Pick Your Battles Wisely

 

This post is about picking your battles wisely and examining what you’re fighting for.

In our determination to prove ourselves “right,” we often lose our ability to see the big picture and in turn lose sight of our ultimate goal. That is, we may win the argument, but lose something more valuable in the meantime. I remember my high school debate coach saying that if you use all your energy to win one argument, you may run out of resources for the rest of the debate. It may also be the wrong argument to sacrifice to the competition and, in the end, you will have won the battle, but lost the war.

Each day at work, we face many challenges and opportunities with our fellow team members. We often agree on the ultimate goal but have completely different ideas about how to achieve it. We often find ourselves arguing about different ways to do things or become irritated because we think someone is doing something the wrong way. It’s our natural instinct to try to correct mistakes. This impulse leads us to compete or lobby for what we think is right. But do we consider the ultimate price we pay just to be right? Are we distancing ourselves from our team members as we try to prove something to others?

Try focusing on where you’re currently at odds with someone or something at work. Ask yourself these questions:

1.  What am I really fighting for?

2.  What am I trying to prove or win?

3.  How does this altercation relate to the overall goals we have for our team?

4.  If I win this battle, does it get me closer to achieving my ultimate aim?

5.  How can I think about this differently, so that my actions are more productive and less confrontational?

6.  What can I do to neutralize this situation rather than escalate it?

Depending on what your answers are, consider if the way you normally deal with disagreements with others is the best approach. Consider other ways that may be more beneficial in the long run. Sometimes restraining ourselves on matters we feel strongly about requires much more effort than allowing ourselves to fight for what we think is important. In the end, it’s the consistency of our efforts and desire to have the whole team succeed that wins the day!

 

Kathleen

 

Having the Tenacity to Keep Showing Up

 

Years ago I took a writing workshop with the poet and writer David Whyte. I remember him saying, “If you commit to being a writer, then you need to discipline yourself to write. Each morning, I return to my desk and writing pad. Sometimes I sit for an hour or so with nothing written on the page. Other times, I can’t write the words down fast enough. But what’s important is that I return each morning to write.”

His advice surprised me. How could that daily discipline exist in the same mind as the incredibly powerful images his poetry evoked?

I had thought of artists and poets as people who went though their lives waiting for a moment of inspiration to overtake them. Then they went into a frenzy in some cold, cramped, solitary space, drinking gallons of coffee and working feverishly late into the night with no regard for food or sleep so that their masterpiece could emerge before their inspiration was gone. It never occurred to me that they could apply the discipline of showing up each day to create with the same energy others would use to show up at a regular job.

Recently, I heard this same message while sitting in a large conference room surrounded by hundreds of bank employees. We were listening to a speaker who was the first woman at the bank to achieve the high position of executive vice president. She talked about what she had done over the years to succeed. What she said struck me powerfully:

“At the end of the day, the most important thing I’ve done in my 26 years with this organization is to keep showing up. When I worked as a teller, a supervisor, a manager, a vice president, a senior vice president and now as an executive vice president, each day, I just show up, sometimes without the slightest idea of what I’m doing or how I’ll get through the day.”

Although it came from two completely different sources, the advice is the same. And so each week I sit at my computer to write these posts, and sometimes the words come so quickly that my fingers can barely move fast enough to keep up with them. Other times, I sit and gaze out my office window at the brilliant coral leaf maple trees that show off their seasonal colors of brilliant greens in spring and summer, deep ochre and reds in autumn, and the delicate, woody, bare boughs of winter, waiting, waiting for the words to come.

I am often challenged to have the discipline to continue to show up in whatever work I do so that if the inspiration comes, I’m there to experience it.

Upon winning one of her many Wimbledon titles, the great tennis star Steffi Graf was asked, “What’s the most important thing you do to be such an excellent player?” Graf replied, “I practice. For as long as I can remember, I go out each morning and I practice. Some days I play reasonably well, and some days I can barely make the right shot. And then, on rare occasions, I just throw the ball up to serve, and something else takes over. I’m no longer in charge. Some energy takes over, and I watch myself, as if in slow motion, move in exactly the right way to hit the ball in the sweet spot, with the perfect swing. Then I watch the ball sail through the air and land in the perfect spot. In that moment, I know that every hour of practice has made that magical moment possible.”

It’s worth it to have the tenacity to keep practicing in whatever you’re doing.  I know if I keep writing in the hope that, one day, magic will take over and the perfect words will write themselves onto the page. I know I can’t make it happen, and I know I can’t hold onto it if and when it does. But I also know that if I don’t show up every day, I’ll miss it.

 

Kathleen

 

How To Help Your Organization Grow By Making Necessary Changes

 

This morning I read a quote from Charles Darwin on which I’d like to base this post:

“It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.”

I think it’s safe to say that I have seen more radical change happen to my business clients in the past five years than ever before. In some cases, they’ve had to completely change how they operate to stay in business. In others, they’ve had to downsize their workforce considerably or completely reorganize to meet the demands of their customers. And in some cases, they’ve gone out of business altogether.

This kind of radical change causes a natural response of fear and negativity. Most of us know that change can bring about many new opportunities. But, as creatures of habit, we loathe the actual experience when we’re going through it. The uncertainty as we cross into unknown territory can be paralyzing.

Because I’m often brought into organizations to help support them while they’re going through transitions, I admire what GE did years ago to teach its senior managers how to lead change via the Leadership, Innovation and Growth program it introduced in 2006.

GE’s CEO, Jeffrey Immelt, had decided to grow the company by focusing on expanding existing businesses rather than by making acquisitions. Thus his senior managers had to take a good look at their business segment to see what needed to change in order to grow. Here’s what they did:

* The LIG training was delivered to all the senior members of the business management team to give them an opportunity to reach consensus on the barriers to change and how best to attack them.

* Participants were encouraged to consider both the hard barriers to change (organizational structure, capabilities, resources) and the soft (how the leadership team members individually and collectively behave and spend their time).

* The challenge of balancing short-term and long-term goals, that is, simultaneously managing the present and creating the future, was explicitly addressed.

* They created a new and common language of change, words that became part of their daily vocabulary.

* The training was not an academic exercise: It was structured so that a team would emerge with the first draft of an action plan for instituting change in its business.

All participants accomplished three things before attending the training. They updated their three-year business strategy, or what they call their growth playbook. They underwent 360-degree reviews to get feedback about their behaviors and leadership abilities. And they were assessed as to how well they had created an innovative climate for their employees to be creative and evolve.

GE identified the following attributes of an innovative organization:

1) Team members feel connected to and challenged by their work; they are free and encouraged to try new approaches.

2) Team members feel safe sharing ideas and working with one another (trust).

3) Time is made to share new ideas.

4) Team members see their workplace as easy-going, fun and relaxed.

5) Conflict is seen as part of the reality of work, and team members are encouraged to deal with it openly and constructively.

6) Team members are encouraged to share ideas with each other.

7) There is healthy debate between team members.

8) Team members can made decisions and take action in the face of uncertainty (take risks).

In the training, GE’s senior management team spent a week doing in-depth reviews of each of their businesses, examining what they would need to change to become more profitable and how to become better leaders. They asked themselves questions that would help them reset the bar and start to coalesce around the changes that needed to be made: How do we stack up? Are we really as good as we think we are? Are we walking the talk? Are we leading this business the way we think it should be led in order to optimize growth?

As they worked together, GE’s leaders started changing their ideas, their attitudes, the way they saw their business units, and how they could lead further changes throughout their organizations. They started becoming who they needed to be to lead effective change throughout their teams.

Take a look at your team, your work group, your company. Are you being forced to make big changes throughout your business and, if so, how will you overcome the natural resistance to change by your team members? Take some of GE’s suggestions and see how you can apply them to your team.

After going through the training with his leaders and watching how it was implemented over the next two years, Immelt observed, “To pursue growth, you have to give some clear no’s and yes’es, and I would say that what we always struggle with—even at high levels in the company—is too many maybes. Decisiveness is one of the core traits of a growth culture.

“I still have to push, and I think that will always be true. But there are now more people pushing with me. When somebody asks me, ‘At your level of the company, what does a leader do?’ I always say, ‘Drive change and develop other leaders.’ Our training gave me a way to do both at the same time.”

Think about what you’re doing to get the most out of your business and your people. Chances are some changes need to be made, and your challenge is to find the best way to lead your team through them.

Kathleen

Some Good Quotations

 

This post is a collection of some of my favorite quotations.

Recently, I went through many of the bits and pieces of wisdom I’ve collected over the years and found a collection of great quotes. Here they are:

“The certain test of sanity is if you accept life whole, as it is.” Lao-Tzu

“By believing passionately in something that still does not exist, we create it. The non-existent is whatever we have not sufficiently desired.” Nikos Kazantzakis

“The winners of tomorrow will deal proactively with chaos, will look at the chaos per se as the source of market advantage, not as a problem to be gotten around.” Tom Peters

“The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes of mind.” William James

“If you’ve always done it that way, it’s probably wrong.” Charles Kettering

“Simplify and then go deeper, making a commitment to what remains.” Sue Bender

“Accumulating choices is a way of not having to make a choice.” Sue Bender

“When we are frantic and feel particularly rushed, we can stop and ask, “Rushing for what?” Sue Bender

“Work is love made visible.” Kahlil Gabran

“In the middle of the road of my life I awoke in the dark wood Where the true way was wholly lost.” Dante

“I’ve learned that the greater a person’s sense of guilt, the greater his need to cast blame on others.” 46 year old’s discovery

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” Ghandi

“Depending on the circumstances, You should be hard as a diamond, Flexible as a willow, Smooth-flowing like water or as empty as space.” Morihei Ueshiba

“Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.” Goethe

“Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both. ” Ben Franklin

“Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.” Anonymous

“Be what you is, cuz if you be what you ain’t, then you ain’t what you is.” Grave marker, Boothill Cemetary, Tombstone, Arizona

“An Amish woman told me, Making a batch of vegetable soup, it’s not right for the carrot to say “I taste better than the peas”, or the pea to say “I taste better than the cabbage”. It takes all the vegetables to make a good soup!” Sue Bender

“A problem cannot be solved at the level of consciousness in which it occurs.”Albert Einstein

“When, with breaking heart, I realize this world is only a dream, the oak tree looks radiant. Anryu Suharu

“Simply trust. Do not petals fall Just like that. Seiki

“It’s not about becoming more. It’s about allowing ourselves to be what we have already become.” Kathleen Doyle-White

“Women dress well in countries where they undress often.” French Proverb

Kathleen






		


		
	







	
	


		
Wild Geese and The Changes of Autumn

		
	


		

	


	
	


	


		

			
 


While out for my daily walk yesterday, I heard a seasonal sound. I looked up to the sky to see a flock of geese flying overhead.  Ah, I thought, autumn has arrived.  This is a favorite time of year for many of us.  I often have a sense of relief when autumn arrives. There’s a message within the season that tells me that the long days of sun filled activity are drawing to an end and I have permission to draw inside and to reflect upon all of this past summer’s activity.


In celebration of the season, I want to share one of my favorite poems with you.  It’s called “Wild Geese” and it’s written by Mary Oliver, one of our best contemporary American poets and winner of the Pulitzer Prize for her poetry.


*Wild Geese*


You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your knees

for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.

You only have to let the soft animal of your body

love what it loves.


Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.

Meanwhile the world goes on.

Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain

are moving across the landscapes,

over the prairies and the deep trees,

the mountains and the rivers.


Meanwhile the wild geese,

high in the clear blue air,

are heading home again.

Whoever you are,

no matter how lonely,

the world offers itself to your imagination,

calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting –

over and over announcing your place

in the family of things.


~ Mary Oliver


 


Kathleen


 

		


		
	







	
	


		
The Importance of Breathing Life Into Your Organization

		
	


		

	


	
	


	


		

			
 


In a recent coaching session this past week, one of my clients said, “I don’t see myself as a particularly spiritual person, but I’ve been working on changing my attitude. I’ve decided to choose to be more positive at work and to see people and difficulties in a more positive light. I think this will help me psychologically and spiritually at work.” I couldn’t agree with him more.


My client’s use of the word spiritual makes a lot of sense in this context. The word “spirit” derives from the Latin word “spirare,” meaning to breathe. So one interpretation of the word spirit is to breathe life into something. When we are inspired, we are likely to have more breath in us. For example, when we see something beautiful, we gasp and say “Ah, that’s so inspiring!” When people say, “It took my breath away,” what they actually mean is the inspiring event stopped them in their tracks and then filled their heart and lungs with energy.


The most inspiring leaders or managers are the ones who breathe life into their teams and projects. They do this by expressing their enthusiasm or confidence in the team, posing a difficult challenge, executing in a spectacular way, or just being particularly compassionate or appreciative toward the people they work with. These actions give their teams a boost and encourage them to re-engage.


An illustration of this subject came from a speech I heard once at the Women’s Center of Applied Leadership  in Portland. The title was,  “Work happy: Your success depends on it.” The speaker focused on three areas in her speech:


• Working with the attitude, outlook and mindset for success


• Framing difficulty in a positive light


• Building lasting relationships and connections in or work


In each of these areas, we see that there is a quality of possibility.  Part of the magic of seeing something in a positive light is that it opens us up to more abundance and inspiration. Defining what success looks like is one of the more important things a leader can do.  It gives people the clarity and direction they need to move forward.  And, building lasting relationships represents the heart and trust that all great teams need to work cohesively together.


One of my consistent aims in dealing with others is to assume positive intent. This tenant has helped me more than anything else to see people in a new way, regardless of what has happened in the past. Of course, the difficulty is that often our behaviors do not match our intentions, and in dealing with our own and other peoples’ behaviors, our greatest challenges arise.


Try choosing to be positive rather than negative about whatever you’re working on. There is always a silver lining in what appears to be an ominous cloud, and finding that brightness can inspire you in your own life and lift the lives of others.


Kathleen


 

		


		
	







	
	


		
Spending Our Time Wisely

		
	


		

	


	
	


	


		

			
This post is about the passage of time and how it impacts us.


Marcus Aurelius wrote, “Time is a sort of river of passing events, and strong is its current; no sooner is a thing brought to sight than it is swept by and another takes its place, and this too will be swept away.” I pondered this quote recently as I thought about our grandchildren and how they’ve grown.


I’ve noticed that people who raise children tend to have a better sense of the passage of time than people who don’t. Children change so fast and so drastically, from week to week when they’re infants, from month to month when they’re toddlers, from year to year in their first decade. In contrast, the passage of 10 years for someone without children may seem to be a time when he or she doesn’t seem to change very much. But growing children demand very different kinds of attention and care as each year goes by, and parents are continually amazed at how quickly they grow in such a short time.


The value of this observation for me is to see how much I’ve changed over the years and to not take it for granted. One of the blind spots in most human beings is our inability to observe ourselves. We look in the mirror and see the same person, day after day, year after year. Often it isn’t until you notice the first grey hairs, or see wrinkles that don’t go away, or take twice as long to heal from a cold, that you begin to realize you’re actually getting older! With this realization, there’s often the accompanying thought: “What have I done with my life? Have I been wasting my time? What happened to the last 10 years? They went by in a blink!”


It’s always a good exercise to take a long look at yourself and see how you’ve changed. Perhaps age has brought you more understanding, or a more even-tempered disposition, or some patience you didn’t have a few years back. Maybe you’re in a completely different job or family situation or residence than you were five years ago. How have you adapted to these changes over the years? I think it takes consistent effort and a positive attitude to make our way though this life with a small bit of success and happiness as the result. Taking all that for granted doesn’t give us the opportunity to clearly see what we have become.


We give value to the time we have by using it wisely, and we also give value to ourselves. I like to think of it as putting gold coins in jars. How many gold coins have I put in the family jar today? Or the job jar? Or the exercise jar? Or the television jar? Do I spend my time (my gold coins) wisely, or does time spend me? This week, I’m resolved to spend my time more wisely and not take the benefits of that good use for granted. George Matthew Adams wrote, “We cannot waste time. We can only waste ourselves.” See where your gold coins are spent this week and by week’s end, enjoy the benefits of your investment.


 


Kathleen


 

		


		
	







	
	


		
The Benefits of Acknowledgement

		
	


		

	


	
	


	


		

			
 


This post comes from my coaching associate Kate Dwyer. It’s about celebrating what you want to see more of.


Throughout the work week, we often witness each other making an effort that goes above and beyond the usual standard of a job description. It may be a small gesture (over in a heart beat) or it may be one of those bigger, more heroic gestures that makes that person’s day much more challenging. Regardless of the size of the effort, we see someone take an extra step or a giant step on behalf of the whole. Part of great leadership is noticing, and acknowledging.


We all have lots of good reasons we don’t give that most rare reward, acknowledgement. Perhaps we have a meeting to go to, or we don’t want a compliment to go to someone’s head. Maybe we’re concerned they won’t like being the center of attention, or we think they’re too busy right now. The bottom line we miss an opportunity to celebrate great work.


Try to aim for giving more mini doses of positive feedback right when you notice things, in the moment. Monthly one-on-ones,  annual reviews, scorecards or periodic evaluations are all valuable formats for giving organized feedback, but they’re not going to put the spring in our step that makes a work day fly by. What gives us that extra boost is knowing that the people we work with pay attention to what we do well. Acknowledging great work, however small, inspires ownership, quality, and endurance.


“Correction does much, but encouragement does more.” Johann Goethe


“Celebrate what you want to see more of.”  Thomas J Peters


 


Kathleen



		


		
	







	
	


		
Appreciating Just What You Have

		
	


		

	


	
	


	


		

			
 


This post is about appreciating our abundance.


Once on a business trip, I arrived at the Residence Inn where I was booked to stay for a few nights. Once I arrived,  I was informed that they were overbooked. I could tell that the clerk at the front desk was embarrassed as he handed me a letter stating that they were sorry about the inconvenience, but would pay for me to stay at another Marriott not far from their hotel.


I had already had a long day. It was 102 degrees outside, and I had just walked a fair distance with my briefcase and roller bag. As I walked back to my rental car, I thought, “Wait a minute, I don’t want to go to a different hotel.” I noticed the letter had been signed by the Residence Inn manager and included his phone number. I called him and asked, “What gives? I’m a Marriott Rewards member, and this has never happened to me before.” To his credit, he asked if I was still at the hotel and then came out to meet me, shook my hand and apologized.


After explaining why this had happened, he asked if he could give me 10,000 Marriott Rewards bonus points and pay for me to stay across the street at The Four Seasons. I was shocked. Having known The Four Seasons in San Francisco, I was amazed that I was being sent to a 5-star hotel for free and immediately said yes.


As I pulled up to The Four Seasons,  I saw a Rolls Royce and a Ferrari parked at the entrance. I suddenly wasn’t sure if I was going to be high falutin enough to stay here. But I parked my car and entered through the front sliding doors, immediately greeted by four doormen falling all over themselves to offer me assistance. When I went to the front desk and presented my letter from the manager of the Residence Inn requesting that they give me a room and breakfast at his expense, I was treated like a queen. It was as if they couldn’t do enough for me. After the desk clerk explained where the bar and restaurant were and gave me a full description of the hotel spa—”the largest hotel spa in California,” he said proudly—I wandered though the expansive lobby to the elevators and ascended to the right floor.


Upon entering my room, I was immediately impressed by the original art on the walls, comfy furniture, huge bed, marble floors, giant bathtub and double shower, phone in the loo, gorgeous silk drapery, and especially the quiet. It was oh, soooo quiet.


“I could get used to this,” I thought and immediately changed into my swimsuit so I could go for a dip in the pool. As I passed the mirrored doors on the closet, I caught a glimpse and realized that my faithful old Speedo was looking pretty ragged. Was it going to be good enough for the pool scene at The Four Seasons? Oh well, I thought. The body in the suit is pretty old and faithful too, and it’s probably not Four Seasons material either, but we’ve got what we’ve got and off I went.


I got lost trying to find the outdoor pool in the maze of the largest hotel spa in California, but when I got there, I was relieved to see only a half dozen people including two pool attendants. No one seemed to be interested in what I was doing or wearing, so I gleefully jumped into the pool, swam 10 glorious laps and plopped myself down on a lounge chair to take in the last rays of sun on a blazing hot day.


Lying there, I couldn’t help but overhear what the pool attendants were saying. “What a gig this is, man. We get paid to do almost nothing except set up lounge chairs with pillows and extra large towels for the guests, serve them drinks, and make sure they know where the bathrooms are. And there’s hardly anyone here, so it’s easy to just listen to spotify, or text my friends or hang out. Pretty cool!”


The other attendant replied, “Yeah, it’s a far cry from what’s happening in Gaza, I mean, there was this picture in the paper today of these people who were just on their knees praying that someone would give them some rice or anything to eat. And when I think of the food this hotel throws away every day, it seems crazy to me that some people have so much and some have so little.”


I pondered their comments and realized that something in me has never been comfortable with excess. I was certainly enjoying the lap of luxury I had been dropped into, but I also realized that I’m perfectly content with far less and in some ways, enjoy making the most of what I have. I feel very lucky about all the abundance in my life, and as much as I appreciate the finer things in life, I don’t really need them to feel content. In fact, I felt a little uncomfortable with all the excess I saw around me. I could also see that I had been given an opportunity to enjoy these finer things for one brief period of time, and I was grateful for it. Life bestows gifts upon us when we least expect them, and we ought to feel very grateful for them when they happen.


See where your life is abundant. Do you often wish that you had more? Do you feel that your life is more about scarcity rather than abundance? What are the little things in your life that make you really happy? Are you constantly striving for something better, something finer, something different? Are you grateful for what you have?


We do live in the richest country in the world, and there’s no doubt that we have more than most. But if we can’t appreciate what we have, then we live like emotional paupers. Craving is a sickness that breeds unhappiness and greed and can turn the most blessed person into a beggar.


There’s nothing sweeter than seeing someone appreciate just what they have. Consider that sweetness and try experiencing some of it.


 


Kathleen



		


		
	







	
	


		
8/23/10 “Blame”

		
	


		

	


	
	


	


		

			
Good Day Team,


The subject of this week’s challenge is “blame”. As you may  remember, I have sent this challenge out about every six months since I started writing the challenge.  Blaming others is so prevalent that I find it useful to remind myself  and others what a waste of time and energy it is.


The definition of  blame is,  an expression of disapproval or reproach.  It usually  involves one person disapproving of what another person is saying or  doing. Blame often goes beyond the disapproval stage and becomes a  judgment or opinion on the part of the person who is blaming. It is then  left to the person being blamed to respond in some way. Their response  is often negative, since  none of us enjoy being disapproved  of or being seen as having done something wrong.


In “The Four Agreements” , Don Miguel Ruiz, the author, has a  wonderful way of addressing blame. He writes, ‘the biggest assumption  that humans make is that everyone sees life the way we do. We assume  that others think the way we think, feel the way we feel, judge the way  we judge, and abuse the way we abuse. We are afraid to be ourselves  around others because we think others will judge us, victimize us, abuse  us, and blame us as we do ourselves.”


We can see that blame arises when we take things personally and then  make assumptions about others. This week, try seeing blame when it arises in you  and then try not to project it out onto others. When we realize that  nothing good comes from blame and that no one, including ourselves,  enjoys the experience, we can have an incentive to catch  blame and stop it before it becomes our reality.


“People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I  don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are  they who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they  can’t find them, make them.”  George Bernard Shaw


Have a great week!


Kathleen


Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

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