Category: Professional

4/18/11 “Stories”

Good day, team.

This week’s challenge is about the stories we tell ourselves and others. I recently had an experience of my own storytelling that illustrates the theme of this challenge.

A few Sundays ago when the sun was shining brightly and the air was clean and crisp, my husband and I embarked on a 2 1/2 mile hike not far from our ranch in the Columbia River Gorge. It’s a well known trek, which ultimately leads to an old grove of cherry trees, and although it’s not far as the crow flies, you spend much of your time ascending many feet up rocky hillsides on switchbacks and steep trail. In one spot, because of landslides, you have to pick your way through piles of rock that have nestled into the hillsides — some permanently and some precariously.

I approached the hike with trepidation. I’ve had a bad right knee for many years, and since my early 20s when I had surgery for it, I’ve always had knee pain with strenuous exercise. Now, having had surgery again on my knee last November, I’ve been working to rehabilitate it, and this hike would be its first big test. As we took our first few steps at the trailhead, I looked anxiously around for a branch that could be my walking stick. Once I found it, I felt reassured that I could do the hike.

It didn’t take long before I tired and began to hear the same old story in my head about how I wouldn’t be able to make it. “You can’t do this, your knee’s not in good enough shape. You don’t have the lung capacity since you never exercise. See how far ahead your husband is on the trail? Well, of course — he doesn’t have bad knees and is probably irritated that he has to keep stopping to wait for you. You shouldn’t even be out here.” On and on and on, my internal thoughts kept telling me a story about how I would fail if I continued. Still, I trudged on up the hillside, determined to do the hike.

After a few hours, most of the hike had been accomplished and my husband and I were coming down the hillside. David was telling me how proud he was of me for having accomplished the hike. I felt light on my feet and happy that we had seen such beautiful sights along the way. We decided to stop and take a short nap in an oak grove that was sheltered from the wind, and the sun warmed us as we lay down to rest. I felt a wonderful sense of exhilaration and suddenly realized that my knee didn’t hurt at all. What a surprise! I hadn’t been able to take a hike without my knee hurting since I was a teenager, and here I was, bounding down the hillside like that same young girl who used to be so active.

More important, I realized the story I had been telling myself all these years about my knee was no longer true. My knee is fine now. I came to see that all those thoughts and voices trying to tell me otherwise were just a waste of energy. I felt completely liberated in that moment from all of the stories that I’ve told myself and others about my knee. The story about how I originally injured it was one I didn’t have to tell anymore. The stories about what I could or couldn’t do for physical exercise were no longer true. I didn’t have to tell myself or anyone else anything at all about my knee. In fact, people wouldn’t even be asking me anymore because I could walk normally and didn’t have to complain about how much my knee hurt. What a relief!

Later, in the car driving back to the ranch, I spoke with my husband about my realization. We both talked about how strange it is that we often get so accustomed to telling a particular story to ourselves and others that even after it’s no longer true, we continue to talk about it as though it is.

This week, try observing the stories you tell yourself and others that are not true. Maybe things have changed in your relationship with someone and yet you still talk about that person as though things haven’t changed at all. I remember talking about my father a few months after he’d died as though he was still in the room with me. I eventually realized the story I was telling about him occurred 10 years earlier, and I was talking about him as though he were still alive. I didn’t need to tell that story anymore. In fact, I honored him more by not telling the story and accepting that he had moved on.

Perhaps you tell yourself stories about people you work with that are no longer true. We all change, and when we tell stories about others as if they haven’t changed at all, we also prevent ourselves from seeing others anew. Notice if you tell people stories that degrade yourself or others. Maybe these stories don’t serve anyone, least of all yourself, and only convince you of things that aren’t true.

Whatever the case, try observing your stories and see if you can stop telling the ones that are no longer true. You may find you can do some things that your stories have tried to tell you weren’t possible. Or, you may begin to see others differently when you stop telling the same old stories about them. If you’re like me, you’ll experience a moment of liberation when you realize that your stories don’t have to restrict you any longer. In fact, you can create a new story that sets you free!

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White

Pathfinders Coaching

(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.

4/4/11 “Civility via Modesty”

Good day, team.

This week, I’m happy to send the second part of what I wanted to share about the subject of civility. The following comes from John Limb, the publisher at Oregon Catholic Press (OCP) here in Portland. After reading an editorial written by David Brooks in our local newspaper, John was quite impressed with how Brooks wrote about civility via modesty. Here are John’s comments and an excerpt from the editorial:

“The following is an excerpt from an editorial written by David Brooks as it appeared in a Saturday issue of The Oregonian a few months ago. It is excellent — perhaps the best editorial Brooks has ever written. Its subject is civility via modesty. While directed primarily at politicians, I think Brooks’ advice is good counsel for anyone in a leadership position. I recommend you read the whole editorial, but I especially like the following excerpt:

‘Every sensible person involved in politics and public life knows that his or her work is laced with failure. Every column, every speech, every piece of legislation and every executive decision has its own humiliating shortcomings. There are always arguments you should have made better, implications you should have anticipated, other points of view you should have taken on board. Moreover, even if you are at your best, your efforts will still be laced with failure. The truth is fragmentary, and it’s impossible to capture all of it. There are competing goods that can never be fully reconciled. The world is more complicated than any human intelligence can comprehend. But every sensible person in public life also feels redeemed by others. You may write a mediocre column or make a mediocre speech or propose a mediocre piece of legislation, but others argue with you, correct you and introduce elements you never thought of. Each of these efforts may also be flawed, but together, if the system is working well, they move things gradually forward. Each individual step may be imbalanced, but in succession, they make the social organism better. As a result, every sensible person feels a sense of gratitude for this process. We all get to live lives better than we deserve because our individual shortcomings are transmuted into communal improvement. We find meaning — and can only find meaning — in the role we play in that larger social enterprise.’

“I particularly like Brooks’ comment that ‘even if you are at your best, your efforts will still be laced with failure.’ That’s why we need one another to do our best work. That’s why we have co-workers to help us be the best we can be, both as individuals and as a company. I have been publisher at OCP for more than 18 years now. As OCP’s chief executive, I can certainly attest to this — both professionally and personally. These are good words to consider whenever we think we have all the answers or have the best answer or can’t possibly be wrong. As Brooks says, we are all ‘redeemed by others …We all get to live lives better than we deserve because our individual shortcomings are transmuted into communal improvement.’ May we all have the modesty to realize and accept this truth.”

Your challenge this week is to think about how important your co-workers are and show them your gratitude. Consider how often they help you become a better manager or offer you a suggestion that makes your life easier or create a new process that lightens your load. Realize how often your thoughts and ideas are only one piece of a much larger puzzle that could never be solved without the help of others. Be grateful for all the times you’ve made a mistake and there’s someone right by your side willing to help you out of the mess you’ve created. Thank your teammates for being there to support you and forgive your failures.

Understand that civility comes from the modesty to know that we cannot do any of this alone. Let yourself be “redeemed” by the people around you.

My special thanks to John Limb for allowing me to publish his thoughts about the editorial. He inspires many of us who are fortunate enough to work with him with his wisdom and dedication to servant leadership.

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White

Pathfinders Coaching

(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.

3/28/11 “Civility”

Good day, team.

This past week, I had the delightful experience of traveling to Vancouver, B.C., to visit a client. I’m particularly fond of Vancouver, so I intentionally arrived a day early to enjoy the city.

As in past visits, I was struck by the friendliness of the Canadians and how helpful they are, especially to travelers. From the fellow who helped me buy my ticket for public transport to the woman in the elevator at my hotel who introduced herself as one of the staff, handed me her card and offered to assist me in any way she could, I was delighted by each encounter. I found the same attitude in the meetings with my client. Each person I spoke with was friendly and welcoming. They were respectful and courteous in their demeanor.

These experiences made an impression on me, and I realized it’s because so many people in this day and age seem to have lost their civility, along with the graciousness that generally accompanies it. To define “civil,” I refer to two definitions:

1.

Adhering to the norms of polite social intercourse; not deficient in common courtesy
2.

Marked by benevolence — “He was a very civil sort; we liked him immediately.”

So many people seem to have lost the value for what it means to be civil when communicating with others. In today’s world, we hear people use swear words on a daily basis. Many programs on television and radio focus on violence and negativity (watch or listen to any of the talk show hosts and you’ll be appalled by the lack of civility and humanity). The way many people relate to one another is void of grace and eloquence. I remember my father saying to my sister and me, “Try to keep a civil tongue in your head.” But that’s not a phrase I hear any longer.

One thing I remember strongly about our annual visits to see my grandparents in Boston is the civil tone that was always used in their household. My father’s father was a lawyer, and listening to him speak about almost any subject was a delight. He read Latin and Greek and was extremely well versed in classical literature. Consequently, he had an extensive vocabulary and was an accomplished orator. My grandmother, also well educated, occasionally would spice up the conversations by adding a ribald (but never vulgar) comment now and again just to “get his goat,” as my grandfather said. She’d get a chuckle from the rest of the dinner guests. Sunday dinner at their home was always a somewhat formal affair but not without warmth and humor. The entire event had an air of civility and graciousness that I often try to recreate in my own family dinners.

Visiting my mother’s parents in Maine was a very different experience, but no less in its graciousness. My maternal grandparents were more down to earth and approachable. My grandfather, Pearl Woodbury, or “Woody” as he was affectionately called, always had a smile and a helping hand for everyone. The sparkle in his blue eyes and ever-present sense of humor were known to all. He and my grandmother had a loving way of being together, and they showered grace on their family and friends. I never heard my grandfather say a bad word about anyone, and he was always civil in his tone and interactions.

These people raised my parents to be civically minded; that is, with the understanding that doing one’s civic duty and helping the community was a requirement of those more fortunate than others. Although my mother’s family was not wealthy by any means, they had strong values and extended their help whenever they could to friends and community members in need. I realize now that this made them richer than many people I’ve known who have much greater material wealth.

Both of my parents were always active in our community and church, wherever we lived. It made them happier and better people to be able to extend themselves to others, and they made every attempt to be courteous and respectful to others, just like the Canadians did for me this past week.

These ideas of civility and graciousness may seem a bit outdated. But, even in today’s world, I see that a person who shows a strong sense of civility and graciousness in their dealings with others is highly respected.

Your challenge this week is to think about how civil you are in your speech and actions. Would others describe you as gracious? How about the way you communicate with others in meetings and social events? Do they see you as a bully or vulgar? And do you extend yourself to others? Do you involve yourself in community activities that serve others? This week, try being more civil in your conversations. See if you can find ways to extend yourself with grace and warmth.

In closing, I share one of my favorite quotes about civility from the country singer, Emmylou Harris. She said, “As citizens, we have to be more thoughtful and more educated and more informed. I turn on the TV, and I see these grown people screaming at each other, and I think, ‘Well, if we don’t get our civility back, we’re in trouble.’ ”

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White

Pathfinders Coaching

(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.

3/21/11 “Design Thinking”

Good day, team.

I wrote this week’s challenge in 2008 after reading an article in the Harvard Business Review titled “Design Thinking” by Tim Brown, CEO and president of IDEO, an innovation and design firm in Palo Alto, Calif. It’s as relevant today as it was then.

Here’s how the article starts:

“Thomas Edison created the electric light bulb and then wrapped an entire industry around it. The light bulb is most often thought of as his signature invention, but Edison understood that the bulb was little more than a parlor trick without a system of electric power generation and transmission to make it truly useful. So he created that, too.

“Thus, Edison’s genius lay in his ability to conceive of a fully developed marketplace, not simply a discrete device. He was able to envision how people would want to use what he made, and he engineered toward that insight.

“Edison’s approach was an early example of ‘design thinking’—a methodology that imbues the full spectrum of innovation activities with a human-centered design ethos. By this I mean that innovation is powered by a thorough understanding, through direct observation of what people want and need in their lives and what they like or dislike about the way particular products are made, packaged, marketed, sold and supported.”

Brown’s observations got me thinking about people who design great products and the particular approach they take in the design process. In the article, Brown points out five characteristics most typical of designers.

The first is empathy. Good designers can imagine the world from many different perspectives and are acutely aware of details that others don’t see. It’s always about people first and how others will experience (feel, think about and use) their product.

The second is integrative thinking. Good designers can analyze what’s needed and also consider all the contradictory perspectives that might confound them. They create novel solutions to go beyond and dramatically improve the existing alternatives.

Third, they are optimistic. They believe that at least one of their solutions will work and improve upon anything that currently exists.

Fourth, they constantly experiment and explore new possibilities.

And fifth, they often work in a variety of disciplines, never taking just one approach. They are not only engineers but can think like marketers, psychologists and anthropologists. They involve themselves with other specialists to expand their view of the world.

Certainly, we are not all designers by trade or inclination. But for anyone in business, whether you produce light bulbs or provide a service, creating something that people want to buy and use is the name of the game. I think we can all use Brown’s suggestions as a guide for creating better products and services.

Your challenge this week is to consider these five characteristics and see if you can apply them to your work. Maybe you’re a manager trying to think of a new way to motivate your team members. Can you design an activity that would inspire them? Have you considered what they would experience while doing the exercise?

Perhaps you’re working on a new product, and you haven’t really looked at it from a marketer’s point of view. Asking your marketing associates how they would promote your product might give you the perspective you need, even if it contradicts your original design ideas.

Say you’re a product marketing professional. Don’t forget to include your engineers from the get-go if you want to deliver a successful product. Are you convinced that your innovative ideas will be useful to others? If not, why would anyone else be convinced? Quite simply, have you actually used the product or service you’re offering? Try it out so that you know exactly what it feels like.

Everywhere we look, we see problems that can be solved through innovation: energy usage, healthcare, world poverty, to mention a few. Brown writes, “These problems all have people at their heart. They require a human-centered, creative, iterative and practical approach to finding the best ideas and ultimate solutions.”

This week, try taking a more people-centric approach to solving problems and use empathy, integrative thinking, optimism, experimentation and a variety of disciplines to help you innovate.

Have a great week,

Kathleen

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Kathleen Doyle-White

Pathfinders Coaching

(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.

3/14/11 “Remembering What’s Important”

Good day, Team.

This week, I can’t help but reflect upon the earthquake and tsunami in Japan. Sometimes I wonder if the size of a tragedy proportionately influences our humanity. Do disasters like this have to keep happening to wake us up and remind us of what’s important? How it is that I’ve almost forgotten about the oil spill that happened just last year? or the earthquake in Haiti? What is it in our thinking that so quickly forgets? And how is it that in our day-to-day lives, we fuss and fight and strike out at one another when instead we could be appreciating all of the good things in our lives?

This week’s challenge is about remembering what’s important. Last week I found myself embroiled in an internal struggle that was all too familiar: worrying about what others think of me. I know there’s no way I can control what others think of me. Goodness knows I can barely control my own thoughts, let alone someone else’s. In reality what others think and say about me is a projection of what they think about themselves — so worrying about it is not very productive. However, I’m also aware that this affliction is quite common, and that it’s the rare person who doesn’t spend time worrying about what others think of them.

As I was struggling last week, with my monkey mind jumping from limb to limb pondering this topic, screeching at me and demanding my attention, I heard about the earthquake and everything stopped. In that moment, I was completely still inside. That stillness produced a sacred moment for me. I felt the suffering of thousands of Japanese people whose lives were changed forever, and I thought of what’s important to me: the people I love and the quality of the life I’m leading. These thoughts catapulted me into a state of gratitude and prayer. This kind of earth-shattering news causes me to pause and feel for others who are experiencing loss and devastation. It also fills me with gratitude for what I have and the safety of my own surroundings.

Each day this week, spend some time remembering what’s most important to you. Try not to let your thoughts of blame, resentment, worry and dissatisfaction take over. Try not to complain or speak against yourself or others. Allow yourself to appreciate the world and people around you, and don’t forget to let them know it. Give thanks for the abundance we have in our lives and take a few moments to reflect on our good fortune. And when all else fails, remember that love is universal and always here.

In that vein, I offer a variation of I Corinthians, 13: 4-13 from the Bible. These words remind me of what’s truly important:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, then that which is in part shall be done away. When I was a child, I talked as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see through a glass darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Have a good week!
Kathleen
Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.

3/7/11 “Self-Compassion”

Good day, team.

This week’s challenge sprouted from an article I read last week in the New York Times, “Go Easy on Yourself, a New Wave of Research Urges,” by Tara Parker-Pope.

She opens the article with the question, “Do you treat yourself as well as you treat your friends and family?” She goes to say how research shows that giving ourselves a break and accepting our imperfections may be the first step toward better health.

This same idea became apparent to me years ago when I attended a weekend meditation retreat with Sylvia Boorstein, a wonderful meditation teacher who was focusing that day on “metta.”

In Buddhist philosophy, metta is often translated as “compassion” or “loving kindness.” The great meditation teacher Henepola Gunaratana maha tera has called it “loving friendliness.” This attitude focuses on friendliness, compassion and concern for the wellness of others. Metta is not something everyone has automatically. It is an aspect of thought that must be developed through meditation.

Within minutes of sitting with Sylvia, it became apparent that she had a different take on how we could develop metta in regards to others. What she really wanted us to do was first create it for ourselves. I remember her saying, “You can sit on your backside for years trying to cultivate more compassion for others, but if you don’t experience it toward yourself, you will continue to fail.” This idea was surprising to me. I had not thought about the importance of creating loving kindness toward myself. In fact, I often regarded myself as a familiar stranger, and, more often than not, I experienced a lot of judgment and blame toward myself.

During the retreat, we did a number of meditative exercises that created a lovely state of inner love and peace that I had rarely experienced. The more my meditation focused on self-compassion, the more I was able to be compassionate toward others. It was like learning how to exercise a muscle that hadn’t been used before. Once it became stronger, my ability to use it not just for myself but for others was the beginning of feeling a greater state of compassion for all living beings.

However, when I first practiced metta meditation toward myself, it felt a little selfish. It seemed too self-indulgent. It wasn’t until I experienced a major health scare years later that I realized the importance of allowing myself to drop down into that incredible well of love that existed within me. I learned to appreciate how much it could truly heal me from the inside out. By allowing myself to love myself, I was able to experience that state of love and compassion on a daily basis, and in turn, it was much more accessible to me for giving to others.

In her article, Parker-Pope references several research studies on self-compassion with interesting results. Most doctors and self-help books suggest that developing more willpower and self-discipline are the keys to better health. However, new research shows that creating self-discipline as a result of self-criticism only leads people further into a state of anxiety and depression. People who score high on tests related to self-compassion have less depression and anxiety. These people tend to be happier and more optimistic.

However, self-criticism resulting in various disciplines for self-improvement is deeply rooted in American culture, so it can be a challenging habit to break.

In the book “Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind” Dr. Kristin Neff writes, “Self-compassion is really conducive to motivation. The reason you won’t let your children eat five big tubs of ice cream is because you care about them. With self-compassion, you care about yourself, you do what’s healthy for you rather than what’s harmful to you.”

Jean Fain, a psychotherapist and teaching associate at Harvard Medical School writes, “Self-compassion is the missing ingredient in every diet and weight-loss plan. Most plans revolve around self-discipline, self-deprivation and neglect.”

This quote reminds me of all the times I’ve told myself I couldn’t eat something and within days found myself stuffing my mouth with that very thing. Then the amount of guilt and self-recrimination I experienced afterward took days to recover from and left me with a profound feeling of failure.

This week, try giving yourself a break from all the internal thoughts and feelings of judgment, blame and self-hatred. How about spending some quiet time thinking of all the good things you did this past week for others? How about taking a compassion break just like you would a coffee break? Spend a moment or two saying to yourself, “I’m going to be kind to myself in this moment.”

Try patting yourself on the back for something you’ve done well this week or for having a good conversation with someone. Free your mind from the inner voice that says, “You made of fool of yourself” or “You could have done a much better job” or “That was a stupid thing to say.” Don’t hold onto those thoughts and allow them to rule your state of mind. Instead, tell yourself, “I am not inadequate but actually just as I am: human, loving and kind.”

You might just find that you feel better about yourself as well as others.

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White

Pathfinders Coaching

(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.

2/28/11 “Adaptability”

Good day, team.

This weekend, we found ourselves at our home in the Columbia River Gorge, where the temperature was 11 degrees, with no electricity. Fortunately, our wood stove kept the temperature in parts of the house at about 60 degrees, and because we have solar panels, our refrigerator, freezer and some light switches continued to function. This situation brought couple thoughts to mind. One, we live in a world dominated by conveniences that constantly serve our needs. Second, when we find ourselves without those conveniences, we become inventive, and often lifelong memories are created.

Human beings are highly adaptable, and when the going gets tough, we tend to rise to the occasion. Case in point: when I realized I would soon run out of hot water, I immediately put a large pot of water on top of the wood stove. This may not seem very inventive, but what I noticed is that I never gave it a second thought. I just instinctively did it. My husband was already piling extra wood by the stove so we could keep the temperature in the house consistent. I began to think about ways I could cook dinner with only my gas burners working or what we could make on the wood-fired oven outdoors. These alternatives to our usual routines just came to us naturally.

Herein lies this week’s challenge. Consider what you would do to keep the home fires burning if your modern conveniences were unavailable. How long has it been since you lost electricity and had to be more inventive in dealing with your daily life? Have you forgotten what it’s like to be without a computer or a television or some other electronic devise for a few hours or days? Have you gone without your car for a day or two, or had to rely on your fireplace or wood stove to heat your home? When was the last time you had to walk home because your car broke down? I’m not suggesting that you create some problem to test how adaptable you can be, but I am asking you to consider what you would do if something did occur that forced you to give up some of your conveniences.

When I was a child, we lived in places with extreme weather. During a bad winter storm, we would camp out by the living room fireplace with our sleeping bags and pillows, huddled together to stay warm, telling stories by the firelight. Sometimes in the summer, it was so hot at night that it was impossible to sleep upstairs, and we would bunk out on the porch. These childhood memories are some of my most vivid. What many adults consider to be major inconveniences, children often see as grand adventures.

This week, consider how you would live if you lost most of your day-to-day conveniences. Perhaps you will take time to store up on food and water in your pantry. Maybe you will purchase a good oil lamp for use when you have no electrical light. Think about what you might have to do at work if you lose power or people are stranded for a few days because of a storm. Most companies have business resumption plans that collect dust on the shelves because no one really thinks about them until a disaster hits. How will you adapt if you have to come up with alternatives to supporting yourself and others around you?

Try seeing the loss of convenience through a child’s eyes; instead of it being bothersome, think of it as an adventure. Get creative, and you might find it creates a memory you will never forget.

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White

Pathfinders Coaching

(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.

2/21/11 “Two Wolves”

Good day, team,

Back in June of 2009, I shared this challenge with you. I am re-publishing it for your consideration.

This week’s challenge comes from an old Indian tale, “Two Wolves,” which was shared with me by a *coaching contact. She heard it from Lou Tice, chairman of The Pacific Institute, an organization dedicated to transforming peoples’ lives through education and training.

“One evening, an old Cherokee man told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, ‘My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all. One is evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego. The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.

“The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, ‘Which wolf wins?’ The old man replied, ‘The one you feed.’

How often are we faced with a choice about how to react to each day’s challenges? Do we rail at the outrageous winds of fate that pound us from time to time, falling in the pit of self-pity, or do we look upon these moments as opportunities to learn and grow, and broaden the humanity within us?

The good news is that we do have a choice. We can choose to feed the wolf of envy and resentment or the wolf of humility, benevolence and compassion. We can choose to be happy or to be miserable. The choice we make colors our days, our work and our relationships to those around us. Which wolf will you choose to feed today?”

Your challenge this week is to observe what your state of mind is throughout the day and choose what serves you best. Which wolf are you choosing to feed? In some cases, we don’t make a conscious choice but rather find ourselves in a state of negativity that creates a bad day. If you recognize that a difficult state has come over you, then you can choose to do something to get yourself out of it. In that moment you can choose the good wolf, rather than have the evil wolf to determine how your day will go.

The opportunities we have to choose our state of mind and heart are endless. Events throughout our day create all kinds of reactions in us. But if we are self-aware enough to observe what we’re thinking and feeling, we can ask ourselves, “Does this state serve me well?” Just by asking the question you will have an opportunity to choose which wolf you want to feed and which wolf you can tell to find its food elsewhere.

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

*Many thanks to Debbie Neuberger, Senior Vice President of Customer Care at Move Inc., for sharing this story with me.

© Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.

2/14/11 “Integrity”

Good day, team.

This week’s challenge is about integrity. What does it mean to be a person who has integrity? In my mind, it’s when our external actions match our internal values — what we do and how we behave reflect what’s most important to us. The following is a description of what I mean and the basis for this week’s challenge.

As we’ve all seen, the real estate market in the past few years has challenged anyone who owns property. Because of the rapid decline in property values, many people have had to sell their homes for much less than what they purchased them for. In many cases, people have just walked away from their mortgages simply because they couldn’t sell and didn’t have the money to continue to pay the mortgage. Foreclosures and short sales are a daily occurrence.

A friend of mine bought his first home about six months before he got married. He had a good job with lots of career potential. The house was small, but it was in an excellent neighborhood where they were pretty sure property values would increase over time. My friend’s wife became pregnant shortly after they married. In thinking about the birth, they decided to move closer to his family so that everyone would get to know and enjoy the first grandchild, and his company was willing to transfer him to another position in his home town. The move was a strong indication of his core values. Family was important to him and taking a lesser job just to get back to family was a good demonstration of his integrity.

However, the real estate market had begun to decline and their house had some problems. They couldn’t sell it, so they decided to keep it as a rental property to cover the mortgage and purchase another house in his hometown to live in. Now my friend had the stress of paying two mortgages, plus taxes and all the maintenance expenses that come with owning a home.

The stress continued over the next four years, during which my friend and his wife had another child. My friend’s job situation was pretty stagnant, which was not helping. He decided to take a job with another company in his hometown. He did well in this position, and the company offered him a better job in another city. My friend and his wife had to consider moving the family across the country away from his family. By now, the children had solid relationships with grandparents, aunts and uncles, and extended family. Much of what he hoped his children would experience with his family had occurred. So he decided to take the new job and move his family. I saw this as another display of his integrity. He let his family know that the first move was for family. The next move, when one occurred, would be about career. With a growing family, he had to think about his career progression to be able to provide for them.

The move meant selling the house in his hometown, which was no small feat. The real estate market was at it’s worst. For many months, he had to travel back and forth across the country each week to see his family while he worked at his new job. Eventually the house sold, and they bought a new home in the new city. During this time, he still owned the original house, which was rented by various people over the years, some good and some not so good.

Now comes the true test of integrity. The current renters have decided they want to buy the original house, but at a much lower price than my friend’s mortgage. My friend will have to spend much of his savings to make the deal go through. He could have let the house go a long time ago and been out from underneath that mortgage and responsibility. But, he would have had a hard time living with himself if he had done this. As long as he could manage to pay the two mortgages, he continued to do so. Now, he’s dealing with the dilemma of finally selling the house and spending his savings to cover a short sale or just letting it go into foreclosure.

I know him well enough to know that he will do what allows him to stay in alignment with his inner values and ethics. His situation reminds me of how our personal integrity is tested throughout our lives and how important it is for us to pay attention when this happens. It’s the dilemma of doing what we know is right versus what’s easiest or taking the short cut out of an obligation. Sometimes, we don’t have many choices, and we have to do the only thing we can do. But, when we do have the choice, siding with our inner guide is as important as anything we can do in our lives. Most regrets are born from experiences where we didn’t follow our intuition; our heart and head told us what was right and we did something else instead.

This week, look at your actions and see if they’re in alignment with your inner values. Do you walk your talk? If you say something is important, do you express that in your actions and behaviors? Are you stuck in a situation where you’ve been asked to do something that goes against what you think is right? If you say your family is important to you, does the way you live your life reflect that? Are you willing to say no to someone if they ask you to do something that goes against your true nature? How do you stay in integrity in your life?

As Ovid, the ancient Roman poet and author wrote;

“No man can purchase his virtue too dear, for it is the only thing whose value must ever increase with the price it has cost us. Our integrity is never worth so much as when we have parted with our all to keep it.”

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.

1/31/11 “Exploring Nature”

Good day, team.

This week’s challenge is about exploring new places in nature. Saturday, my husband and I went for a long walk in an unfamiliar area of the Columbia River Gorge. It’s a place where a back road not far from our ranch meets Major Creek. We wondered about that name because the creek looked more like a stream when we got out of the car. A gravel road went directly up the hillside alongside the creek, so we headed up the road to explore the area.

When we started out, all we could see was the road at our feet, the creek to our left and woods all around us. We had no idea where the road would lead us. I thought, “Isn’t this always how it is when we embark on a new journey to a place we’ve never been?” We experience excitement, hope, and some fear. The spirit of exploration is all about discovering new things and the joy that comes from that experience.

We came to the top of the first hill where the road leveled out. From here, we could look down on the creek, which was increasing in size. Now we began to understand why it was named “Major Creek.” We saw large rock formations and hills with many varieties of tall pines and oak trees. I sensed that this land was very old. The rock formations were covered in what I call “old moss,” which is the kind that’s been there so long it’s actually taken on the color of the rocks. We saw dramatic crags and stalactite-looking formations. We even saw a rock cave in the side of the hill and wondered what kind of animal or serpent might live there.

Each time we ascended another hill or rounded a bend, the road would stretch out inviting us to continue with our exploration. With every step, we saw something new. The creek broadened and became a rushing cascade of water. We saw a red rock on the road that looked like it had a face etched into it. I noticed that my state of mind began to change. I felt lighter — not just on my feet but in my heart. The experience of being in nature, exploring a new place on a beautiful day with my husband, made me feel more connected with the world around me. I felt like I could breathe more freely and that the world had so much abundance, so much to offer.

This week, try exploring new places in nature. Perhaps you can take a different route while riding your bike to work or go for a different walk around town. Maybe you can visit a park you’ve not been to before. How about taking your kids to the beach or on a hike? Even in winter, natural spaces have their own special beauty. No matter where you live, you can experience the outdoors, whether it’s the local park or a nearby ski area.

See how you feel after you spend some time in nature. John Muir wrote, “I only went out for a walk and finally concluded to stay out till sundown, for going out, I found, was really going in.”

And Standing Bear said, “Man’s heart away from nature becomes hard.”

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White

Pathfinders Coaching

(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.