Category: Testimonials

Living With Less and Being Grateful For It

Good day, team,

The title of this week’s challenge could be “Grateful for Less.” I’ll tell my story, and then you can decide.

Years ago I lived in Venice, Italy, for a year. I wanted to live in Europe for an extended period of time, in a place where the locals demanded that I speak their language, that had fine wine and excellent cuisine, great art, easy access to water, a place that would require me to live my day-to-day life differently. Venice was perfect.

Soon after I moved there, it became obvious to me that living in a place without automobiles was very different. You have to walk everywhere. Aside from the occasional water taxi, you are completely dependent on your body to get you from place to place. You also have to carry everything on your person. This not only keeps you in great shape, but it slows you down, limits the number of places you can get to within any given day and means that you try to purchase everything in small amounts. None of this going to the store and buying a jumbo box of anything. Because you have to carry it home, small is the perfect size.

I was also living without a washing machine or dryer (the Italians think that clothes dryers are unsanitary), so once a week I had to hand-wash all my clothes and hang them out the bathroom window where my clothesline hung. There is an art to hanging laundry in Venice, and if you live on the third floor of a 14th century building and you don’t get it right, your unmentionables end up in La Signora’s garden on the first floor. It’s a terrible way to get to know your neighbors, believe me.

Since there were no big supermarkets around and each store had its own specialty—the bread shop, the meat shop, the pasta shop, etc.—it took me awhile to figure out where I was going to get laundry detergent. After I had made many inquiries in broken Italian, my neighbor finally took pity on me and escorted me to the one store in my neighborhood that sold detergent. She warned me, “The detergent boat arrives on Wednesday late afternoon. First thing Thursday morning, you have to be here bright and early to get your box of detergent; otherwise, they’re sold out by noon and you have to wait another week.” Imagine how strange this was for me as an American. We can buy detergent 24 hours a day in any size box with a long list of choices—bleach, no bleach, liquid, powder—at the price point we want.

So early the next Thursday morning, I went down to the detergent shop. A line had already formed. I waited there thinking, “I can’t believe I’m doing this to buy soap,” and trying not to look impatient (most Italians think that all Americans are impatient). When I finally got into the shop, I saw the wall of detergent boxes. There was only one kind in one size, small by American standards, but good if you have to carry it home. I purchased my box of detergent and triumphantly headed for home. Accomplishing the simplest of things when you live in a foreign country is always a victory.

All year I repeated this ritual and actually began to appreciate the rhythm of the experience. It was like hearing a familiar piece of music, and each Thursday morning when I stood in that line, I felt like I belonged there.

One year later, I was back in Northern California after my year abroad. On my second day home, I was jet-lagged and shocked by how fast everything and everyone moved (especially the automobiles). I had no food and a suitcase full of dirty clothes, so I headed off to the grocery store.

I wandered into the nearest Safeway to make my purchases. Imagine how strange this was: The aisles in the store were wider than the streets I had walked in Venice. The store was the size of an entire Venetian neighborhood square, and the shelves were filled with huge amounts of everything. As I made it to the detergent section in a daze, I began to peruse the soap offerings on the shelves. There were so many kinds of detergent I could not possibly read all the specifics on each box, let alone make a choice. The entire experience began to make me anxious, and I started to cry. Finally, in the midst of all the boxes, I realized what a waste of time it was for me to read detergent boxes to compare ingredients and prices. How depressing and confusing! I quickly grabbed the box closest to me and made my way to the check-out.

As I fumbled in my pocket for a few dollars, the clerk asked me, “Did you find everything you needed?” I mumbled something obscene in Italian and quickly left the store.

What did I learn? That the experience of access does strange things to our psychology. We always tend to want more, but when we’re given too many choices, we get more and more confused and less satisfied with the results. There’s never enough, even when there’s so much that we can’t possibly use it all. The list of things we want to buy, improve, get a good deal on, etc., is never-ending, and so, as we acquire more and more, we become less and less satisfied.

Your challenge this week is to try living with less. Look at your stuff—in your garage, in your closet, in your office, in your refrigerator or kitchen cupboard. How much is there that you never use? And when you go to choose something, is it difficult to do because you have too many choices? Try limiting the amount of stuff you use this week and see what happens. Experiment by going to the store and buying the smallest amount of something and see how long it lasts. Two weeks ago I bought a jumbo bag of pretzels, because they were the best price. I’ve only eaten about a handful, and even though I’ve tried to keep the bag closed (by a special clip from Safeway designed to keep jumbo bags of stuff fresh), they’re now going stale.

The architect Mies van der Rohe pronounced that in buildings “Less is more.” I found out that maxim is also true for life in general. See what you think.

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2009 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

Buddha and The Ginger Jar – Who’s Responsible?

Good day, team,

The following story is one of my favorites. I don’t know where it came from, and I can’t remember who told it to me, but I often find myself relating it to my clients, friends and family. The story describes a good lesson about who’s responsible that is your challenge this week (it’s a bit lengthy so give yourself some time to read it).

Once upon a time, there was a Buddhist monk who lived in the monastery of the great Buddha. He had lived there for 15 years, and in that time he was privileged to be taught directly by the Buddha, whom he had grown to love as his teacher, his friend and his master.

As was the case with all monks who lived with the Buddha, after a period of time, this monk had students of his own. He was responsible for teaching his students the Buddha’s teachings and for encouraging them to put into practice what they learned.

One day, the monk found himself knocking on the door of the Buddha’s room, in hopes of gaining an audience with him. He stood there with a worried expression on his face, wondering how he would say what he had to say to his teacher. After a few moments, the monk heard the Buddha say, “Come in,” and so he entered.

The room was dimly lit with butter lamps, and the scent of incense wafted up to the wooden rafters of the small and sacred space. The monk approached the Buddha in his most respectful posture, with his eyes downcast and his hands clasped in front of him. The Buddha’s face brightened into a broad smile as the monk came forward.

As the monk knelt in front of the Buddha, he looked at the Buddha’s face and could not hide how troubled he was. This concerned the Buddha, and he asked the monk, “My son, you look so sad and worried, what troubles you?”

With a sorrowful voice, the monk replied, “Dear Master, I have come to tell you that I must leave the monastery because I have failed you.”

The Buddha looked surprised and asked, “What has happened that would make you think so?”

“I have been your faithful student for many years, and in that time I have partaken of your wonderful teachings and friendship. In doing so, it has been my responsibility to impart to others what I have learned from you to carry on your teachings. I have worked diligently over the years with my students to do that. But in one case, I have failed miserably. One of my students seems to be sincere and hard working much of the time. He meditates regularly, attends to his duties in the monastery kitchen, and even helps the other monks when they don’t understand some of the teachings. He has a loving nature and is very smart. But just when I think he has been doing all the right things, I discover that he has gone into town and been found drinking with the townspeople, playing cards late into the night and even visiting the house of prostitution on occasion. When he returns he asks nothing but forgiveness and swears that he will not do these things again, but it has happened four or five times now, and I don’t see any way to help him change his ways.

“At first, it made me angry, and, although I forgave him, I resented his behavior. But then as I worked to feel compassion for him, I realized that it was really not his fault at all but actually my fault that he was prone to these indiscretions. He is in my keeping, and I have failed him. Worse than that, I have failed you by not being able to prevent him from veering off his spiritual path. So I finally realized that he would be better off with someone else as his teacher and I must leave this holy place, since I have not been able to carry out my greatest responsibility as your devoted student. ”

The Buddha looked upon the monk with great compassion. He could see that the monk was in great pain and that coming to this decision had been extremely difficult for him.

The Buddha reached behind him where a small ginger jar was resting on his tea tray. He picked up the ginger jar and held it out to the monk.

“Take this ginger jar,” he said, “and for three days do your most earnest and devoted work. Fast, meditate and serve your fellow monks, and when three days are done, return and give the ginger jar back to me.”

The monk’s expression immediately changed to reflect his feelings of hope and salvation. Was it possible that he might be able to stay if he was able to do what the Buddha requested? There must be some magic to what the Buddha was asking, some kind of absolution that would occur if he did all the right things over the next three days, so that he could stay and continue to live the life he had grown to love so much. Perhaps by doing these things, his student would see how important it was to be perfect in one’s behavior and would change his ways as well. Whatever the solution was, the monk was relieved to think that by doing what he was asked to do, all would be well.

He eagerly stood, took the ginger jar from the Buddha and bowed to him, while exclaiming how grateful he was for the Buddha’s compassion. As he exited the room, he looked to the next three days as his opportunity to redeem himself and left the Buddha with hope in his heart.

For the next three days, the monk did all of his best work. He fasted, he meditated twice as much as usual, he offered his assistance to his fellow monks and even went into town with his begging bowl and shared what he had been given with some of the town’s poorest. At the end of three days, he felt purified and hopeful that upon hearing that he had done such good work, the Buddha would assure him that he could stay at the monastery and that his student would no longer behave badly.

He returned to the Buddha’s doorway on the morning of the fourth day and knocked.

“Come in,” said the Buddha.

The monk entered the room with a large smile on his face, holding the ginger jar tightly to his chest. He approached the Buddha with a renewed vigor, and as he sat across from his teacher, he carefully put the ginger jar in front of him, and bowed his head respectfully.

“My son, have you done as I asked you to do?” the Buddha inquired.

“Yes, Master. I have fasted and meditated. I have helped my fellow monks and given my offerings to the poor. My heart is cleansed with love and compassion. And I am returning the ginger jar to you, as you asked me to.”

The Buddha smiled. He said to the monk, “Give me the jar.”

The monk reached down, picked up the jar and handed it to the Buddha.

But the Buddha didn’t take it.

The monk was puzzled. He held the jar out even closer to the Buddha, but still the Buddha wouldn’t take it. The monk thought, oh dear, perhaps I have done this wrong. Did I hear his instructions correctly? He asked me to return the jar after three days of doing my best work, and I am doing what he asked. But he is not taking the jar.

The monk became more and more uncomfortable as the moments passed and still the Buddha did not take the jar. After some time, the monk stood up and walked backwards to the door. Perhaps he had come into the room with too much pride in all the work he’d done. I know, he thought, I’ll go out and try again, this time with the right amount of humility. He quickly exited the room, stood on the other side of the door for a moment to collect himself, and knocked again.

“Come in,” said the Buddha.

This time the monk entered the room with his eyes downcast and his head bowed in reverence to his master. He clasped the jar to his chest as he slowly made his way across the room and knelt in front of the Buddha, carefully making sure that his head was below that of his master as he sat on the floor.

The Buddha again said, “Give me the jar.” And the monk complied.

But again the Buddha would not take the jar, and the monk was even more puzzled as he sat holding the jar out in front of him without a response from his teacher.

Smalls beads of sweat began to gather along the brow of the monk’s forehead as he struggled to figure out what he was doing incorrectly. After some time, he again rose and hurriedly exited the room. Standing now on the other side of the door, the monk desperately tried to figure out what he was doing wrong. All was at stake here, and, although he thought he had done what was requested of him, something was obviously not right, because the Buddha was not taking the jar.

As he thought upon this, he suddenly realized what the Buddha was trying to teach him. A small tear fell down his cheek, because the realization greatly saddened him. But he was also grateful for the clarity it brought. Now, he knew what he had to do.

He knocked one last time on the Buddha’s door.

“Come in,” said the Buddha.

This time, the monk entered the room on his knees. He wanted his master to know that even though he was not worthy of staying, he loved the Buddha more than he could say and that whatever humility and respect he could show him was the least he could do. He approached the Buddha and set the jar down in front of him.

With bowed head and tears in his eyes, he said to the Buddha, “Dear Master, I now understand why you would not take the jar. You are trying to show me that I cannot do the simplest of things. Just as I cannot teach my student. I was too prideful in thinking that I had done all that you asked me to do with great success for three days. And then, the simplest thing you requested of me—asking me to take the jar, keep it for three days and afterward return it to you—I could not do. With this simple jar, I have seen the great lesson you are trying to teach me. I am not worthy to be your student, and I must leave. Thank you for all that you have given me and for using a simple ginger jar to show me that I am not worthy to stay.”

The Buddha sat silently. After a few minutes, he said to the monk, “Give me the jar.”

The monk was beyond reasoning and picked the jar up to hand it to the Buddha without any thought in his mind about what any of it meant. He was broken-hearted that this might be the last time he would be in the presence of his master.

Still, the Buddha did not take the jar, but this time, he asked the monk a question. “Tell me dear, monk, if you hand me the jar, and I don’t take it, who does it belong to?”

The monk sat with the jar in his hands, wondering what the Buddha was asking him. After a few moments of confusion and frustration, the monk realized that he was still sitting there holding the jar.

“I guess it belongs to me,” replied the monk.

The Buddha smiled. “Yes, the jar belongs to you. And just as it is when your student brings you his bad behavior and his apologies, if you don’t take them, who do they belong to?”

Suddenly, the monk looked at the ginger jar. If the Buddha didn’t take it, it still belonged to him. And if he didn’t take his student’s indiscretions, they didn’t belong to him either, they belonged to his student.

A smile broke out on the monk’s face. Tears of joy replaced those of sadness. He understood that he didn’t need to leave the monastery, his teacher and his friends. And he didn’t need to take his student’s problems, his bad behavior and his apologies. All of that belonged to the student, not to the monk. If the monk took them from the student, he was not only doing a disservice to himself but also preventing the student from taking responsibility for himself.

The Buddha said to the monk, “Take this ginger jar back to your room. Place it where you can see it each day to remind you. We do not do ourselves or anyone else a favor by taking on what is theirs. Each is responsible for his own.”

As the monk left the room, he hugged the jar closely to his grateful heart.

Your challenge this week? Examine who brings you jars full of their stuff for you to fix, excuse, hang on to or take ownership for. Ask yourself, does this really belong to me, and if I take it, does it prevent this person from dealing with what is really his or hers to begin with? Do I really want to take this on if it doesn’t belong to me in the first place? Remember the ginger jar.

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2009 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

Words of Wisdom – Desiderata

Good day, team,

Today’s challenge comes from one of my favorite writings, “Desiderata,” found in old Saint Paul’s Church, Baltimore, dated 1692; it is attributed to Max Ehrmann.

In rereading it, I am awed by its timeliness. There is much wisdom here and, once you’ve read it, you may choose any one of a number of suggestions it makes as your challenge this week. For me, I am choosing the sentence that reads, “Speak your truth quietly and clearly and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant: They too have their story.”

“Desiderata”

“Go placidly amid the noise and haste and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant: They too have their story.

“Avoid loud and aggressive persons: They are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

“Keep interested in your own career, however humble: It is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

“Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection; neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is perennial as the grass.

“Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

“You are a child of the universe. No less than the trees and the stars, you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

“Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive him [or her] to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul.

“With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.”

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Having the Courage to Do What You Believe Is Important

Good day, team,

Two messages have come through to me loud and clear this week. One comes from our new President-elect, Barack Obama: “Yes, we can.” The other comes from Steven Spielberg: “I wonder if I can do that? I wonder if they will let me do that?”

Both of these sentiments inspire me. In the first case, regardless of political affiliation, most of us never thought an African American would be elected president in our lifetimes. It required great courage and hard work on the part of Obama as well as his supporters to make this a reality. No one can deny that he had a vision which became a reality because he did not say maybe. He did not say it would be great if we could do this. He did not say maybe in the future some time. He said, “Yes, we can. Now is the time.” And so this week those statements and his vision have come true.

Steven Spielberg’s comments come from a speech he made last weekend at the Golden Globe Awards when he received the Cecil B. DeMille award for his major contributions to film. Spielberg has been making films for 40 years, and from “Jaws” to the current Indiana Jones film, he has influenced generations of people with his cinematic talents and creative explorations in motion pictures. In his speech, he mentioned that every time he starts to work on a new film, the thought occurs to him, “I wonder if I can do that?” Could he make a shark look so lifelike on film that it would not only send chills up the spines of the audience in the theater, but would also make anyone who’d seen the film think twice before swimming in the ocean? Spielberg had to go way beyond what anyone else had done with a camera to make the shark in “Jaws” so lifelike. The question he asked himself propelled him to go beyond what had been done before. In the beginning of his career, the question “I wonder if they will let me do that?” meant that he had to challenge the status quo in order to experiment with new techniques and innovations in film making.

In both cases, I am inspired by the courage of these men to never stop striving to make their dreams come true. And, more important, I am inspired by their ability to see that the present moment is the right moment. Spielberg didn’t wait for someone’s approval to experiment, and he seized the moment to make his dreams come true on film. Obama told us that we can’t wait to deal with the environment, health-care system and current financial conditions and that he is the best person to lead us during these tough times. The time is now, and, yes, we can deal with these issues.

By embracing what the present moment brings, these men bring us into the moment, too. It’s inspiring to watch people recognize what is directly in front of them and then have the courage to be open-hearted and courageous enough to deal with it. This balance between living your dream and being present enough to take advantage of what’s actually happening in the moment is an unbeatable combination.

Your challenge this week is to focus on that thing you want to do, recapture that dream you talked yourself out of years ago, allow yourself to say, “Yes, I can do that.” Challenge yourself to put a stake in the ground by making your vision a reality and having the courage to do something you really believe in. Don’t let fear of failure stop you from sticking your neck out and pushing yourself beyond your current limitations. Don’t let other people determine whether or not you realize your dreams. Have the courage to believe in yourself and the people around you to seize the moment and make your dream happen.

Johann von Goethe wrote, “Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.”

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2009 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

The Benefit of Thinking Without Thinking – Trust Your Instincts

Good day, team,

It’s a new year and a good time to think about our resolutions and intentions for 2009. I must confess, I’ve given up on the resolution that I’ve repeated every January for the past 10 years. Each new year I resolve to lose 15 lbs. Alas, I weigh exactly what I weighed in 1999, according to an old health club application dated Jan. 6, 1999. So rather than resolve to do the same old thing that I can’t seem to do, I thought I’d try something new this year.

While I was talking with my editor yesterday evening on the phone, she told me about a recent incident in which she learned, yet again, about the importance of trusting her instincts. That struck a chord in me, and this year I’m resolving to trust my instincts.

When I got off the phone, I remembered several good examples of the benefits of trusting your instincts. Here are two of them:

One evening after work, my husband and I were driving into the city to meet some friends for dinner, traveling a busy city street with many stoplights. As we approached one of the intersections, a car from the other direction sped through at high speed, running the red light. If my husband had not slowed down and stopped, that car would have hit us for sure. We were both pretty shaken up, but continued on our way once it was safe enough to do so. After a long silence, I exclaimed, “Wow, what was that?” My husband replied, “I had a ‘blink’ moment.” He was referring to a book named “Blink” that he had just read.

“Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking” is a 2005 book by Malcolm Gladwell in which he explores the power of the trained mind to make split-second decisions. He also talks about trusting our ability to do this, demonstrating that we miss many opportunities by over-analyzing our thoughts and feelings.

Another good example occurred last year when I was working with a nonprofit to help them find a new executive director. There were some candidates whose resumes indicated they would be a perfect fit for the position, but my instincts told me that something about them wasn’t quite right. In a hiring situation, I try to remain completely open-minded throughout the process and give everyone an equal chance. But when my gut tells me that something is off, I have to dig a little deeper to find out why. In the end, my instincts were right, and as the candidates went through their interviews, those instincts proved to be accurate.

As a coach, I often find that people speak to me with two voices: the one I can hear with my ears and the one I can only hear with my heart. Sometimes a client will tell me something that is only partially true. The rest of the truth is unspoken, but something in me gets a message anyway. I recall one client saying to me, “Gee, I remember you asked me that question a month ago, and I guess I only half answered it. The truth is … .” In these moments I’m grateful for that little voice within me that knows, even though it has no intellectual basis for knowing.

Whatever your new year’s resolution, make it one that isn’t too hard to achieve. I have a feeling that this will be a challenging year for most of us, and setting resolutions that are too difficult to achieve will just tend to depress us. Trust your instincts on this one and listen to the little voice within you that already knows what you need to resolve to do this year that you can actually accomplish.

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2009 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

Embracing Change Rather Than Resisting It

Good day, team,

Last week I experimented with the challenge by sending a link people could access and then asking for feedback. Here are some of the comments I received:

“For me, the most important statistic is that China is going to become the largest English-speaking country. Number one, it’s a relief: Chinese is SO hard. Number two, maybe it’s an opportunity to teach some people who are eager rather than apathetic about improving their English skills!”

“Pay attention to where things are going, not where they came from.”

“I don’t think that we in the USA are up to the challenge… .This doesn’t scare me, it only enlightens me to think more out of the box.”

“That is truly mind boggling; it’s stressful… . I think my challenge was to not be frightened by but to realize I am a part of this.”

Many thanks to all who responded.

These comments led me to think about the continuing efforts we all make to deal with change. Because change generally evokes an immediate response of fear, the real opportunity seems to be in summoning up the determination we need to see all change as an opportunity rather than an impediment or loss.

Over the years, many of my clients have endured huge changes in their jobs, their families, their marital status, their family ties and their health status. It astonishes me when I think about all of their stories and how fearful they were when they came to work with me. But I continue to be amazed at the magic and grace life bestows upon people who overcome the fear of change by mustering the courage and forbearance to deal with it. It is a spiritual experience for me to watch a person engage in the change that’s happening rather than resisting it.

In the first few months of the Civil War, when President Lincoln realized he could do nothing to prevent it, he willed himself to think of what good might possibly come from the altercation. Certainly, freeing the slaves was one of the great outcomes. It’s possible that the Emancipation Proclamation could have been written under different circumstances, but the war was the circumstance Lincoln found himself in, and by fully dealing with it, positive changes came about that resulted in great benefits.

Your challenge this week is to choose an area where you see change happening in your life and try engaging in it rather than resisting it. Take the energy that fear produces in your body and your heart and use it to serve you rather than wreck you. Ask others to help if need be. Sometimes I ask my husband how he would handle a particular change. He always has a different viewpoint that helps me expand my thinking and gives me new ways to approach something. Sometimes I use what I call the bottom-line trick: Ask yourself, “What’s the worst that can happen?”

If I lose my job, will I starve to death? If my marriage falls apart, will I ever find love again? If my house forecloses, will I have a place to live? By thinking through the worst scenario, we often find the strength we need to move forward to an unknown place. It may be bad, but it will still be possible to navigate some way through.

Some good always comes from even dire circumstances, although it may be very hard for us to see it.

One of my favorite quotes about change comes from Charles L. Morgan:

“The art of living does not consist in preserving and clinging to a particular mood of happiness, but in allowing happiness to change its form without being disappointed by the change, for happiness, like a child, must be allowed to grow up.”

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2008 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

Taking Credit For Someone Else’s Work

Good day, team,

I read this remarkable story in The Oregonian on Nov. 28. Take a look:

“A 17-year-old supermarket employee who found a bag containing $10,000 at his work’s bathroom returned the money, much to the owner’s delight.

“The Tacoma News Tribune reports the bag of cash found at the Top Food & Drug supermarket in Federal Way two weeks ago had been left behind by a man from Vancouver, Wash.

“Police say the $10,000 were Fred W. Smith’s life savings, and he was carrying the bag because he was moving.

“Moisei Baraniuc—a Ukrainian immigrant who bags groceries for minimum wage at the store—says he was in the supermarket’s bathroom when he saw the bag. He peeked in and saw a ‘pretty thick stack’ of cash.

“Baraniuc says the first thing he thought about was keeping the money, but he then remembered his father’s lectures about working hard for yourself. He turned in the bag to the store’s manager, who then called police.

“Police returned the money to Smith last week after verifying the cash belonged to the Vancouver man. Smith thanked Baraniuc on Wednesday for turning in the bag.”

I thought about what I would do in this situation. No doubt it would be very tempting to keep the money. I mean, who would know? When an old guy came back into the store asking, “Did anyone find a bag full of a lot of money?” everyone in the store would think he was kind of cuckoo and tell him no. Meanwhile, think of all the things I could buy during this year’s great holiday sales!

Ah, but what if I heard my father’s voice in my head saying, “You have to earn it yourself by working hard.” How would I feel then?

This story made me think about a similar situation in the workplace. Isn’t taking credit for someone else’s work the same as taking their money? You know what I’m talking about. You work really hard on a project and finally make a breakthrough. You get it all finished and are proud that you’ve done such a good job. Then you’re in a meeting to present the results, and your boss takes the credit. Or maybe a co-worker—whom you asked repeatedly for help and who avoided you—is suddenly talking about how much work he or she put into this project and how hard it was to accomplish. How about the people who claim that they worked really hard with you as part of the team, even though they sat through all the meetings checking their Blackberrys and never contributing a thing?

It seems to me that we can learn a good lesson from Moisei Baraniuc: He didn’t take the money because he hadn’t earned it. Your challenge this week is to do the same. Try not to take credit for someone else’s hard work. If necessary, ensure also that no one on your team takes credit for another person’s work. Sometimes it’s hard to know who has done what, and in our constant desire to get things done, we overlook who actually did the work and who also contributed. Your challenge is to pay more attention to those working the hardest for you so that you can give them the credit they’re due.

Some circumstances invariably demotivate and dishearten a team, and one of them is watching somebody get the credit for someone’s else’s work and no one standing up for the person who worked the hardest. None of us likes to be in that position; as a leader, you need to protect the team’s camaraderie, which comes from all team members holding up their end of the load and giving credit where credit is due.

Fred Smith is a lucky man. An honest young guy returned his life savings and saved his life. If there is such a thing as good karma, I think that young Moisei Baraniuc just earned enough credit to make a huge deposit into his karmic life savings as well.

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2008 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

Thoreau’s Advice – Chill Out

Good day, team,

This week’s challenge comes from “Walden” by Henry David Thoreau. I offer it for this Thanksgiving week because it has helped me to be grateful. In this fast-moving, turbulent world, Thoreau’s words remind me of the importance of stopping to notice the wonders and abundance that are all around me.

“There are times when I could not afford to sacrifice the bloom of the present moment to any work, whether of the head or hands. I love a broad margin to my life. Sometimes, in a summer morning, having taken my accustomed bath, I sat in my sunny doorway from sunrise till noon, rapt in a revelry, amidst the pines and hickories and sumacs, in undisturbed solitude and stillness, while the birds sang around or flitted noiseless through the house, until by the sun falling in at my west window, or the noise of some traveler’s wagon on the distant highway, I was reminded of the lapse of time.

“I grew in those seasons like corn in the night, and they were far better than any work of the hands would have been. They were not time subtracted from my life, but so much over and above my usual allowance. I realized what the Orientals mean by contemplation and the forsaking of works. For the most part, I minded not how the hours went. The day advanced as if to light some work of mine; it was morning, and lo, now it is evening, and nothing memorable is accomplished. Instead of singing like the birds, I silently smiled at my incessant good fortune. As the sparrow had its trill, sitting on the hickory before my door, so had I my chuckle or suppressed warble which he might hear out of my nest.”

Your challenge? Take some time over the holidays to stop and notice the world around you.

Have a good week,

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2008 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

Suggestions For Unbundling Your Fearful Thoughts and Finding Peace

Good day, team,

This week’s challenge is about finding peace.

Once the election for U.S. president was over this past week, I reflected upon the state of the world. We’re on a wild ride economically, ecologically and politically right now, and the safety and security that we’ve enjoyed for generations seems to be threatened.

Sometimes I wonder about this perception. It’s possible that much of what we’ve thought was safe and secure was an illusion and that, in our dreamy state, we ignored some key signs along the way that were trying to tell us to pay more attention. In any case, here we are, six weeks short of a new year, facing some great challenges.

Where in all of this do we find peace? How do we maintain our equanimity in the midst of stormy conditions, not just outside of us, but within us as well? Peace of mind and heart are challenged when our external circumstances grow grim, and yet these are the very times when peace and tranquility are what we need to face adversity.

When things get tough for me, I notice that my peace of mind is most challenged by what I call bundling. I let my mind run helter-skelter, and one thought builds on another until there’s a huge bundle of worries that overwhelms me. It goes something like this:

“Gee, my retirement account is worth about one-third of what it was two years ago. What will I live on when I retire, if I ever do retire? Given the state of the world, I’m liable to have to keep working till I’m 100! But then what makes me think I’ll be able to even stay in business over the next year? Most consultants don’t make it in hard times. What if I can’t make any contributions to my retirement account? I mean, the dollar will probably tank some more, so even the money that’s there won’t be worth anything. It’s all just paper anyway, so what makes me think I’ll be able to take care of myself in my old age? What will happen to me if I get sick and have no money to pay for insurance or medical bills or…?”

And so it goes. In one stream of thoughts, I’ve gone from worrying about my retirement account to not having any work to not being able to support myself to getting sick and not being able to pay my medical bills. As one thought piles on to the next, and then another, and then another, they all fuse into one big bundle that becomes much too difficult to overcome. Then we become depressed, and that negative state just adds more grim thoughts to the bundle, and so on. Regaining peace in this scenario is almost impossible, and once we’re depressed, it’s much more difficult to access the positive thoughts that might pull us out of that state.

The solution is to prevent a bundle from accumulating in the first place. When these thoughts try to pile on top of each other, I have to stop and say to myself, “Hold on here, let’s not bundle all these thoughts. They really don’t belong together in the first place, and sitting here allowing them to build on each other will not help your state of mind or your retirement account. Try to look at exactly what is directly in front of you.”

This little exercise of looking out of my eyes helps to break the thought pattern, and one more bundle that wanted to become bigger has just been unbundled! What a relief! In these moments, I can once again access a spaciousness and awareness that gives me much more freedom, clarity and peace in the moment.

Your challenge this week is to find peace within yourself, particularly in the midst of difficult circumstances. Perhaps you put a reminder of peace on your desk and each time you see it, you return to that state within yourself that feels content and at rest. Sometimes reminding yourself to breathe will give you immediate access to a more peaceful state. Taking a walk and breaking up the pattern of the day can often bring peace to our hearts.

One of my friends makes a list of all of the things that come up in her mind when she starts bundling. By doing this, she can stop the ranting and raving, as she calls it, because she can actually see on paper how the thoughts are unrelated. Then she puts the list in a drawer and says to herself, “Nope, I’m not going to keep doing this. I have more important things to attend to, and my peace of mind is more important to me.” I have a note card on my desk that asks, “Do these thoughts and feelings serve me in this moment?”

Try experimenting with whatever reminders you can come up with to save yourself from bundling. The beauty of peace is that we can access it at any time within ourselves by choosing it over anything else. Even in the most dire circumstances, our internal state of peace is always possible.

One of my favorite writers, Wendell Berry, describes peace beautifully in the following poem:

The Peace of Wild Things

When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

Have a peaceful week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249
© Copyright 2008 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

The Benefits of Being Present

Good day, team,

Out walking the other morning, preoccupied by thoughts about one of my clients, I suddenly marveled at the beauty I saw all around me. The trees were colorfully arrayed with muted orange, fiery red and bright yellow leaves. The backdrop of greens and browns only added to their bright hues, and I found myself in awe of nature’s great showcase this time of year.

Until the beauty I beheld woke me up, I had been in imagination most of the morning. I hadn’t heard from this client in awhile, and I was worried about how the person was doing. My mind jumped from one worrisome thought to the next. In the moment when I came back to the present, I thought, “Try to be here, instead of in imagination about something else. It’s so beautiful here; try to remain aware of it.”

The next few minutes were a wonder. As my consciousness became more and more attuned to what was around me, I began to feel the crisp, cold air on my skin. I could see faint traces of my breath in the air. I heard my feet as they walked over crunchy leaves on the sidewalk. Each tree was in the midst of transformation, many of them still green in some parts with others turning various autumnal colors. The sky was azure blue in places and still shrouded in fog elsewhere. The morning sun made big, broad diagonal strokes of light across the landscape as it majestically rose in the eastern sky. What a feast I was experiencing!

Just when I didn’t think the moment could get any better, I suddenly noticed hundreds of spider webs everywhere. They were strung between the leaves on the trees, hanging from the eaves on houses and across porch screens, woven in the small spaces between rocks. They glistened with tiny drops of morning dew like bright crystals. As I stopped to inspect one of them, the sun reflected on the dew drops and the intricate pattern of the web took my breath away. Surrounded by these miracles of the moment, I thought, “How appropriate that people use cobwebs as Halloween decorations. They’re everywhere!” But then I began to wonder whether they are always there, but I never see them because I’m so often in imagination.

In an attempt to return to the present, I decided not to analyze the subject of whether the cobwebs are always there or not, since I knew it would take me right back out of the moment again. How funny, that imagining being in the moment or analyzing why you’re either in it or not is just like any other kind of imagination: It takes you out of the moment and plunges you right back into imagination.

Your challenge this week is to be as present as you can so you can experience what’s going on around you. Try not to let your imagination take you away. This is harder to do than it sounds, so experiment with it. Challenge yourself to spend just five minutes being as present as you can. Part of the experience is seeing what tries to take you out of the moment as well as experiencing what’s in the moment.

Maybe you decide to take a short walk and try to see and hear as much as you can while walking. Perhaps you are working on a project, and you commit your attention to just what’s in front of you. If you strike up a conversation with someone, try to be present to that person’s tone of voice and facial expressions and to the words you’re exchanging. The emotions you feel as you speak with them and the thoughts that come into your mind as you respond to what they’re saying are all things you can observe to be fully in the moment while it’s happening. Whatever you decide to do for your experiment, enjoy the experience of simply being where you are, doing what you’re doing.

I believe that our consciousness is capable of far more expansion than we realize, and that it’s possible to be present to multiple things at once. By experimenting with our attention, we may find that there’s much more to life than we normally experience. It’s possible that it’s been here all along, but if we’re not present to it, it doesn’t exist for us, and we miss it. Just as I suddenly saw the exquisite spider webs, it’s possible in any moment to clear away the cobwebs of accidental thoughts from our minds and allow our attention to experience little gems that normally go unnoticed.

As the Chinese Zen Master Wu-Men Hui-k’ai (1183-1260) reminds us:

Ten thousand flowers in spring, the moon in autumn,
a cool breeze in summer, snow in winter.
If your mind isn’t clouded by unnecessary things,
this is the best season of your life.

Have a great week!

Kathleen