Category: Life Lessons

5/10/10

Good day, team,

This week’s challenge is about trying to communicate with people who don’t speak the same language we do and how we manage to get our message across even when we don’t understand the words.

Over the past few weeks, we have had friends visiting from France, and I have been reminded again of how important it is to spend time with people foreign to us. It’s so easy to think that the way we think and live are the same all around the world. People from elsewhere show us new ways to see and do things.

One of our guests doesn’t speak English, and my French is very elementary, so it’s been challenging to communicate. I’ve found myself relying on gestures and tone of voice to get my messages across. It’s been fun to attempt new French words by stretching my brain to find any kind of Latinate word that might be the root of an English or French word we’re trying to speak to each other. Surprisingly, many words in the two languages appear similar, but their pronunciations are so different that they’re unrecognizable.

Nevertheless, as human beings, we are masters at using every possible skill we possess to be understood. Last evening, I found myself making the motion of digging a trench to explain how we might dig up some dirt in the garden. And this morning, I was making the sound of bacon cooking to try to explain part of the breakfast menu. Along with these antics come much laughter and embarrassment: We are used to understanding and being understood without trying. But the truth is, we often communicate something very different than the words we are speaking.

When we have to rely on gestures, facial expressions and tone of voice, we realize how much we communicate nonverbally. How many times have you sat in a business meeting and heard someone saying one thing while his or her facial expressions convey a very different sentiment? Isn’t it interesting that, even over the phone, when someone stops listening to you, you can feel it? When my daughter-in-law tells my grandson, “Owen, you need to pick up your toys,” she uses a different tone the first time she says it than the third time. The words may be the same, but Owen finally realizes that he’d better pick up his toys this time or he’s going to be in trouble.

This week, notice your gestures, your tone of voice, and your facial expressions when you communicate. Do you use your hands a lot when you’re trying to emphasize something? Maybe your tone of voice becomes very different when you’re trying to communicate a sense of urgency. Pay close attention to the communication styles of the people around you. Does their tone of voice change depending on who they’re dealing with or what they’re attending to? Perhaps you see that peoples’ communication becomes more relaxed when they’re with their own team or their friends compared to when they’re with people they don’t know as well.

Whatever the case, try seeing how consistent you are in your communication. Do your facial expressions represent the same message that’s coming out of your mouth or are you sending out mixed messages? Are you using the right words to convey your message? How do you know if people actually understand you? You may find yourself resorting to the sort of charades I did last evening, acting out digging a trench, but if it helps others understand you and it’s more fun, why not try a new way to get your message across?

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2010 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

May 3, 2010

Good day, team,

Back by popular demand, here is a challenge written in April 2005 that I’m republishing.

This week’s challenge is about the opportunities that lie in each problem.

I’ve been reading a book recently about the 1918 flu pandemic. The doctors and scientists who struggled to find a cure had to spend many years studying the problems that caused the disease. Most failed. Some who worked on finding a cure became frustrated by their lack of success and quit their search early on, claiming that the flu was actually a form of pneumonia, a disease they thought they understood.

But the doctors who didn’t become discouraged by failure after failure and who continued to study the problems created by the disease made many discoveries. These led to numerous breakthroughs in medicine that eventually changed the way all doctors understand bacterias and viruses and how to treat them. And one doctor actually discovered DNA, the foundation of our genetic design. This doctor was never discouraged by any problem he confronted. When a problem arose, he would try to solve it. In so doing, he would discover more problems and try to solve them. This went on and on for 40 years! Eventually, in his 70s, he discovered what he never anticipated finding and changed the course of history.

His experience teaches me how powerful opportunities can arise from problems. If we persevere when we can’t find easy solutions, we are empowered to make new discoveries.

While visiting a client last week, I saw a quote on the wall near her desk that expresses this thought so well:

“Every problem has hidden in it an opportunity so powerful that it literally dwarfs the problem. The greatest success stories were created by people who recognized a problem and turned it into an opportunity. You’ll find that every situation, properly perceived, offers opportunity. As fast as each opportunity presents itself, use it. No matter how tiny an opportunity it may be, use it. You’ll find new frontiers when you have an open mind and a willing hand.”

This week, consider the problems confronting you. Don’t be afraid to investigate them. Try considering new solutions or ask another team member for suggestions. If you’re becoming discouraged, look at the problem from a different perspective. Remember the doctor who kept looking for solutions and didn’t give up in the face of more problems.

Albert Einstein wrote, “A problem cannot be solved at the level of consciousness in which it occurs.” Perhaps a change in your awareness will help you find a better solution. Try being more present this week and see if a good solution is right in front of you.

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2010 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

4/26/10 “Legacy”

Good day, team,

Last weekend my family celebrated my father’s life at a ceremony at the Exeter Chapel, in Exeter, New Hampshire, where my Dad attended prep school in the 1930s. There, in this sacred and beautiful space, friends and family gathered to honor him and say our final good-byes.

As part of this week’s challenge, I would like to share an excerpt from the speech I gave about my father and what he left me. I offer it in hope that it will encourage each of you this week to ponder your legacy.

“To me, my father’s legacy is more than what you read about in his obituary. It’s not just where he went to school or what job he had or which organizations he supported. You won’t hear about it in the stories we tell about him. He didn’t create a philanthropic foundation or leave us a fortune or even leave us with only happy memories. There were many times throughout my life when we fought bitterly, judged each other severely, and hurt each other painfully. But, in the end, the legacy my father left me was to never be afraid to search for the truth, to find that kernel of light and love that exists all around us. He would often remind me that ‘the unexamined life is not worth living.’ He knew that in our constant drive to understand the external world, we often missed what is our greatest birth right, our ability to know the truth that lies in our heart of hearts and in our souls.

“My father always encouraged and inspired me to continue to be the explorer I was born to be. Although this didn’t guarantee that I would always find the right path, or become a high achiever, or leave the world a better place, it did insure my ability to keep that inner fire alive—and stoked—to feed that insatiable desire to see what’s at the heart of it all, whether it be in the light or the dark, and to live the questions. Upon telling him about my discovery of the no-thing, he seemed quite content and genuinely happy for me.

“You see, he was always an explorer himself. This was the guy who subscribed to ‘Astounding’ magazine for as many years as it was published and kept every single issue. He wrote amazing science fiction stories long before ‘Star Trek’ was televised. He questioned what he read in the newspaper each day and never stopped being amazed by the phenomenon of life in its simplest and most complex forms.

“He was never afraid to question our position in the universe or talk about whether God exists. And, for all his political conservatism, I believe that within his internal life, he embraced a kind of liberal freedom that showed up in his ability to accept everything that came his way. Ironically, he was as adamant about sticking to his daily routine as he was about allowing his thoughts and emotions to fly free. More importantly, he was able to love life to the fullest, whether it was in the sip of a good scotch, the telling of a good story, watching a perfectly thrown baseball, playing golf with his buddies, or listening to a favorite piece of music with his beloved wife, Barbara.

“When I asked him once whether there was a heaven or hell, he replied, ‘I believe that we make our own heaven or hell on this earth.’ Those of us who knew him well know he had both of these experiences in his lifetime. But whatever the case, he was never afraid to question what it all meant. This is the legacy I hope to leave to my grandchildren: four beautiful boys who look to their Nana and G-Pops for inspiration and the courage and freedom to explore the mysteries of life. Four beautiful boys who, although you never met them, Dad, will have been touched by you, nonetheless.

“On the day before he died, Barbara called me to tell me he was dying. I remember her saying that for the past three days, every person who walked into his room received the same reception. Now no longer able to speak, and perhaps knowing the inevitable, my father would take the hand of each visitor and hold it up to his cheek. In a moment of true intimacy, I like to think that my father was able to experience the great mystery he encouraged me to seek no matter what—the light and the love which burn eternally bright.”

This week, ask yourself, “What will I leave for the people I’ve worked with, the people I’ve loved and the world at large?” Your challenge is to give some thought to your legacy and see if you’re living the life that you’d hoped would create.

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2010 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

4/5/10

Good day team,

This week’s challenge is about bullying. I’ve been reading about a young Irish girl who this past year moved from Ireland to Massachusetts, where she began attending a local high school. Soon after she arrived, she started to date a popular senior who was also a star on the school’s football team. Not long after, some of her fellow students, particularly a clique of girls, began bullying and abusing her. I won’t go into the details about how extreme the hazing and physical abuse was, but I was shocked and saddened that no one stepped in to help this girl. The bullying reached such an extreme that she committed suicide.

This story is especially meaningful to me because I had a similar experience. In the middle of my freshman year, I was transferred to a high school in Canton, Ohio, where we had just moved. I was 14 and frightened to be in a new school filled with nothing but strangers.

Before long, one of the seniors, a popular, good-looking boy who was the star quarterback on the football team, started being very attentive to me. Many of the girls at the school began calling me names and leaving swear words on my locker. They would whisper about me as I walked by or wait for me to go into the bathroom and then push me up against the wall and make threatening comments. If I tried to sit with others at lunch in the cafeteria, whomever I sat with would get dirty looks from these girls and eventually move away from me.

I became more and more isolated and frightened as they ramped up their bullying. At one point, one of them invited me to join her in the side yard of the school, behind the custodial building, to look at some cool pictures she said she had of the Beatles. I desperately wanted a friend, and so I naively joined her and was quickly encircled by a group of angry girls. They shouted and yelled swear words at me as they menacingly passed a cigarette around, which they threatened to burn me with it if I didn’t leave the football star alone. They told me to go back where I’d come from, that I was trash and no one at the school or in the town wanted me and my family there.

Fortunately, another senior boy overheard the girls taunting me and ran over to save me from the angry mob. I cannot begin to explain the relief I felt as he put his arm around me and walked me away from the middle of the circle. I’ll never forget what he told them: “You think you can threaten her, but you have no idea how strong she is. I wouldn’t continue to provoke her if I were you. She’s much stronger physically than she looks, and she wouldn’t hesitate to knock one of you out if you push her too hard.”

The following week one of the girls followed me into the bathroom and tried again to push me up against the wall. I gave her a strong right hook to the chin, and she dropped to the floor. I was not bullied or harassed again.

The point of my story is not to challenge you to punch someone out if they bully you, although I do recognize that there are times in life when you have to stand up for yourself or become a victim to the destructiveness of others. But I think it’s of paramount importance to see who the bullies are in your school, your organization, your team, your company or your family and take a stand against this behavior.

In my case, the kind of bullying that took place was obvious. But often that which takes place in our team or our families is more insidious. It can take the form of continual negative comments about other team members or creating doubt about someone else’s competency. This may not be as obvious as shoving or shouting, but it can be just a destructive when we continue to gossip about others or be overtly disrespectful of them.

As I wrote in a previous challenge about setting healthy boundaries (http://www.kathleendw.local/2006/10/14/coachs-challenge-for-october-15-2006/), workplace bullying is much more common than we think. It can come in the form of expressing undo negativity toward another, intentionally excluding others from team activities, or ganging up on someone. It can also come in the form of domination by withholding information or not actively engaging and contributing to the work. When people act inappropriately, it’s important to let them know such behavior won’t be tolerated. The emotional health and safety of an organization depends on direct and clear communication when someone has trespassed on a professional and/or personal boundary.

This week, be on the lookout for bullying and take a stand against it. Don’t be afraid to let others know that it’s unacceptable and won’t be tolerated. Sometimes it’s as easy as just reminding them of how gossip never has a good outcome and that no one feels good when they find out others are gossiping about them. Maybe you let someone know that certain actions are destructive and the results will only make the situation worse. Perhaps you have to counsel a colleague that continued bullying of a co-worker will result in your having to write her or him up for disciplinary action. Perhaps you can invite a sexual harassment trainer to your company to also address bullying, verbal harassment and emotional abuse.

If you are the victim of bullying, do not hesitate to seek help. Talk to your manager or human resource representative to alert them to the situation. In one case, a woman I worked with had to go through three levels of management in her company before someone finally took action against a bullying teammate. Because of her determination and courage, the company instigated more appropriate policies for bullying in the workplace and not only created a much healthier work environment but saved itself from a potential lawsuit.

Whatever the case, make sure you take action to create an environment that is free of bullying, one of the most frightening experiences a person can undergo—companies and teams that tolerate it are unsafe and non-productive.

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2010 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

On Apr 3, 2010, at 10:25 AM, Kathleen Doyle wrote:

3/29/10

Good day, team,

I am pleased to offer as this week’s challenge the weekly sales thought from Nick Miller*, president of Clarity Advantage Corp., a sales consulting firm in Concord, Mass. (http://www.clarityadvantage.com/). Nick writes one of these columns each week and since I’m on his mailing list, I receive good sales advice from him every Sunday. I always appreciate his writing, but the following suggestion in particular stuck out as useful.

“Ready Comprehension”

“In which we are reminded to listen beyond the point at which we think we know the solution to a client’s problem or challenge.

“Packing some boxes for the office move that’s two weeks away, I found my 25-year-old copy of “Dune,” one of Frank Herbert’s inspiring, disturbing science fiction novels. Through his novels, Herbert wrote about several themes, including governments, power, and knowledge. In one, he wrote (read this slowly), ‘Ready comprehension is often a knee-jerk response and the most dangerous form of understanding. It blinks an opaque screen over your ability to learn. The judgmental precedents of law function in that way, littering your path with dead ends.’

“The first sentence is worth reading again. ‘Ready comprehension is often a knee-jerk response and the most dangerous form of understanding.’ In the sales world, we tell our clients and prospects, ‘My experience helps me understand your challenges and recommend solutions that will help you reach your goals.’ We ask questions, looking for familiar patterns and business issues. Finding one, we think eagerly, ‘Ah, I see the picture’ [our ‘ready comprehension’] and expertly pronounce product information and stories about our success with other clients [our judgmental precedents].

“When we work from our ‘ready comprehension’ experience in this way, we risk the ‘opaque screen’ blinking over our abilities to learn because we leap to conclusions too fast, based upon our judgmental precedents. Limited by the opaque screen, we stop asking questions once we think we have enough information to support pitching an idea or a product. We hear ‘objections’ [the ‘dead ends,’ in Herbert’s quote] when we recommend solutions that don’t fit because we responded based on ‘ready comprehension’ rather than digging for deeper understanding. Herbert wrote elsewhere, ‘The beginning of knowledge is the discovery of something that we don’t understand.’

“To serve our clients best, we must discover things about them that we may not understand and for which they don’t have ready answers—e.g., asking questions about their goals, strategies, personal and business values, policies and preferences, and trade-offs among alternatives. Such discussion creates new knowledge leading to recommendations that are different and more valuable than those our competitors may suggest.”

Your challenge this week is to watch out for “ready comprehension” and try waiting a moment before you jump to conclusions, make assumptions or just act as though you know it all. Be prepared to dig a little deeper and question your reflexive answers and assumptions.

Have a good week,

Kathleen

© Copyright 2010 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

*Many thanks to Nick for allowing me to reprint this. If you’re interested in receiving his weekly sales thought, you can access it on his Web site: http://www.clarityadvantage.com/. You can contact him directly if you’re interested in finding out more about his services.

Nick Miller
(office) 978-897-5665 (mobile) 508-733-3754
Clarity Advantage Corp.
(c) Clarity Advantage Corp., 2010. All rights reserved.

3/22/10

Good day, team,

Spring has officially arrived and along with it spring break—that week each year when schools and even some companies take time off to relax. It’s a wonderful time of year to just enjoy the warm, breezy weather and everything that’s beginning to bloom.

Even if you don’t have any official time off, spring can be a great time of year to give yourself a little personal break. Allow yourself to just be, and let all of your thoughts and emotions fall away so you can experience a true moment of peace.

This week’s challenge is not a challenge but a suggestion for you to allow yourself this peace. Wherever you are, take a moment to close your eyes, take a deep breath and just be with yourself for a few moments. When a thought comes up that tries to distract you, don’t grab hold of it—let it go. If an emotion arises, allow it to rise up and pass away. Nothing is so important that we have to think about it all the time or dwell on our emotional responses to it. Thoughts and feelings will always come, but it’s only when we put all of our energy and focus into them that they take on more life.

We spend most of our time rushing from one thing to the next, taking care of this and that, working to figure out problems and achieve our goals—doing, doing, doing. We are all so very busy in our external world. Internally, many of us are plagued by thoughts of inadequacy, jealousy, envy, anger, fear and depression. As we rush around, our inner heart of hearts is hoping we can take a few moments to just come home and be still. It’s nurturing this stillness that ultimately will help us find our radiance.

Return to your breath. Feel your feet on the floor or your seat sitting in your chair. Relax and let go of all your thoughts and feelings—no troubles, no worries, just a wide, deep, quiet spaciousness that exists.

This week, grant yourself this gift for however long you are able—a minute or an hour, it doesn’t matter. You may find you enjoy it so much that you give yourself a few moments of peace and silence each day.

Have a good week!

Kathleen
Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2010 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights
reserved.

3/15/10

Good day, team,

This past week, I’ve been thinking about craving and aversion. By craving, I mean that feeling of great longing, wanting or desire. By aversion, I’m talking about a strong feeling of dislike, opposition, repugnance or antipathy. Many of us have these opposite experiences almost daily, and the effect they have on us is significant.

My father used to caution my sister and I by saying, “Everything in moderation.” Frankly, for many years that sounded far too conservative for me, and although I may have heard my father’s words in my head, I didn’t hesitate to act wild and crazy. Throwing caution to the wind was fun—who cared what the repercussions would be? Doing something in excess was great while it lasted, but I almost always paid for my lack of caution later. I recall once receiving a bill from I. Magnin (a high-end department store in San Francisco) for around $4,000. I certainly didn’t make the kind of money that could support that level of spending, but I had a terrific time in the store satisfying all my cravings, buying whatever I wanted. My subsequent aversion to the bill was predictable and as extreme as the excessive spending was. Giving in to my cravings was pretty easy when I was in my twenties—I had the energy to recover from my adventures. But as I got older, the aversion to the hangover, the unpaid bills or the damage I’d inflicted on others became harder to experience. My father’s advice actually started to make more sense. I realized that doing things in moderation did make life a little easier to manage.

Even when practicing moderation, we still experience these swings of craving and aversion. Ever try dieting? It’s a great example of flip-flopping between craving what you’re not supposed to eat and then having a major aversion to yourself when you finally devour that forbidden food. How about doing a little home improvement? Ever notice how the more you improve, the more you need to improve? You change the carpet in the living room and suddenly the furniture looks old and drab. You paint the bathroom and the need for new fixtures screams out to you. We can easily become caught up in the duality of the craving and aversion dance. Giving in to either extreme can be painful.

Maybe you see that no matter how much you buy, it’s never enough. No matter which car you drive, relationship you’re in or grade you achieve in school, it’s just not quite good enough. Over time, this dissatisfaction with people and things creates an aversion to our own life, and we find ourselves in a constant state of frustration and unhappiness. There is no peace of mind where there is constant dissatisfaction and an inability to accept what is.

Your challenge this week is to see where this phenomena plays out in your life, then try exercising moderation. Do you see it come up in your work? Are you consistently craving better results from people, better quality products, more money or more acknowledgment from others? Are you never satisfied? Has your craving for these things turned into a permanent aversion to anything that is less than the perfection you crave?

Give yourself a break this week and try not to let craving and aversion rule your thoughts. These feelings will come up, I guarantee it, but you don’t have to give in to them or allow them to dictate your actions. You may find your week is more peaceful and restful if you accept what is and allow yourself to be satisfied.

Have a good week!

Kathleen
Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2010 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights
reserved.

3/8/10

Good day team,

This week’s challenge is about overcoming obstacles.

Out for my daily walk this week, I marveled at how plants manage to overcome so many obstacles as they grow and blossom each year. Take daffodils, for example—the courageous little flowers, brave enough to start popping up before spring has even sprung. They endure rain, hail, sometimes a dusting of snow, frost, fog and myriad other difficulties, from animals trampling them to people picking them. Nevertheless, the daffodil overcomes these obstacles and continues to shine its happy yellow trumpet to passersby.

I have been watching my husband do the same at our property out in the Columbia River Gorge while digging a large trench for laying some pipe. Toward the end of the trench, he encountered a huge boulder embedded in the path he needed to follow. It was far too heavy to dig out, so he decided to break it down into smaller, more manageable pieces. The boulder was basalt—a very hard stone, which doesn’t break easily and rarely breaks where you want it to. He used a sledgehammer and chisel to find seams and weak spots that he could turn into larger cracks. After hours of work, he broke off four large but liftable pieces. However, the remaining rock was still too big to move, so he tried to pull it out with his truck. When his tires just spun, he attached a winch to a large oak tree and finally—triumphantly—pulled the heavy stone out inch by inch.

Both the daffodils and my husband’s efforts got me to thinking about how we react when we encounter obstacles in our daily lives. Herein lies this week’s challenge. What kinds of obstacles are you facing? How do you overcome them? What techniques can you use to get past the things that seem to always get in your way, trip you up when you are moving along, and stubbornly remain immovable no matter what you seem to do?

Trying to unravel a large obstacle all at once can be overwhelming. When I’m confronted with a problem, I try to break it down into smaller pieces. By dealing with them one at a time, I have a greater chance of eventually solving the larger issue.

This week, identify an obstacle you’re dealing with and see if you can reduce it to manageable chunks. Focus on the smaller pieces one at a time. It might be helpful to talk through your problem with a co-worker or family member. We often become so identified with an obstacle that it blinds us from seeing the solutions for getting past it. One of my friends suggested that I try to see what’s on the other side of the obstacle. Visualizing what things might look like if the obstacle was gone can help to find the solution for getting around it, past it or, in some cases, underneath it.

As in my husband’s case, sometimes it takes a level of determination and true grit to get the obstacle out of the way. Whatever the obstacle is, stay the course and try not to let it defeat you. You just might find that all at once, it has disappeared and the way is open to you again.

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2010 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights
reserved.

You may view this post online at
http://www.kathleendw.local/2010/02/28/coachs-challenge-for-3110/

Best regards,
Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

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3/1/10

Good day, team,

Here’s a challenge I wrote awhile ago that I am republishing in honor of the Chinese New Year.

My inspiration comes from the I-Ching, or Book of Changes, which is a Chinese text of philosophy and divination written more than 5,000 years ago. It is organized in hexagrams, or patterns of six broken and unbroken lines. Here is hexagram 49-KO:

“No revolution in outer things is possible without prior revolution in one’s inner way of being. Whatever change you aspire to in your affairs must be preceded by a change in heart, an active deepening and strengthening of your resolve to meet every event with equanimity, detachment and innocent goodwill. When this spiritual poise is achieved within, magnificent things are possible without.”

I have seen the truth of this statement in myself and others. We often make the mistake of thinking that if we could just change our external circumstances, everything would be so much better. If we just had a different job or boss, if we could just live where there’s more opportunity, have a different partner, or more affordable housing, life would be so much more to our liking and we would do a better job of it.

However, real change does not occur from the outside in, but rather, from the inside out. Connecting with and sustaining what is most true within us, listening to our conscience, and having integrity in what we do and how we do it, allows us to find true peace and happiness.

When I relocated to Portland in 1998, I had high hopes of setting up my new life to be happier. But before long, I realized I had brought all of my baggage from California with me, both external and internal. Imagine my chagrin when I discovered that all the internal baggage I had hoped to leave behind was still with me!

For example, I had this notion that the only person I really knew in Portland didn’t want to be friends with me. This was based on some old events from when we were both living in California. I still had some embarrassment about what had happened and convinced myself that because of it, I couldn’t contact her when I moved to town. I didn’t allow myself to even consider that she might want to strike up our friendship again. Much to my surprise, when I ran into her at a store downtown, she was very open and friendly and happy to hear that I had relocated. We began to see each other and eventually talked about past events. She had moved beyond it and had forgiven herself and me. I, on the other hand, had hauled that old baggage up to Oregon with me and talked myself out of a perfectly good friendship. If I wanted to move past it, I had to change my heart and my attitude so that I could let go of the old emotional baggage and be open to a new
relationship with her.

Your challenge this week is to consider what revolution needs to occur in your inner way of being. Are you holding on to some inner baggage that no longer serves you? Perhaps you’re still carrying around anger or resentment about a colleague, even though the situation that caused it is no longer relevant. If you find yourself reacting in the same way to a familiar situation and want to react differently, why not resolve to change how you respond in the future and act upon that vow?

“Joy is not in things, it is in us,” wrote Richard Wagner, the 19th-century German composer and essayist. When we realize that external changes don’t make us happy and instead learn to adjust our internal state, we begin to know the secret of our true nature, which is sufficient unto itself.

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2010 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

2/15/10 “Sales”

Good day, team,

This week’s challenge comes from my good friend Jan Foster. She’s the best salesperson I’ve ever known, and so when she sends me anything, I pay attention!

The following is from the article “Building Business” by Leo MacLeod, published in the Jan. 25, 2010, Daily Journal of Commerce.

“During an interview after the University of Oregon beat Oregon State in the Civil War, running back LaMichael James attributed the Ducks’ successful season to “watering the bamboo.” Reporters were stymied by the reference, but in the next room coach Chip Kelly was making it clear: “If you water bamboo in the first year, nothing happens. If you water it in the second year, nothing happens. If you water it in the third year, nothing happens. If you water it in the fourth year, it grows 90 feet in six weeks. You have to keep driving, keep paying, and it will pay off in the long run. And that’s what those guys understand.”

Earlier in the season, Kelly had read “Water the Bamboo,” a book by Greg Bell, a Portland author, speaker and corporate trainer (www.waterthebamboo.com). The Ducks fully embraced Bell’s philosophy, which is a metaphor for patience, persistence and hard work.

What does this metaphor have to do with business development for the built industry? Everything: “The quality of your bamboo will be determined by the quality of your relationships.” Most of the time, consultants and contractors wear themselves out answering requests for proposals. This is still a people business, and people buy from people they like and trust. If you want to grow, nurture your relationships. Get out of the office and reconnect with people. Friends, like plants, require constant attention. Don’t believe that once you’ve grown your network, it will thrive on its own.

Here’s a simple test: Write down the five best champions of your business. When was the last time you thanked them? When was the last time you even called? Effective marketing is not just pumping out proposals. Take care of your vital relationships—they are the roots of your business.

As with giant timber bamboo, it’s common to put time into developing new relationships without any signs of progress or interest. Push your agenda too quickly and you cut off the roots. Be patient and water, and time does the work.

A sales manager of a $200 million design firm religiously called on prospects every month, regardless of their interest. One prospective customer told him, “You know, I need to see you a certain number of times before I’ll do business with you.” The sales manager asked, “How many times is that?” “Maybe you’ll find out,” the potential client answered.

That’s a great story about what it takes to earn trust. Most of us are suspicious of marketing in any form, especially when it’s sporadic and unfocused. Think about what it says about your character, persistence and trustworthiness if you faithfully call on a prospect every month for a year, or even two years? What if you coupled that with a keen interest in that prospect’s business, taking the time to research the situation? After awhile you look less like a self-serving salesperson and more like a potential long-term partner.

In the built industry, there’s a tremendous amount of risk riding on projects, especially these days. There’s a tendency to give up too quickly on the long-term investment needed to build trustworthy relationships.

Author Ford Harding of Creating Rainmakers studied more than 100 rainmakers and found that the only thing they had in common was discipline to stay in contact with their leads. What if the bamboo farmer had simply walked away one day short of seeing all his efforts pay off? Ask yourself if you have waited long enough for the right relationships to grow strong roots. Or did you pull the plug too soon because you didn’t see immediate payback?

“Practice makes permanent.”

The more you work on sales and building your network, the more successful you will become, guaranteed. There’s no seminar or book that will give you the answers. It’s not about being a super salesperson. It’s also not about simply going through the motions of meeting with people.

Bell talks about the importance of “deliberate practice.” He studied the NFL’s Adam Vinatieri, the first kicker to play in five Super Bowls and win four. He practices so seriously that he videotapes every single kick. He pipes in the loudest crowd noise you would find in any stadium. He puts himself in such severe practice conditions that he’s ready for any game kick he faces. That’s dedication to a program.

Do you want to be a better listener? Practice effective listening all the time. Do you want to be a more persuasive presenter at competitive interviews? Don’t wait until the day before to practice. Commit to repeatedly rehearsing what you will say and how you will say it. Bill Gates, Mozart and Michael Jordan all “watered their bamboo.” If you want to be a better marketer, there are no shortcuts to success. Put in the time, starting today.

“Don’t water alone.”

Let’s be honest: the main reason that people don’t put the time into sales or marketing is because they would rather have a root canal. There are a handful of people who actually relish it, but most professionals harbor some resentment that the work won’t come in the door if they simply deliver solid construction documents or a completed punch list. They also know that business development is necessary for success, if not survival.

The good news is that you have plenty of company with like-minded people. Don’t make networking and sales calls a solitary task if you don’t savor it: Bring along a colleague or join a group. Find a way to make it more engaging and rewarding. Bell has created “bamboo circles” of people who realize that they can’t successfully overcome natural resistance to the hard work required without the support and encouragement of others.

So why didn’t the “water the bamboo” philosophy secure a Rose Bowl victory for the Ducks? Bell is quick to point out that this is only Kelly’s first year as head coach and only third year with the Ducks. It’s the fourth year when the bamboo really takes off. If you want results, you have to put in the work, whether it’s on the field or in the office.”

This week, challenge yourself to contact directly five people whom you’ve done business with in the past or had on your list of folks to contact for the first time. Don’t be afraid to make that cold call or remind a former client of your current product or service. If you manage sales people, ask them make the contacts this week. “Your business will grow only as a result of the care, feeding and attention you give it, just like Coach Kelly’s bamboo!

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

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