You would think that because human beings are first and foremost adaptable, we would be able to embrace change when it happens in our lives. But, it often evokes an immediate response of fear which paralyzes us and prevents us from moving forward. The real opportunity seems to be in summoning up the determination we need to see all change as an opportunity rather than an impediment or loss.
Over the years, many of my clients have endured huge changes in their jobs, their families, their marital status, their family ties and their health status. It astonishes me when I think about all of their stories and how fearful they were when they came to work with me. But I continue to be amazed at the magic and grace life bestows upon people who overcome the fear of change by mustering the courage and forbearance to deal with it. It is a spiritual experience for me to watch a person engage in the change that’s happening rather than resisting it.
In the first few months of the Civil War, when President Lincoln realized he could do nothing to prevent it, he willed himself to think of what good might possibly come from the altercation. Certainly, freeing the slaves was one of the great outcomes. It’s possible that the Emancipation Proclamation could have been written under different circumstances, but the war was the circumstance Lincoln found himself in, and by fully dealing with it, positive changes came about that resulted in great benefits.
Here’s a good exercise in dealing with fear of change. Choose an area where you see change happening in your life and try engaging in it rather than resisting it. Take the energy that fear produces in your body and your heart and use it to serve you rather than wreck you. Ask others to help if need be. Sometimes I ask my husband how he would handle a particular change. He always has a different viewpoint that helps me expand my thinking and gives me new ways to approach something. Sometimes I use what I call the bottom-line trick: Ask yourself, “What’s the worst that can happen?”
If I lose my job, will I starve to death? If my marriage falls apart, will I ever find love again? If my house forecloses, will I have a place to live? By thinking through the worst scenario, we often find the strength we need to move forward to an unknown place. It may be bad, but it will still be possible to navigate some way through.
Some good always comes from even dire circumstances, although it may be very hard for us to see it.
One of my favorite quotes about change comes from Charles L. Morgan:
“The art of living does not consist in preserving and clinging to a particular mood of happiness, but in allowing happiness to change its form without being disappointed by the change, for happiness, like a child, must be allowed to grow up.”
Kathleen