Author: Kathleen Doyle-White

Good day team,

The coach is currently on silent retreat. Your next challenge will be published on October 11, 2009.

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Good day, team,

My, my! September is almost gone, and I can tell by the shorter days and the long light of autumn that we are moving rapidly toward winter.

I love this time of year, although I must admit that along with the beauty comes a melancholy which creates an elusive longing in my heart. It’s not as if I long for a specific thing; the experience is more of a wistful state that comes over me at no particular time and leaves me with a sense of loss. Perhaps it’s no more complicated than the passing of summer, its promise of light and warmth and long, languid days of relaxation no longer possible.

I thought about this mix of enjoyment and regret the other day while I was meeting with a client. As I sat listening to him, trying to be open and present to what he was saying, watching his body language, hearing his tone of voice, etc., my mind kept trying to draw me into its own complicated web of opinions, attitudes and general noise that goes on in my interior world.

How difficult it is, I thought, just to sit here and try to be silent, both internally and externally. I found myself struggling with my own emotional state thoughout our meeting; something he said reminded me of a time when I had felt that same kind of frustration, and within seconds I was feeling that same anxiety. I had to work to rise above the internal chatter and emotions and just be still and listen.

I know my experience is not uncommon, and so your challenge this week is to try to be still and just be where you are: listen, observe, feel your feet, experience your breathing, whatever it takes to not act from your own internal voices; try rather to listen to what others around you are saying or not saying, as the case may be. Take it in, give it time to digest, let it rattle around in there for a bit of time.

For those of us who are highly achievement-oriented I know how hard this challenge will be. We feel compelled to do so many things in a day that the idea of not doing seems totally contrary to what were supposed to be doing. But it’s important to remember that our thoughts and feelings color so many of our actions that sometimes it’s better to just be quiet and watch.

Walt Whitman wrote:

Apart
from the pulling and hauling
Stands what I am,
Stands amused, complacent, compassionating,
idle, unitary,
Looks down, is erect, or bends an arm on an
impalpable certain rest,
Looking with side-curved head curious
what will come next.
Both in and out of the game
and watching and wondering at it.

Backward I see in my own days where I sweated
through fog with linguists and contenders
I have no mockings or arguments
I witness and wait.

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2009 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

Good day, team,

This past week I’ve been reminded of the wisdom of Don Miguel Ruiz. He is the author of “The Four Agreements,” one of my favorite books.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with him, here’s a bit of background.

Don Miguel Ruiz was born into a family of healers and raised in rural Mexico by a curandera (healer) mother and nagual (shaman) grandfather. They anticipated Don Miguel would embrace their centuries old legacy of healing and teaching and, as a nagual, carry forward the esoteric Toltec knowledge. Instead, distracted by modern life, Don Miguel chose to attend medical school and later taught and practiced as a surgeon.

After studying traditional medicine and finding that its healing capacities were limited, Don Miguel began teaching the Toltec traditions he had learned from his mother and grandfather. Beginning in 1987, with his mother, the curandera Sarita, he taught small groups of people in a small room in Logan Heights, Calif. He began with healing practices. As his knowledge of English grew, he realized that he preferred to share his lineage through oral tradition.

Don Miguel’s students grew in numbers and his mythologies and guidance grew with them. He gave lectures in Santa Fe, N.M.; Los Angeles; Sacramento, Calif.; Santa Rosa, Calif.; and many other locales. When he witnessed his students struggling to quiet their minds, he began to share the wisdom that resulted in the creation of “The Four Agreements.” Don Miguel created a specific series of practical tools that, when used by anyone, can result in consistent and long-term personal transformation.

His teachings are based on common sense and shared with such simplicity that the underlying message is recognized by many. His message is straightforward, practical and, when implemented even incrementally, life-changing.

In the Toltec tradition, a nagual guides an individual to personal freedom. Combining new insights with old wisdom, Don Miguel has dedicated his life to sharing the ancient Toltec wisdom by translating it into practical concepts that promote transformation through truth and common sense.

Here are The Four Agreements:

Be Impeccable With Your Word

Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

Don’t Take Anything Personally

Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

Don’t Make Assumptions

Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

Always Do Your Best

Your best is going to change form moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

Your challenge this week is to take a look at “The Four Agreements” and decide which one will help you gain more personal freedom. In my case, it will be the first one, “Be impeccable with your word.” Because I spend so much of my time at work conversing with others, this first agreement is one I have to continually be aware of and practice. Speaking with integrity requires the ability to hear what I’m saying as I say it, and that takes a lot of attention.

Whatever agreement you choose to work on this week, embrace it with compassion for yourself and others. These teachings are not meant to increase your self-judgment or to scold you. They are meant to give you guidance and peace of mind.

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2009 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

Good day, team,

This week’s challenge highlights a truism about our lives. In the grand scheme of things, we are here for a brief moment in time. Our lives often seem like a long adventure, but compared to the age of our sun, or the amount of time the young redwood trees in my local park have been growing, a human life is not very long at all.

This became even more apparent last Friday evening when my husband and I attended the wake of the brother of one of his colleagues. The man who passed away—affectionately nicknamed “Rabbit” at an early age by his siblings—was not very old, but he had led a full and unusual life. Some said he lived so much life in such a short one that his passing didn’t seem altogether strange. But in looking around at the eclectic crowd of friends, family and acquaintances who collected last Friday to pay homage to Rabbit, I realized that we were all touched by his death because it reminded each of us of our mortality and that we too shall travel his path sometime in the future.

When I awoke Saturday morning, I pondered this idea of our mortality. I felt a deep appreciation for being able to get out of bed, brush my teeth, walk downstairs, receive a kind “Good morning” from my loving husband, feel the swipe of the cat’s tail on my ankle, enjoy the pleasure of that first sip of coffee. Such small things, but so lovely.

Later in the morning, our grandsons came to stay with us for the weekend. Upon seeing me, their eyes lit up, and I was greeted with the familiar “Hi, Nana!” and hugs. Again, small moments, but for anyone who has had this experience with children, there is nothing finer and more life-affirming.

Someone said about Rabbit, “He had a kindness about him and a rare ability to be so present to anyone he met; he made people feel like he truly understood them and that they were special.” He exchanged those small moments of love and consideration with anyone he connected with.

Your challenge this week is to make the most of your small moments. There is nothing more satisfying than surfacing to whatever is actually in front of you and allowing yourself to be fully aware of it. Let yourself be in whatever is happening, and revel in those small miracles that occur every moment of every day all around and within us.

At the end of our days, perhaps we can look back over the span of a lifetime and see that we allowed ourselves to be alive in all our small moments. Whether it’s the feel of the chair underneath you as you sit at your desk at work or the breeze as it softly brushes over your forehead when you walk outside, these little occurrences are what a life is made up of. Try appreciating them in whatever form they take.

As Michel de Montaigne said, “Life does not occur in large events, but in many small ones that enrich the lives we live.”

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2009 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

Good day, team,

Today is Labor Day, and it’s a day of rest for many of us, a day to reflect on the fruits of our labors. As we move from summer to Indian summer, the cornucopia of life appears on our dining tables in the form of fresh fruit, corn, vegetables, fish, etc. It’s a wonderful time to see how we reap what we sow.

This particular holiday weekend is one of the results of organized labor in this country. Many of us don’t realize what organized labor has done for us over the years: Holiday weekends, minimum wage, health benefits, a guarantee of certain labor practices that protect employees, even weekends are a result of what organized labor has put into place for the American worker.

I grew up in a family that thought organized labor was a bad thing, and I heard many negative stories about labor leaders and the effect unions had on companies. As a consequence, I don’t know very much about unions, and so today I decided to do some research about it. I was amazed to find that much of what I took for granted as common practice in most companies had something to do with organized labor’s attempts to improve conditions for workers.

Here are a few things I learned about Labor Day:

“The holiday originated in Canada out of labor disputes (“Nine-Hour Movement”) first in Hamilton, then in Toronto, Canada, in the 1870s, which resulted in a Trade Union Act which legalized and protected union activity in 1872 in Canada. The parades held in support of the Nine-Hour Movement and the printers’ strike led to an annual celebration in Canada. In 1882, American labor leader Peter J. McGuire witnessed one of these labor festivals in Toronto. Inspired from Canadian events in Toronto, he returned to New York and organized the first American Labor Day on September 5 of the same year.

“The first Labor Day in the United States was celebrated on September 5, 1882, in New York City. In the aftermath of the deaths of a number of workers at the hands of the U.S. military and U.S. Marshals during the 1894 Pullman Strike, President Grover Cleveland put reconciliation with labor as a top political priority. Fearing further conflict, legislation making Labor Day a national holiday was rushed through Congress unanimously and signed into law a mere six days after the end of the strike. Cleveland was also concerned that aligning a U.S. labor holiday with existing international May Day celebrations would stir up negative emotions linked to the Haymarket Affair. All 50 U.S. states have made Labor Day a state holiday.”

Upon reading this background, I did further research into the Haymarket Affair and the Pullman Strike. I discovered that, over the years, many people have died trying to defend the rights of workers in our country and that the struggle to create good working conditions for people has not been without great strife and hardship. I now have a better understanding that much of what I take for granted in the workplace didn’t always exist and that those who came before me had to fight and die to increase the rights of the American worker.

This week’s challenge is to find one thing in your work environment that you take for granted and rekindle an appreciation for it. Perhaps you or your child goes to the doctor and the receptionist tells you that your cost for the doctor’s visit is a $10 co-pay; without your company’s health benefits, that visit could have cost you $150. Maybe you have to care for an aging parent and the Family Medical Leave Act allows you to do that while still retaining the right to return to your job. Recently, I found out that a friend of mine is going to take further advanced education courses that her employer is reimbursing her for so she is more qualified for her next promotion. The next time you work more than 40 hours in a week, pay close attention to your overtime pay, if you are an hourly worker. Or walk into your lunch room, cafeteria or break room: Is coffee and tea available for free there?

These benefits may seem like small things, but we live in a world where many other countries have no labor laws at all, and people, including children, work seven days a week for pennies with no one to protect their human rights. Be grateful this week for your current employment situation. It’s easy to complain about working conditions, but when you stop to consider that we work in relatively safe circumstances with people who get paid to care about our general welfare, it’s worth stopping for a moment to appreciate our good fortune.

I find the words of Abraham Lincoln best express this appreciation:

“Labor is prior to, and independent of, capital. Capital is only the fruit of labor, and could never have existed if Labor had not first existed. Labor is superior to capital, and deserves much the higher consideration.”

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2009 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

Good day, team,

Many people seek me out as a coach because they’re not sure what they want to do in life or they’ve been doing something (usually it’s their job) that they don’t enjoy any longer. Most people want to be able to do what they love. But often, they have no idea what that something else is, and so they hire a coach to help them discover their new path.

This week’s challenge comes from the article “What is Work? Finding your Path by Laying the Bricks” by Sharon Glassman. The article traces the steps by which the writer’s naturopathic physician discovered her chosen profession. It also describes how, while in naturopathic school, this woman became a bricklayer to pay for her schooling. Though she had grown up wanting to be a doctor, she found over time that naturopathy was a much better fit with her values and experience. She also learned some invaluable lessons while working as a bricklayer that influenced her path as a doctor.

Most notable for me in the article was an exercise she has all of her patients do when they tell her they feel stuck in their lives:

–Write a list of how you nourish yourself: mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

–Most people have an area that’s underfed. Balance the system, and new ideas will emerge.

I gave her suggestion a lot of thought this week and realized that almost all of us are a bit askew in one or all of these areas most of the time. That is, we have to make an effort to keep them continually fed and well-balanced.

In my case, I used to meditate regularly. In the past year or so, that practice has slipped away, not because I haven’t had the time (in fact, I’ve had more time to meditate daily since I haven’t been traveling as much for work), but because, well, I don’t know exactly why, I just stopped making it a priority. So the other day I decided to start meditating again in the mornings. Already, after just a few days, I feel remarkably better: more balanced, calmer, less agitated by bothersome trivia.

Successfully adding a meditation practice back into my daily schedule encouraged me, so I decided to make a list as the doctor had suggested. I was surprised to find that the areas I thought were getting plenty of attention were actually lacking, and vice versa. My mental life gets loads of attention, and my emotional life gets a good amount too, although I need to be more cognizant of how it gets fed. But my spiritual life is somewhat lacking at the moment.

Your challenge this week is to try the naturopath’s exercise. Write down how you nourish yourself in these three areas. See if one area gets too much of your time and attention. Create a better balance by putting your energy into the areas that you’ve been ignoring or that have become stale.

See what happens when you achieve a better balance. Perhaps, as the author suggests, new ideas will emerge. Maybe your head and heart will gain more clairity about a troubling situation, or you’ll find some new inspiration by changing your weekly spiritual practice.

We may experience some uncertainty about how to live our lives in a more fulfilling way, but as the author notes, “This idea applies to the work of work itself. Some days we’re laying the bricks. Some days we’re walking on them, en route to our next step. What is it? We may not know that…yet. But that’s okay.”

Have a good week,

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

P.S.: The coach will be on vacation next week. I’ll be back to write a challenge for Labor Day.

© Copyright 2009 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

Good day, team,

As this summer ebbs and flows, I’m reminded how important it is to allow ourselves the luxury of taking a vacation. Or, if you prefer, spending time doing nothing at all.

When I mention this idea of doing nothing to some of my clients, I get an “Ugh!” in response or the comment “I can’t just do nothing. I have to do something; otherwise, I’ll get bored!” Sometimes I ask these clients to make the something they have to do be the doing nothing itself, but that doesn’t work well for people who feel that a day without achieving something is a waste. In my case, I have to occasionally stop doing everything to see who I am and where I am. There’s something deliciously calming about the experience. It’s a mini-respite.

On a bit grander scale, my idea of vacation looks like this: lying around on the beach with my husband, where the temperature is 75 degrees and the ocean not much colder, looking at a gorgeous view of the ocean with my favorite book tucked under my arm, and knowing there’s nothing on the agenda for days ahead of us. Or looking at wonderful paintings in one of the world’s great museums with fellow art lovers, having dinner at a scrumptious restaurant later that evening, and then walking back to spend the night at a lovely inn. Or visiting friends in Europe who’ve managed to create a lifestyle that encompasses much of the above on a more consistent basis. Or hiking with my favorite hiking buddies somewhere in Great Britain for the morning, then having lunch at the local pub, a nap in the afternoon, dinner that evening that includes yorkshire pudding, and later on, sitting by the fire while engaging in scintillating conversation, sipping on a great scotch. Or sitting on my front steps admiring the sunset, enjoying a glass of cold white wine on a hot summer evening, and watching the street scene (which in my NE neighborhood can be quite entertaining), thinking of not much at all, just watching the world out in front of me.

On a bit grander scale, my idea of vacation looks like this: lying around on the beach with my husband, where the temperature is 75 degrees and the ocean not much colder, looking at a gorgeous view of the horizon with my favorite book tucked under my arm, and knowing there’s no agenda for days ahead of us. Or looking at wonderful paintings in one of the world’s great museums with fellow art lovers, having dinner at a scrumptious restaurant later that evening, and then walking back to spend the night at a lovely inn. Or visiting friends in Europe who’ve managed to create a lifestyle that encompasses much of the above on a more consistent basis. Or hiking with my favorite hiking buddies somewhere in Great Britain for the morning and then having lunch at the local pub, a nap in the afternoon, a dinner that evening that includes yorkshire pudding, and sitting by the fire while engaged in scintillating conversation, while sipping on a great scotch. Or sitting on my front steps admiring the sunset, enjoying a glass of cold white wine on a hot summer evening, and watching the street scene (which in my NE neighborhood can be quite entertaining), thinking of not much at all, just watching the world out in front of me.

Do I have your attention yet? This week’s challenge is a reminder that if you haven’t taken a vacation this year, now is the time to go or at least plan one for the fall. I wonder how many of us haven’t spent time doing the things that made us really happy when we were kids. I used to spend my summers in Cape Cod and in Maine. One of my favorite things to do was look for shells on the beach. I haven’t done that in many moons. Perhaps I could arrange a vacation around that idea. Maybe you haven’t been fishing in a long time, and could plan such a vacation with your kids or grand kids. One of my friends recently traveled to Peru and tromped around Machu Picchu, then took only local buses into small villages and made friends with some Peruvians who took her in for a week and infused her with their loving hospitality and culture. She’s made new friends for life.

We forget that the process of renewal and regeneration is crucial to our well-being. We forget how to take a vacation and find ourselves steeped in too much to do, in lives that have become increasingly difficult to keep up with. Sooner or later, we forget what makes us happy and how to let go of all the things that keep us trapped in our daily existence. Life becomes very narrow, and our ability to think new thoughts, feel different feelings and experience new sensations diminishes to a dangerous degree. As my shaman used to say, “Don’t let your inner fire go out.” In other words, don’t let the momentum of daily life hypnotize you into taking care of it every minute of every day, using up so much of your energy that there’s nothing left to reignite your flame.

The dog days of summer will be over before we know it. Don’t miss the chance to enjoy some of it by relaxing, refreshing and doing absolutely nothing, if it pleases you!

Have a good week,

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2009 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

Good day, team,

By special request, I’m resending a challenge I first sent out in October 2006; it’s still relevant today.

The coach’s challenge this week is about setting healthy boundaries with people at work. Professional boundaries are important because they define the limits and responsibilities of all members of a team. When workplace boundaries are clearly defined, the organization works more efficiently because redundant work assignments are eliminated and people are held accountable for specific tasks. When everyone in an organization is aware of who is responsible for what, a healthier workplace results. It then becomes very difficult for someone to blame others for his or her failed or inadequate performance, and managers can clearly identify superlative contributions.

With professional boundaries and priorities clearly defined, a group can function effectively even in the absence of its leader. If everyone on a team understands what to do, how to do it, and when to do it, then team members feel safe in their roles. A smooth-functioning organization is a tangible demonstration of the team leader’s commitment to mutual success, which creates trust. Every team leader is responsible for setting the tone of the group by clearly defining acceptable and unacceptable workplace behavior.

Effective leaders understand that failing to define boundaries, having no boundaries, or having inappropriately rigid boundaries can negatively affect their organization and employees. In some cases, boundaries need to be firm. For example, lying, stealing, and verbally or physically abusing others are never allowed.

It may sound as if the responsibility to create a smooth-functioning organization falls only upon the team leaders; however, every team member has a role to play. Each person must be willing to speak up to a colleague or supervisor, clearly define any problem, and help find a resolution that works for everyone.

Interpersonal boundaries must also be negotiated, because they substantially impact workplace productivity and the quality of the social environment. Parameters for interacting include the following:

* The tone, attitude and approach co-workers use with each other.
* The ability to focus on work objectives even when people dislike each other or are in conflict.
* The ability to effectively set limits with those who have poor boundaries.
* Clearly defined consequences when a boundary is violated, and actions that back up these words.

Here are some suggestions for setting healthy boundaries with your team members*:

1. Know your limits: what you can do well within the allotted time frame.
Don’t exaggerate your ability by overselling it. Give accurate estimates. Delivering a good product on time will improve your credibility, while missing deadlines or delivering a substandard product will only hurt your reputation.

2. Tactfully and openly communicate about goals and limitations.
Don’t try to undersell or misrepresent your ability. Underselling artificially prevents you from being able to demonstrate your professional skills, which might affect your career advancement. When discussing your limitations, focus on what you want and what you are willing to do to get it. Keep your focus on your positive intentions; ask for help when it’s needed to ensure good quality work; actively engage in problem solving; and don’t complain about the problem. Ensure that others are receiving the message you intended by asking for feedback when it’s not forthcoming.

3. Be available to discuss differences and reach agreements.
Reflect back your understanding of the other person’s needs, interests and concerns. Attempt to negotiate win-win solutions.

4. Don’t be afraid to let people know if they’re acting inappropriately. Workplace bullying is much more common than we think; it can come in the form of expressing undo negativity toward another, intentionally excluding others from team activities, or ganging up on someone. It can also come in the form of domination by withholding information or not actively engaging and contributing to the work. It’s important to let people know when they act inappropriately, that it is unacceptable and won’t be tolerated. The emotional health and safety of an organization depends on direct and clear communication when someone has trespassed on a professional and/or personal boundary.

This week, try setting healthy boundaries with your team members. You’ll find that establishing boundaries and priorities go hand in hand because they both help manage interpersonal relationships in the workplace. Together they go a long way toward establishing productive work environments based on trust. Competent and credible leaders understand these principles and consistently model them for their staff.

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

* Special thanks to the Faculty and Staff Assistance Program at UCSF for most of the information in this challenge.

Good day, team,

Last week’s challenge was about wanting to accomplish something and having difficulty doing it. Whether it’s a long-term goal or a short- term task, sometimes we just get stuck.

I received many wonderful and helpful responses to my challenge. Here’s one from my friend Dan Meador, who I think offered some wonderful suggestions.

“After many years of working in technology and wanting to be an engineer, but not feeling like I had the qualifications, I’ve come to the conclusion that I am an engineer and always have been. More recently, I’ve discovered that I am also a man of faith. Although I grew up with religion, went to a religious school and as a child bought the package, I’ve long since recovered from that upbringing. Still, I can’t do anything significant without an unrealistic amount of faith.

When I find an interesting problem to solve or widget that I want to design and build, I come up with some fairly lofty vision of what the thing will be. I think of all the good it will do and how the world will be a far better place because of my efforts. I don’t typically think about how rich I’ll become because that doesn’t really matter as much to me as the good that will come from my efforts.

After I have become totally convinced that the widget will be the best thing on the planet, the point where you’ll notice I’ve suspended my disbelief, I put on my engineer’s thinking cap and start working through the issues to complete the task.

Invariably, I arrive at some intersection of insurmountable barriers and have to make a decision on whether to continue or stop. At this point I very objectively evaluate the odds of success associated with each option. If I stop, the odds of success are zero. If I continue, it’s easy to argue that the odds of success will be better.

This of course is not blind faith. I can actually calculate the odds of success, and besides, I must have had some good reason for launching the project in the first place.

Finally, it comes down to a simple observation. What else am I going to do with my time? Typically when I’m engaged in a project I don’t come up with other really bright ideas because I’m busy solving the problems with my current project. So if I didn’t continue, I’d be sitting around wondering what to do next.

Then some bright idea usually hits me about how to overcome the latest barrier, and I’m off again, making some progress toward the vision.

While I typically achieve what I set out to do, it is a rare event that the lofty ideas I had initially become reality. But my satisfaction that I completed the mission is fuel for the next effort, and I’ve learned to be generous with forgiveness for the difference.

I think your idea of putting your challenges into a book is a great idea, one that has occurred to me and many others, I’m sure. So go forth and put it together. Take the leap of faith into the abyss, and if the naysayers in your head get too noisy, turn the music up.”

Many thanks to Dan for his insights.

And, speaking of getting things accomplished, the coach will soon be turning this challenge into a blog so you can all see each other’s comments. They’re all so good I have to share them… so stay tuned!

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2009 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

Good day, team,

This week’s challenge is about a dilemma I’ve wrestled with for the past couple of years. I think it’s one that many people can relate to: wanting to do something and not being able to find the way to do it, to continue to stay motivated or to push yourself into a completely unknown area to get what you want.

I’ve been trying to put these coach’s challenges into a book for the past two years. I’ve written one each week since 2004, so somewhere in the neighborhood of 200+ challenges about a variety of subjects. But every time I try to get them published, many things get in my way, I lose momentum and yet another month goes by without any progress.

Maybe because I’m a coach I’ve been analyzing why I can’t seem to accomplish this project. Lots of other people publish books about all kinds of things and don’t seem to have a difficult time doing it. So where do I get stuck?

Recently, I realized that, underneath it all, I have a pretty negative attitude about self-help books and, in some ways, about the coaching profession. I walk into a book store and see all the “Chicken Soup for the Soul” type books, and they make me want to run out of the store as quickly as possible. I look at the e-mails I get from various coaching associations, federations and institutions I belong to, and the message is so often the same: “Live your best life,” “I have the secret to unlock your dreams,” or the one I saw last week “How to remember what you learned in kindergarten.” The last one made me laugh. A client once said to me, “I really don’t understand why I pay you money to remind me about what I learned in kindergarten.” Of course, if he remembered what he learned in kindergarten, I would not have to remind him, but that’s another story.

So what do you do when you love to write and, for whatever reason, this is the mode in which you express yourself, but you just can’t get it together to take a book project to completion? How do you get past the bad attitude and the cynical voice in your head that says, “Who really cares about all this stuff?” “Why would anybody be interested in reading it?”

Fortunately, I have lots of great clients and friends who encourage me to put these challenges in a book if for no other reason other than they would like them indexed by subject so they can go back and read the ones that might help them with a particular challenge they are facing. And, when I think about it, this is the whole reason I want to compile them in a book in the first place.

My good friend and sometimes coaching associate Kate Dwyer sent me this great comment by Eleanor Blumenberg, of Santa Monica, California, in reaction to a piece in the current N.Y. Times book review.

“I continue to be amazed at the number of advice books listed each week in the book review as best sellers. I have led a long, productive life based on only two pieces of advice, both of which I learned as a preschooler some 80 years ago. First, I try to play nicely with everybody; second, if I am crabby, I take a nap. What more does anyone need to know?”

At the end of the day, I happen to agree with Ms. Blumenberg. It doesn’t mean that I think the coaching profession is just a bunch of hooey; I’ve seen too many people derive great benefits from it. But there is a practical side of me that often feels we all talk too much, and if we could remember some basic principles with which to guide ourselves, our lives might be simpler.

So what’s the challenge this week? Frankly, I’m not too sure. Maybe it’s about aiming to accomplish one specific project, and, no matter how much self doubt you experience, continuing to strive for that goal. Perhaps it’s about challenging yourself to find the basic values that guide you day by day and to remind yourself of them more often. You choose this week, and let me know how it goes.

Have a good week,

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2009 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.