This post focuses on respecting ourselves and others. The definition of respect reads, “esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability; I have great respect for her judgment.” I happen to like the Latin verb for respect which is ‘respicere’ which means to look back at, to look again, having regard for someone to see them again.
One way that we show respect for others is to be willing to see them in a new way. We can also do this for ourselves. When you observe negative self judgment, try to see yourself differently, or from a different perspective. For example, maybe you didn’t perform as well as you would have liked in your last meeting with someone, but consider respecting yourself for trying to do your best.
We often experience a lack of self-worth. In my many years of coaching, this inner story that we are not enough, or that we are pretending at what we’re doing is often called imposter syndrome. This is a psychological pattern where we doubt our skills, talents, or other accomplishments and have a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a ‘fraud’ despite evidence of our competence. It is highly destructive if not explored and replaced by healthy attitudes towards ourselves and our abilities.
One way to counter imposter syndrome is to ask your co-workers or family members what they appreciate about you and to write them down so you can remind yourself. It’s often hard to do but it’s enormously helpful to discover how others see us in a positive light. This can directly counteract the negative opinions that imposter syndrome continues to tell us.
I often find that the people who experience the greatest lack of self-worth are the most judgmental of others. This is a phenomenon known as projection – we project out onto others what we experience internally about ourselves. Finding ways to heal and resolve our lack of self-worth is the beginning of feeling genuine respect for ourselves and others.
There’s no doubt that respecting others is a daily challenge. We are often quick to judge and find ourselves unable to change our viewpoint. Appreciating others for their differences rather than expecting them to think or act like we do, gives us a great opportunity to respect them.
We all embody human characteristics and qualities of great value. Our ability “to see” this value in ourselves and others is our challenge.
Kathleen