Category: Professional

8/2/10 “Negativity”

Good day, team,

This week’s challenge is about resisting the power of negativity.

Over the past few months, I have noticed how difficult it is to stay positive in the midst of negativity. There are certainly a myriad of daunting circumstances: natural or man-made disasters, e.g., Haiti’s devastation and the BP oil spill; the almost complete collapse of our monetary system and the resulting recession or depression; the incessant arguing that goes on among our politicians, and the high unemployment rate. Wherever we look, there seems to be plenty to complain about.

Becoming part of the negativity—blaming, arguing and acting out in ways that do not serve ourselves or others—is not the answer. But there are times lately when I feel as though Darth Vader is invading my space: I can hear his heavy breathing next to me; I’m being lured to come over to the dark side.

These are challenging moments. There are times when I want badly to agree with a client who says, “My job sucks, no one appreciates me, and my boss is a loser.” And yet I know that the boss isn’t really a loser. Maybe he or she just did something badly or took a course of action my client didn’t agree with. Whatever the case, the negative attitude that my client holds is certainly not helping, but in the moment of frustration, something in me understands and wants to go along with it.

And therein lies much of the challenge that comes with being a coach. It’s not my job to agree or disagree with my clients, but to help them look at situations from another point of view, so they can see that their boss didn’t wake up that morning deciding to make a mistake, much less intending for things to go awry.

Perhaps because the media focuses so much on what’s wrong in the world, it’s harder to believe that almost all humans want good things for themselves and others. If we sat around the campfire every evening and shared stories about how people had done incredibly beautiful and brilliant things for each other rather than watching the nightly news report or reading the latest news blog, we might find it easier to assume positive intent.

At the heart of this discussion is the matter of trust: trust in others, trust in the universe, trust in your fate. And maybe the reason we’re seeing this pervasive negativity is because, for many people on the planet, it’s a hard time to trust. Somehow, the rules changed in the past decade, and we’re not at all sure what’s at the end of the rainbow anymore. If it is a pot of gold, we’re not even sure what that gold will be worth when we find it.

Many of the things we thought we were moving toward don’t seem to be possible anymore, or if they are possible, they don’t look so attractive. It used to be that owning a home, having a good job and raising a family were considered the keys to happiness. Now, experiencing home foreclosures, the instability of any corporation and the jobs it creates or reduces, and the enormous cost of raising children and their education, many people are not so sure whether these are still the fixtures of the good life.

So here’s your challenge this week. Realize that negativity, doubt and lack of trust are extremely powerful. Resolve not to feed them. When you find yourself suspecting another person’s intentions, try seeing that person from a different point of view. If you have your suspicions, try not to share them with others. Negativity is contagious, and one doubtful thought can infect an entire team, even an entire organization.

Think of all the times you’ve had the best of intentions, yet could not control the outcome, and in the end things went wrong. Remember what it was like when a friend who saw you go through this failure forgave you and had faith in you the next time you tried to get it right. Find that place within you that knows how little control we actually have over external circumstances. Give others the benefit of the doubt and be willing to respect them. That’s what the word really means: To re (do again) spect (from the same root as “spectacle,” to see) implies the willingness to see someone again, and hopefully in a new light.

I am encouraged knowing that we move into the light by being more truthful and transparent. Frankly, I would rather be holding my light saber up to Darth Vader than acting as though he doesn’t exist. I also know that I hold all colors of the rainbow within me, whether they be in light or shadow. Appreciating them in myself and others: Aye, that’s the challenge!

Have a good week,

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2010 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

7/26/10 “Capable”

Good day, team,

This week’s challenge comes from my good friend and former client Jan
Foster. It’s a poem for all the capable people out there who every once
in awhile dream about being irresponsible, unpredictable and a little
bit bad. Your challenge is to do as the poem suggests: Appreciate
yourself for being so capable or try being a little incapable this
week and see how that feels!

A Prayer for the Capable

And as you stand there
On time and
Appropriately clad for the event
With a high-fiber bar in your bag
And extra pens
Let us take this moment to applaud you.

You, the prepared.
You, the accomplished.
You, the bills-paid-on-time and the-taxes-done-in-March.

You, who always returns the shopping cart.
You, who never throws a tantrum.

While the moody, the irresponsible, the near-hysterical and the rude seem to get
All the attention
Let us now praise you.

Just because everyone always expects you
To do well
Does not make it any less remarkable
That you always do so well.

So thank you.

For picking up the slack
For not imposing
For being so kind
And mannerly
And attending to all those pesky details.

Thank you for your consideration
Your generosity
For always remembering and never forgetting:

That a job well done is its own reward
That the opportunity to help someone else is a gift
That the complainers, the cry-babies, the drama queens, the never-use-a-turn-signals, the forgetful, the self-involved, the choleric, the phlegmatic and the your-rules-don’t-apply-to-me-types
Need you to rebel against in order to look like rebels.

(You provide the lines – for without the lines, what would they color outside of?)

So take a minute
To pat yourself on the back
And say, “Job well done.”
And as you consider someday
Showing up stoned
Or unprepared
Or not at all

And as you imagine someday being imperious
Or demanding
Or the one with the temper

Hear the unspoken “thank you” from a
Grateful nation that is a
Better, smarter, calmer, easier, friendlier and more organized place
Thanks to you
And your dogged diligence.

You are beautiful.
You are precious to us.

You are the hand that stills the water, the wheel that never squeaks, the one we all rely on
And while you probably would have remembered to send a thank-you note,
We forgot.

And just because everyone always expects you
To do well
Does not make it any less remarkable
That you always do so well.

And I would tell you to take the afternoon for yourself
Or sleep in tomorrow
But I’m pretty sure you already have plans.

So just take this very moment right now
To appreciate you
And all that you have done and done well
Even by your own high standards.

And remember:
You are beautiful.

And just because everyone always expects you to
Do well
Does not make it any less amazing, delightful or delicious that

You always do so well.

© Samantha Bennett 2009

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2009 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights
reserved.

Coach’sChallenge for 7/20/10 “Vacation”

Good day, team,

In reviewing some previous challenges, I saw this one about vacation, from August 2005, that I want to share again.

The coach’s challenge this week is about balancing work life and personal life. It may seem like a strange subject to bring up in the midst of summer vacations, but what better time to think about this topic than when the nice weather beckons us to take some time off and enjoy it?

I’ve often gone on vacation only to find myself more stressed than refreshed when I return. Vacation has more to do with a state of mind and how we spend our time than with how much time we take off. How often do we try to use the very skills that make us effective at work—organizing, controlling, directing—to make our vacation a success, only to find that exactly these skills are incompatible with a state of rest and relaxation? Putting ourselves in a relaxed mode is a real trick when we’re generally moving quickly and efficiently through our days.

The key to balancing work and personal time seems to be paying attention to where we are and what we’re doing when we’re doing it. If we’re still thinking about work while we’re talking to our family members, we really are not very effective at communicating with them. If we’re lying in a hammock on the weekend worrying about something at work, are we really able to relax? Conversely, if we’re in a meeting dreaming about our upcoming vacation, we’re obviously not being effective at work.

This week, try spending at least 30 minutes each day (outside of work!) just relaxing and allowing yourself to “vacate.” Try not to put any demands on yourself. In the words of Josephine Rathbone, “If we could learn how to balance rest against effort, calmness against strain, quiet against turmoil, we would assure ourselves of joy in living and psychological health for life.”

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2010 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

7/12/10 “Energy”

Good day, team,

This week’s challenge is about the importance of managing your energy rather than your time.

In the June 2010 “Harvard Business Review,” Tony Schwartz, the CEO of the Energy Project, published an article titled “The Productivity Paradox: How Sony Pictures Gets More Out of People by Demanding Less.” Ten years ago, the Energy Project started to address the subject of work performance and the problem of employee disengagement after a poll of 90,000 employees worldwide revealed that only 21 percent feel fully engaged at work, whereas 40 percent are disenchanted and disengaged.

When the Energy Project discovered that burnout was one of the leading causes of disengagement, members of the staff decided to focus exclusively on helping people manage their energy instead of just their time.

According to Schwartz, “Time, after all, is finite. By contrast, you can expand your personal energy and also regularly renew it. Once people understand how their supply of available energy is influenced by the choices they make, they can learn new strategies that increase the fuel in their tanks and boost their productivity. If people define precise times at which to do highly specific activities, these new behaviors eventually become automatic and no longer require conscious will and discipline. We refer to them as rituals. They’re simple but powerful. They include practices such as shutting down your e-mail for a couple of hours during the day, so you can tackle important or complex tasks without distracting interruptions, or taking a daily 3 p.m. walk to get an emotional and mental breather.”

The article goes on to describe how the Energy Project designed an energy-management program for Sony Pictures, starting at the top of the organization. To date, more than 3,000 of the company’s 6,300 employees have been through the program and already the reaction to it has been overwhelmingly positive. More than 90 percent say it has helped them bring more energy to work every day. Eighty-four percent say they feel better able to manage their job’s demands and are more engaged at work. Despite the recession, Sony had its most profitable year to date in 2009.

Whether you set aside an uninterrupted 60 to 90 minutes each morning to focus on your top priorities or you intentionally breathe to calm down when something irritates you, there are many ways to renew yourself so you have enough energy to meet your needs. Here are some do’s and don’ts from the article to help you re-energize and renew:

DO’s
θ Take back your lunch—get away from your desk and leave the office so you can refuel.
θ Communicate what you value in others; write a note of appreciation to someone.
θ Cultivate creativity by setting aside an informal, relaxing space at work for creative thinking and brainstorming.
θ Share your passion by communicating what you stand for and what gets you up in the morning.

DON’TS

θ Avoid conflict by ignoring a situation. Don’t be afraid to have courageous conversations: communicate directly and honestly, with sensitivity.
θ Try to do multiple things at the same time. Make an effort to give people your full focus; try to listen and not interrupt (don’t be fooled into thinking you can multi-task: recent studies have shown that when we multi-task, our ability to do anything with proficiency goes down).
θ Be self-absorbed. It’s easy to make any situation all about you. Try stepping beyond your own immediate needs to better serve the needs of others; put yourself in someone else’s shoes.

On his website, Schwartz writes, “Leaders can easily underestimate how their attitudes and behaviors affect the energy levels of their teams. Because energy is contagious, both the quality and quantity of a leader’s energy can drain or galvanize a team.”

This week, try to take some time to renew yourself during the day. Maybe you take a short walk or invite one of your team members out for lunch. Perhaps you put the “do not disturb” sign on your cubicle or office and take the time to focus on a high-priority project. How about just letting people know what energy zone you’re in? My low point of the day is about 3 p.m., so I try not to have meetings from 3 to 4 since I know it’s hard for me to focus during that time. I have a friend who goes out to her car at 3 p.m. every day and takes a five-minute power nap. She always feels refreshed when she returns to her desk.

Life is movement and rest. Your energy is what gets you going and keeps you going, and it’s also what compels you to stop when you need more of it.

Have a good week,

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2010 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

6/28/10 “Being Wrong”

Good day, team,

This past week, it’s become increasingly clear to me that we do not like
to be wrong. I think this trait is pretty universal. Something in our
nature finds being wrong painful and hard to get over.

As often happens, just as I was thinking about this topic, I happened upon a
newspaper article about a former Portland journalist, Kathryn Schultz,
who’s written a book titled “Being Wrong.” Here are some highlights
from the book according to an interview with the author by Roxanne MacManus
of Willamette Week:

“In her first book, ‘Being Wrong,’ the author reveals there are many,
many ways to be wrong, from when our senses trick us into seeing an
optical illusion to our own memories of events. However, it turns out
that being wrong isn’t as big of a problem as the difficulty we have
with letting go of ‘rightness’ because it forces us to rethink how we
view ourselves and the world.”

In the interview, Schultz says, “I actually started thinking about
being right and how we’re all attached to that experience. I wondered,
‘Why do I want to be right? Why do I spend so much time proving my own
rightness?’

“I have this theory that we remove anything that is positive or
interesting from the category of ‘wrongness.’ We have such negative
associations with the idea of error that if something is good or makes
us happy, and we learn from it, then it’s suddenly not a part of
wrongness; happy surprises, sensory illusions, moments of illumination–
those happen because of wrongness, but we don’t think of it that way,
because we have such negative associations with the idea.

“I think the two hardest things to be wrong about are ourselves and
other people. I was in this relationship when I was 24 that I thought
would last forever. I was completely and totally wrong about that and
it was so painful, and part of the pain is wrongness–the shock in
thinking your life is going a certain way and then having that collapse.
After that, I traveled the world; I moved to New York; I became a
writer. Everything I love about my life came out of the catastrophic
collapse of those beliefs.

“The best part of being wrong is the possibility to come up with a new
idea. The experience of being wrong forces us to explore further, and to
me that experience of surprise and confusion, which can be disorienting,
it makes you see the world in a new way, and suddenly everything is new.”

I thought back to some of the difficult experiences I’ve had over the
past few months in my work and private life. In each case,
I thought I’d done something wrong or someone was telling me I was
wrong. This wrongness never fit with my imaginary picture of who I
think I am–in my work or as a friend or loved one. In each case, I was
disillusioned about my own sense of rightness and defended it in a
variety of ways to prove that I was not wrong. Never mind any lessons I
learned from being wrong, or new ideas I came up with once I realized
something wasn’t working: My insistence on being right was predominant.

This week, observe what happens in your interactions with others when
you’re trying to be right. Do you often correct others when you think
their facts are not right? Do you feel compelled to control a situation
to make it right? How about trying to make other people right?

Conversely, see how it feels to be wrong. What happens in your body
when someone points out that you’re wrong? Does your chest get tight?
Do you feel short of breath? Do you immediately become angry
or depressed? Do you become defensive?

Once you’ve observed the situation, experiment with not fixing what’s wrong.
Try not correcting others for a day or two to see how it feels.
Maybe you live with something that’s wrong for a few days, just to see
what can be learned from the experiment. If you’re editing a document,
you could intentionally not correct a misspelled word, just to see how
that makes you feel. Perhaps you could allow family and friends
to be wrong about something without offering a suggestion about how to make it
right. Or maybe you admit that you’re wrong and leave it at that.

On a larger scale, take a look at the belief you may hold about yourself as
being right most of the time. Why is that so important? Are you
preventing yourself from learning new things or having new experiences
because you’re tightly holding on to your image of yourself as being
right? How about having the courage to admit when you’re wrong and then
not beating yourself up internally because you were?

One of my clients said to me recently, “I’m not afraid to tell you when
I’m wrong. This is liberating for me. It gives me a brand new way to
look at things and opens up more possibilities for me.” This week, I
hope more of us can have this experience.

Have a good week!

Kathleen

*The quotes used in this challenge come from an article entitled,
“Hotseat: Kathryn Schulz, A former Portland journalist explains why
sometimes it’s right to be wrong.” by Roxanne Macmanus for the
Willamette Weekly.

© Copyright 2010 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights
reserved.

6/7/10 “Ubuntu”

Good day, team,

An article I read recently in The New York Times inspired me and is the subject of this week’s challenge.

In the small, faraway village of Maqongqo, South Africa, a school principal named Rita Mkhize is proud to talk about the concept of “ubuntu,” which in Zulu means “We are what we are because of other people.” I was immediately intrigued and read on.

“The whole theory is an ideal. Different areas of a person’s life are affected by how they understand these concepts and how they understand sharing and giving opportunities,” said Thobile Biyela, an interpreter at the University of KwaZulu-Natal, not far from Maqongqo.

The article continued, “Beyond being a catchy slogan or good-luck charm, ubuntu is a road map for how life should be lived. In South Africa, this concept underlies the foundations of its Constitutional Court. The court characterizes it as synonymous with humanness; social justice; fairness; the rehabilitation of offenders; the maintenance of law and order; and recognizing a person’s status as a human being entitled to unconditional respect, dignity and value.”

As many of you may know, the World Cup soccer championship is being held in South Africa this year. For the South Africans, the significance of this event is largely economic. It will bring many needed jobs and opportunities to an area that has large numbers of unemployed. Even for people merely selling flags by the roadside, it’s a way to make money. But the World Cup is also an opportunity for the rest of the world to see ubuntu in action, and when it comes to sports, the concept is alive and well.

Ubuntu seems especially appropriate for team sports because it describes an approach to life characterized by selflessness, sharing, unity and respect. In fact, Coach Doc Rivers of the Boston Celtics basketball team introduced it two seasons ago to his team, and if you look at their record over the past two years, it makes you wonder if ubuntu hasn’t inspired the team to be the champions they have become.

In the small village of Maqongqo, the primary school has very successful school teams. “They win all the time,” proclaims the principal.

Even the U.S. soccer team has embraced this concept. We will have an opportunity to see if it increases their chances in the upcoming competition.

Your challenge this week is to test ubuntu with those around you. Perhaps you describe the concept at a team meeting, and when the going gets tough, you use it as a rallying cry to remind people to come together and serve each other. Maybe you talk about it with your family, reminding each other that we are what we are largely because of the people we are closest to.

See if ubuntu inspires you to remember that a person’s status as a human being entitles him or her to unconditional respect, dignity and value. As hard as it may be to apply ubuntu to our daily experiences with others, it’s good to know that in Maqongqo, the concept is alive and well.

As Biyela went on to say, “As a 21st century African woman, I’m feeling the crunch. I’m feeling like people are losing the spirit of ubuntu a little bit. That’s why we try to come here to Maqongqo and show that it still exists, it still lives on. People are still willing to share, still willing to give.”

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2010 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

5/24/10

Good day team,

This past week, I’ve had an opportunity to talk with many of my business client’s about succession planning. In short, succession planning is the process one goes through to determine who in your organization could take your place and putting a plan together to insure your replacements development. Hopefully, you’ll be able to choose someone who could not only do your job, but perhaps, do it better than you are doing it now. When you do succession planning, you’ve managed to hire and develop someone who brings lots of commitment and talent, and as they gain competence and confidence, it becomes easier to replace yourself when the time comes.

More often than not, when I ask my clients if they have a clear successor, they often reply, “well, no, I’d have to hire someone from the outside.” This is a sad tale for the team member who is hoping to take their bosses place. We all know what it’s like to work for many years, trying to do a good job, impress your boss, have a positive impact on the bottom line, develop your team, be reliable, responsible and competent, working nights and weekends to get that big promotion, only to find out that your boss is hiring someone in over you because they don’t think you’re strong enough to do their job. A life’s work erased in a moment. Nothing can kill our internal motivation faster than that.

So, if not having a good succession plan causes you to risk losing one of your best team members, why wait so long to do this?

Years ago,while visiting Germany for the first time, I learned the importance of succession planning . It was my first trip to Europe and we visited family friends in Munich. One day, riding in a car on the autobahn, our host was talking about the surrounding landscape as we looked over well manicured, verdant fields. In the distance we could see a small forest of perfectly grown trees, all the same height and width, that looked like a bright green patch in a quilt. As we approached, I marveled at it’s beauty. How could trees grow with such precision? When I inquired, our host asked if we could see the small church that stood just a few yards from the small forest. He explained, “when that church was built over 150 years ago, the local people used the trees around the site to build it. Knowing that eventually, the beetles, or the weather, or fire, would destroy the wood, they built that stand of trees so that they could replace the wooden beams and sides of the building when it was necessary. To this day, they plant a new tree every time they harvest an older one to sustain the church.”

This is succession planning at it’s best. Metaphorically, knowing that you might sooner or later be eaten by beetles, get pummeled by bad weather, or burned by fire, you plant seeds that will grow into healthy trees that can be harvested to replace you.

This week, give some serious thought to who will succeed you and start putting together a plan to do it. We are often under the illusion that we will live forever and along with that comes the imaginary idea that we can continue to work at our current rate, with our current level of commitment and competency. This too shall pass, and who will be there to carry on?

As my husband went out the door this morning to continue working on the outdoor fire/pizza oven he’s building, he said, “I’m going outside to continue to work on that which will outlive me.” It made me think of our grandchildren lifting fresh cooked breads and pizzas out of the oven, feeling gratitude for their G-Pops for having thought about his successors.

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2010 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

5/17/10 “Renewal”

Good day, team,

This week, the message of renewal and regeneration is coming through loud and clear. It started mid-week when our daughter delivered her second baby. Upon holding him in my arms, seeing him for the first time, I marveled at the miracle of new life. Nine months had passed, and here was this robust and beautiful baby boy, arriving with all the hope and expectation that only a newborn can bring.

This weekend, I found myself herding a mother turkey and her 14 newborn chicks into a safer place after a truck passed by and sent all the chicks running to and fro on the road in a panic. Again, I marveled at how quickly these precious little chicks were adapting to their new environment and how vulnerable they are to life’s perils.

This morning, I read in the Sunday paper about the explosion of Mt. St. Helens that took place in Oregon in 1980 and the regeneration that has occurred since then. On that day 30 years ago, a column reaching 15 miles above the Earth pumped out volcanic ash for more than nine hours and darkened the skies for more than 100 miles. Today, the emergence of plants and animals from that destruction has amazed scientists and biologists alike.

Finally, I read an excerpt from a graduation speech President Obama gave at Notre Dame University. He said, “Ours is a history of renewal and reinvention, where each generation finds a way to adapt, thrive and push the nation forward with energy, ingenuity and optimism.”

So, having gotten the message, this week’s challenge is about renewal.

Here are some thoughts on the topic from the book “Leadership and the New Science” by Margaret Wheatley.

“Renewal is a time to tell the truth about what is so, and then to face that truth. It is the time to heal our selves; to remember who we are. And when we remember who we are, we bring our authentic selves forward.

“Renewal is a time to surrender what is no longer useful. There is often an aspect of death in renewal, as letting go may require the end of a way of thinking or operating, the end of a product line, closing down a factory, letting go of a dream. The very act of renewal is a surrender of doing. Renewal may or may not be experienced as struggle, depending on how attached we are to that which no longer serves us. Edith Weiner, in ‘Six Principles for Revitalizing your Planning,’ explains that ‘the initial key to effective strategic thinking is not learning, but rather forgetting. It requires unlearning and the shedding of old, misguided assumptions.’

“Once we let go, we often experience a sense of release and new energy. We also experience a sense of spaciousness. The often irresistible temptation is to fill that space immediately, as not knowing may be very uncomfortable. This space is best used as a time of questioning and allowing. This space may last a moment, a week, or several months or more in time. This space is the rich, fertile ground out of which true vision emerges.

“Here are some of the most common forms of support that exist during the renewal process:

–Collegiality and cooperation: friendly association with co-workers who are cooperative in their actions and constructive in their observations

–Acceptance: acknowledgment and approval

–Advocacy: backing and endorsement

–Permission to fail: leeway to make mistakes and learn from them

–Information: news about the business and the organization

–Feedback: data about one’s abilities, prospects and reputation

–Flexibility: options to tailor a job to one’s own strengths or circumstances

–Stress relief: reducing anxiety and tension by accommodating family and other outside demands, and preventing on the job hostilities

–No limitations: allowing people to take on as many challenges as they wish and to support them in stretching themselves so they are no longer limited by false ideas about what’s possible for themselves, their teammates or the organization.”

This week, your challenge is to apply some of these forms of support that naturally occur during the process of renewal. See where you have the opportunity to create something new, either in its own right or by transforming something old. Spring is a wonderful time for creating new life, new ideas and new approaches. Our ability to renew and regenerate ourselves and others is infinite. Take advantage of the season at hand and, as the president suggested, push forward with energy, ingenuity and optimism.

Have a good week,

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2010 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

5/10/10

Good day, team,

This week’s challenge is about trying to communicate with people who don’t speak the same language we do and how we manage to get our message across even when we don’t understand the words.

Over the past few weeks, we have had friends visiting from France, and I have been reminded again of how important it is to spend time with people foreign to us. It’s so easy to think that the way we think and live are the same all around the world. People from elsewhere show us new ways to see and do things.

One of our guests doesn’t speak English, and my French is very elementary, so it’s been challenging to communicate. I’ve found myself relying on gestures and tone of voice to get my messages across. It’s been fun to attempt new French words by stretching my brain to find any kind of Latinate word that might be the root of an English or French word we’re trying to speak to each other. Surprisingly, many words in the two languages appear similar, but their pronunciations are so different that they’re unrecognizable.

Nevertheless, as human beings, we are masters at using every possible skill we possess to be understood. Last evening, I found myself making the motion of digging a trench to explain how we might dig up some dirt in the garden. And this morning, I was making the sound of bacon cooking to try to explain part of the breakfast menu. Along with these antics come much laughter and embarrassment: We are used to understanding and being understood without trying. But the truth is, we often communicate something very different than the words we are speaking.

When we have to rely on gestures, facial expressions and tone of voice, we realize how much we communicate nonverbally. How many times have you sat in a business meeting and heard someone saying one thing while his or her facial expressions convey a very different sentiment? Isn’t it interesting that, even over the phone, when someone stops listening to you, you can feel it? When my daughter-in-law tells my grandson, “Owen, you need to pick up your toys,” she uses a different tone the first time she says it than the third time. The words may be the same, but Owen finally realizes that he’d better pick up his toys this time or he’s going to be in trouble.

This week, notice your gestures, your tone of voice, and your facial expressions when you communicate. Do you use your hands a lot when you’re trying to emphasize something? Maybe your tone of voice becomes very different when you’re trying to communicate a sense of urgency. Pay close attention to the communication styles of the people around you. Does their tone of voice change depending on who they’re dealing with or what they’re attending to? Perhaps you see that peoples’ communication becomes more relaxed when they’re with their own team or their friends compared to when they’re with people they don’t know as well.

Whatever the case, try seeing how consistent you are in your communication. Do your facial expressions represent the same message that’s coming out of your mouth or are you sending out mixed messages? Are you using the right words to convey your message? How do you know if people actually understand you? You may find yourself resorting to the sort of charades I did last evening, acting out digging a trench, but if it helps others understand you and it’s more fun, why not try a new way to get your message across?

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2010 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

May 3, 2010

Good day, team,

Back by popular demand, here is a challenge written in April 2005 that I’m republishing.

This week’s challenge is about the opportunities that lie in each problem.

I’ve been reading a book recently about the 1918 flu pandemic. The doctors and scientists who struggled to find a cure had to spend many years studying the problems that caused the disease. Most failed. Some who worked on finding a cure became frustrated by their lack of success and quit their search early on, claiming that the flu was actually a form of pneumonia, a disease they thought they understood.

But the doctors who didn’t become discouraged by failure after failure and who continued to study the problems created by the disease made many discoveries. These led to numerous breakthroughs in medicine that eventually changed the way all doctors understand bacterias and viruses and how to treat them. And one doctor actually discovered DNA, the foundation of our genetic design. This doctor was never discouraged by any problem he confronted. When a problem arose, he would try to solve it. In so doing, he would discover more problems and try to solve them. This went on and on for 40 years! Eventually, in his 70s, he discovered what he never anticipated finding and changed the course of history.

His experience teaches me how powerful opportunities can arise from problems. If we persevere when we can’t find easy solutions, we are empowered to make new discoveries.

While visiting a client last week, I saw a quote on the wall near her desk that expresses this thought so well:

“Every problem has hidden in it an opportunity so powerful that it literally dwarfs the problem. The greatest success stories were created by people who recognized a problem and turned it into an opportunity. You’ll find that every situation, properly perceived, offers opportunity. As fast as each opportunity presents itself, use it. No matter how tiny an opportunity it may be, use it. You’ll find new frontiers when you have an open mind and a willing hand.”

This week, consider the problems confronting you. Don’t be afraid to investigate them. Try considering new solutions or ask another team member for suggestions. If you’re becoming discouraged, look at the problem from a different perspective. Remember the doctor who kept looking for solutions and didn’t give up in the face of more problems.

Albert Einstein wrote, “A problem cannot be solved at the level of consciousness in which it occurs.” Perhaps a change in your awareness will help you find a better solution. Try being more present this week and see if a good solution is right in front of you.

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2010 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.