Good day Team,

The coach’s challenge for the week is about the 8 attributes of supportive communication. Please see below. They speak for themselves.

8 Attributes of Supportive Communication

� Problem oriented, not person oriented – focus on how problems and issues can be changed rather than on people and their characteristics (“How can we solve this problem”, Not “Because of you this problem exists)

� Congruent, not incongruent – focus on honest messages in which verbal statements match thoughts and feelings (“Your behavior really upset me”, Not, “Do I seem upset? No, everything is fine.”)

� Descriptive, not evaluative – focus on describing an objective occurrence, describing your reaction to it, and offering a suggested alternative (“Here is what happened, this was my reaction; here is a suggestion that is acceptable”. Not, “you are wrong for doing what you did.”)

� Validating, not invalidating – focus on statements that communicate respect, flexibility, collaboration, and areas of agreement (“I have some ideas, but do you have any suggestions?” Not, “You wouldn’t understand, so we’ll do it my way.”)

� Specific, not global – focus on specific events or behavior, avoiding general, extreme, or either-or statements (“You interrupted me three times during the meeting.” Not, “You’re always trying to get attention.”)

� Conjunctive, not disjunctive – focus on statements that flow from what has been previously said and facilitating interaction (“Relating to what you just said, I’d like to raise another point.” Not, “I want to say something (unrelated to and/or regardless of what you just said.”))

� Owned, not disowned – focus on taking responsibility for your own actions by using personal “I” words (“I have decided to turn down your request because…” Not, “You have a good idea but it wouldn’t get approved” or, “I liked your proposal, but Kim said we should use another.”)

� Supportive listening, not one-way listening – focus on using a variety of appropriate responses; with a bias toward reflective responses, (“What do you think are the obstacles standing in the way of improvement?” Not, “As I said before, you are making too many mistakes. You’re just not performing.”)

Try using some of these suggestions in your communications this week. You may find your listeners to be much more open and willing to continue the conversation!

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Good day, team,

In the wake of the hurricane disaster, I cannot help but challenge all of us to be grateful for what we have and to give what we can. When we are reminded how temporal life really is, it becomes clear that each moment counts and every act of kindness is crucial.

In talking with a friend from Baton Rouge this past week, I was reminded of how much little things matter. He owns an office building that is being used as part hospital, part shelter for the homeless, and as a communications hub, since he has an 800 number that’s working. He and his family have been without power for four days. Fortunately, his relatives in New Orleans got out in time, but they have no idea what shape their homes are in.

During our conversation, he asked me how the weather was here in Portland. Given the tone of our conversation and the challenging conditions he was facing, I thought it was an odd question to ask me. But I went ahead and described how beautiful the weather has been lately. He replied that it was good for him to hear what a lovely summer we were enjoying, that it helped him feel there would be better days ahead, with finer weather, improved facilities, and some sense of normalcy. At the end of our conversation, he mentioned that the calmness in my voice helped to make him feel better.

We rarely know what little things we’ve done that help another person. It’s in the spirit of our giving that the true benefit occurs. Try giving from your heart this week. If you can give to the disaster relief, don’t wait. If you can give to other people to lift their burdens, don’t hesitate. We are all in this together, and even the smallest gift benefits all of us.

I hope you too are inspired by these words of Ruth Smeltzer: “You have not lived a perfect day, even though you have earned your money, unless you have done something for someone who will never be able to repay you.”

Have a grateful week!

Kathleen

This week’s challenge comes from Kate Dwyer, the coach who works with me from time to time.

Good day, team,

The coach’s challenge this week is to use what you have, rather than strain for what you don’t have.

We waste a lot of time coveting and imitating the strengths of others, when we could just be maximizing our own. We all have what we need to produce the results we want-we just don’t have the same combination of strengths as those around us, so our route up the mountain is going to be different than theirs.

The great advantage of taking an assessment like * “Strengthfinders” is that it gives you a perfect place to start focusing on developing strengths in yourself that will blossom most effortlessly and produce results most quickly. There are different paths to success in all traits. Take leadership. Some of us lead by “command,” some of us lead by our ability to “facilitate” compromise, some of us lead through “inspiration,” and some of us lead through “tenacity”-we don’t quit, so our team doesn’t either.

In this world of 24-hour-a-day marketing and spincraft, authenticity is in short supply and people are hungry for it. Real leadership is about sharing the qualities of our own true nature, not about faking out the
competition. We all want more of the real thing. When you offer more of who you are to your team, it’s like a blast of fresh air from the top of Mt. Hood for them.

So the challenge this week is to lead with your authentic strengths and see if those around you don’t respond in a positive way. I’m so sure they will that I’m offering an extra incentive: If your efforts come back to bite you, the next latte is on me. If it works, the next latte is on me too, as a celebration.

How can you lose? And as for me, I’d better open a savings account. I have a lot of lattes to save up for.

Have a great, authentic week!

All the best,

Kate

Kate Dwyer

Pathfinder’s Coaching

* From “Now, Discover Your Strengths” by Marcus Buckingham.

Good day, team,

The coach’s challenge this week is about boosting your mental faculties. Sounds scary, doesn’t it? But the article “11 Steps to a Better Brain” (see link below) offers simple suggestions on how to do it. The article is rather lengthy, so here is a brief synopsis:

It doesn’t matter how brainy you are or how much education you’ve had — you can still improve and expand your mind. Boosting your mental faculties doesn’t have to mean studying hard or becoming a reclusive bookworm. There are lots of tricks, techniques and habits as well as changes in your lifestyle, diet and behavior that can help you flex your gray matter and get the best out of your brain cells.

Here are some of the 11 suggestions made in the article:

1. Food for thought: You are what you eat, so what is the ultimate mastermind diet? First, go to the top of the class by eating breakfast. The brain is best fueled by a steady flow of glucose. High-protein diets seem to work best in fueling your thought process. The authors suggest eating eggs, salads, yogurt, fish and berries. Stay away from junk food. It tends to dull our minds and put us to sleep!

2. The Mozart Effect: Music may tune up your thinking. Although the theory that playing Mozart improves a person’s mental capacity is still being tested, there’s no doubt that learning music increases our learning capacity. Six-year-old children who were given music lessons, as opposed to drama lessons or no extra instruction, got a two to three point boost in IQ scores.

3. Gainful Employment: Put your mind to work. Working our brains daily improves our working memory (the brain’s short-term information storage system). The more we use it, the less prone we are to losing it. Studies have shown that the neural systems underlying working memory may grow in response to training. Try doing some working memory exercises like calculating 73 – 6 + 7. See if you feel a little sharper in your ability to figure out problems after awhile.

4. Memory Marvels: Experimenting with how you memorize things is a good way to figure out what works for your mind. Techniques to enhance our memory keep it sharp and help to increase its capacity. It’s also true that we remember highly emotional moments better. Try attaching emotional meaning to things you’re trying to remember. Other tricks, like always putting your car keys in the same place, writing things down to get them off your mind, or just deciding to pay attention, can make a big difference in how much information you retain. And if names are your downfall, try making some mental or emotional associations.

5. Sleep On It: Never underestimate the power of a good night’s sleep. Skimping on sleep does awful things to your brain. Planning, problem-solving, learning, concentration, working memory and alertness all suffer when we’re too tired. If you’ve been awake for 21 hours, your mental power is equivalent to that of someone who is legally drunk. During sleep, your brain processes new memories. For example, if you’re learning a new video game, instead of staying up till the wee hours to practice, you’d be better off playing for a few hours and then sleeping on it. Your brain will do the work of reactivating the circuits, rehearsing the activities and then storing them so you actually learn more than you would have if you’d continued playing. Even taking a nap after training can help.

6. Body and Mind: Physical exercise can boost brain as well as brawn. Simply walking sedately for half an hour three times a week can improve abilities such as learning, concentration and abstract reasoning by 15 percent. Exercise becomes even more important as we get older. Breathing is an important aspect of re-energizing the brain. Drawing more oxygen into the body fuels not only the lungs but also the brain.

7. Keep it Working: Making your brain work is one of the best ways to keep it sharp. Anything that requires thinking through something or creating something gives the brain a workout. Knitting, doing crossword puzzles and playing word games, figuring out math problems, taking something apart and putting it back together, drawing and painting, or editing all require the brain to work. Often when old people are interviewed and asked, “At 104 years of age, what’s been your secret for staying alive?” they answer, “Well, I do the crossword puzzle every day.”

These are just some of the wonderful suggestions you’ll find in this article. Your challenge this week is to experiment with some of them to improve your brain power.

Here’s the link to the entire article: http://www.newscientist.com/channel/being-human/mg18625011.900.

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Good day, team,

The coach’s challenge this week is about balancing work life and personal life. It may seem a strange subject to bring up in the midst of summer vacations, but what better time to think about this topic when the nice weather beckons us to enjoy it and take some time off?

I’ve often gone on vacation only to find myself more stressed than refreshed when I’m done. Vacation has more to do with a state of mind and how we spend our vacation than how much time we take off. How often do we try to use the skills that make us effective at work-organizing, controlling, directing-to make our vacation a success, only to find that it is exactly these skills that are not compatible with a state of rest and relaxation? Putting ourselves in a relaxed mode is a real trick when we’re generally moving quickly and efficiently throughout our days.

The key to balancing work and personal time seems to be in our ability to allow ourselves to be aware of where we are and what we’re doing when we’re doing it. If we’re still thinking about work while we’re talking to our families, we really are not very effective at communicating with them. If we’re lying in the hammock on the weekend worrying about something at work, how much are we able to relax? Conversely, if we’re in a meeting dreaming about our upcoming vacation, we’re obviously not being effective at work.

This week, try spending at least 30 minutes each day (outside of work!) just relaxing and allowing yourself to “vacate.” Try not to put any demands on yourself. In the words of Josephine Rathbone, “If we could learn how to balance rest against effort, calmness against strain, quiet against turmoil, we would assure ourselves of joy in living and psychological health for life.”

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Good day, team,

The coach’s challenge this week is about paying attention to people. New studies have shown that customers who feel they get special attention from someone serving them are far more loyal to the company that employs that person. Even when customers have a problem that doesn’t get resolved, if they think that the people helping them are doing everything they can to fix the problem, they are much happier in the long run.

This phenomenon is also true for managers in regard to their team members. If you consistently give your team members your full attention, they will be far more motivated to do a good job for you. Everyone wants to feel special, and we have the ability to encourage and motivate the people around us just by giving them our attention.

As a manager, you are the model of ethical behavior within your environment. Team members look to you constantly to understand the right way to do things. Your attention in each moment is their cue to your leadership style. If someone comes to talk with you and you’re frequently interrupted by your BlackBerry, your phone or your computer, that person will never feel as though he or she was important enough for you to pay attention to. If you say you’re going to attend a meeting and then, with no advance notice, don’t show, people feel diminished. These behaviors leave employees with a negative perception and reaction: “My manager doesn’t really care about me or what I’m doing, so I’ll just do whatever I want.” At that point, disengagement sets in, and the result is often teams of apathetic people.

If we have the courage to be truly attentive to people, they will be more committed to the team’s success. It helps your team members see that, regardless of the situation, you’re ready and willing to deal with anything effectively to keep the ship on course. It makes them feel listened to and attended to. If you do that for them, they will be much more willing to do it for your customers.

This week, go on a walk-about as often as you can. Stop and chat with your team members. Ask them how they’re doing and if they need help. Find out if they had a “win” this week, and if so, what it was. Life is all about connection, and people need to have the chance to relate to you emotionally.

In this regard, I am reminded of a poem by David Whyte:

This is not
the age of information.

This is not
the age of information.

Forget the news,
and the radio,
and the blurred screen.

This is the time
of loaves
and fishes.

People are hungry,
and one good work is bread
for a thousand.

Go out and give your attention to your co-workers. You are their inspiration.

And… have a great week!

Kathleen

Good day, team,

While on vacation this past week, I read an interesting magazine article by Marshall Goldsmith, a very famous executive coach. In speaking about an executive whom he is currently coaching, he wrote, “During the next year, Bill will be barraged with competing goals that will distract him from his efforts to change. He needs to realize that lasting leadership development is a lifelong process. A temporary change in behavior to ‘look good’ in the short term will only create cynicism if Bill doesn’t stick with it. I can help Bill if he is willing to put in the time and effort. If not, hiring me would probably be a waste of everyone’s time.”

This advice reminded me of my goal to lose some weight this past week. I was all set to go on vacation and watch everything I ate and drank. I had a clear idea of exactly what I could eat and what I couldn’t drink in order to meet my goal of losing 10 pounds. I thought, “This will be easy. I’ll have plenty of time and incentive to change my diet, and losing that 10 pounds will be a piece of cake (so to speak!).” So what actually happened? Of course, I didn’t lose a pound and, in fact, I probably ate more things that were not good for me than foods appropriate for the diet.

Now that I’m back, I realize how foolish it was for me to think I could actually change my behavior that quickly, especially when it came to depriving myself on vacation. Aren’t vacations about letting go of our normal disciplines and enjoying our selves? The thoughts that wanted to have fun were not compatible with the ones that wanted to lose 10 pounds, that’s for sure!

Goldsmith continues, “Look in the mirror. Not just at how you look, but who you are. If you want to be a better leader, a better professional, or just a better person, don’t kid yourself. To achieve meaningful goals, you’ll have to pay the price. There’s no product, no diet, no exercise program, and (I hate to admit it) no executive coach who can make you better. Only you can do it. If your source of motivation doesn’t come from inside, you won’t stick with it.”

Your challenge this week is to identify one area where you have a strong desire to change. Ask yourself whether this is something you really want and, if so, what you’re willing to change in order to achieve it. Then, try to be practical and steadfast in your approach. Real change only happens from the inside out. It’s not about tips or techniques. It’s about consistent, persistent, daily efforts.

Have a great week!

Kathleen

on vacation

Good day, team,

Recently, I asked a few of my clients what is one important factor they try to keep in mind in their everyday interactions with others. Many responded with the same advice: try to speak consciously and with integrity.

In countless employee surveys each year, “communication” continues to be the issue that everyone says is most important: Either there’s not enough of it, or what exists is incorrect or misleading, even going so far as to become destructive gossip. Companies spend millions of dollars a year trying to improve their own or their employees’ communication skills.

We are individually responsible for the way we communicate. If I tell a colleague that I appreciate the work he’s done, but I roll my eyes disdainfully, he’ll obviously get a mixed message. And the message he’ll believe is the one communicated in my facial expression, gestures or tone of voice. Our body language speaks volumes; we often forget that communicating involves not just our spoken words but also our unspoken actions.

Our minds are like fertile ground in which seeds are planted. When we speak the truth and encourage that in others, that fertile ground sprouts healthy plants that grow and flourish. We often don’t realize how much our words affect others until we find that some negative comment we’ve made in the past has blossomed into an ugly rumor that people now believe to be true. Don Miguel Ruiz writes, “Your word can create the most beautiful dream, or your word can destroy everything around you.”

I’ve been trying to speak with integrity for many years now. It is a challenge for me each day. Sometimes things come out of my mouth that I’m unconscious of. When they are repeated back to me, I’m surprised to learn I said them. Other times, an emotion is so strong that I feel compelled to say something in spite of my better judgment. In these cases, what I say is not very productive, and I find myself regretting the way in which I expressed myself. My intent to communicate consciously and with integrity is there, but that intent is sometimes not strong enough to catch my words. If I can be present in the moment about my feelings, I have a better opportunity to temper the words before they are expressed.

Try to speak consciously and with integrity this week. I’m going to take my cue from a bumper sticker I saw that read, “Try not to do anything unless it’s necessary, responsible and kind.” If you replace the word “do” with the word “say,” you’ll end up with impeccable conduct and impeccable speech.

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

Good day, team,

The coach’s challenge this week is about making decisions. Have you ever observed that when we postpone making decisions sometimes, we’re actually making the indecision our decision?

A few years ago when I was on the board of a nonprofit here in town, I noticed that one of my fellow board members had a lot of trouble making decisions. Because we needed unanimous agreement to act, this person’s inability to make up her mind frustrated everyone on the board; often it led to someone getting up from the table in a huff and storming out. Interestingly enough, our “indecision maker” would then suggest that we look at more alternatives instead of choosing based on the information we already had! This preference for examining new options rather than making a decision is a way of avoiding choosing altogether.

What keeps us from making decisions? In most cases, it is our fear of being wrong. Edmund Burke wrote, “No passion so effectually robs the mind of all its powers of acting and reasoning as fear.”

To move from the attitude of scarcity that always accompanies fear toward the attitude of abundance and excitement that comes from envisioning new possibilities, we need to understand some core principles. These insights are especially important when a team of people needs to make joint decisions.

In “How Great Decisions Get Made,” Don Maruska offers some of these principles:

1. Each of us is valued and valuable. Everyone who has a stake in a decision can participate in a way that reflects his or her inherent value.
2. Each of us is free to change. We don’t need to score points with each other, defend past positions or otherwise prove our worthiness.
3. Life is abundant. We may not always get what we want, but we can get what we need.
4. Hopes, not fears and expectations, can guide us. Hopes are not bound by current realities, but can transcend them.
5. We don’t have to do all the work. Traditional views of the rugged, self-reliant individual feed our egos and our desire for control. But this myth doesn’t serve the greater good.
6. Cooperation, not competition, wins. Glorifying competition and conflict denies our shared humanity. Cooperation is our best avenue for growth and fulfillment.

Try not to be afraid to make decisions this week. Trust your ability to look at all the important factors and make up your mind from a sound basis of knowledge. Participate with others in the decision-making process. Multiply your prospects for success by sharing with others the hopes and dreams that influence your decision-making process. Make the decisions that will turn your vision into your reality.

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249