Good day, team, This week’s challenge comes from an article that my good friend, associate and coach extraordinaire Kate Dwyer shared with me. Here are excerpts from “Job Survival Advice: Don’t Fear the Whitewater,” published Nov. 12, 2008, online at Knowledge@Wharton. According to Gregory Shea, adjunct professor of management at Wharton, and business writer Robert […]
Good day, team,
This week’s challenge is about finding peace.
Once the election for U.S. president was over this past week, I reflected upon the state of the world. We’re on a wild ride economically, ecologically and politically right now, and the safety and security that we’ve enjoyed for generations seems to be threatened.
Sometimes I wonder about this perception. It’s possible that much of what we’ve thought was safe and secure was an illusion and that, in our dreamy state, we ignored some key signs along the way that were trying to tell us to pay more attention. In any case, here we are, six weeks short of a new year, facing some great challenges.
Where in all of this do we find peace? How do we maintain our equanimity in the midst of stormy conditions, not just outside of us, but within us as well? Peace of mind and heart are challenged when our external circumstances grow grim, and yet these are the very times when peace and tranquility are what we need to face adversity.
When things get tough for me, I notice that my peace of mind is most challenged by what I call bundling. I let my mind run helter-skelter, and one thought builds on another until there’s a huge bundle of worries that overwhelms me. It goes something like this:
“Gee, my retirement account is worth about one-third of what it was two years ago. What will I live on when I retire, if I ever do retire? Given the state of the world, I’m liable to have to keep working till I’m 100! But then what makes me think I’ll be able to even stay in business over the next year? Most consultants don’t make it in hard times. What if I can’t make any contributions to my retirement account? I mean, the dollar will probably tank some more, so even the money that’s there won’t be worth anything. It’s all just paper anyway, so what makes me think I’ll be able to take care of myself in my old age? What will happen to me if I get sick and have no money to pay for insurance or medical bills or…?”
And so it goes. In one stream of thoughts, I’ve gone from worrying about my retirement account to not having any work to not being able to support myself to getting sick and not being able to pay my medical bills. As one thought piles on to the next, and then another, and then another, they all fuse into one big bundle that becomes much too difficult to overcome. Then we become depressed, and that negative state just adds more grim thoughts to the bundle, and so on. Regaining peace in this scenario is almost impossible, and once we’re depressed, it’s much more difficult to access the positive thoughts that might pull us out of that state.
The solution is to prevent a bundle from accumulating in the first place. When these thoughts try to pile on top of each other, I have to stop and say to myself, “Hold on here, let’s not bundle all these thoughts. They really don’t belong together in the first place, and sitting here allowing them to build on each other will not help your state of mind or your retirement account. Try to look at exactly what is directly in front of you.”
This little exercise of looking out of my eyes helps to break the thought pattern, and one more bundle that wanted to become bigger has just been unbundled! What a relief! In these moments, I can once again access a spaciousness and awareness that gives me much more freedom, clarity and peace in the moment.
Your challenge this week is to find peace within yourself, particularly in the midst of difficult circumstances. Perhaps you put a reminder of peace on your desk and each time you see it, you return to that state within yourself that feels content and at rest. Sometimes reminding yourself to breathe will give you immediate access to a more peaceful state. Taking a walk and breaking up the pattern of the day can often bring peace to our hearts.
One of my friends makes a list of all of the things that come up in her mind when she starts bundling. By doing this, she can stop the ranting and raving, as she calls it, because she can actually see on paper how the thoughts are unrelated. Then she puts the list in a drawer and says to herself, “Nope, I’m not going to keep doing this. I have more important things to attend to, and my peace of mind is more important to me.” I have a note card on my desk that asks, “Do these thoughts and feelings serve me in this moment?”
Try experimenting with whatever reminders you can come up with to save yourself from bundling. The beauty of peace is that we can access it at any time within ourselves by choosing it over anything else. Even in the most dire circumstances, our internal state of peace is always possible.
One of my favorite writers, Wendell Berry, describes peace beautifully in the following poem:
The Peace of Wild Things
When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.
Have a peaceful week!
Kathleen
Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249
© Copyright 2008 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.
Good day team,
A few years ago, I attended a public speaking class for two days. In a nutshell, it was painful. There were 20 people in the class from lots of different companies here in Portland. We were all strangers to each other, but over the course of the class, we got to know each other in ways we could not have imagined.
Simply put, standing up in front of other people and speaking makes most people extremely nervous and vulnerable. In our class, we all experienced painful moments of stuttering, silence, lots of ‘umming’ and ‘aheming’, and all sorts of odd looking body movements. One woman ran from the room each time it was her turn to speak and we would have to coax her back so she could complete her assignment. My personal experience was thatthe group was very supportive, forgiving, and compassionate. When people suffer together, they come together in profound ways and our little group did just that.
I learned that public speaking is an art and not something that comes automatically to anyone. There’s no doubt, some people are better at it than others, but after two days of videotaping, coaching and open feedback from fellow participants, you learn that even the most comfortable public speakers have a lot to learn. You focus on how to stand, what your gestures look like, what tone of voice to use for different messages, when to pause appropriately, how to make eye contact, etc. After hours of grueling practice and honest feedback, you begin to learn the tricks to effective presentation. But, learning how to be an effective public speaker can also become an obstacle to the audience believing in you and your message. If you follow the rules too closely the audience can feel like you’re trying to sell them something and within moments, they will become suspicious of you and your message.
In the November 2008 Harvard Business Review, there’s a good article about “How to Become an Authentic Speaker”, by Nick Morgan. Here are some excerpts from his article.
“Authenticity – including the ability to communicate authentically with others – has become on important leadership attribute. When leaders have it, they can inspire their followers to make extraordinary efforts on behalf of their organizations. When they don’t, cynicism prevails and few employees do more than the minimum necessary to get by. We all know by now the power of nonverbal communication – what I call the ‘second conversation’. If your spoken message and your body language are mismatched, audiences will respond to the non-verbal message every time. Gestures speak louder than words. And that means you can’t just stand up and tell the truth.”
Our author goes on to say that you cannot rehearse authenticity and that leaves you in a quandary about how to be more effective without looking practiced. The classic suggestions you’re given in these presentation and public speaking courses i.e., maintaing eye contact, spreading your arms, walking out from behind the podium, etc., can often back fire. They make you appear inauthentic and the audience sees you as being artificial.
Science teaches us that non-verbal communication starts before words actually get spoken and it takes place the instant after an emotion or an impulse fires deep within the brain. This happens long before it’s actually articulated in speech, and we often find ourselves having made certain conclusions before the thought actually gets translated by our brains. I recall walking into a manager’s office recently and immediately ‘knowing’ that he was not having a good day. The expression on his face registered exasperation, he was sitting on the edge of his seat, pounding on his computer keys. I knew he was having a hard time. The thought occurred to me, “this is probably not a good time to bring up the coaching budget for 2009”. We started our meeting from a completely different approach than I had intended. I asked what kind of day he was having and he talked for the next 15 minutes. This gave the manager time to unwind and to get some of the stuff that was bothering him off his chest. It gave us a chance to connect emotionally and for me to listen to what was really important to him in that moment. By the time the subject of coaching came up, he was in a completely different frame of mind and much more open to discussing the program for 2009.
Here are some suggestions the author makes in his article to assist us in communicating authentically:
“Tap into four fundamental aims, or ‘intents’ of a good presentation: be open with your listeners to connect with them, be passionate about your topic, and listen to messages from your audience, either spoken or unspoken. In practicing your speech, work to get into the mind-set of each of these aims and you’ll achieve the perceived and actual authenticity that creates a powerful bond with audiences.”
“How can you become more open? Try to imagine giving your presentation to someone with whom you’re completely relaxed – your spouse, a close friend, your child. Notice what that mental picture looks like but particularly what it /feels/ like. This is the state you need to be in if you are to have an authentic rapport with your audience.”
And, don’t forget the importance of being present to your audience. I have often found it helpful to try to feel my feet throughout my presentation. It grounds my energy before I being speaking and although hard to do, whenever I can feel my feet, it brings me back into the moment and gives me a new opportunity to check in to my audience, hear myself speaking (so I know what I’m saying), and breathe.
This week, your challenge is to experiment with being more authentic when you speak. It doesn’t have to be in front of a large group of people, it can occur around a conference room table with just a few people in a meeting, or even over the phone experimenting with your tone of voice. Try setting the intentions mentioned above before you speak. Maybe you can try being more authentic in a one-on-one conversation with someone by listening to their unspoken as well as spoken communication. Experiment with your attention when you’re speaking and when you’re listening.
I have often thought of this quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson, before going into a conversation,
“When the eyes say one thing and the tongue another, a practiced man relies on the language of the first.”
Have a great week!
Kathleen
Good day, team,
Out walking the other morning, preoccupied by thoughts about one of my clients, I suddenly marveled at the beauty I saw all around me. The trees were colorfully arrayed with muted orange, fiery red and bright yellow leaves. The backdrop of greens and browns only added to their bright hues, and I found myself in awe of nature’s great showcase this time of year.
Until the beauty I beheld woke me up, I had been in imagination most of the morning. I hadn’t heard from this client in awhile, and I was worried about how the person was doing. My mind jumped from one worrisome thought to the next. In the moment when I came back to the present, I thought, “Try to be here, instead of in imagination about something else. It’s so beautiful here; try to remain aware of it.”
The next few minutes were a wonder. As my consciousness became more and more attuned to what was around me, I began to feel the crisp, cold air on my skin. I could see faint traces of my breath in the air. I heard my feet as they walked over crunchy leaves on the sidewalk. Each tree was in the midst of transformation, many of them still green in some parts with others turning various autumnal colors. The sky was azure blue in places and still shrouded in fog elsewhere. The morning sun made big, broad diagonal strokes of light across the landscape as it majestically rose in the eastern sky. What a feast I was experiencing!
Just when I didn’t think the moment could get any better, I suddenly noticed hundreds of spider webs everywhere. They were strung between the leaves on the trees, hanging from the eaves on houses and across porch screens, woven in the small spaces between rocks. They glistened with tiny drops of morning dew like bright crystals. As I stopped to inspect one of them, the sun reflected on the dew drops and the intricate pattern of the web took my breath away. Surrounded by these miracles of the moment, I thought, “How appropriate that people use cobwebs as Halloween decorations. They’re everywhere!” But then I began to wonder whether they are always there, but I never see them because I’m so often in imagination.
In an attempt to return to the present, I decided not to analyze the subject of whether the cobwebs are always there or not, since I knew it would take me right back out of the moment again. How funny, that imagining being in the moment or analyzing why you’re either in it or not is just like any other kind of imagination: It takes you out of the moment and plunges you right back into imagination.
Your challenge this week is to be as present as you can so you can experience what’s going on around you. Try not to let your imagination take you away. This is harder to do than it sounds, so experiment with it. Challenge yourself to spend just five minutes being as present as you can. Part of the experience is seeing what tries to take you out of the moment as well as experiencing what’s in the moment.
Maybe you decide to take a short walk and try to see and hear as much as you can while walking. Perhaps you are working on a project, and you commit your attention to just what’s in front of you. If you strike up a conversation with someone, try to be present to that person’s tone of voice and facial expressions and to the words you’re exchanging. The emotions you feel as you speak with them and the thoughts that come into your mind as you respond to what they’re saying are all things you can observe to be fully in the moment while it’s happening. Whatever you decide to do for your experiment, enjoy the experience of simply being where you are, doing what you’re doing.
I believe that our consciousness is capable of far more expansion than we realize, and that it’s possible to be present to multiple things at once. By experimenting with our attention, we may find that there’s much more to life than we normally experience. It’s possible that it’s been here all along, but if we’re not present to it, it doesn’t exist for us, and we miss it. Just as I suddenly saw the exquisite spider webs, it’s possible in any moment to clear away the cobwebs of accidental thoughts from our minds and allow our attention to experience little gems that normally go unnoticed.
As the Chinese Zen Master Wu-Men Hui-k’ai (1183-1260) reminds us:
Ten thousand flowers in spring, the moon in autumn,
a cool breeze in summer, snow in winter.
If your mind isn’t clouded by unnecessary things,
this is the best season of your life.
Have a great week!
Kathleen
Good day, team,
This week’s challenge is about connectedness. Having returned from two weeks’ vacation in France, I want to share some observations I made while traveling that are applicable.
I first traveled to Europe in the summer of 1970. I had just graduated from high school, and my mother took my sister and me as a gift. We traveled throughout the continent and found the diversity and specific cultures of each country to be not only very interesting, but also surprising. As Americans we were accustomed to living in a large country where everyone spoke the same language and had molded their cultural European, Asian or African ancestry into an American melting pot. But in Europe, we’d get on the train in one country that had its own language, foods, currency, and traditions and, within an hour or two, get off the train in another country where it was all completely different. We were amazed by and challenged to relate to people who lived in such unfamiliar cultures.
Today, the world is a very different place. Most of the European countries now share one currency, the euro. It has united them in ways that they are still learning about and created a European economic entity that did not exist before. English is spoken in most countries (even in the countryside), since almost all European children are taught English as a second language from the minute they start school, and this common language allows people who might not otherwise be able to communicate to understand each other.
I found the French to be particularly interested in our upcoming election. In Paris the cafes and bars were full and lively. Over cafe au lait or wine, we found ourselves talking with others about what we thought of the candidates, what was important to them, how they felt about their own president, etc. Overwhelmingly, people emphasized that our president needed to understand the importance of reaching out to partners across the globe. They felt it would be detrimental for all if America isolated itself and continued to see itself as the dominant world power that needed to stay separate in order to maintain it’s position.
Ironically, they would then complain about having to pay for everything with one currency and bemoan having become more connected to other European nations with the advent of the euro. I think they feel that their unique identities have been threatened in some ways. But their understanding of the world as one whole is quite strong.
The second week we traveled to our friend’s home in the Perigord region with it’s gorgeous farm land and abundant culinary delights. While we were there, we heard of the European leaders gathering to put together a plan to save their financial institutions. The stock market in the U.S. had plunged, and its effects were being felt worldwide in such a profound way that the Europeans had to take swift action.
Our conversations in the cafes and bars became even more impassioned. Now it was not just about hoping we would elect someone who would partner, but also about ensuring that the new president of the United States truly understood how connected we all are. As one Frenchman said to me, “We are not separate anymore. It’s like dominoes: When one country falls, we all suffer. The health and welfare of the U.S. financial system is as important to us as it is to you. And we can no longer see ourselves as being completely independent. We hope you elect someone who is willing to work together with us.”
Your challenge this week? See how connected you are to others. Maybe your company is reorganizing, and you’re suddenly working with a new team or a new partner. Find your commonalities and work from your combined strengths. Try reaching out to your partners and be open-minded enough to see their point of view, even if it doesn’t match your own. Think about how your actions each day influence many others, even the people you don’t see. Your e-mail could easily be sent to 100 people in a matter of minutes and has the potential of affecting each person who reads it.
Just as we are connected to the earth, we are also connected to all the beings on it in profound ways. Spend some time this week thinking about your connections (both seen and unseen) to others and work to strengthen those connections. Perhaps you just tell someone that you understand they are different from you, and with that understanding you become more emotionally connected to who they are and what makes them unique.
Have a great week!
Kathleen
Good morning, team,
I’ve long wanted to write about a problem that I have most recently seen far too much of: cronyism. First, a definition from Wikipedia:
“Cronyism is partiality to long-standing friends, especially by appointing them to positions of authority, regardless of their qualifications. Hence, cronyism is contrary in practice and principle to meritocracy. Cronyism exists when the appointer and the beneficiary are in social contact; often, the appointer is inadequate to hold his or her own job or position of authority, and for this reason appoints individuals who will not try to weaken him or her, or express contrary views. Politically, cronyism is derogatory. The word crony first appeared in 18th century London, believed by many to be derived from the Greek word chronios, meaning long-term; however, crony appears in the 1811 edition of Grose’s Vulgar Tongue with a decidedly non-collegiate definition, placing it firmly in the cant of the underworld. A less likely source is the Irish language term ‘comh-roghna,’ which translates to close pals, or mutual friends.”
Abraham Lincoln is a good example of a president who didn’t rely on his cronies. When he chose his cabinet members, he intentionally picked men who were affiliated with the other political party, men who had criticized him vehemently and worked hard to prevent him from becoming president. But Lincoln understood the dangers of cronyism and the benefits of having many different viewpoints at the table to help him make the most informed decisions.
In contrast, the Bush administration demonstrated a clear case of cronyism when Donald Rumsfeld was the Secretary of Defense and he and Dick Cheney, old friends for many years, were in complete agreement about how the U.S. should involve itself in Iraq. When Colin Powell began to disagree with them, he was soon ejected from his position as Secretary of State (we were told that he resigned). As we now know, President Bush did not benefit from hearing only the Rumsfeld-Cheney viewpoint. If cronysim in the White House hadn’t been so widespread, Secretary Powell’s views might have been considered more seriously.
The consequenses of cronyism can be devastating. Consider the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina when the head of FEMA, Michael Brown (a close friend of President Bush’s), suddenly found himself responsible for thousands of lives and didn’t have a clue what to do in a disaster of such magnitude. As Bush said, “Heck of a job, Brownie,” which has now become a common phrase used by people when they detect cronyism.
Cronyism is like putting on blinders. It inhibits you from seeing any other way to deal with a situation and allows you to stay attached to your own ideas of how things should get done.
Your challenge this week is to take an in-depth look at whether cronyism has crept into your work situation. Are you working closely with others whom you trust because of years of friendship, even though they may not be qualified to do the job? Are people being promoted in your organization because of their skills or is it because of their similarity in thought and ideas to the person who promoted them? Are you surrounding yourself with people who parrot your ideas and are too afraid to tell you what they really think?
If you’re in a position of power, try talking about cronyism with your teammates. Let people know that you are not in favor of promotions that are made due to friendship. Encourage your co-workers to tell you what they really think, not just what they think you want to hear. Spend some time each week listening to the views of people in your organization whom you disagree with. Find out why they hold this view and keep your mind open enough to consider that they might have a better idea or a more accurate viewpoint.
As a staff member, if you see cronyism at work, try finding a diplomatic way of pointing it out. Maybe you do this by asking the cronies if they’ve considered other ways to approach a situation. Try offering your viewpoint to the team as a way of broadening the perspective, rather than keeping it narrow.
Whatever you do, try to summon the courage to stand up for what you think is a healthier way for people to work together as a team. Cronyism limits all of us and our ability to surround ourselves with fresh, new thoughts and the qualified people who can mean the difference between success and failure.
* The coach will be on vacation for the next two weeks. Your next challenge will be published October 20, 2008.
Have a great week!
Kathleen
Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249
© Copyright 2008 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.
Good day, team,
In the midst of all the bad financial news that came our way last week, a small ray of light was given to my husband and me yesterday by a dear friend. It’s a quote from Virgil that she printed on a lovely card using a letter press. Words from this famous poet, born in 70 BCE (before the common era), brought to life with ancient printing techniques, enlightened our day and gave us some much-needed perspective.
Here is the quote:
“First the sky and the earth and the flowing fields of the sea, the shining orb of the moon and the titan sun, the stars; an inner spirit feeds them, coursing through all their limbs, mind stirs the mass and their fusion brings the world to birth.”
I offer this as your challenge this week: to remember what’s really important in your life. The price of gasoline and groceries may continue to rise, but where there is love and peace in your life, there you are most rich. And no matter how major these events all seem, we are still just a speck in the greater universe.
Above all, human beings have an amazing ability to survive even the most dire circumstances. Last evening at my husband’s birthday party, I felt that the love, kinship, and kindness of friends and family is worth so much more than any material thing we possess. And, in our everyday struggles, we find that asking for and receiving help from others is such a great gift.
This week, remember what is most important in your life and don’t be afraid to tell others. Think of Virgil’s words: He reminds us that each day is a rebirth as the world continues to re-create itself. And as our relationships with each other continue to feed us, we are renewed and revitalized to meet whatever challenges come our way.
Have a great week!
Kathleen
Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249
© Copyright 2008 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.
Good morning, team,
I read a quote in “Wired” magazine recently that I want to share with you this week. Shai Agassi, the man quoted, has created an audacious plan to put electric cars on the road. These cars are not hybrids: They are totally electric. Agassi also wants to create a nationwide grid of charging stations to plug them into. His story is interesting, and you can read about him in the September 2008 edition of “Wired.” But back to his quote.
When the fellow who interviewed Agassi for the article asked whether he was worried about competitors, Agassi looked at him like he was an idiot. He replied, “The mission is to end oil, not create a company.”
I’ve been thinking about this statement all week. It made me wonder how many companies were created for a particular mission and then, because of competition, the founders lost sight of their mission and let the companies become something else. Look at the banking industry. Banks were created to lend money to people so they could build homes, create businesses and work toward a better life. Remember when the local bank loaned money to farmers so they could grow more crops and feed more people?
Look at the banking industry today. It still lends money to people, but the industry has become so competitive that it’s much more about sales than service, with disastrous results. Financial institutions that no more than five years ago were worth billions of dollars have just collapsed due to greed and mismanagement.
When I started coaching 10 years ago, I was completely jazzed about the potential changes I could help facilitate in companies. Many of my clients were going to work disheartened and disengaged. It had become too hard for them to get anything done in environments rife with politics, where people put up obstacles in front of each other so they could win their next position. Think of how much healthier the work environment would be if we could encourage people to focus on the core business and work together more successfully as a team.
Years later, when someone asked me, “What’s your competition doing and how do you plan to flip this company of yours if you can’t leverage yourself?” I was shocked. I hadn’t started coaching people so I could create a company to flip, and I had never thought about competition. I started coaching because I believe in the service it offers to make the world a better place. I figured that for all the people and companies who needed a coach, there was plenty of work to go around.
People could argue that my mission won’t create a good retirement fund for me. But they would need to understand my interpretation of what a good retirement fund consists of: By acting in service to others, I feel incredibly abundant and know that I have more than enough of what I need.
Your challenge this week is to explore how far away you’ve come from your personal mission just for the sake of competing. If you own a business, examine whether your emphasis still matches that of your original mission. Are you still as passionate about what got you started in the first place? If you work for a larger company, what are you doing each day that furthers the original mission of the company and are you still excited about it? Are your external efforts aligned with your internal desires? What’s meaningful to you in your job?
Maybe you don’t think you are in a position to ask yourself these questions. My clients often say to me, “I don’t have the luxury of doing what I love, I have to support a family and send my kids to college.” But I do think that each of us has an opportunity to work with others to add more value to the world (and I don’t mean just monetarily). Competition has its place. However, if it’s become your main goal and has taken you away from doing what you originally set out to do, try putting your focus back where it belongs.
You may just find that by refocusing on what you originally set out to do, you actually become the best at it without trying to be better than anyone else. And you might just change the world for the better as well.
Have a great week!
Kathleen
Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249
© Copyright 2008 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.
Good day, team,
Among other things, September is a placeholder month for me. That is, it’s the month when I stop to review how the year has gone so far and what my intentions are for the last quarter of the year.
I developed this habit when I went into business for myself years ago. It’s wise to stop periodically to see how you’re doing in relation to the goals you set, the intentions you had, and the business you have developed. It also helps to review what you’ve achieved and where you continue to get stuck.
September is also the glorious season of Indian summer. As the days grow shorter and the light gets longer, we move into autumn with one last, great burst of heat and light. It’s a time to reap what you’ve sown, to harvest what’s grown since springtime.
Your challenge this week is to assess the fruits of your labors so far this year by asking yourself three good questions. Here are mine:
1) What progess have I made toward the goals I set for myself last December and January and what’s left to do?
2) Where do I get stuck? What prevents me from moving forward?
3) What makes the most sense: Do I continue to try to achieve the goals I set for myself? Do I need to realign my priorities so that I’m working on what’s actually happening now and not just an idea of what I thought was supposed to be happening this year?
Sounds like more than three questions to me, but that’s what I love about questions: As I formulate them, I often find some answers within them!
If you’re really having a tough time meeting your goals, try setting a very small one and accomplish that. Every time we achieve a small goal, it makes it much easier to achieve a larger one. I tried this recently by setting a goal of keeping the top of my desk clean for a week. It made me feel really good by week’s end that I had done so and also enabled me to get something done that I hadn’t been able to finish previously. Small gains create the kind of attitude and energy we need to accomplish larger tasks.
Whatever you do, enjoy this Indian summer. Use the energy of harvest and abundance to feel good about what you have accomplished this year. This season will be over before you know it and different opportunities will arrive with the coming of autumn.
Have a great week!
Kathleen
Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249
© Copyright 2008 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.
Good day Team,
Here’s one of my favorite challenges that I’m often asked to republish.
The coach’s challenge for the week is about the 8 attributes of supportive communication. Please see below. They speak for themselves.
8 Attributes of Supportive Communication
� Problem oriented, not person oriented – focus on how problems and issues can be changed rather than on people and their characteristics (”How can we solve this problem”, Not “Because of you this problem exists)
� Congruent, not incongruent – focus on honest messages in which verbal statements match thoughts and feelings (”Your behavior really upset me”, Not, “Do I seem upset? No, everything is fine.”)
� Descriptive, not evaluative – focus on describing an objective occurrence, describing your reaction to it, and offering a suggested alternative (”Here is what happened, this was my reaction; here is a suggestion that is acceptable”. Not, “you are wrong for doing what you did.”)
� Validating, not invalidating – focus on statements that communicate respect, flexibility, collaboration, and areas of agreement (”I have some ideas, but do you have any suggestions?” Not, “You wouldn’t understand, so we’ll do it my way.”)
� Specific, not global – focus on specific events or behavior, avoiding general, extreme, or either-or statements (”You interrupted me three times during the meeting.” Not, “You’re always trying to get attention.”)
� Conjunctive, not disjunctive – focus on statements that flow from what has been previously said and facilitating interaction (”Relating to what you just said, I’d like to raise another point.” Not, “I want to say something (unrelated to and/or regardless of what you just said.”))
� Owned, not disowned – focus on taking responsibility for your own actions by using personal “I” words (”I have decided to turn down your request because…” Not, “You have a good idea but it wouldn’t get approved” or, “I liked your proposal, but Kim said we should use another.”)
� Supportive listening, not one-way listening – focus on using a variety of appropriate responses; with a bias toward reflective responses, (”What do you think are the obstacles standing in the way of improvement?” Not, “As I said before, you are making too many mistakes. You’re just not performing.”)
Try using some of these suggestions in your communications this week. You may find your listeners to be much more open and willing to continue the conversation!
Have a great week!
Kathleen
Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249
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