Author: Kathleen Doyle-White

9/27/10 “Wild Geese”

Good day, team,

While out for my daily walk yesterday, I heard a seasonal sound. I looked up to the sky to see a flock of geese flying overhead. Ah, I thought, autumn has arrived. This is a favorite time of year for many of us. I often have a sense of relief when autumn arrives. There’s a message within the season that tells me that the long days of sun filled activity are drawing to an end and I have permission to draw inside and to reflect upon all of this past summer’s activity.

I must admit, I’m like a bear. The desire to hibernate for a long season seems very appealing to me. Winter is around the corner and maybe this year I’ll have a chance to burrow into my den, snuggle up next to my papa bear, and have a nice long sleep!

In celebration of the season, I want to share one of my favorite poems with you. It’s called “Wild Geese” and it’s written by Mary Oliver, one of our best contemporary American poets and winner of the Pulitzer Prize for her poetry. This week’s challenge is in any part of this poem that speaks to you.

*Wild Geese*

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.

Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.

Meanwhile the wild geese,
high in the clear blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are,
no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting –
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

~ Mary Oliver

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White

Pathfinders Coaching (503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2010 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

9/20/10 “Spirit”

Good day, team,

This week, I’ve received two messages that reinforce each other, one from a client and one from a speaker whose lecture I hope to attend.

In our coaching session this past week, one of my clients said, “I don’t see myself as a particularly spiritual person, but I’ve been working on changing my attitude. I’ve decided to choose to be more positive at work and to see people and difficulties in a more positive light. I think this will help me psychologically and spiritually at work.” I couldn’t agree with him more.

My client’s use of the word spiritual makes a lot of sense in this context. The word “spirit” derives from the Latin word “spirare,” meaning to breathe. So one interpretation of the word spirit is to breathe life into something. When we are inspired, we are likely to have more breath in us. For example, when we see something beautiful, we gasp and say “Ah, that’s so inspiring!” When people say, “It took my breath away,” what they actually mean is the inspiring event stopped them in their tracks and then filled their heart and lungs with energy.

The most inspiring leaders or managers are the ones who breathe life into their teams and projects. They do this by expressing their enthusiasm or confidence in the team, posing a difficult challenge, executing in a spectacular way, or just being particularly compassionate or appreciative toward the people they work with. These actions give their teams a boost and encourage them to re-engage.

I found the other message in an announcement about an upcoming speech by Ellen Raim for the Women’s Center of Applied Leadership here in Portland: “Work happy: Your success depends on it.” She’ll focus on three areas in her speech:

• Working with the attitude, outlook and mindset for success

• Framing difficulty in a positive light

• Building lasting relationships and connections in the office

Again, I see a similar message: choosing to be happy and framing difficulty in a positive light. One of my consistent aims in dealing with others is to assume positive intent. This tenant has helped me more than anything else to see people in a new way, regardless of what has happened in the past. Of course, the difficulty is that often our behaviors do not match our intentions, and in dealing with our own and other peoples’ behaviors, our greatest challenges arise.

This week, try choosing to be positive rather than negative about whatever you’re working on. There is always a silver lining in what appears to be an ominous cloud, and finding that brightness can inspire you in your own life and lift the lives of others.

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White

Pathfinders Coaching

(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2010 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

Coach’s challenge for 9/13/10 “Time”

Good day, team,

As I sat gazing out the window this morning, coffee in hand, I noticed the twins who live across the street heading out for their first day of school. When we moved into this house seven years ago, these girls were toddlers. Now, here they were, looking so grown up, one dressed in a cute plaid skirt, knee highs and sneakers (do we still call them that?), the other in jeans, bright pink boots and a jacket that had a big “C” sewn on the back. (The “C” stands for Cordelia, and her twin’s name is Hortense. Unusual names, but, I think, very distinguished!) How happy and hopeful they looked as they moved forward toward another year of experiences, friends, learning and activities!

What struck me most as they passed by my window was the passage of time, which is the subject of this week’s challenge. Marcus Aurelius wrote, “Time is a sort of river of passing events, and strong is its current; no sooner is a thing brought to sight than it is swept by and another takes its place, and this too will be swept away.” I pondered this quote as I watched the twins walk to the bus on the corner. In seven years, these two have grown up to be young girls; where have I been all of this time?

I’ve noticed that people who raise children tend to have a better sense of the passage of time than people who don’t. Children change so fast and so drastically, from week to week when they’re infants, from month to month when they’re toddlers, from year to year in their first decade. In contrast, the passage of 10 years for someone without children may seem to be a time when he or she doesn’t seem to change very much. But growing children demand very different kinds of attention and care as each year goes by, and parents are continually amazed at how quickly they grow in such a short time.

The value of this observation for me is to see how much I’ve changed over the years and to not take it for granted. One of the blind spots in most human beings is our inability to observe ourselves. We look in the mirror and see the same person, day after day, year after year. Often it isn’t until you notice the first grey hairs, or see wrinkles that don’t go away, or take twice as long to heal from a cold, that you begin to realize you’re actually getting older! With this realization, there’s often the accompanying thought: “What have I done with my life? Have I been wasting my time? What happened to the last 10 years? They went by in a blink!”

This week, take a good, long look at yourself and see how you’ve changed. Perhaps age has brought you more understanding, or a more even-tempered disposition, or some patience you didn’t have a few years back. Maybe you’re in a completely different job or family situation or residence than you were five years ago. How have you adapted to these changes over the years? I think it takes consistent effort and a positive attitude to make our way though this life with a small bit of success and happiness as the result. Taking all that for granted doesn’t give us the opportunity to clearly see what we have become.

We give value to the time we have by using it wisely, and we also give value to ourselves. I like to think of it as putting gold coins in jars. How many gold coins have I put in the family jar today? Or the job jar? Or the exercise jar? Or the television jar? Do I spend my time (my gold coins) wisely, or does time spend me? This week, I’m resolved to spend my time more wisely and not take the benefits of that good use for granted. George Matthew Adams wrote, “We cannot waste time. We can only waste ourselves.” See where your gold coins are spent this week and by week’s end, enjoy the benefits of your investment.

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White

Pathfinders Coaching (503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2010 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

9/6/10 “Acknowledgement”

Good day team,

In pursuing the challenge archives this past week, I found one written in October of
2004 by my sometimes associate and coach extraordinaire, Kate Dwyer. Here it is:

This week’s coach’s challenge is to “celebrate what you want to see more
of”. Throughout the work week, we often witness each other making an effort that
goes above and beyond the usual standard of a job description. It may be
a small gesture (over in a heart beat) or it may be one of those bigger,
more heroic gestures that makes that person’s day much more challenging. Regardless
of the size of the effort, we see someone take an extra step or a giant step
on behalf of the whole. Part of great leadership is noticing, and acknowledging.

We all have lots of good reasons we don’t give that most rare reward, acknowledgement.
Perhaps we have a meeting to go to, or we don’t want a compliment to go to
someone’s head. Maybe we’re concerned they won’t like being the center of attention,
or we think they’re too busy right now. The bottom line is we miss an opportunity
to celebrate great work.

This week, aim for giving more mini doses of positive feedback right when you notice
things, in the moment. Monthly one-on-ones, annual reviews, scorecards or
periodic evaluations are all valuable formats for giving organized feedback,
but they’re not going to put the spring in our step that makes a work day
fly by. What gives us that extra boost is knowing that the people we work
with pay attention to what we do well. Acknowledging great work, however
small, inspires ownership, quality, and endurance.

“Correction does much, but encouragement does more.” Johann Goethe

“Celebrate what you want to see more of.” Thomas J Peters

Have a good week-

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2010 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights
reserved.

8/23/10 “Blame”

Good Day Team,

The subject of this week’s challenge is “blame”. As you may remember, I have sent this challenge out about every six months since I started writing the challenge. Blaming others is so prevalent that I find it useful to remind myself and others what a waste of time and energy it is.

The definition of blame is, an expression of disapproval or reproach. It usually involves one person disapproving of what another person is saying or doing. Blame often goes beyond the disapproval stage and becomes a judgment or opinion on the part of the person who is blaming. It is then left to the person being blamed to respond in some way. Their response is often negative, since none of us enjoy being disapproved of or being seen as having done something wrong.

In “The Four Agreements” , Don Miguel Ruiz, the author, has a wonderful way of addressing blame. He writes, ‘the biggest assumption that humans make is that everyone sees life the way we do. We assume that others think the way we think, feel the way we feel, judge the way we judge, and abuse the way we abuse. We are afraid to be ourselves around others because we think others will judge us, victimize us, abuse us, and blame us as we do ourselves.”

We can see that blame arises when we take things personally and then make assumptions about others. This week, try seeing blame when it arises in you and then try not to project it out onto others. When we realize that nothing good comes from blame and that no one, including ourselves, enjoys the experience, we can have an incentive to catch blame and stop it before it becomes our reality.

“People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are they who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can’t find them, make them.” George Bernard Shaw

Have a great week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2010 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights
reserved.

8/16/10 “Wisdom”

Good day, team,

This week’s challenge comes from a graduation card that I saw in a store today. It’s such good advice, I thought I’d share it.

Wisdom for a Good Life:

As you
go out
to remake
the world,
I offer
the following
bits of wisdom—
keep learning,
stay awake
to amazement,
be kind
rather
than right.
And remember,
while you
might not
agree
with this now,
being loved
is
better
than being
rich.

—Lisa Rice Wheeler

Have a good week!

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2010 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.

8/9/10 “Learning”

Good day, team,

This week’s challenge is about learning and appreciating the variety

of ways people learn and understand things.

Last week, my husband sent me this paragraph from a great article he

read that touches on this subject. It’s by Pete Warden @typepad.com

from his article “Harness the Power of Being an Idiot”:

“I learn by trying to build something; there’s no other way I can

discover the devils-in-the-details. Unfortunately that’s an incredibly

inefficient way to gain knowledge. I basically wander around stepping on

every rake in the grass, while the A students memorize someone else’s

route and carefully pick their way across the lawn without incident. My

only saving graces are that every now and again I discover a better

path, and, faced with a completely new lawn, I have an instinct for where

the rakes are.”

I find that I learn in much the same way. I recall my high school algebra teacher,

Mr. Johnson, trying to explain the concept of A + B = C to me without success.

He finally sat me down at a desk with 3 different sized boxes and encouraged me

to move them around and assign different values to them. Only then did I begin

to understand the concept.

If Mr. Johnson hadn’t taken the time to try to discover how I learn, I might have

failed my course. And, more importantly, I might never have discovered

how I learn. It’s a real eye-opener to realize that not everyone learns in

the same way. I have had clients, for example, who have suffered from dyslexia

or some other learning disability, and because the way they learn is not readily

accepted, they struggle for many years in school. Making the discovery of

how they learn and adjusting the way they take in information is very liberating

for them.

There’s no doubt that the best computer applications are written by

software designers who take the time to understand how their users learn and

experience their products. Don’t we all want technology that easy to understand

and use?

Your challenge this week is to think about how you and others learn. Do you

take in information and easily find ways to apply it without a lot of show and

tell? Maybe you learn by participation like I do: I have to be

actively involved with the thing I’m learning or participating with

others in an active exchange of ideas to increase my understanding.

Some people memorize information easily and can immediately come up with

the right answers from their vast storehouse of facts and figures.

They learn by lots of input and can often recall all that information at

a moment’s notice. And then there are people who learn things through

their senses and experience the world through sight, sound and touch.

Take a master cooking class sometime, and you’ll discover what I mean.

Most master chefs don’t measure, and they don’t read recipes: They cook

by taste and feel.

If you’re trying to explain something to other people, don’t be afraid to ask

them if they understand you. And don’t be surprised if they take in the same

information in a completely different way. There are as many ways to learn

as there are ideas, and no one way is better than another. Assuming that

we all learn in a similar fashion is one of the unfortunate characteristics of

most educational systems, and when you find a teacher or manager who takes

the time to help you discover how you like to learn, a whole new world opens

up to you.

This week, try exploring how we learn. You might just learn something new!

Have a good week,

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White

Pathfinders Coaching

(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2010 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights

reserved.

8/2/10 “Negativity”

Good day, team,

This week’s challenge is about resisting the power of negativity.

Over the past few months, I have noticed how difficult it is to stay positive in the midst of negativity. There are certainly a myriad of daunting circumstances: natural or man-made disasters, e.g., Haiti’s devastation and the BP oil spill; the almost complete collapse of our monetary system and the resulting recession or depression; the incessant arguing that goes on among our politicians, and the high unemployment rate. Wherever we look, there seems to be plenty to complain about.

Becoming part of the negativity—blaming, arguing and acting out in ways that do not serve ourselves or others—is not the answer. But there are times lately when I feel as though Darth Vader is invading my space: I can hear his heavy breathing next to me; I’m being lured to come over to the dark side.

These are challenging moments. There are times when I want badly to agree with a client who says, “My job sucks, no one appreciates me, and my boss is a loser.” And yet I know that the boss isn’t really a loser. Maybe he or she just did something badly or took a course of action my client didn’t agree with. Whatever the case, the negative attitude that my client holds is certainly not helping, but in the moment of frustration, something in me understands and wants to go along with it.

And therein lies much of the challenge that comes with being a coach. It’s not my job to agree or disagree with my clients, but to help them look at situations from another point of view, so they can see that their boss didn’t wake up that morning deciding to make a mistake, much less intending for things to go awry.

Perhaps because the media focuses so much on what’s wrong in the world, it’s harder to believe that almost all humans want good things for themselves and others. If we sat around the campfire every evening and shared stories about how people had done incredibly beautiful and brilliant things for each other rather than watching the nightly news report or reading the latest news blog, we might find it easier to assume positive intent.

At the heart of this discussion is the matter of trust: trust in others, trust in the universe, trust in your fate. And maybe the reason we’re seeing this pervasive negativity is because, for many people on the planet, it’s a hard time to trust. Somehow, the rules changed in the past decade, and we’re not at all sure what’s at the end of the rainbow anymore. If it is a pot of gold, we’re not even sure what that gold will be worth when we find it.

Many of the things we thought we were moving toward don’t seem to be possible anymore, or if they are possible, they don’t look so attractive. It used to be that owning a home, having a good job and raising a family were considered the keys to happiness. Now, experiencing home foreclosures, the instability of any corporation and the jobs it creates or reduces, and the enormous cost of raising children and their education, many people are not so sure whether these are still the fixtures of the good life.

So here’s your challenge this week. Realize that negativity, doubt and lack of trust are extremely powerful. Resolve not to feed them. When you find yourself suspecting another person’s intentions, try seeing that person from a different point of view. If you have your suspicions, try not to share them with others. Negativity is contagious, and one doubtful thought can infect an entire team, even an entire organization.

Think of all the times you’ve had the best of intentions, yet could not control the outcome, and in the end things went wrong. Remember what it was like when a friend who saw you go through this failure forgave you and had faith in you the next time you tried to get it right. Find that place within you that knows how little control we actually have over external circumstances. Give others the benefit of the doubt and be willing to respect them. That’s what the word really means: To re (do again) spect (from the same root as “spectacle,” to see) implies the willingness to see someone again, and hopefully in a new light.

I am encouraged knowing that we move into the light by being more truthful and transparent. Frankly, I would rather be holding my light saber up to Darth Vader than acting as though he doesn’t exist. I also know that I hold all colors of the rainbow within me, whether they be in light or shadow. Appreciating them in myself and others: Aye, that’s the challenge!

Have a good week,

Kathleen

Kathleen Doyle-White
Pathfinders Coaching
(503) 296-9249

© Copyright 2010 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search, Inc., all rights reserved.