The subject of this post is vulnerability. The word vulnerable comes from the Latin vulnera, which means “to wound.” It is defined as, “capable or susceptible of being wounded or hurt, open to moral attack, criticism, difficult to defend.” All of these definitions elicit fear in us. Being completely defenseless and vulnerable with others is an experience we rarely allow to happen. Only when we are unable to defend ourselves from people or circumstances can the experience of being vulnerable occur.
Never have I been more vulnerable than when I fell down a flight of stairs years ago. I had no choice but to surrender completely to the care and consideration of others. The joy in this was seeing how incredibly loving and compassionate everyone had been. I have such clear memories of many of the people who cared for me: the elderly Latina ER nurse murmuring, “Parajito herido” (little wounded bird) with such tenderness as she cleaned the blood off my face; the surgeon placing his strong, reassuring hand on my shoulder as they wheeled me into the operating room; and the look of such love and relief on my husband’s face as he held the straw up to my mouth for my first sip of water after surgery. These images are chiseled into my memory.
I am a pretty controlling person. I have a hard time letting other people do things for me without giving them directions or advice. I’m in the business of serving and advising others on a daily basis, which is not uncommon for someone who has a controlling nature. The idea of being vulnerable is abhorrent to people like me. That’s why that accident was such an eye opener. Being so vulnerable, I had no choice but to let others take care of everything and just receive their love and kindness without resisting. And I can see how it helped me heal — on a much more profound level than I ever imagined.
Consider letting your defenses down for a moment or two to allow others to help you. When someone offers to bring you coffee or pick up your dishes, let them. In meetings, don’t keep talking if you really don’t know the answer to a problem. Stop talking and ask others for help finding the right answer. If you’re having trouble trusting someone, try assuming positive intent and seeing what the outcome is. Sometimes we have to trust a little more than we’re comfortable with to find out that it’s okay. If you’re always the driver, how about sitting in the back seat and letting someone else drive? You may actually enjoy the ride instead of being so determined to get everyone to the destination.
In my moments of vulnerability,I received so much more than I would have asked for myself. By not controlling what was happening, things and people came to me naturally, and each gift was exactly what was needed in the moment.
This life, this dream, we so often take for granted — or try to control — can change in an instant. In each moment, we can experience so much love and beauty if we only allow ourselves to receive it. Give yourself time to receive what others have to give you. Surrender — there is so little to lose and so much to gain.
Kathleen