The Joys of Volunteering

 

Once in awhile in your career, you have a rare opportunity to work on an assignment that is life enhancing. I had this experience when asked by the board of director’s at St. Mary’s Home for Boys in Beaverton, Oregon to help them find a new executive director.  But, I didn’t really understand how rare the opportunity was until I met with 15 of the courageous people who work at St. Mary’s to get a better idea of what they thought was needed for the director position and the kind of person they’d like to see in the job. But first, here’s a brief description about St. Mary’s.

Founded in 1889, St Mary’s offers residential treatment and services to boys at risk between the ages of 10 and 17. Treatment plans include individual and group therapy, counseling, training sessions, juvenile sex awareness program, and aftercare services. Physical, social, emotional, and spiritual programs are also conducted. Cognitive, behavioral, and relationship treatment approach is provided. The curriculum includes reading, language, computers, art, life skills, health, and physical education.

I cannot begin to explain all of the emotions I experienced while I was there this past week. I am still digesting much of what I saw and learned.  But I did come away from the experience knowing how vitally important it is that St. Mary’s and other institutions like it exist and how much they need our support.

The staff members I met were very open and honest in our discussions and gave me more information than I  expected. They also gave me the great privilege of having lunch with the boys and to attend a student’s graduation. What these children have survived is unspeakable.  I honestly cannot imagine a world where the kinds of abuse and neglect these children experience exists.  But it does happen and often, in our own communities.  St. Mary’s embraces these children with safety, security, sensitivity and sanitation as their underlying values in practice and for most of these kids, it’s the first time in their lives they’ve had any experience of these four things, let alone 3 meals a day, a roof over their heads, and an education.

The statistics prove that these kids have a much greater chance for success when people on the outside volunteer to mentor them.  It only requires about one hour a week, but it improves these kids lives forever.  While I was there last week. some drama coaches were there volunteering to give the kids acting lessons;  there was also a play writing workshop going on.  All of these activities were conducted by local people volunteering their time and energy for the children.  And, the kids just loved it.  When I saw the joy on their faces at lunch time I knew that this kind of activity was essential to their healing and the importance of it was priceless.

As a coach, I see clients all the time who are trying to find some inspiration in their daily lives. They want to be happier or to move in a direction that gives them joy and abundance. They are often looking for more meaning in their lives.  In that search, people try to find happiness by delving deeper and deeper into their own psychology. They work so hard to try and fix what’s wrong and then become narrowly focused and obsessed with themselves. This doesn’t bring any joy at all.  As one client said to me recently, ‘ All of these thoughts about myself are driving me nuts and it’s all the same old stories,  over and over again.”

One of the best remedies for this kind of psychological and emotional trap is to be of service to others. Volunteering your time and/or energy on their behalf is very rewarding.  It doesn’t mean you have to become an official volunteer;  there are small ways in which each of us can serve others every day if we try to make that kind of service a priority.  Perhaps you clean up after someone at work or set a goal to spend more time reading to your children each day. Maybe you do actually sign up for a mentoring program or to serve meals to the homeless.  If you can spare some extra time during your week, investigate ways in which you can volunteer that time to benefit others.  In Oregon we have the SMART reading program, Habitat for Humanity, Meals on Wheels,  to name a few.  Perhaps your company has a program that allows you to take some time from work to do volunteer work during the week.  Whatever it is, it will broaden your emotional life and you will reap the rewards of serving others.

This past week I realized, yet again, the importance of extending my heart and hand to others.  The world is very much in need of anyone who spends time assisting others and the experience of doing some good for others is very gratifying.   Extending your loving kindness to others is a sure way to experience it in yourself.  At the end of the day, isn’t that what life is all about?

 

Kathleen

Attitude Is Everything

 

The title of this post is ‘attitude is everything’.  I continue to be amazed at how our attitude has everything to do with how we feel about ourselves and our lives. Here are some examples of a friend and a client whose lives have changed dramatically and how the changes have altered their attitude.

My friend Kimberlee realized her lifelong dream years ago by buying a home in France. Ever since she was a young child, she had dreamed of this event. After working full time through most of her adult life and raising two children, she moved to France, bought a home, and opened a business.  It took a long time for her to set it all up.  She lived in a construction zone of a home for the first year with little furniture while the property was being renovated. I recall reading her travel blog where she wrote,  “First off, imagine undertaking home repairs and renovation with someone who doesn’t speak your language. I am sleeping on a ‘mattelasse’ my contractor has loaned me until my bed arrives and using a one-burner camping stove for coffee and such.”

Kimberlee was very successful in her career. She had grown quite accustomed to living in comfortable surroundings, be it her home, or her beach house.  In her American life, she never would have put up with sleeping on a mattress and making coffee on a hotplate each morning. But she’s now living her dream come true.  She was quite willing and happy to endure whatever hardships she encountered, knowing that someday she would have the home she had always envisioned. Her attitude toward creature comforts changed, and what would normally be intolerable circumstances became bearable in light of this change.

A client of mine was living the high life as a successful financial advisor at Morgan Stanley. He lived in a fabulous condo in Manhattan with a view of Central Park. He dined at all the best restaurants and wore the finest tailored Italian suits.  Now, after a complete turn of events and facing a major health crisis, he’s lucky to still have a job. His salary is a quarter of what it was, his condominium sold for quite a bit less than what he paid, and he’s living in an apartment that’s much smaller than anyplace he’s ever lived.   He told me recently, “I remember how I used to complain to you about how the dry cleaners didn’t get my laundry done quickly enough.  Now I feel lucky when I come upon an unoccupied machine in the laundry room at the apartment building and I have enough quarters at the same time.” His sudden change in fortune has changed his attitude dramatically. Two years ago he felt entitled to immediate service and was angry when it didn’t happened. Today, he’s grateful to be able to accomplish his chores himself.

Take a look at your attitude about your life and the way you live it. Have you lost your ability to be grateful for some of the simplest things? Have you been forced to adjust your living standards, given current economic pressures, and struggle with old attitudes that cause you to resent your current circumstances? Do you believe that because of your title at work, you’re entitled to certain privileges and perks that you don’t really need, but have grown accustomed to?

Instead, try cultivating an attitude that serves your current situation. Experiment with changing your circumstances so that you can change your attitude.

Whenever I feel disgruntled and ungrateful, I try to remember this story.

A Buddhist monk once traveled to the next village to help his brothers. While he was gone, his small home burned to the ground. As it was burning, a friend from the village found the monk and told him what was happening. They ran to the home site and arrived as the last few bits of wood turned to embers. The monk’s friend looked at him with tears in his eyes and exclaimed how sorry he was that the monk had lost his home. The monk stood in silence for a moment and then, as he gazed up at the sky, proclaimed, “Ah, now I have a much better view of the moon.”

Take a hint from the Buddhist monk: It’s all in your attitude!

 

Kathleen

Appreciating Competitive People

This post is about appreciating competitive people.

Competitive comes from the Latin word “competere,” which means to meet, coincide, be fitting, and to seek or ask for. Our English definition is as follows: to strive to outdo another for acknowledgment, a prize, supremacy, profit, etc.; engage in a contest; vie: to compete in a race; to compete in business.” Perhaps that’s why we use words like track meet. A competitive event actually has something to do with meeting with another to engage in a contest of some kind.

I often wonder,  why are some people more competitive than others? In “Now, Discover Your Strengths,” Marcus Buckingham identifies competitiveness as one of the possible 34 traits a person can have. There is some truth to his observation. Some people spend their lives striving to win in almost everything they do. That’s not true of all of us, so I have to believe that some people are just predisposed to this kind of behavior. Growing up in a highly competitive family greatly influences a person to be more competitive. A friend of mine on the East Coast grew up with some of the Kennedy children. She told me that almost everything they did was in competition with other members of the family or close friends. Joe Kennedy brought up his children to be highly competitive, and we can see from history that it’s a trait that has put many of the Kennedys into high positions in business and politics.

A few years ago, my mother joined a shuffle board team at her retirement community. She was very excited, going on and on about how she had done so well in her first game and how much she was enjoying it. I said something like, “Gosh, Mom that’s great exercise for you.” She replied sharply, “I don’t do it for the exercise, I do it to win!” I suddenly realized that my mother had always tried to be the best at whatever she did, and striving for that brought her the most enjoyment. This trait often shows up in me in my inability to lose gracefully. I don’t always have to win, but I sure hate to lose!

Many of us work with people who are highly competitive. Working on the same team with such people can be difficult. Their overwhelming desire to always win leaves very little room for failure, and it’s hard not to feel judged as the competitive person continues to raise the bar and set standards that are often hard to meet. But most competitors love doing whatever they need to do to win, and their inspiration can carry a team much farther when the going gets tough. Somehow the greater the challenge, the more these competitive people dig in and ramp up their skills and energy level to try to meet it and then overcome it.

See if there are people you work with or know who are highly competitive. Try to appreciate their dedication and strong desire to win. If you have a competitive streak, ask yourself what brings it out in you? When you become more competitive, is it for yourself or for the team? Do you try to use your competitive nature to help your teammates, or do you often try to overpower them? How can we use competition to work together in a more healthy and productive way?

The next time you watch a major sporting event, enjoy the spirit of competition in its finest form.  We all have the opportunity to see the winners and the losers and the lessons they learn from their extraordinary experience as they compete on the world stage.

 

Kathleen

 

Excellent Customer Service

 

This post is about excellent customer service.

Last Friday morning I was out and about by 7 a.m., running errands for an off-site I was hosting in my office for a small, local team of very talented design and sales people. I scurried around purchasing fruit, pastries and coffee so that we could have a bit of breakfast together before we started our agenda for the day.

On route to buy the coffee, I walked into a Starbucks and was greeted by a young, smiling woman who asked if she could help me. I told her what I needed. She asked how many people I was serving. I told her and she suggested that I buy two coffee travelers to ensure that I had enough. Then she asked me what kind of coffee I wanted. I replied that one strong coffee and one a little lighter would be good. She suggested I take a seat, as she would need to make the coffee fresh and it would take about 10 minutes. She also asked if I wanted a free sample of anything while I waited. I said no, I had already had my coffee that morning.

What happened next was simply amazing to watch. This woman was a true artist at her work. Every movement she made was just right: not too much, not too little. Her ability to maneuver coffee pots and filters, coffee beans and grinders, water pitchers and thermostats was a marvel to me. She was extremely efficient and focused without expressing any negativity about her tasks. She didn’t seem stressed when other customers tried to interrupt her while she was waiting on me. She even responded with a smile and managed to multi-task, making sure that anyone who addressed her was immediately taken care of by her or someone else. Her demeanor was professional and easy-going, efficient and flexible, directed and approachable. Her actions were like watching a beautifully executed dance. She was a joy to watch!

As she was finishing up my order, she asked if I wanted half and half as well.  She packed up cups, lids, stirring sticks and sugar packets in the same bag with the half and half. She asked if I needed help to my car with the coffee travelers and bag. I said no, it would be good for my triceps for me to carry it all myself.  She laughed and flexed her arm (sort of a “We can do it” move) that created a small emotional moment between us.

Before I left the store, I told her what a pleasure it had been to watch her and that my view of Starbucks had just been altered by the experience. She said, “I really love my job. I’ve been doing this for awhile and finally found my niche. I like the company, and they’ve been good to me. Each day, I try to intentionally treat each customer the way I like to be treated. And, frankly, I’m pretty picky.”

She thanked me for noticing.  I replied, “No, thank you for such great service!”

Each of us has had to serve a customer at some point in our lives.  Think about how you like to be served and then try approaching each task with intention and focus. Try doing everything with a sense of abundance and joy. Whether it’s stacking papers, making coffee, creating a strategic plan, doing complex mathematics, or cleaning your desk off, every action can become a joy if the person doing it has the right attitude and energy.

As I left Starbucks, I realized that it’s not where you serve but how you serve that makes all the difference.

 

Kathleen

Four Capabilities of Leadership Model

 

This post comes from some thoughts on leadership that I read about in an MIT alumni magazine while visiting my father in Maine. People debate whether great leaders are born or made, and good evidence supports both sides of the argument.

Accordingly, some educational institutions have created programs and curriculum to build their own leaders. For example, the Leadership Center at MIT developed a Four Capabilities Leadership Model. These capabilities are sensemaking, relating, visioning and inventing.

Rather than teaching leadership, which everyone agrees is hard to do, the program teaches students to cultivate these four strengths: Using their common sense when making key decisions, creating strong relationships with others, making their vision a reality, and allowing themselves to be inventive (meaning not fearing to make mistakes or fail).

“Anyone has the potential for leadership, of course, but certain people have a greater set of skills and aptitude. Leadership starts with someone who wants to make a difference… . When people are truly motivated toward a goal or a vision, they will do it, even if they have to change themselves. In many ways, leadership starts with what’s important to you,” writes Professor Ancona of the Leadership Center at MIT.

Another course that has become part of the leadership program is improvisation. Daena Giardella, an executive coach and professional actor, writes about that aspect of the program.

“What we believe we are, or are not, limits how effective we can be as leaders. Improvisation forces you to break out of your habitual roles. You have to be ready to respond with dexterity to the moment… . You have to dare to make an impact in the scene without worrying about looking stupid or seeming silly. Improvisers learn how to manage the ‘inner critic’ voices that chatter in everyone’s head as we go through life. The inner critic might be saying, ‘Stay small, don’t get too big for your britches’ or ‘Give up, you can’t do this.’ Great improvisers and great leaders learn to play many roles and be adaptable scene to scene. In improvisation the goal is to make the other person look good and to bring out the best in the other person. An improvisation is destroyed if it’s all about me, me, me… and the same is true about leadership. Master leaders and master influencers know how to bring out the best in their teammates.”

Spend some time identifying where you play the role of leader in your life and consider whether you need to improve your ability. Perhaps you’re excellent at creating a vision and translating that for others into realizable goals and objectives, but your relationship skills could use some work. Maybe you find that common sense comes quite easily to you and that you have a reputation for being street smart and pragmatic when making decisions. However, the practical aspect of your common sense may stand in the way of your ability to be innovative. What can you do to be more inventive in your approach?

More and more organizations are realizing that leadership is not just the domain of people at the top but of people at all levels. Our ability to lead has everything to do with how committed we are to our vision and to the people around us who will help us make it a reality. Don’t be afraid to examine how you lead others and what you’re prepared to do to achieve your goals. Leadership doesn’t just come naturally. It requires real work, and we all can stretch our ability to become better at it.

 

Kathleen

Asking For Feedback From Your Direct Reports

 

This post is about asking for candid feedback from your direct reports.

In the article “What to Ask the Person in the Mirror,” from the Harvard Business Review, I found a quote that I want to share with you.

“While your direct reports know what you are doing wrong, most of them are not dying to tell you. It takes a concerted effort to cultivate subordinates who will advise and coach you.”

I thought about this statement in relation to the managers I work with, and I found that it’s invariably true. For fear of reprisal, we don’t tell our bosses what we really think of them and their performance. And yet, because we work with them every day and are affected by their decisions, we have many observations that would help them do a better job. However, these observations are not easy to hear. And often, they’re even harder to say.

By developing a network of fellow team members and subordinates who can give us honest feedback, we can modify our behavior throughout the year and avoid year-end surprises in our performance reviews. More importantly, we can build more honest and open communication with the people we work with and trust.

Wise companies dedicate a portion of a manager’s performance review to what team members need from their boss; for example, the question might read, “As your boss, what can I do to help you be more successful and what do I need to change?”

Try asking for more direct feedback from your subordinates or your teammates. I’m sure you’ll meet resistance when you ask, “What should I be doing differently?” or “What can I change that will help us both be more successful?” After an awkward silence, your team member might come up with a suggestion that’s devastating to hear. But remember, the sting of a reproach is the truth in it.

What you do with this feedback is critical. If you act on it, you will improve your performance. And, more important, you will take a big step toward building trust and laying the groundwork for a continued channel of open and honest feedback. When your team members see you respond to their suggestions, they will feel empowered and take some ownership in your success.  After all, who can resist the Three Musketeers’ rallying cry: “One for all, and all for one!”

 

Kathleen

 

Good Ways to Deal With Differing Agendas

This post is about ways to dealing with differing agendas and opinions.

It’s always interesting to see what happens when people with different agendas, opinions and viewpoints get into a room and try to agree on what should be done and how to do it. Often, there’s general consensus about what needs to be done in the long term. The greater differences lie in how the work should get done in the short term. We all have strong ideas about how to do things, and these ideas show up in meetings where teams are trying to create a roadmap for moving forward.

This process reminds me of occasions when I fought with my older sister over which one of us would do something. For example, if one of us got a present for Christmas that required assembly, we would both grab the item and then fight over who knew best how to put it together. Or our parents might ask one of us to do something, and the other would jump up and say, “I’ll do it!” It seems that it’s a challenge for all of us to allow someone else to figure something out, when we’re convinced we know how to do it better and can just get it done in alot less time. I know this is one of the greatest challenges of management… allowing your people to take the time to fully understand and do something that would only take you minutes to complete. Envy, competitiveness and stubbornness are just of few of the emotions we experience in these situations.

The same emotions overtake us in meetings when we’re convinced that our solution is the best, and we fight to convince everyone else to go along. Of course, if lots of people in the meeting feel they have the best answer, it becomes less a meeting than a fencing match, an opportunity to “thrust and parry.” In the heat of battle, the strategies for winning an argument can overtake the topic itself, and the possibility of reaching consensus may disappear.

To counter this urge to take over, here are some suggestions:

*  The next time you attend a meeting where a decision must be made, try considering how you can participate in a way that’s best for the team, rather than best or most gratifying for you.

*  If you see that someone in the room is already working on figuring out some of the issues, try sitting back and just listening to their stated solutions.

*  It’s a great time to ask more questions about the issues needing solving and to participate with curiosity rather than certainty. If the intention is to reach consensus, perhaps your best course of action is no action at all.

*  Although you may be tempted to make your point or defend your position, experiment with offering thoughts where everyone is able to see things from a different perspective. A great phrase to use might be, “I clearly see how your solution would work.  From my perspective, I also see that this might work as well. ”

*  Remember what the end goal is. If the team is trying reach consensus, is it worth it to keep arguing about how you get something done or is it better to let that idea go for another time?

*  Try to attend a meeting intent on supporting someone else’s ideas. Or try not saying anything when you feel as though your idea is the best solution for the team.

Kathleen

 

The Importance of a Plan and Knowing When to Ditch It

 

I often see that during the latter part of the year, my clients are actively involved in strategic planning sessions. What better time to think about how we want to position ourselves, the goals we want to achieve, and how much profit we want to make than in preparation for the new year?

People with strengths in strategic thinking relish this sort of task. They love to analyze data and come up with different ways to have a more competitive edge. There’s nothing more fun than coming up with a forecast and then comparing your accuracy as the numbers come in. It’s like gambling: You analyze the cards, strategize your moves and then see how the game plays out.

But in the midst of this activity, it’s equally important to pay attention to what’s in front of us right now. There’s a tendency when involved in strategic planning to ignore what’s actually happening and possibly miss a great opportunity.

Last year, one group of clients got so involved in their strategic planning process that they missed the chance to do business with a client who would have opened up a new segment of their market. The strategic planning committee couldn’t see how the customer fit their plan for the new year, so they ignored the customer’s request. That customer went to a competitor instead and gave that company half a million dollars’ worth of business that my client could easily have garnered.

None of us know what’s going to happen in the future, but the importance of projecting out what’s possible and taking advantage of opportunities is key to any organization’s success.  Planning around these possibilities is critical to making them happen and we all know that executing on plans is how we turn our opportunities into reality.  However, none of this should supersede what’s directly in front of us.  While we’re thinking strategically, are we also keeping an eye on the opportunities that are here right now? Are we ignoring some of your customers’ current needs while you’re busy thinking about what we’ll give them in the future? Are we so committed to executing on the plan that we can’t see what’s happening when it’s not working?

Planning is important, but being flexible enough to alter the plan when opportunity knocks in the here and now can be even more crucial.

 

Kathleen

 

Taking Stock of the Past and Setting New Goals For the Future

This post is about the importance of reviewing the past year and setting goals for the new year.

The fourth quarter is always the time that I meet with my accountant, and it’s always interesting to see what I’ve achieved, both professionally and personally. Now is a good time to take stock of what you’ve accomplished based on the goals you set for this year.

You might begin with questions like these:

1) What goals did I set for myself in the first quarter of this past year?
2) What curve balls were thrown at me that required me to take a different direction and have I been able to fit those changes of direction into my original goals?
3) What have I learned this year and how has it helped me?
4) What people have I met and worked with who have had a significant impact on me?
5) How many of the goals that I set for myself professionally and personally have I met?

By asking these questions, you can see where you are and who you’ve become. It also give you clues to the new goals we’d like to set for the coming year.

Spend some time reviewing where you stand in regard to the goals you set at the end of last year. If you have a year-end performance review coming up, it’s particularly important to read what suggestions were made for your improvement and to see what actions you’ve actually taken. Maybe someone suggested you take a type of training that you had completely forgotten about: Is there still time to do so? There are six weeks left until the end of the year, and you might be able to fit in that last action that helps you meet your annual goals.

We can all be more successful if we take the time to consider what we want to achieve and set some definite goals for what we want to accomplish. Often just the energy that we summon to aim for a particular goal gives us a leg up in achieving it.

 

Kathleen

 

How To Make Yourself Happy In A Moment

This post addresses the importance of making yourself happy, even in small moments.

Here’s a good example:

Tuesday morning I had to take my car in for servicing. It was about 7 a.m., and the shuttle was supposed to take me back home. After waiting about 15 minutes, I learned that the shuttle driver was stuck in a traffic jam and wouldn’t be arriving at the dealer’s for another 30 minutes. So I decided to walk home.

It was about 45 city blocks, and although more of a walk than I usually take, it seemed like a nice morning for a jaunt. It was still dark when I began walking, but the sun was coming up quickly, and I watched the color of the sky as I walked the city streets.

These were not colors I usually see: muted pinks, with streaks of blue and grey painted across the sky. After a while, the sun came streaming down the sidewalk and as I walked into it, I was struck by the beauty of the sun reflected through colored leaves on the trees. One minute I was walking in filtered grey light, and the next, the bright sun was beaming on my head. What a glorious feeling!

After a few minutes, the sun began to fade, and the weather changed. Within moments, a light mist was falling. I zipped up my jacket and put my hood up. As I walked, I could feel the cool mist on my face, and the sidewalk began to darken as the raindrops fell on the concrete under my feet.

I spied a coffee shop on my left and quickly ducked in to dry out a bit and get a cup of coffee. As I sat in the shop, I watched people fly in and out for their morning coffee and pastries. Everyone was in such a hurry that I’m not sure they noticed whether it was raining or not. But the place was full of bustling energy, and it was a nice contrast to the quiet solitude I had experienced on my walk.

By the time I got home, I realized how invigorated I was by my unexpected walk. I felt so good in that moment. My early morning walk had made me happy, content, invigorated and peaceful, all at once. I wondered, “Why don’t I do this more often?” I could take an early morning walk each day, but I usually just get up, get my coffee, pop into the shower, get dressed and start my work. Why would I ignore the chance to start my day with something that makes me so happy?

I suggest you identify something that makes you really happy that you don’t usually do, and do it. It can be something very simple, like taking a brief walk before work or during lunch. Maybe you get yourself a special treat at the coffee shop or take a tea break with another team member to talk about your weekend. Perhaps you find your favorite pair of socks in the drawer and wear them, even if they’re not the kind of socks you usually wear to work. Or maybe you won’t wear any socks at all, if that’s what makes you happy.

It’s often the little things in life that bring us joy. We just have to make sure that we take the time to do them and allow ourselves the happiness that arises when we do.

 

Kathleen