Category: Professional

6/28/10 “Being Wrong”

Good day, team,

This past week, it’s become increasingly clear to me that we do not like
to be wrong. I think this trait is pretty universal. Something in our
nature finds being wrong painful and hard to get over.

As often happens, just as I was thinking about this topic, I happened upon a
newspaper article about a former Portland journalist, Kathryn Schultz,
who’s written a book titled “Being Wrong.” Here are some highlights
from the book according to an interview with the author by Roxanne MacManus
of Willamette Week:

“In her first book, ‘Being Wrong,’ the author reveals there are many,
many ways to be wrong, from when our senses trick us into seeing an
optical illusion to our own memories of events. However, it turns out
that being wrong isn’t as big of a problem as the difficulty we have
with letting go of ‘rightness’ because it forces us to rethink how we
view ourselves and the world.”

In the interview, Schultz says, “I actually started thinking about
being right and how we’re all attached to that experience. I wondered,
‘Why do I want to be right? Why do I spend so much time proving my own
rightness?’

“I have this theory that we remove anything that is positive or
interesting from the category of ‘wrongness.’ We have such negative
associations with the idea of error that if something is good or makes
us happy, and we learn from it, then it’s suddenly not a part of
wrongness; happy surprises, sensory illusions, moments of illumination–
those happen because of wrongness, but we don’t think of it that way,
because we have such negative associations with the idea.

“I think the two hardest things to be wrong about are ourselves and
other people. I was in this relationship when I was 24 that I thought
would last forever. I was completely and totally wrong about that and
it was so painful, and part of the pain is wrongness–the shock in
thinking your life is going a certain way and then having that collapse.
After that, I traveled the world; I moved to New York; I became a
writer. Everything I love about my life came out of the catastrophic
collapse of those beliefs.

“The best part of being wrong is the possibility to come up with a new
idea. The experience of being wrong forces us to explore further, and to
me that experience of surprise and confusion, which can be disorienting,
it makes you see the world in a new way, and suddenly everything is new.”

I thought back to some of the difficult experiences I’ve had over the
past few months in my work and private life. In each case,
I thought I’d done something wrong or someone was telling me I was
wrong. This wrongness never fit with my imaginary picture of who I
think I am–in my work or as a friend or loved one. In each case, I was
disillusioned about my own sense of rightness and defended it in a
variety of ways to prove that I was not wrong. Never mind any lessons I
learned from being wrong, or new ideas I came up with once I realized
something wasn’t working: My insistence on being right was predominant.

This week, observe what happens in your interactions with others when
you’re trying to be right. Do you often correct others when you think
their facts are not right? Do you feel compelled to control a situation
to make it right? How about trying to make other people right?

Conversely, see how it feels to be wrong. What happens in your body
when someone points out that you’re wrong? Does your chest get tight?
Do you feel short of breath? Do you immediately become angry
or depressed? Do you become defensive?

Once you’ve observed the situation, experiment with not fixing what’s wrong.
Try not correcting others for a day or two to see how it feels.
Maybe you live with something that’s wrong for a few days, just to see
what can be learned from the experiment. If you’re editing a document,
you could intentionally not correct a misspelled word, just to see how
that makes you feel. Perhaps you could allow family and friends
to be wrong about something without offering a suggestion about how to make it
right. Or maybe you admit that you’re wrong and leave it at that.

On a larger scale, take a look at the belief you may hold about yourself as
being right most of the time. Why is that so important? Are you
preventing yourself from learning new things or having new experiences
because you’re tightly holding on to your image of yourself as being
right? How about having the courage to admit when you’re wrong and then
not beating yourself up internally because you were?

One of my clients said to me recently, “I’m not afraid to tell you when
I’m wrong. This is liberating for me. It gives me a brand new way to
look at things and opens up more possibilities for me.” This week, I
hope more of us can have this experience.

Have a good week!

Kathleen

*The quotes used in this challenge come from an article entitled,
“Hotseat: Kathryn Schulz, A former Portland journalist explains why
sometimes it’s right to be wrong.” by Roxanne Macmanus for the
Willamette Weekly.

© Copyright 2010 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights
reserved.

6/7/10 “Ubuntu”

Good day, team,

An article I read recently in The New York Times inspired me and is the subject of this week’s challenge.

In the small, faraway village of Maqongqo, South Africa, a school principal named Rita Mkhize is proud to talk about the concept of “ubuntu,” which in Zulu means “We are what we are because of other people.” I was immediately intrigued and read on.

“The whole theory is an ideal. Different areas of a person’s life are affected by how they understand these concepts and how they understand sharing and giving opportunities,” said Thobile Biyela, an interpreter at the University of KwaZulu-Natal, not far from Maqongqo.

The article continued, “Beyond being a catchy slogan or good-luck charm, ubuntu is a road map for how life should be lived. In South Africa, this concept underlies the foundations of its Constitutional Court. The court characterizes it as synonymous with humanness; social justice; fairness; the rehabilitation of offenders; the maintenance of law and order; and recognizing a person’s status as a human being entitled to unconditional respect, dignity and value.”

As many of you may know, the World Cup soccer championship is being held in South Africa this year. For the South Africans, the significance of this event is largely economic. It will bring many needed jobs and opportunities to an area that has large numbers of unemployed. Even for people merely selling flags by the roadside, it’s a way to make money. But the World Cup is also an opportunity for the rest of the world to see ubuntu in action, and when it comes to sports, the concept is alive and well.

Ubuntu seems especially appropriate for team sports because it describes an approach to life characterized by selflessness, sharing, unity and respect. In fact, Coach Doc Rivers of the Boston Celtics basketball team introduced it two seasons ago to his team, and if you look at their record over the past two years, it makes you wonder if ubuntu hasn’t inspired the team to be the champions they have become.

In the small village of Maqongqo, the primary school has very successful school teams. “They win all the time,” proclaims the principal.

Even the U.S. soccer team has embraced this concept. We will have an opportunity to see if it increases their chances in the upcoming competition.

Your challenge this week is to test ubuntu with those around you. Perhaps you describe the concept at a team meeting, and when the going gets tough, you use it as a rallying cry to remind people to come together and serve each other. Maybe you talk about it with your family, reminding each other that we are what we are largely because of the people we are closest to.

See if ubuntu inspires you to remember that a person’s status as a human being entitles him or her to unconditional respect, dignity and value. As hard as it may be to apply ubuntu to our daily experiences with others, it’s good to know that in Maqongqo, the concept is alive and well.

As Biyela went on to say, “As a 21st century African woman, I’m feeling the crunch. I’m feeling like people are losing the spirit of ubuntu a little bit. That’s why we try to come here to Maqongqo and show that it still exists, it still lives on. People are still willing to share, still willing to give.”

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2010 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

5/24/10

Good day team,

This past week, I’ve had an opportunity to talk with many of my business client’s about succession planning. In short, succession planning is the process one goes through to determine who in your organization could take your place and putting a plan together to insure your replacements development. Hopefully, you’ll be able to choose someone who could not only do your job, but perhaps, do it better than you are doing it now. When you do succession planning, you’ve managed to hire and develop someone who brings lots of commitment and talent, and as they gain competence and confidence, it becomes easier to replace yourself when the time comes.

More often than not, when I ask my clients if they have a clear successor, they often reply, “well, no, I’d have to hire someone from the outside.” This is a sad tale for the team member who is hoping to take their bosses place. We all know what it’s like to work for many years, trying to do a good job, impress your boss, have a positive impact on the bottom line, develop your team, be reliable, responsible and competent, working nights and weekends to get that big promotion, only to find out that your boss is hiring someone in over you because they don’t think you’re strong enough to do their job. A life’s work erased in a moment. Nothing can kill our internal motivation faster than that.

So, if not having a good succession plan causes you to risk losing one of your best team members, why wait so long to do this?

Years ago,while visiting Germany for the first time, I learned the importance of succession planning . It was my first trip to Europe and we visited family friends in Munich. One day, riding in a car on the autobahn, our host was talking about the surrounding landscape as we looked over well manicured, verdant fields. In the distance we could see a small forest of perfectly grown trees, all the same height and width, that looked like a bright green patch in a quilt. As we approached, I marveled at it’s beauty. How could trees grow with such precision? When I inquired, our host asked if we could see the small church that stood just a few yards from the small forest. He explained, “when that church was built over 150 years ago, the local people used the trees around the site to build it. Knowing that eventually, the beetles, or the weather, or fire, would destroy the wood, they built that stand of trees so that they could replace the wooden beams and sides of the building when it was necessary. To this day, they plant a new tree every time they harvest an older one to sustain the church.”

This is succession planning at it’s best. Metaphorically, knowing that you might sooner or later be eaten by beetles, get pummeled by bad weather, or burned by fire, you plant seeds that will grow into healthy trees that can be harvested to replace you.

This week, give some serious thought to who will succeed you and start putting together a plan to do it. We are often under the illusion that we will live forever and along with that comes the imaginary idea that we can continue to work at our current rate, with our current level of commitment and competency. This too shall pass, and who will be there to carry on?

As my husband went out the door this morning to continue working on the outdoor fire/pizza oven he’s building, he said, “I’m going outside to continue to work on that which will outlive me.” It made me think of our grandchildren lifting fresh cooked breads and pizzas out of the oven, feeling gratitude for their G-Pops for having thought about his successors.

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2010 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

5/17/10 “Renewal”

Good day, team,

This week, the message of renewal and regeneration is coming through loud and clear. It started mid-week when our daughter delivered her second baby. Upon holding him in my arms, seeing him for the first time, I marveled at the miracle of new life. Nine months had passed, and here was this robust and beautiful baby boy, arriving with all the hope and expectation that only a newborn can bring.

This weekend, I found myself herding a mother turkey and her 14 newborn chicks into a safer place after a truck passed by and sent all the chicks running to and fro on the road in a panic. Again, I marveled at how quickly these precious little chicks were adapting to their new environment and how vulnerable they are to life’s perils.

This morning, I read in the Sunday paper about the explosion of Mt. St. Helens that took place in Oregon in 1980 and the regeneration that has occurred since then. On that day 30 years ago, a column reaching 15 miles above the Earth pumped out volcanic ash for more than nine hours and darkened the skies for more than 100 miles. Today, the emergence of plants and animals from that destruction has amazed scientists and biologists alike.

Finally, I read an excerpt from a graduation speech President Obama gave at Notre Dame University. He said, “Ours is a history of renewal and reinvention, where each generation finds a way to adapt, thrive and push the nation forward with energy, ingenuity and optimism.”

So, having gotten the message, this week’s challenge is about renewal.

Here are some thoughts on the topic from the book “Leadership and the New Science” by Margaret Wheatley.

“Renewal is a time to tell the truth about what is so, and then to face that truth. It is the time to heal our selves; to remember who we are. And when we remember who we are, we bring our authentic selves forward.

“Renewal is a time to surrender what is no longer useful. There is often an aspect of death in renewal, as letting go may require the end of a way of thinking or operating, the end of a product line, closing down a factory, letting go of a dream. The very act of renewal is a surrender of doing. Renewal may or may not be experienced as struggle, depending on how attached we are to that which no longer serves us. Edith Weiner, in ‘Six Principles for Revitalizing your Planning,’ explains that ‘the initial key to effective strategic thinking is not learning, but rather forgetting. It requires unlearning and the shedding of old, misguided assumptions.’

“Once we let go, we often experience a sense of release and new energy. We also experience a sense of spaciousness. The often irresistible temptation is to fill that space immediately, as not knowing may be very uncomfortable. This space is best used as a time of questioning and allowing. This space may last a moment, a week, or several months or more in time. This space is the rich, fertile ground out of which true vision emerges.

“Here are some of the most common forms of support that exist during the renewal process:

–Collegiality and cooperation: friendly association with co-workers who are cooperative in their actions and constructive in their observations

–Acceptance: acknowledgment and approval

–Advocacy: backing and endorsement

–Permission to fail: leeway to make mistakes and learn from them

–Information: news about the business and the organization

–Feedback: data about one’s abilities, prospects and reputation

–Flexibility: options to tailor a job to one’s own strengths or circumstances

–Stress relief: reducing anxiety and tension by accommodating family and other outside demands, and preventing on the job hostilities

–No limitations: allowing people to take on as many challenges as they wish and to support them in stretching themselves so they are no longer limited by false ideas about what’s possible for themselves, their teammates or the organization.”

This week, your challenge is to apply some of these forms of support that naturally occur during the process of renewal. See where you have the opportunity to create something new, either in its own right or by transforming something old. Spring is a wonderful time for creating new life, new ideas and new approaches. Our ability to renew and regenerate ourselves and others is infinite. Take advantage of the season at hand and, as the president suggested, push forward with energy, ingenuity and optimism.

Have a good week,

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2010 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

5/10/10

Good day, team,

This week’s challenge is about trying to communicate with people who don’t speak the same language we do and how we manage to get our message across even when we don’t understand the words.

Over the past few weeks, we have had friends visiting from France, and I have been reminded again of how important it is to spend time with people foreign to us. It’s so easy to think that the way we think and live are the same all around the world. People from elsewhere show us new ways to see and do things.

One of our guests doesn’t speak English, and my French is very elementary, so it’s been challenging to communicate. I’ve found myself relying on gestures and tone of voice to get my messages across. It’s been fun to attempt new French words by stretching my brain to find any kind of Latinate word that might be the root of an English or French word we’re trying to speak to each other. Surprisingly, many words in the two languages appear similar, but their pronunciations are so different that they’re unrecognizable.

Nevertheless, as human beings, we are masters at using every possible skill we possess to be understood. Last evening, I found myself making the motion of digging a trench to explain how we might dig up some dirt in the garden. And this morning, I was making the sound of bacon cooking to try to explain part of the breakfast menu. Along with these antics come much laughter and embarrassment: We are used to understanding and being understood without trying. But the truth is, we often communicate something very different than the words we are speaking.

When we have to rely on gestures, facial expressions and tone of voice, we realize how much we communicate nonverbally. How many times have you sat in a business meeting and heard someone saying one thing while his or her facial expressions convey a very different sentiment? Isn’t it interesting that, even over the phone, when someone stops listening to you, you can feel it? When my daughter-in-law tells my grandson, “Owen, you need to pick up your toys,” she uses a different tone the first time she says it than the third time. The words may be the same, but Owen finally realizes that he’d better pick up his toys this time or he’s going to be in trouble.

This week, notice your gestures, your tone of voice, and your facial expressions when you communicate. Do you use your hands a lot when you’re trying to emphasize something? Maybe your tone of voice becomes very different when you’re trying to communicate a sense of urgency. Pay close attention to the communication styles of the people around you. Does their tone of voice change depending on who they’re dealing with or what they’re attending to? Perhaps you see that peoples’ communication becomes more relaxed when they’re with their own team or their friends compared to when they’re with people they don’t know as well.

Whatever the case, try seeing how consistent you are in your communication. Do your facial expressions represent the same message that’s coming out of your mouth or are you sending out mixed messages? Are you using the right words to convey your message? How do you know if people actually understand you? You may find yourself resorting to the sort of charades I did last evening, acting out digging a trench, but if it helps others understand you and it’s more fun, why not try a new way to get your message across?

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2010 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

May 3, 2010

Good day, team,

Back by popular demand, here is a challenge written in April 2005 that I’m republishing.

This week’s challenge is about the opportunities that lie in each problem.

I’ve been reading a book recently about the 1918 flu pandemic. The doctors and scientists who struggled to find a cure had to spend many years studying the problems that caused the disease. Most failed. Some who worked on finding a cure became frustrated by their lack of success and quit their search early on, claiming that the flu was actually a form of pneumonia, a disease they thought they understood.

But the doctors who didn’t become discouraged by failure after failure and who continued to study the problems created by the disease made many discoveries. These led to numerous breakthroughs in medicine that eventually changed the way all doctors understand bacterias and viruses and how to treat them. And one doctor actually discovered DNA, the foundation of our genetic design. This doctor was never discouraged by any problem he confronted. When a problem arose, he would try to solve it. In so doing, he would discover more problems and try to solve them. This went on and on for 40 years! Eventually, in his 70s, he discovered what he never anticipated finding and changed the course of history.

His experience teaches me how powerful opportunities can arise from problems. If we persevere when we can’t find easy solutions, we are empowered to make new discoveries.

While visiting a client last week, I saw a quote on the wall near her desk that expresses this thought so well:

“Every problem has hidden in it an opportunity so powerful that it literally dwarfs the problem. The greatest success stories were created by people who recognized a problem and turned it into an opportunity. You’ll find that every situation, properly perceived, offers opportunity. As fast as each opportunity presents itself, use it. No matter how tiny an opportunity it may be, use it. You’ll find new frontiers when you have an open mind and a willing hand.”

This week, consider the problems confronting you. Don’t be afraid to investigate them. Try considering new solutions or ask another team member for suggestions. If you’re becoming discouraged, look at the problem from a different perspective. Remember the doctor who kept looking for solutions and didn’t give up in the face of more problems.

Albert Einstein wrote, “A problem cannot be solved at the level of consciousness in which it occurs.” Perhaps a change in your awareness will help you find a better solution. Try being more present this week and see if a good solution is right in front of you.

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2010 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

4/12/10 “Different Leadership Styles”

Good day, team,

This week, David Brooks, columnist for The New York Times, reminded me again how different leadership styles can be successful in his editorial “The Humble Hound.”

We all know typical maverick leaders who aggressively hit for the home run each time: They are aggressive, charismatic and super-confident. But we also know how risky that kind of leadership can be. If you go for the home run every time, you’ll more often strike out; these kinds of leaders often produce volatile corporate results.

In his editorial, Brooks refers to Jim Collins, the author of “Good to Great” and “How the Mighty Fall.” In researching his books, Collins found that many of the reliably successful leaders combine “extreme personal humility with intense professional will.”

Brooks calls this kind of leader the humble hound (I appreciate that Brooks refers to the leader as she rather than he in the article).

“She thinks less about her mental strengths than about her weaknesses. She knows her performance slips when she has to handle more than one problem at a time, so she turns off her phone and e-mail while making decisions. She knows she has a bias for caution, so she writes a memo advocating the more daring option before writing another advocating the most safe. She knows she is bad at prediction, so she follows Peter Drucker’s old advice: After each decision, she writes a memo about what she expects to happen. Nine months later, she’ll read it to discover how far off she was.

“In short, she spends a lot of time on metacognition—thinking about her thinking—and then building external scaffolding devices to compensate for her weaknesses.

“She knows the world is too complex and irregular to be known, so life is about navigating uncertainty. She understands she is too quick to grasp at pseudo-objective models and confident projections that give the illusion of control.

“She spends more time seeing than analyzing. Analytic skills differ modestly from person to person, but perceptual skills vary enormously. Anybody can analyze, but the valuable people can pick out the impermanent but crucial elements of a moment or effectively grasp a context. This sort of perception takes modesty; strong personalities distort the information field around them.

“Because of her limitations, she tries to construct thinking teams. In one study, groups and individuals were given a complicated card game. Seventy-five percent of the groups solved it, but only 14 percent of individuals did.

“She tries not to fall for the seductions that Collins says make failing organizations: the belief that one magic move will change everything; the faith in perpetual restructuring; the tendency to replace questions with statements at meetings.”

Brooks refers to the “ethos of stagehands who work behind the scenes. Being out when the applause is ringing doesn’t feel important to them. The important things are the communal work, the contribution to the whole production and the esprit de corps.”

This week, take a look at your leadership style. Are you acting like a lion or a humble hound? Are you quick to change things and expect your team members to always be on their toes by responding with a sense of urgency? Do you pride yourself on having the reputation of being aggressive, daring and self-assured? Are you being overly analytical by challenging everyone’s thinking, including your own, and missing what’s right in front of you in the moment? Would people describe you as humble and patient or as being bullish in your thoughts and actions? When was the last time you said to a subordinate, “I really need your help”?

Whatever type of leader, manager or supervisor you are, try to see the value in being versatile in your leadership style. This week, experiment with different styles. If you usually lead meetings and are often vocal in them, try letting someone else lead the meeting and staying quiet so you can listen. Take Drucker’s suggestion and write down your decisions, reviewing them months later to see how good they turned out to be. Maybe you experiment by being more active and aggressive if you normally are not. It might be a good surprise for people around you to see you behave differently. They will be less apt to make assumptions about who you are if you don’t fit the same picture they’ve already painted of you.

Good leadership requires authenticity and consistency as much as it benefits from versatility in thought and behavior. Try exercising that versatility this week and see what the results turn out to be.

Have a good week.

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2010 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

* The coach will be out of town the weekend of 4/17/10. The next challenge will be sent out 4/27/10.

4/5/10

Good day team,

This week’s challenge is about bullying. I’ve been reading about a young Irish girl who this past year moved from Ireland to Massachusetts, where she began attending a local high school. Soon after she arrived, she started to date a popular senior who was also a star on the school’s football team. Not long after, some of her fellow students, particularly a clique of girls, began bullying and abusing her. I won’t go into the details about how extreme the hazing and physical abuse was, but I was shocked and saddened that no one stepped in to help this girl. The bullying reached such an extreme that she committed suicide.

This story is especially meaningful to me because I had a similar experience. In the middle of my freshman year, I was transferred to a high school in Canton, Ohio, where we had just moved. I was 14 and frightened to be in a new school filled with nothing but strangers.

Before long, one of the seniors, a popular, good-looking boy who was the star quarterback on the football team, started being very attentive to me. Many of the girls at the school began calling me names and leaving swear words on my locker. They would whisper about me as I walked by or wait for me to go into the bathroom and then push me up against the wall and make threatening comments. If I tried to sit with others at lunch in the cafeteria, whomever I sat with would get dirty looks from these girls and eventually move away from me.

I became more and more isolated and frightened as they ramped up their bullying. At one point, one of them invited me to join her in the side yard of the school, behind the custodial building, to look at some cool pictures she said she had of the Beatles. I desperately wanted a friend, and so I naively joined her and was quickly encircled by a group of angry girls. They shouted and yelled swear words at me as they menacingly passed a cigarette around, which they threatened to burn me with it if I didn’t leave the football star alone. They told me to go back where I’d come from, that I was trash and no one at the school or in the town wanted me and my family there.

Fortunately, another senior boy overheard the girls taunting me and ran over to save me from the angry mob. I cannot begin to explain the relief I felt as he put his arm around me and walked me away from the middle of the circle. I’ll never forget what he told them: “You think you can threaten her, but you have no idea how strong she is. I wouldn’t continue to provoke her if I were you. She’s much stronger physically than she looks, and she wouldn’t hesitate to knock one of you out if you push her too hard.”

The following week one of the girls followed me into the bathroom and tried again to push me up against the wall. I gave her a strong right hook to the chin, and she dropped to the floor. I was not bullied or harassed again.

The point of my story is not to challenge you to punch someone out if they bully you, although I do recognize that there are times in life when you have to stand up for yourself or become a victim to the destructiveness of others. But I think it’s of paramount importance to see who the bullies are in your school, your organization, your team, your company or your family and take a stand against this behavior.

In my case, the kind of bullying that took place was obvious. But often that which takes place in our team or our families is more insidious. It can take the form of continual negative comments about other team members or creating doubt about someone else’s competency. This may not be as obvious as shoving or shouting, but it can be just a destructive when we continue to gossip about others or be overtly disrespectful of them.

As I wrote in a previous challenge about setting healthy boundaries (http://www.kathleendw.local/2006/10/14/coachs-challenge-for-october-15-2006/), workplace bullying is much more common than we think. It can come in the form of expressing undo negativity toward another, intentionally excluding others from team activities, or ganging up on someone. It can also come in the form of domination by withholding information or not actively engaging and contributing to the work. When people act inappropriately, it’s important to let them know such behavior won’t be tolerated. The emotional health and safety of an organization depends on direct and clear communication when someone has trespassed on a professional and/or personal boundary.

This week, be on the lookout for bullying and take a stand against it. Don’t be afraid to let others know that it’s unacceptable and won’t be tolerated. Sometimes it’s as easy as just reminding them of how gossip never has a good outcome and that no one feels good when they find out others are gossiping about them. Maybe you let someone know that certain actions are destructive and the results will only make the situation worse. Perhaps you have to counsel a colleague that continued bullying of a co-worker will result in your having to write her or him up for disciplinary action. Perhaps you can invite a sexual harassment trainer to your company to also address bullying, verbal harassment and emotional abuse.

If you are the victim of bullying, do not hesitate to seek help. Talk to your manager or human resource representative to alert them to the situation. In one case, a woman I worked with had to go through three levels of management in her company before someone finally took action against a bullying teammate. Because of her determination and courage, the company instigated more appropriate policies for bullying in the workplace and not only created a much healthier work environment but saved itself from a potential lawsuit.

Whatever the case, make sure you take action to create an environment that is free of bullying, one of the most frightening experiences a person can undergo—companies and teams that tolerate it are unsafe and non-productive.

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2010 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

On Apr 3, 2010, at 10:25 AM, Kathleen Doyle wrote:

3/29/10

Good day, team,

I am pleased to offer as this week’s challenge the weekly sales thought from Nick Miller*, president of Clarity Advantage Corp., a sales consulting firm in Concord, Mass. (http://www.clarityadvantage.com/). Nick writes one of these columns each week and since I’m on his mailing list, I receive good sales advice from him every Sunday. I always appreciate his writing, but the following suggestion in particular stuck out as useful.

“Ready Comprehension”

“In which we are reminded to listen beyond the point at which we think we know the solution to a client’s problem or challenge.

“Packing some boxes for the office move that’s two weeks away, I found my 25-year-old copy of “Dune,” one of Frank Herbert’s inspiring, disturbing science fiction novels. Through his novels, Herbert wrote about several themes, including governments, power, and knowledge. In one, he wrote (read this slowly), ‘Ready comprehension is often a knee-jerk response and the most dangerous form of understanding. It blinks an opaque screen over your ability to learn. The judgmental precedents of law function in that way, littering your path with dead ends.’

“The first sentence is worth reading again. ‘Ready comprehension is often a knee-jerk response and the most dangerous form of understanding.’ In the sales world, we tell our clients and prospects, ‘My experience helps me understand your challenges and recommend solutions that will help you reach your goals.’ We ask questions, looking for familiar patterns and business issues. Finding one, we think eagerly, ‘Ah, I see the picture’ [our ‘ready comprehension’] and expertly pronounce product information and stories about our success with other clients [our judgmental precedents].

“When we work from our ‘ready comprehension’ experience in this way, we risk the ‘opaque screen’ blinking over our abilities to learn because we leap to conclusions too fast, based upon our judgmental precedents. Limited by the opaque screen, we stop asking questions once we think we have enough information to support pitching an idea or a product. We hear ‘objections’ [the ‘dead ends,’ in Herbert’s quote] when we recommend solutions that don’t fit because we responded based on ‘ready comprehension’ rather than digging for deeper understanding. Herbert wrote elsewhere, ‘The beginning of knowledge is the discovery of something that we don’t understand.’

“To serve our clients best, we must discover things about them that we may not understand and for which they don’t have ready answers—e.g., asking questions about their goals, strategies, personal and business values, policies and preferences, and trade-offs among alternatives. Such discussion creates new knowledge leading to recommendations that are different and more valuable than those our competitors may suggest.”

Your challenge this week is to watch out for “ready comprehension” and try waiting a moment before you jump to conclusions, make assumptions or just act as though you know it all. Be prepared to dig a little deeper and question your reflexive answers and assumptions.

Have a good week,

Kathleen

© Copyright 2010 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

*Many thanks to Nick for allowing me to reprint this. If you’re interested in receiving his weekly sales thought, you can access it on his Web site: http://www.clarityadvantage.com/. You can contact him directly if you’re interested in finding out more about his services.

Nick Miller
(office) 978-897-5665 (mobile) 508-733-3754
Clarity Advantage Corp.
(c) Clarity Advantage Corp., 2010. All rights reserved.

3/15/10

Good day, team,

This past week, I’ve been thinking about craving and aversion. By craving, I mean that feeling of great longing, wanting or desire. By aversion, I’m talking about a strong feeling of dislike, opposition, repugnance or antipathy. Many of us have these opposite experiences almost daily, and the effect they have on us is significant.

My father used to caution my sister and I by saying, “Everything in moderation.” Frankly, for many years that sounded far too conservative for me, and although I may have heard my father’s words in my head, I didn’t hesitate to act wild and crazy. Throwing caution to the wind was fun—who cared what the repercussions would be? Doing something in excess was great while it lasted, but I almost always paid for my lack of caution later. I recall once receiving a bill from I. Magnin (a high-end department store in San Francisco) for around $4,000. I certainly didn’t make the kind of money that could support that level of spending, but I had a terrific time in the store satisfying all my cravings, buying whatever I wanted. My subsequent aversion to the bill was predictable and as extreme as the excessive spending was. Giving in to my cravings was pretty easy when I was in my twenties—I had the energy to recover from my adventures. But as I got older, the aversion to the hangover, the unpaid bills or the damage I’d inflicted on others became harder to experience. My father’s advice actually started to make more sense. I realized that doing things in moderation did make life a little easier to manage.

Even when practicing moderation, we still experience these swings of craving and aversion. Ever try dieting? It’s a great example of flip-flopping between craving what you’re not supposed to eat and then having a major aversion to yourself when you finally devour that forbidden food. How about doing a little home improvement? Ever notice how the more you improve, the more you need to improve? You change the carpet in the living room and suddenly the furniture looks old and drab. You paint the bathroom and the need for new fixtures screams out to you. We can easily become caught up in the duality of the craving and aversion dance. Giving in to either extreme can be painful.

Maybe you see that no matter how much you buy, it’s never enough. No matter which car you drive, relationship you’re in or grade you achieve in school, it’s just not quite good enough. Over time, this dissatisfaction with people and things creates an aversion to our own life, and we find ourselves in a constant state of frustration and unhappiness. There is no peace of mind where there is constant dissatisfaction and an inability to accept what is.

Your challenge this week is to see where this phenomena plays out in your life, then try exercising moderation. Do you see it come up in your work? Are you consistently craving better results from people, better quality products, more money or more acknowledgment from others? Are you never satisfied? Has your craving for these things turned into a permanent aversion to anything that is less than the perfection you crave?

Give yourself a break this week and try not to let craving and aversion rule your thoughts. These feelings will come up, I guarantee it, but you don’t have to give in to them or allow them to dictate your actions. You may find your week is more peaceful and restful if you accept what is and allow yourself to be satisfied.

Have a good week!

Kathleen
Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2010 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights
reserved.