even consider going dressed as anyone else—George wore the costume for the next six weeks. He even slept in it! His parents finally had to hide it one night while he was in the bathtub. I’m not sure he ever forgave them.

So what happens to that desire that makes us want our dreams to come true more than anything else in the whole wide world? Ask yourself this week what your childhood dreams were and whether they have come true. See if you can pinpoint one thing you wanted for yourself more than anything else. As a child, when you looked at the broad vista of your life before you, who did you think you would become?

What are you doing today that reflects your childhood hopes and dreams? Maybe you always wanted to be a cowboy or a ballerina. Did you wish you could fly or run faster than anyone else? Was your dream to serve other people? Maybe you didn’t have a vision of a particular activity, but rather a sense of what your destiny was. Perhaps you wanted to become a tennis champion, own your own bakery, or sing in a choir.

Spend some time thinking this week about what you dreamed for yourself and if any of that came true. If it has, then as Alan Bean commented, you can feel satisfied. If it hasn’t, why not make your dream come true?

Take some sound advice from Pinocchio’s life coach, Jiminy Cricket:
http://solosong.net/wish.html.

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2009 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

Good day, team,

Today I read an interesting commentary in a publication called “Reflections, The SoL Journal, on Knowledge, Learning and Change.” It was written by Anne Murray Allen about her experience working for Hewlett Packard for 16 years. Here’s what she discovered at HP, which is the heart of this week’s challenge:

“When I first joined HP in 1989, I was delighted to become part of an informal, creative, relatively egalitarian social structure. Characteristics and things that human beings yearn for were very present in the work environment. Specifically these included a feeling of well-being, a sense of meaning, and moments of fulfillment at work. I would call it a very loving environment, where ‘love’ is defined as being ‘legitimate in the eyes of another.’ Working in collaborative social systems within a decentralized company, we had the luxury of autonomy and focus, and tremendous results were accomplished.

“And then the world changed. The most noticeable force was the establishment and broad adoption of the Internet. Change in technology and quick access to others around the globe meant new rules in an increasingly more complex and interconnected world. HP’s response to increased competition was similar to that of most multinational companies. The divisions were reigned in, and the company began the journey of learning to be one clear presence to global customers. The idea was to reduce complexity to our customers and stakeholders, but the cost was increased stress, complexity and fatigue for employees. It became impossible to see the larger social system, let alone know if each of us was having an impact.

“Governance of the business became more hierarchical, and work lost meaning for most employees. Many people felt, ‘My job isn’t hard, it is just hard to do my job.’ Paradoxically people became bored, underutilized, and their ideas less legitimate. Yet corporate success was increasingly and precariously measured on short-term profitability, and the connection between long-term financial, social, and environmental well-being was overlooked.

“Regardless of societal shifts over time, humans remain social beings. Simply working for a corporation that pays a good salary is not and will not be enough. The best and brightest want fulfillment, meaning, and an inspiring social structure.”

Anyone who has watched Hewlett Packard’s rise and fall over the past 20 years understands what Allen is saying. Originally, she worked for a company that encouraged her to take ownership and supported her creativity. She felt legitimized by her colleagues. But over time, the company, through increased global competition, created a more hierarchical environment that became overly complex and stressful, and she, like many of her colleagues, lost her desire to commit and engage.

Ask yourself if you see similarities in your work situation to what Allen has described. Are you working for a company that encourages your engagement in things that have an impact? Do you see the rewards of being committed to your job? Do you feel that you’re making a difference? Is it getting more and more difficult to do your job? How often are you encouraged to see things differently or to take a more creative approach? Has the process for getting things done become so complex that it creates undo stress for you and your colleagues?

If you’re in an executive position, are you sacrificing long-term profitability by focusing on short-term fixes and a focus that’s too narrow? Perhaps you’re making decisions about the company based on fear rather than your mission. Are you encouraging your team members to take ownership and helping them see how they can make a difference?

Try to find new ways to engage your heart and mind. Encourage your team members to join you in this engagement. Maybe you redesign a process that no longer works, but that everyone still uses out of habit. Perhaps you suggest that your team members take more ownership for a project and set a goal to finish a week earlier than expected. Sometimes setting tougher goals can reactivate a team and increase engagement. Try helping others see the connections between their daily activities and the company’s overall results. You’ll find that by doing so, it’s easier to see how your own efforts also make a difference.

Allen reminds us that we will need full engagement if we are to create a future in which we can thrive rather than becoming increasingly more worn down and disenfranchised. The successful companies of the future will provide leadership that supports both our hearts and minds as well as demonstrating a moral backbone. They will encourage and enable people to share and have access to each others’ knowledge and expertise.

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2009 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

Good day, team,

The challenge this week is about noticing and acknowledging the kindness of others. I was reminded of this virtue last weekend, after a frightening experience in which my husband and I needed emergency help. Here’s what happened.

Early Sunday morning, a nasty grass fire broke out at our ranch in the Columbia River Gorge. We were fast asleep at the time, but due to a combination of a prophetic dream, a popping sound, and my sense of smell, I awoke at 2 a.m. to discover the field across from our house ablaze. I immediately knew this was no small fire, and as my husband, David, rushed to the scene with hoses in hand, I called emergency services.

I’ve never had to call 911 before. After half a ring, a reassuring voice answered. She immediately notified the fire chief and volunteers in our tiny, unincorporated community and verified that no one was hurt. She assured me the fire crew would arrive as soon as they could.

Five minutes later, our nearest neighbor, Mike, drove up in his truck. Barely awake, he promised the fire crew was right behind him. Next came the fire chief, efficient and friendly. In a few minutes, four fire trucks barreled up the road. Then Mike’s wife, Brenda, and another friend and neighbor, Leroy, arrived. All of them were either part-time or full-time volunteers, and included retirees.

When everyone got to the fire, David was still working the hoses, trying like crazy to put out the highest flames. (Evidently, an owl had flown into an old transformer and burst into flames.) We had had 40 mile-an-hour winds earlier that day, and each time a gust of wind came up, it would ignite the embers and create a new path of fire in seconds. A fire already about 260 feet long and 50 feet wide was expanding each time the wind blew. You really don’t get a sense of how powerful flames are until you see them in action.

The firemen (and -women, I might add) turned on the big hoses, and the blaze was soon under control. The volunteers spent the next two hours digging a trench around the fire, making sure that every possible spark was out, and then went back with an infrared camera to make sure there were no embers lurking under the soil.

I stood at the edge of the field and looked out at the seven volunteers spread across our field in their yellow fire suits, each with a shovel in hand, working feverishly to put out the remaining remnants of fire. Thick smoke burned their eyes and, I imagine, parched their throats. At times, all I could see were the lights from their headlamps through the smoke and ash lighting up small patches of burnt earth, as they worked with great concentration and determination to save our field. Someone mentioned to me that our fire chief makes $500 a month to do his job and, of course, the volunteers don’t make a thing. I was in awe of these selfless folks from our little community who were helping out people they had never met before.

When they were done, we shook the volunteers’ hands and hugged our neighbors. Big smiles broke out on their grimy faces as they remarked variously, “It’s nothing. Just glad it didn’t jump the road”; “Could have been worse. It’s still the start of summer, lots of green on the ground”; “Glad you were here”; “Good thing you’re a light sleeper.”

As they drove away, I had tears in my eyes, and my heart was full from the display of kindness I had just experienced. I will never forget what each of those wonderful people did for us in the early hours of that summer morning, for no reward other than to be here when we needed them.

Last week, I tried to acknowledge any act of kindness I observed. When someone at a restaurant held the door open for a bunch of us as we passed through the doorway, I stopped and told him how much I appreciated it. At the grocery store, as a woman turned sharply, her purse hit the avocados, and they came tumbling down. People in the produce section bent to help her pick them up. I joined in, and we all smiled as we restacked the avocados. Later in the week, I noticed that a young man stopped and parked his bike to help an old woman in a wheelchair cross the road. I gave him a thumbs up as I passed by.

Your challenge this week is to do the same. Try seeing the acts of kindness that are going on around you and take a moment to let people know how great it is that they are performing these acts. It doesn’t have to be verbal: It can be a smile, a wave, a wink or even a high five. You don’t have to worry about the right thing to do; believe me, the right response will come.

If you want to contribute a couple of good deeds yourself, feel free. It’s amazing how good it feels to help someone on the spur of the moment. When they look you in the eye and give you a heartfelt thanks, remember how good it feels to receive help when you’re in need.

Have a good week.

Kathleen

© Copyright 2009 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

Good day, team,

Last week I read a great article, “The Science of Happiness,” by Barbara Fredrickson in the Sun magazine. Fredrickson is the Kenan Distinguished Professor of Psychology at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. She has spent more than 20 years investigating the relatively uncharted terrain of positive emotions, which she says can make us healthier and happier if we take time to cultivate them. She has recently published a book about many of her findings, “Positivity.”

I have long been interested in understanding group dynamics in business teams. I’ve spent many years observing the behavior that occurs when teams work together and often wondered why some teams are successful while others are not. What factors create high-performing teams? What factors create teams that spiral down to a dead end?

In her work, Fredrickson was introduced to Marcial Losada, a well-known business consultant who has developed mathematical models of people’s ability to broaden and build their capacities, resources and resilience. In many years of studying 60 business teams during their annual strategic planning sessions, Losada ranked their success based on the number of positive and negative statements made during the meetings.

People on high-performing teams had a 6-1 ratio of positive to negative statements, whereas the low-performing teams had ratios of less than 1-to-1, meaning that more than half of what was said was negative. The high-performing teams had an even balance between asking questions and advocating for their own points of view, and also an equal measure of focusing outward (for example, on customers) and focusing within the group. The low-performing groups had asked almost no questions and almost never focused outside the group. They exhibited a self-absorbed advocacy: Nobody was listening to anyone else, they were all just waiting to talk.

Ultimately, Losada took his behavioral data and wrote algebraic equations that reflected how each stream – the questioning, the positivity, and the outward-inward focus – related to each other. He learned that his equations matched a set of existing equations called the Lorenz System, which is famous in nonlinear dynamics because it in turn led to the discovery of chaos theory, sometimes called “the butterfly effect”—the idea that the flap of a butterfly’s wings in one location can set in motion a series of events that causes a hurricane on the other side of the globe.

Underneath the dynamics of the high-performing team was what physicists call a “complex chaotic attractor,” which produces unpredictable or novel outcomes. So high-performing teams produced novel creative results. Underneath the structure of low-performing teams was a “fixed-point attractor” that caused the teams to nosedive. What’s interesting is that the negativity always arose within the realm of self-absorbed advocacy and not asking any questions. That’s where the fixed point attractor lies.

Ultimately, using the Lorenz equations, Fredrickson was able to predict that a ratio of three positive events to one negative event is the tipping point where things become chaotic, which is a good thing, since it’s only in this environment that people can be truly interactive and creative. And as a team interacted more and experienced more creativity, positivity spiraled upward.

Fredrickson tested this 3-1 ratio over the next few years to see if it was actually true. In each case, the theory held. She also applied it to her own life in raising her second child and found it to be a much better method of child-rearing. If she could balance the number of times she said, “No” to her son with three times as much positivity, his ability to express himself and pursue his creative interests was much higher and he was happier. She found this to be true in marriages as well. Research suggests that married couples who express about a 5-1 ratio of positive to negative emotions have much more solid marriages than couples who exchange greater amounts of negativity.

So what’s the challenge here? This week, try seeing how much negativity grabs your attention and how often you express it. Then take a look at how often you express positivity and what tends to draw you in more. Fredrickson’s research shows that negative experiences tend to demand our attention more, and it takes self-discipline, will power and practice not to focus solely on them and to choose a positive outlook instead. So negativity tends to happen to us, whereas we need to intentionally choose positivity.

Observe what’s happening in your team meetings. Do the negative comments far outweigh the positive? Do people seem disengaged? Do they ask questions and share new ideas, or do they just sit there and choose not to participate? When they do speak, is it to protect their territory or is it because they want to share an insight or encourage creativity within the group?

If you see a lot of negativity in your life, here are some simple suggestions from the article for experiencing more positivity:

1. Be aware of the present moment, because most moments are positive. We miss many opportunities to be positive because we’re thinking about the past and worrying about the future rather than being open to what is.

2. Pay attention to human kindness—not just what others do for you but what you can do for other people.

3. Go outside in good weather.

4. Practice mindfulness or loving kindness meditation.

5. Arrange your life around your strengths. Ask yourself: Am I really doing what I do best? Being employed in a job that suits your strengths is a great source of enduring positive emotions.

Check out the amount of positivity you experience in your life, both personally and at work. Try injecting more of it into your life this week and see if it makes you happier. As Robert Ingersoll wrote, “My creed is this: Happiness is the only good. The place to be happy is here. The time to be happy is now. The way to be happy is to make others so.”

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2009 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

Good day, team,

By special request, I’m resending this challenge written in September 2007. Some of my horse-loving clients have asked me to republish it.

This week’s challenge comes from the book “The Man Who Listens to Horses” by Monty Roberts. Roberts is a real-life horse whisperer, an American original whose gentle training methods reveal the depth of communication possible between people and animals.

A few years ago, my fellow coach Kate Dwyer (who’s also an avid horsewoman) mentioned to me that the similarities between coaching people and horses are uncanny. She suggested this book to me and in reading it, I have found many useful hints in my attempts to understand good ways of working with people.

Here’s an excerpt from the introduction to the book, written by Lawrence Scanlon:

“Three hundred years before the birth of Christ, there lived a Greek cavalry officer named Xenophon. He wrote a tiny classic called ‘The Art of Horsemanship.’ Here is a paragraph from it:

‘A fit of passion is a thing that has no foresight in it, and so we often have to rue the day when we gave way to it. Consequently, when your horse shies at an object and is unwilling to go up to it, he should be shown that there is nothing fearful in it, least of all to a courageous horse like him; but if this fails, touch the object yourself that seems so dreadful to him, and lead him up to it with gentleness.

‘Riders who force their horses by the use of the whip only increase their fear, for they then associate the pain with the thing that frightens them.’”

This advice makes me think about situations in which some sort of discipline is required. How strong do we need to be in getting the message across (the whip)? And what are the consequences if the people we manage or parent don’t do what we’ve instructed them to do?

Interestingly, none of us seems to have trouble letting toddlers know that if they touch a stove, they will get burned. It’s not hard for us to be quite direct in our instructions about it. However, try using the same direct message when cautioning adults about something that can burn them figuratively: We often stumble on our words and are not very clear about the consequences.

Coaching works best when we begin by being the active force but then quickly step back from that position so the people being coached can become the active force for themselves. People, like horses, respond best to those who are willing to be patient, considerate and clear about their intention, with no hint of anger or judgment.

Of course, managing people will require being tough at times. Such toughness will be effective if all team members believe the discipline is being applied fairly and that it’s for the good of the whole team, not just one person in particular. Managers shouldn’t ask their team members to do anything they themselves wouldn’t also be willing to do.

One of the techniques Roberts uses most effectively, which he describes many times in his book, is to listen to what horses are saying in their own language. This attentiveness gives him the opportunity to respond to them in the same way, with the flick of an ear, the movement of an eye, or a facial expression. Our body language communicates volumes, and unspoken messages that frighten people or make them ill at ease do not facilitate good communication and often make people wary. Feeling safe is a prerequisite for being vulnerable enough to open up the lines of communication and say what we’re really thinking.

Your challenge this week is to take a lesson from our four-legged friend the horse. Take a look at the people you spend most of your time with. How do you treat them? Are you hard on them because you think that will bring out their best? Do you find yourself asking them to do something you wouldn’t dream of doing? Are you willing to invite them into the running, so to speak, rather than forcing them? How would you like to be treated in a similar situation? Are people willing to come back to you for more guidance, or do they try to avoid you? Do you cause people to fear you or respect you?

Once you are able to answer these questions, try taking a gentle, attentive approach with people. Maybe it’s just as simple as holding out your hand and asking for help rather than pointing your finger to get your opinion across. And if that hand offers an apple as well, you might just find that people respond like the horse does, with a willingness to carry you that extra mile!

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2009 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

Good day, team,

This week’s challenge comes from an old Indian tale, “Two Wolves,” which was shared with me by a *coaching contact. She heard it from Lou Tice, chairman of The Pacific Institute, an organization dedicated to transforming peoples’ lives through education and training.

“One evening, an old Cherokee man told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, ‘My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all. One is evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego. The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.

“The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, ‘Which wolf wins?’ The old man replied, ‘The one you feed.’

How often are we faced with a choice about how to react to each day’s challenges? Do we rail at the outrageous winds of fate that pound us from time to time, falling in the pit of self-pity, or do we look upon these moments as opportunities to learn and grow, and broaden the humanity within us?

The good news is that we do have a choice. We can choose to feed the wolf of envy and resentment or the wolf of humility, benevolence and compassion. We can choose to be happy or to be miserable. The choice we make colors our days, our work and our relationships to those around us. Which wolf will you choose to feed today?”

Your challenge this week is to observe what your state of mind is throughout the day and choose what serves you best. Which wolf are you choosing to feed? In some cases, we don’t make a conscious choice but rather find ourselves in a state of negativity that creates a bad day. If you recognize that a difficult state has come over you, then you can choose to do something to get yourself out of it. In that moment you can choose the good wolf, rather than have the evil wolf to determine how your day will go.

The opportunities we have to choose our state of mind and heart are endless. Events throughout our day create all kinds of reactions in us. But if we are self-aware enough to observe what we’re thinking and feeling, we can ask ourselves, “Does this state serve me well?” Just by asking the question you will have an opportunity to choose which wolf you want to feed and which wolf you can tell to find its food elsewhere.

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

*Many thanks to Debbie Neuberger, Senior Vice President of Customer Care at Move Inc., for sharing this story with me.

© Copyright 2009 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.