Good day, team,

The coach’s challenge this week is about sending out mixed messages. Last week, I was coaching one of my clients who is a manager. He is struggling because he has to deliver a new program that his boss just told him about. This program entails changing many of the ways his team has been doing things, and he knows they are going to resist these changes. He also knows that two years ago, the company tried putting this same program in place. At that time, it didn’t work, and the manager had to try extra hard to fix the damage that the program caused.

On top of all of this, he knows that his current boss hasn’t fully bought into the program either. Though his boss said, “This is the new program we’ll be rolling out, and I want you to get buy-in from your team and make sure it happens,” the manager’s intuition told him that his boss really wasn’t behind it and wasn’t convinced it would work. (Research shows that listeners interpret only about seven percent of a message through words. For the other 93 percent, they are relying on demeanor, gestures, tone of voice and other nonverbal clues.)

What usually happens next in this situation is that the manager then delivers another mixed message to the team members. Now they have the same problem: Do we trust the words or the underlying, contradictory impression?

How can we avoid such situations? We have to go back to the source of the mixed message. The responsibility lies with the boss who delivered it in the first place. By failing to acknowledge his own mixed feelings about the program, the boss started a chain of communication that people couldn’t trust.

Rather than simply delivering the “party line,” the boss could have acknowledged that he is not completely sold on the program, but will make an effort to get behind it and hopes that his managers and their team members will do the same. That way, he’s delivering the message but also being frank about his contradictory feelings. People are far more willing to support someone whom they believe is describing the full picture.

The manager could also have pushed back on his boss by being honest with him, saying, “I know you want me to buy in to this program, but frankly, we have tried it once before. It didn’t work, and I’m skeptical about trying it again.” At least then the manager has been true to his feelings, and even if he can’t change the rollout of the program, he can ask his boss for suggestions on how to deliver the message.

People are far more perceptive than we imagine them to be. If you often send out mixed messages, your team will begin suspect you even when your actions and words align with your feelings.

This week, try matching your words more closely to what you’re really thinking and feeling. Even if we can’t say exactly what those thoughts or feelings are-since professional behavior needs to be ethical and well-balanced-we can tell the truth more often by acknowledging what is really happening, instead of pretending that it’s not.

Have a great week!
Kathleen

Good day, team,

This week’s coach’s challenge is about learning to trust. When I first pondered this idea, I thought it was about trusting other people. But upon reflection, I realized that it was first about trusting myself and then trusting others. That is, we build trust by behaving reliably and by expecting the best from others.

We earn other peoples’ trust by doing what we say we’ll do. We act with care and consideration. We are dependable. We are known for our integrity. No hidden agenda causes us to give mixed messages to others. Our actions reflect our intentions.

We reinforce our trust in others by releasing skeptical thoughts about them. If we start out suspecting someone or something and entertain the suspicion long enough, we convince ourselves that it is the truth. But skepticism is usually more wrong than right. Thoreau noted, “We are always paid for our suspicion by finding what we suspect.” I think the opposite is also true: If we expect to trust other people, we will find something in them to trust.

This week, observe what you do to be trustworthy and also how much you trust your fellow team members. What are you doing to foster feelings of trust in others? Do you find yourself deceiving others either by lying, withholding key information, or telling stories that are untrue about yourself and others? Are you fooling yourself by thinking that others don’t see your deception? If you do trust others, how do you communicate that trust?

Trust is key to the development of any strong friendship, partnership or working relationship. Mutual trust and esteem are part of the foundation of all successful ventures. Look for ways this week to be more trustworthy and to be more trusting of others. You will find that much more is possible when we trust each other.

See if you can confirm the words of Francois de la Rochefoucauld: “The trust that we put in ourselves makes us feel trust in others.”

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Good day, team,

This week’s coach’s challenge is about learning to trust. When I first pondered this idea, I thought it was about trusting other people. But upon reflection, I realized that it was first about trusting myself and then trusting others. That is, we build trust by behaving reliably and by expecting the best from others.

We earn other peoples’ trust by doing what we say we’ll do. We act with care and consideration. We are dependable. We are known for our integrity. No hidden agenda causes us to give mixed messages to others. Our actions reflect our intentions.

We reinforce our trust in others by releasing skeptical thoughts about them. If we start out suspecting someone or something and entertain the suspicion long enough, we convince ourselves that it is the truth. But skepticism is usually more wrong than right. Thoreau noted, “We are always paid for our suspicion by finding what we suspect.” I think the opposite is also true: If we expect to trust other people, we will find something in them to trust.

This week, observe what you do to be trustworthy and also how much you trust your fellow team members. What are you doing to foster feelings of trust in others? Do you find yourself deceiving others either by lying, withholding key information, or telling stories that are untrue about yourself and others? Are you fooling yourself by thinking that others don’t see your deception? If you do trust others, how do you communicate that trust?

Trust is key to the development of any strong friendship, partnership or working relationship. Mutual trust and esteem are part of the foundation of all successful ventures. Look for ways this week to be more trustworthy and to be more trusting of others. You will find that much more is possible when we trust each other.

See if you can confirm the words of Francois de la Rochefoucauld: “The trust that we put in ourselves makes us feel trust in others.”

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Good day, team,

The coach’s challenge for this week is to refrain from gossiping and spreading rumors. I don’t think we gossip intentionally. My observation is that it tends to “happen to us.” That is, we hear or see something about someone else that we think is odd, or creates an emotional reaction in us, or is inconsistent with our values, and we feel compelled to share it with a third party whom we think wants to hear about it. If we are lucky enough to remember how painful it is to discover that someone is gossiping or spreading rumors about us, we may refrain from sharing this information with another. But, unfortunately, we usually don’t think about what we’re doing, and we go ahead and speak negatively about someone else.

Now the receivers of the gossip are in a tough position. If they’re trying to behave impeccably, they may remind us that gossip never benefits anyone or simply not at all. All too often, they may agree and then become gossipers themselves to yet another person.

It’s hard to remember that all rumors start with one person, but it’s true. A rumor can spread like a virus throughout an organization within minutes. Ironically, as a rumor spreads, the initial story gets changed many times over in the telling, and the rumor may end up being more untrue than accurate. A person’s reputation can be greatly impacted in a matter of moments when a rumor about her or him is spread throughout a team. An entire organization can suffer for months when a rumor starts and people become distracted by the story being spread around. Look at what happens to the stock market when rumors spread about a company’s earnings.

Observe your own behavior this week around gossip and rumors. How often do you make negative comments to your team members about other people in your organization? Ask yourself if what you’re about to tell someone else is really important for that person to know. Will it negatively impact another? Do you feel good about what you’re saying about another person? Would you want someone to say those things about you? Do you hear yourself repeating what may be an embellishment or inaccurate story about someone or an event? Are you trying to behave impeccably?

Will Rogers wrote, “So live that you wouldn’t be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.” Try to say only what you mean. Avoid using words to speak against yourself or to gossip about others.

Use the power of your words to support the truth about and appreciation of others. Then you will speak with integrity.

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Good day, team,

The coach’s challenge this week is about abundance. Look around you. What do you see? Do you have everything you need? Do you have everything you want? What is the difference? Are you grateful for what you have, or do you find yourself constantly longing for what you don’t?

Recently, I’ve been reading a book about life in the slums of Bombay, India. Most of the people in this book live in small, handmade huts on the outskirts of the city. They own a change of clothes, a toothbrush, a cup, a plate, a fork and a mat to sleep on. (And these are the lucky ones!) I am amazed at how happy these people are and how they experience abundance in their lives. They are grateful for the smallest things, because they have so little. I’m also reading a book about a young girl who was born into a family of billionaires and has all she’s ever wanted. Her life is characterized by continual displeasure with everyone and everything around her. The contrast between the two stories is obvious: Abundance is not about having more and more things, but about our attitude toward the things we have.

We live in a world of enormous wealth and consumerism. The selection of products is overwhelming at times. Do you ever find yourself in the store unable to decide among the 30 brands of laundry detergent on the shelf? I often think that the time I spend analyzing which brand to buy is worth far more to me than any benefit I might derive from saving money or getting better quality with the “right” choice. I have found that I’m actually happier if I have a more limited selection. Faced with too many options, I chafe for what isn’t available, and then I’m dissatisfied with what is.

Cultivating an awareness of our surroundings is one of the best ways to experience abundance. Right now, we are enjoying the explosion of springtime. Even in colder climates, the geese are migrating back to their northern climates and small buds are beginning to appear on the trees. Each of us can experience the abundance of spring, but only if we take the time to see it, smell it, touch it. Maybe we are even grateful for some aspect of our indoor environment: the chair we sit in at work or a new pen that someone has given us. Perhaps we have bought ourselves a new shirt or sweater, and we appreciate how well it fits or how nice the cloth feels on our skin. The next time you laugh with a friend or team member, try experiencing the abundance of being rich in relationships.

When we feel abundant, we tend to attract abundance. When we cultivate an attitude of scarcity, our minds focus on what we don’t have, and in turn, we attract less of what we need and want. Try finding something in your environment this week that makes you truly grateful. Experience how happy and abundant this appreciation makes you feel; enjoy life as William Blake expressed it in “Auguries of Innocence.”

“To see a World in a grain of sand
And a Heaven in a wild flower,
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand,
And Eternity in an hour.”

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Good day, team,

The coach’s challenge this week is about not being afraid to lead. In thinking about this subject, I remembered a defining moment in my own life, when I was elected president of my eighth grade class. It was a hard campaign against the star quarterback of our junior high school, and I won by only two votes (one of which was mine, of course).

But the evening after the election I began to wonder what I was supposed to do next. Campaigning was something I had learned how to do well and for which I had a natural talent. I was able to persuade others to my point of view about a new menu for the school cafeteria. I managed to get different cliques within the school to come together and vote for issues they shared, rather than disagreed upon. I rallied for the school choir when it was threatened with extinction and found a new source of funding to keep it alive. I had no problem speaking in front of the student body about issues that mattered, and I was able to create a win-win spirit within the crowd to get projects initiated. The campaign had been about selling, persuading and winning. But what was I supposed to do now? When I presented my father with this conundrum, he counseled me, “Don’t be afraid to lead. You’ve earned it.”

Truth be told, I was afraid to lead. It wasn’t that I was afraid to tell others what to do or to act as the representative for the student body. The real truth was that I was afraid to be wrong. How could I lead others if my decisions were unpopular? It was easy for me to encourage others to cooperate, but what would I do if, after getting others to buy in, I didn’t always get the best results? How could I be the leader if I led others in the wrong direction?

Looking back, I understand that leadership is not about being right or wrong, but much more about being courageous enough to continue on your course even in the face of adversity. Leadership involves remembering past mistakes as well as analyzing what’s happening today and then adjusting one’s vision. Someone once told me, “A man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn his back on the crowd.” The best leaders stay the course, even in light of diverse opinions. Surprisingly, I learned that people like to be led. They are relieved when given direction. It motivates them to move toward a common goal.

I encourage each of you this week to “be the leader you have already become.” Don’t be afraid to stand out in the crowd and direct others to move in the best direction. We embody years of experience and understanding that make up the foundation we stand upon when we lead. Don’t let self-doubt fool you into thinking that the leadership role you’ve attained hasn’t been won by hard work, vigilance and the ability to inspire others.

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
2839 NE Hoyt Street
Portland, Oregon 97232
(503) 296-9249

Good Day Team,

The coach’s challenge for the week is to inspire and energize your team members. Each of us has a certain amount of energy that we bring to our jobs each day. That energy is affected by the people we work with and the events that take place. Since we know that we affect each other, how can we be a positive influence that encourages others to enjoy their work and inspires them to be more successful?

Here are some practical suggestions from the book “1001 Ways to Energize Employees” by Bob Nelson:

Give your team members the time and place to be creative.

Spend some team meetings brainstorming solutions to a key organizational problem.

Select one team member to come up with an idea, and then pass it onto the next team member to add his or her ideas. Continue until all team members have made their contribution.

Encourage and defend minority opinions, even if it means explaining and developing two different parallel ideas at once.

Quickly accept and implement team recommendations whenever feasible.

Spend energy on solutions, not emotions.

Take personal responsibility for fixing things. Don’t blame others.

Try easier, not harder.

Allow the freedom to fail and try again.

Have fun!

Try implementing some of these solutions with your team members this week.

Have a great week!

Kathleen

“Everybody has noted the astonishing sources of energy that seem available to those who enjoy what they are doing or find meaning in what they are doing.” Charles Garfield, President, Performance Sciences Corp.

Good Day, Team,

The coach’s challenge for the week is inspired by a quote from Albert

Einstein: “A problem cannot be solved at the level of consciousness in

which it occurs.”

The challenge this week is to consider one problem you’re currently

dealing with and find a completely different way to solve it. To

create new ways of doing things, we have to think very differently

about possible solutions. This requires us to actually “see”

differently, that is, we must be able to look at our difficulties with

a completely different perspective in order to create new solutions to

them.

One of the great benefits of working on a team is that you can ask a

team member how she or he views a situation. In asking for another’s

point of view, we gain a different perspective, and this allows us to

see something in a new way. This then enables us to also seek a

different solution.

Changing your environment can alter your perspective, too. How often

have you found yourself sitting at your desk laboring over possible

solutions to a problem, just to find that your mind is continuing to

circle around the same solutions you’ve already tried that aren’t

working? If at that moment you decide to get up and take a short walk

outside, you can easily change your state of mind and have access to

more creative thoughts. It’s as though the cobwebs have cleared, and

you can literally see the problem and possible solutions in a different

light.

Try experimenting this week with different ways to solve a problem. If

you’re able to allow an outside influence to alter the way you see a

problem, you may find the right solution.

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Good Day Team,

This week’s challenge is about strengthening intragroup connections. I’m using ‘intragroup’ as a word to describe ‘within the team’. It’s a good time to think about what you’re doing to strengthen the connections between people when you’ve recently added new people, re-organized people into new positions, and/or made changes to the way you do business.

How can you ensure that you’re being attentive enough to everyone on the team during periods of change? This can be accomplished in a variety of ways. Communication is the greatest way to make sure everyone’s on the same page. The rule of thumb here is to give people information and do it over and over again. Don’t assume that everyone knows who the newly hired or newly promoted team member is, make sure everyone knows who they are and what role they play. Don’t assume that everyone already knows about a change in your organization, or that just because you told the managers, they’ll tell everyone else. Inevitably, someone gets left out of the loop and feels excluded. Having the attitude, “They don’t need to know yet. We’ll tell them when the time comes, it will just upset them now”, also doesn’t work. There’s nothing worse than finding out about a change within your company long after the fact. Keep everyone informed and particularly during times of change, send out the same consistent messages again and again.

Try taking advantage of the change and use the time to think about new ways to do things now that the organization is changing. First, establish by word and example that this might be a good time to step back and take stock, a time to question the “usual” and a time to come up with new and creative solutions. Sometimes the transition between letting go of the old and embracing the new is a great time to re-look at the way things get done. Second, provide opportunities for others to do the same. Give your team members time and suggestions to help them see things in a new way. Third, encourage experiment and look for opportunities to brainstorm new answers to old problems. Bring people together in different ways and in different places. One group I’m working with just set up a Friday night get together so that the new members of the team can relate to each other in an environment other than work. This will encourage a greater connection and give them a new way of seeing each other.

Finally, restrain the natural impulse in times of ambiguity and disorganization to push prematurely for certainty and closure. Be careful that your efforts to build solidarity and sense of belonging don’t unintentionally squeeze out people’s natural responses to change. Timing is an important factor in any change, and you’ll find that your people will more readily embrace what’s new, if you give them time to let go of the old and transition naturally towards new beginnings.

Your challenge this week is to come up with one thing you can do this week to strengthen the connection between you and your peers. Start with your immediate team and if that works, try extending that connection out to others.

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Good Day Team,

The coach’s challenge this week revolves around managing your boss. In the January 2005 special issue of the Harvard Business Review, there is an interesting article entitled “Managing Your Boss”. The article talks about “the process of consciously working with your superior to obtain the best possible results for you, your boss, and the company.” Interestingly enough, many people don’t often think of managing up, unless it’s for political reasons. And yet, our relationship with our superiors is critical to our daily experience at work as well as our overall performance. Who writes our performance review? Who do we spend much of our time with in meetings? Who often links us to the rest of the organization? Who is our mentor?

Each of us experiences unrealistic assumptions about our bosses. We often think that the boss will magically know what information or help we need and in assuming that, we don’t ask for what we need or want. We often behave as though our bosses are not dependent on us. We fail to see how much they need our help and support. We also tend to think that they are infallible and have all the answers. When we think of how many times we’ve been afraid to tell our boss the truth, it’s surprising that most bosses get a full picture of what’s really going on. If we don’t tell them what’s going on, who will?

The challenge here is to develop and maintain a strong, healthy relationship with your boss. It requires taking responsibility first for yourself and then for the relationship. Some bosses spell out their expectations very explicitly. But most do not. Ultimately, the burden falls on the subordinate to find out what the boss’s expectations are. As a coach, I’m often surprised when a manager comes to me with a difficulty they’re experiencing with one of their team members, and I discover that neither the manager nor the team member have talked about the real issue. None of us likes to have difficult conversations consequently, more often than not, both parties avoid talking about what’s really going on. One way to deal with this is to find out how your boss likes to receive information. Some bosses don’t respond well to face to face conversations. In that case, try sending information in written form first, and then following up with a conversation. Most bosses like to be informed before they are confronted with a problem. Try finding a compatible work style with your boss. Peter Drucker, the well known consultant and author, divides bosses into “listeners” and “readers”. If your boss is a listener, you brief him or her in person then follow it up with an e-mail. If, your boss is a reader, you send the e-mail first, and then talk about it.

Here are some other helpful points for managing your boss:

* Make sure you understand your bosses preferred work style

* Always consider the context. What pressures is your boss currently under? What goals and objectives are they working towards?

* Assess yourself and your needs. Your style, your strengths, your flat spots and what you need to be successful.

* Be dependable and honest and keep a steady flow of information passing between the two of you.

* Selectively use your boss’s time and resources. Remember… you have one of them and they have many of you!

“If you forge ties with your boss based on mutual respect and understanding, both of you will be more effective”. John J. Gabarro and John P. Kotter

Have a great week!

Kathleen