Category: Coach’s Challenge

12/11/11 “Season of Renewal”

Good day, team.

Outside my window this morning, the gray skies hang heavy over leafless trees. Frost clings to my unhappy rose bush, and I feel a cold draft seeping through the window frame. Why, when everything else has gone underground to sleep, do we continue to be as active as ever? If it were April and the days were becoming warmer and all the trees and plants were in bud, I could understand it. But now?

As I page through my calendar for the next two weeks, I realize how busy I am during the holiday season. There is something strange about working hard this time of year. I often think the month between Thanksgiving and Christmas should be one of rest rather than work. However, like everyone else, I seem to be scurrying around trying to get stuff done before year-end.

Somewhere along the line, we human beings created a world in which we don’t have to pay much attention to the seasons. We stay warm in winter, cool in summer, and at least on the west coast, we can buy any kind of vegetable or fruit we want all year long. Believe me, I’m as grateful for these conveniences as anyone but I’m also aware that because of them, we keep up the same busy pace pretty much all year long, with an occasional few weeks of vacation here and there.

Winter is actually a time of renewal. It’s the time when nature draws its energy underground to rest. People who live in more primitive settings live inside and rely on what they’ve harvested and stored to nourish them through the winter months. Animals acknowledge the shorter days and sleep more. I find myself going to bed much earlier in winter. Who needs to stay awake after 9 p.m. when it’s already been dark for four hours?

Here are some thoughts from educator and writer Margaret Wheatley, who contributed to the book, “Leadership and the New Science.” In these writings, she acknowledges this time of renewal as it relates to business.

“Renewal most naturally occurs in late fall and winter when the leaves are off the trees and life appears still. Renewal is the time to remember our true nature. How do we do that? We remember who we are by becoming silent witnesses, by being instead of acting. Renewal is a time to be a human be-ing. If vision is the in breath and action is the out breath, then renewal is the space between the breaths. Renewal is the time to let go and to make space for a new or refreshed vision to emerge, so that the cycle may begin again. Renewal is called for when our vision is no longer assuring or our actions aren’t in alignment with our vision. Renewal is the time to assess our work in its own context as well as in the context of our lives and purpose. Renewal asks, ‘What really matters now?’ and is the time to tell the truth and to ask questions rather than to give answers. Answers encourage blinders: Questions open us up, free and empower us.

“Renewal is a time to tell the truth about what is so, and then to face that truth. It is the time to heal our selves, to remember who we are. And when we remember who we are, we bring our authentic selves forward.

“Renewal is a time to surrender what is no longer useful. There is often an aspect of death in renewal, as letting go may require the end of a way of thinking or operating, the end of a product line, closing down a factory, letting go of a dream. The very act of renewal is a surrender of doing.

“Once we let go, we often experience a sense of release and new energy. We also experience a sense of spaciousness. The often irresistible temptation is to fill that space immediately, as not knowing may be very uncomfortable. This space is best used as a time of questioning and allowing. This space may last a moment, a week, or several months or more in time. This space is the rich, fertile ground out of which true vision emerges.”

Give yourself permission to embrace this season of renewal by finding ways to rejuvenate your inner resources. The first of the year will be here before we know it, and then spring will be right around the corner. Now is the time to restore some of your vital energy to be able to approach the new year and coming spring with vigor and a new attitude.

Have a good week!

Kathleen

© Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.

12/4/11 “Inner Wisdom”

Good day, team.

This week’s challenge is about inner wisdom. After a week in silence at a meditation retreat, I had an opportunity to get quiet enough to hear my inner wisdom. Frankly, I had forgotten just how quiet you need to get to hear it. It’s not just an opportunity for external sounds to dissipate, but also for the internal voices of the mind, heart and body to begin to quiet down so that you hear that quiet voice within.

This inner wisdom has many labels. Some people call it conscience or intuition or a sense about something. Whatever we call it, we all seem to know what it is — that inner voice that quietly says what we know is true. So, as the mind continues to analyze this solution or that, or strategize about the next best move, that quiet voice simply makes a statement that our inner awareness recognizes.

Here’s a good example. Years ago when I changed careers, I remember distinctly hearing that inner, quiet voice continuing to give me the same message. I had been recruiting for 20 years and I was successful, at least in terms of having plenty of business and making good money. But when I got very quiet and really asked myself what was true, that inner voice told me it was time to move on. In looking at it, I realized that I didn’t find recruiting very satisfying. So I hired a coach to help me determine what might be a better career path for me. My coach was very helpful. She encouraged me to explore lots of different possibilities and to continue to listen to that quiet voice within. But that voice wasn’t telling me what profession was right for me, it was just telling me it was time to move on. Of course, my mind went into overdrive because it desperately wanted an answer right away, but my inner voice told me to be patient, that when the time was right, the opportunity would show itself to me.

As time passed, I found myself resting in the question. Instead of trying to force an answer, I continued to question and inquire. Eventually, it became clear that I wanted to become a coach. As I explored training options and figured out how to become a coach, things just fell into place. Movement from recruiting to coaching took place naturally.

This is one of the characteristics of inner wisdom: It isn’t forced. The Roman lyric poet Horace wrote, “Force without wisdom falls of its own weight.” As the mind and heart struggle to figure something out and we push or pull to make things happen, the entire experience becomes heavier and harder to do, and we often get farther away from what’s actually true for us. Conversely, that quiet voice has the energy of acceptance and spaciousness about it; it’s as light as a feather but as sure as anything can ever be.

Another aspect of inner wisdom is that like an ability or a muscle, hearing your inner wisdom actually strengthens it. I find that when I make the time to be quiet with myself each day, that inner voice is more accessible. It’s not that it’s louder; it’s just easier for me to hear.

This week, spend some quiet time with yourself. Try sitting quietly for 10 minutes doing nothing. Experience sitting still and quieting the mind by not attaching to any thought as it comes up. Thoughts do come and go, but they only stick around when we get stuck to them. Emotions come up and seemingly overtake us, but if we don’t continue to feed them with our thoughts, they also pass away. Sensations come and go as we continue to sit and be quiet. At some point, you may hear that voice within arising from some deep part of you. It often sounds to me like a pebble that’s been dropped into a well. You drop the pebble and wait in quiet stillness until you hear the pebble hit the water deep down at the bottom of the well. You know that eventually the pebble will hit the water, but you don’t know exactly when and you must be very quiet to hear it. When it does, you’re always a little surprised and yet you knew all along what it would sound like.

Be quiet for a time each day and listen. There’s a wealth of truth and understanding that each of us carries within the deepest part of our being. It doesn’t make a lot of noise and it doesn’t demand to be heard or understood — it just is. Try being silent enough to hear it.

Walt Whitman wrote, “Wisdom is not finally tested in the schools, Wisdom cannot be pass’d from one having it to another not having it, Wisdom is of the soul, is not susceptible of proof, is its own proof.”

Have a good week,

Kathleen

© Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.

11/20/11 “Leadership”

Good day, team.

I’m often asked by clients what the difference is between managing and leading others. There’s an assumption that people who manage others are automatically leaders. However, if we look at the definition of the words, we see that they are actually quite different. A simple definition of “lead” is “to go before or with to show the way.” The definition of “manage” is “to bring about or succeed in accomplishing something.”

In doing research about the differences between managers and leaders, I’ve found lots of information about how to become a good manager. But when it comes to defining great leaders, the information is less about what they do and more about who they are and how they impact others. As one of my clients said, “Good managers get it done. Great leaders inspire others to get it done.” Indeed, all the great leaders I’ve known inspire and motivate people. But there’s still much more to being a great leader.

Here’s my description of what leaders do:

Great leaders move people and events forward. They inspire others to commit and engage. They reflect their personal passion for achieving the best for themselves and everyone around them. They are not afraid to be vulnerable and courageous at the same time. Their presence is powerful because it is authentic. Wisdom, compassion and making a positive difference in the lives of others becomes their legacy. Here are the four essential practices of leaders:

Shape Strategic Thinking
Inspire a sense of purpose and direction
Focus strategically — on the big picture
Harness information and opportunities
Show judgment, intelligence and common sense

Cultivate Productive Relationships
Nurture internal and external relationships
Facilitate cooperation and partnerships
Value individual differences and diversity
Guide, mentor and develop people
Listen, understand and adapt to your audience

Engage and Align
Build organizational capability and responsiveness
Steer and implement change, and deal with uncertainty
Build on and champion individual and collective expertise
Ensure closure and deliver on intended results

Lead by Example
Do what you say; say what you do
Engage with risk and show personal courage
Commit to action and display resilience
Tell the truth and communicate with clarity
Demonstrate self awareness and a commitment to personal development

If you are in a leadership position, your challenge this week is to ask yourself which parts of this description align with how you lead and which parts do you ignore. Perhaps you already do what you say and say what you do, but you have trouble engaging in risk and showing personal courage. Maybe you enjoy mentoring others but have trouble cultivating external relationships. Be honest with yourself when you do your assessment.

If you aren’t currently in a leadership role but aspire to becoming more of a leader, take a look at the description to see what you might need to cultivate in yourself. Consider the differences between managing and leading, and think about these roles in terms of your own strengths and capabilities.

Perhaps your working as an individual contributor. Think about what kind of person you would wish to follow as your leader. Do they exhibit the kinds of characteristics mentioned above? Who would you want to lead your team, your project, your country?

In closing, here are two of my favorite quotes about managing and leading:

“Management is getting work done through others. Leadership is taking people where they haven’t been but need to go.” — Don Roberts, Human Capital Advisory Services, Deloitte and Touche

“Management is the delusion that you can change people. Leadership is deluding other people instead of deluding yourself.” — Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle

Have a good week,

Kathleen

PLEASE NOTE: The coach will be on vacation from 11/24 to 12/3. The next challenge will be published on Dec. 4, 2011. Happy Thanksgiving!

11/13/11 “What do they think about me?”

Good day, team.

In my coaching practice, I often see patterns or trends among my clients in terms of the difficulties they are experiencing. For example, in the past month, many of my clients have become focused on what others think or feel about them.

Overall, I’ve observed that we all spend far too much time wondering what others think of us. No matter how certain I think I am about what others think of me, I can never truly know without asking. And often, when I do ask, I end up being wrong. In fact, I often discover that the other person isn’t thinking about me at all but rather judging themselves in some way. Ironically, most people are doing the same thing: spending too much time and energy worrying about what others think.

Here’s a good example. Last year, one of my clients worked for someone she was convinced didn’t like her. She complained to me that others in the department got special treatment from the boss. She was jealous that he spent time mentoring others and felt he never spent quality time with her. She worried that her boss would give her a poor performance review. She became so convinced he had something against her that she began to fear every meeting she had with him. And she began telling others in the company that she was sure he was out to get her and that, eventually, he would fire her.

This scenario may sound paranoid, but many people experience these kinds of thoughts and feelings about a boss, a relative, an old friend who no longer makes contact, or even a current friend who they are convinced no longer approves of or likes them.

I suggested to my client that perhaps she should meet with her boss and express her true thoughts and feelings. My idea was to let him know that she understood her feelings might not be true, but that she would at least like to own them and clear the air. In exploring this idea, she admitted that what frightened her the most was allowing herself to be vulnerable with her boss. She worried that he could then really hurt her. I asked if going through her current amount of suffering was better or worse than the kind of conversation she and her boss might be able to have if she told him about her feelings. She went away pondering the question.

In the course of our work together, I began to see that by being so frightened of her boss, my client was actually beginning to attract the very thing she most feared — that he would fire her. One day, I received an email from her boss asking if we could meet. He expressed concerns about my client and couldn’t figure out what was wrong. He observed that she often acted strangely around him. In their one-on-one meetings, she couldn’t make eye contact with him and would be in tears if he pointed out areas for improvement. When he did compliment her on a job well done, she brushed if off and said, “Well, that’s just part of my job, isn’t it?” He was particularly concerned about the effect she had on the rest of the team and felt that she might be spreading rumors about him that weren’t true. One of his other employees had come to him and told him that my client obviously didn’t respect him because she often complained about how hard he was to work for. He was beginning to think that perhaps she wasn’t the right fit for the job and the department.

Of course, the boss was struggling to figure this dynamic out and spent a lot of time analyzing each interaction with her. What was he doing wrong? Had he given her too much to do? Was she unstable and did his behavior provoke an emotional response to him? He was beginning to doubt his management abilities the more he thought about it.

Months went by until finally, my client’s boss reached a tipping point. He just couldn’t take it any longer and in the middle of a meeting with my client, he stopped and said, “What am I doing wrong here? You seem to always be upset about something I’ve done.” To which my client, burst into tears and ran out of his office.

The good news is that this was the needed breakthrough. My client later sat down with her boss and expressed her fears and concerns. She was completely shocked to learn that her boss had similar feeilngs of inadaqaucy in regards to how he was managing her. They discovered that their styles of communication and how they approached tasks was so completely different that they didn’t understand each other very well. Whenever there was a misunderstanding, they each were convinced that they had done something wrong and that the other was judging them for lack of performance.

The danger here is in projecting our madness onto others. When we convince ourselves that someone doesn’t like us, we make up stories about them and project those stories out as the truth. How often have you spoken negatively to a co-worker about someone you work with and then gotten your co-worker to believe things about that person that aren’t even true? It can take years for people to get over these negative stories and the fear they can create in an organization.

This week, see how often you think about what others think of you. Are you worried about what others are saying about you? Have you become angry or fearful because you’re convinced someone else thinks your not good enough or not competent in your job? Have you become so convinced that someone doesn’t like you that you try to find reasons not to like them as well? All of this can be avoided when we realize that no one spends all that much time thinking about us, whether in a negative or a positive vein. Allowing our imagination to run wild with our false stories and interpretations of events has a destructive effect on us that can last a life time.

Everyday I ask myself, do these thoughts I’m having serve me? Is it worth my time and energy to continue to worry about something I have no control over? How damaging is it for me to allow my mind to run wild with these thoughts? Perhaps, I can think better thoughts about myself and this other person. What do I know about both of us that’s really true?

I know these thoughts will come and go. It’s just a question of whether I want to hold onto them, entertain them and feed them. At the heart of it, we all want to be loved and cared for. But the only person I have control over is myself. So, I try to love and care for myself each day. The good news is that when I do this, my ability to love and care for others increases and it’s no longer just about me. It becomes much more about us.

Have a great week!

Kathleen

© Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.

11/6/11 “Who Knows What the Future Brings?”

Good day, team.

Since my accident two weeks ago, I’ve had lots of time to think. Last week, I noticed that my brain had already started compartmentalizing my thoughts and memories into “before the fall” and “after the fall.” Funny, how the mind scrambles to assimilate information and process it. I’ve also noticed something new in my normal thought patterns. Since everything was taken off my calendar, except for doctor’s appointments, my thoughts about what I must do tomorrow, what comes next or what the future holds, haven’t been happening. This void has made me realize how much time I spend dwelling on the future or often having fearful thoughts about what will happen if I don’t do this or prepare for that.

Most of us spend an enormous amount of time worrying about, strategizing for and planning the future, even though we know things rarely turn out exactly as we expect. One of life’s great lessons is to realize that all the imagination in the world gets you no closer to actually knowing what will happen in the future. One of my favorite statements is, “If you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plan!” I’ve thought of that statement so many times in the past two weeks. Before the fall, I had a plan of how the next few weeks were supposed to go. After the fall, none of it was relevant any longer.

Here’s an ancient Taoist story that clearly illustrates my point:

“There was a farmer, a gentle man, a humble man. His wife had died a few years before, and he and his son lived near the border region in China. One day, their horse ran away. They were dependent upon the horse. When the neighbors came to console the man for the loss of his horse, he answered them, ‘Who knows what the future brings?’

“Several months later, their mare returned with a wild stallion. Everyone in the village came to marvel at the magnificent stallion. ‘You are wealthy now,’ the villagers said to the man, congratulating him. And he answered them, ‘Who knows what the future brings?’

One day, the son mounted the wild stallion, but he did not know the ways of the stallion, and within a hundred meters, he fell off the stallion and broke his leg. The leg healed, but the boy limped. The villagers again went to the man to console him. ‘What terrible misfortune,’ they said to him. ‘Now your only son is a cripple. Your living will be limited. Worse still, how will your son be able to care for you in old age?’ The simple man answered his neighbors, ‘Who knows what the future brings?’ ‘A simpleton,’ the neighbors said of the man.

“A year later, a tribe from across the border was preparing for war. The Han army arrived in the farmer’s village, and every young man was drafted except the lame boy. He was of no use to the army. He stayed home. It was a dreadful battle. Only a few of the boys drafted returned alive. The lame boy cared for his father until his father’s death.”

The moral of the story is that the present is impermanent and the future is unknowable and filled with possibility. The farmer’s view differed from his neighbors’ because he understood that no one knows what the future will bring and that infinite possibilities can arise in the moment. If the farmer had been unwilling to let go of his idea of what would happen next, he would not have been able to take advantage of what was presented to him in the moment.

This week, try seeing how much of your time is spent worrying about what the future will bring. Do you often think about what to do next? Or do you have a strategic mind that loves to compare and contrast what’s happening now with what happened in the past in hopes of understanding what might happen next?

These mind exercises can be good in their right place. I have some close friends who get paid lots of money to spend all day doing just this kind of strategic analysis. This kind of thinking is simply a tool to help us predict what might happen. The conclusions we draw and our inability to let go of them — even though we can see they’re not relevant — is what gets us into trouble.

Like the farmer, try to see what’s directly in front of you to inform the best course of action now. Perhaps your strategic plan isn’t working the way you thought. Don’t be afraid to let it go and spend some time creating a new plan that’s more applicable to what’s happening. Or create multiple plans for different outcomes so that you give yourself more options.

When my grandfather was in his 80s, he said one of the compensating factors about old age was that the future he used to worry about so much was now here. “I can see the finish line from here,” he would say with a look of relief on his face. “Happy to say, it looks better than I thought it would. So I’m having a pretty good time right now!”

Have a good week!

Kathleen

© Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.

10/30/11 “Vulnerability”

Good day, team.

First, I apologize that I was not able to publish a challenge last week. I had an accident on Saturday night and couldn’t send what I had written. I will send that challenge at another time when it seems more appropriate.

As many of you know, I fell down a flight of wooden stairs and landed on my face. I sustained a concussion, broke my nose, fractured a vertebra in my upper spine, and received numerous bruises and lacerations. Last Sunday, I looked like a ringer for the best Halloween zombie costume!

After three hours of emergency surgery, I was hospitalized until this past Wednesday and have been recuperating at home since then. Each day I make more progress. Many of the small things I previously took for granted have been such a joy to reintroduce into my day: breathing through my nose, having my taste buds re-emerge, brushing my teeth, reading a book. I do these small, banal activities each day without even thinking, but after days without them, it is so sweet to begin to do them for myself again. Of course, this accomplishment comes after having been completely dependent on others to care for me, from the moment my husband flew down the stairs to help me until I returned home from the hospital.

Herein lies the subject of this week’s challenge: vulnerability. The word vulnerable comes from the Latin vulnera, which means “to wound.” It is defined as, “capable or susceptible of being wounded or hurt, open to moral attack, criticism, difficult to defend.” All of these definitions elicit fear in us. Being completely defenseless and vulnerable with others is an experience we rarely allow to happen. Only when we are unable to defend ourselves from people or circumstances can the experience of being vulnerable occur.

Never have I been more vulnerable than I’ve been this past week. I’ve had no choice but to surrender completely to the care and consideration of others. The joy in this has been to see how incredibly loving and compassionate everyone has been. I have such clear memories from this past week: the elderly Latina ER nurse murmuring, “Parajito herido” (little wounded bird) with such tenderness as she cleaned the blood off my face; the surgeon placing his strong, reassuring hand on my shoulder as they wheeled me into the operating room; and the look of such love and relief on my husband’s face as he held the straw up to my mouth for my first sip of water after surgery. These images are chiseled into my memory.

I am a pretty controlling person. I have a hard time letting other people do things for me without giving them directions or advice. I’m in the business of serving and advising others on a daily basis, which is not uncommon for someone who has a controlling nature. The idea of being vulnerable is abhorrent to people like me. That’s why this past week has been such an eye opener. Being so vulnerable, I’ve had no choice but to let others take care of everything and just receive their love and kindness without resisting. And I can see how that is helping me heal — on a much more profound level than I ever imagined.

This week, consider letting your defenses down for a moment or two to allow others to help you. When someone offers to bring you coffee or pick up your dishes, let them. In meetings, don’t keep talking if you really don’t know the answer to a problem. Stop talking and ask others for help finding the right answer. If you’re having trouble trusting someone, try assuming positive intent and seeing what the outcome is. Sometimes we have to trust a little more than we’re comfortable with to find out that it’s okay. If you’re always the driver, how about sitting in the back seat and letting someone else drive? You may actually enjoy the ride instead of being so determined to get everyone to the destination.

In my moments of vulnerability this week, I received so much more than I would have asked for myself. By not controlling what was happening, things and people came to me naturally, and each gift was exactly what was needed in the moment.

This life, this dream, we so often take for granted — or try to control — can change in an instant. In each moment, we can experience so much love and beauty if we only allow ourselves to receive it. Give yourself time this week to receive what others have to give you. Surrender — there is so little to lose and so much to gain.

Have a good week!

Kathleen

© Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.

10/16/11 “Horse Sense”

Good day, team,

This week’s challenge comes from a course I’m currently taking in horsemanship. Having been afraid of horses for many years, I felt it was important to work my way through it by getting to know these powerful four legged creatures. In my training, the horses will actually be teaching me how to relate to them, how to speak their language, and engage in what horses love to do. At the heart of my training are three concepts to remember when dealing with horses – love, language, and leadership.

It reminds me of a challenge I wrote in 2007 after having read the book “The Man Who Listens to Horses” by Monty Roberts. Roberts is a real-life horse whisperer, an American original whose gentle training methods reveal the depth of communication possible between people and animals.

My fellow coach Kate Dwyer (who’s also an avid horsewoman) mentioned to me that the similarities between coaching people and horses are uncanny. She suggested this book to me and in reading it, I have found many useful hints in my attempts to understand good ways of working with people.

Here’s an excerpt from the introduction to the book, written by Lawrence Scanlon:

“Three hundred years before the birth of Christ, there lived a Greek cavalry officer named Xenophon. He wrote a tiny classic called ‘The Art of Horsemanship.’ Here is a paragraph from it:

‘A fit of passion is a thing that has no foresight in it, and so we often have to rue the day when we gave way to it. Consequently, when your horse shies at an object and is unwilling to go up to it, he should be shown that there is nothing fearful in it, least of all to a courageous horse like him; but if this fails, touch the object yourself that seems so dreadful to him, and lead him up to it with gentleness.

‘Riders who force their horses by the use of the whip only increase their fear, for they then associate the pain with the thing that frightens them.’”

This advice makes me think about situations in which some sort of discipline is required. How strong do we need to be in getting the message across (the whip)? And what are the consequences if the people we manage or parent don’t do what we’ve instructed them to do?

Interestingly, none of us seems to have trouble letting toddlers know that if they touch a stove, they will get burned. It’s not hard for us to be quite direct in our instructions about it. However, try using the same direct message when cautioning adults about something that can burn them figuratively: We often stumble on our words and are not very clear about the consequences.

Coaching works best when we begin by being the active force but then quickly step back from that position so the people being coached can become the active force for themselves. People, like horses, respond best to those who are willing to be patient, considerate and clear about their intention, with no hint of anger or judgment.

Of course, managing people will require being tough at times. Such tough love will be effective if all team members believe the discipline is being applied fairly and that it’s for the good of the whole team, not just one person in particular. Toughness that comes from anger or bullying never works. The leaders challenge is to get a clear message across without evoking fear in the team member. Just as with horses, fear can create a reaction to do what the provoker wishes, but it also plants seeds of mistrust that last a lifetime.

One of the techniques Roberts uses most effectively, which he describes many times in his book, is to listen to what horses are saying in their own language. This attentiveness gives him the opportunity to respond to them in the same way, with the flick of an ear, the movement of an eye, or a facial expression. Our body language communicates volumes, and unspoken messages that frighten people or make them ill at ease do not facilitate good communication and often make people wary. Feeling safe is a prerequisite for being vulnerable enough to open up the lines of communication and say what we’re really thinking.

Your challenge this week is to take a lesson from our four-legged friend the horse. Take a look at the people you spend most of your time with. How do you treat them? Are you hard on them because you think that will bring out their best? Do you find yourself asking them to do something you wouldn’t dream of doing? Are you willing to invite them into the running, so to speak, rather than forcing them? How would you like to be treated in a similar situation? Are people willing to come back to you for more guidance, or do they try to avoid you? Do you cause people to fear you or respect you?

Once you are able to answer these questions, try taking a gentle, attentive approach with people. Maybe it’s just as simple as holding out your hand and asking for help rather than pointing your finger to get your opinion across. And if that hand offers an apple as well, you might just find that people respond like the horse does, with a willingness to carry you that extra mile!

Have a great week!

Kathleen

© Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.

10/9/11 “What Matters”

Good day, team.

I try to stay away from political opinions in my coach’s challenge. There’s plenty of stuff in the media about politics, and I often tire of the endless back and forth. However, I also try to write about what speaks to me — some experience I’ve had that gives me a focus for the week, something that challenges me to understand myself more deeply or an idea that will inspire someone else.

This week’s challenge comes from something I read yesterday that has inspired me personally as well as politically. Here are a few lines within the piece that sparked my coach’s challenge for the week:

In this great struggle, here are some things that don’t matter:

*

What we wear
*

Whether we shake our fists or make peace signs
*

Whether we can fit our dreams for a better world into a media sound bite

And here are a few things that do matter:

*

Our courage
*

Our moral compass
*

How we treat each other

This week’s challenge is to focus on how we treat each other. Each day, we are given the opportunity to treat others as we would like to be treated. If we can remember how much this matters to ourselves and anyone we come in contact with, I believe the world would be a better place to live.

Here’s the full of the text of the speech that I pulled this excerpt from. It’s from a courageous writer named Naomi Klein, who is most famous for her book, “The Shock Doctrine.” She gave this speech last week at Occupy Wall Street in New York City.

Yesterday, one of the speakers at the labor rally said, “We found each other.” That sentiment captures the beauty of what is being created here. A wide-open space (as well as an idea so big it can’t be contained by any space) for all the people who want a better world to find each other. We are so grateful.

If there is one thing I know, it is that the 1 percent loves a crisis. When people are panicked and desperate and no one seems to know what to do, that is the ideal time to push through their wish list of pro-corporate policies: privatizing education and social security, slashing public services, getting rid of the last constraints on corporate power. Amidst the economic crisis, this is happening the world over. And there is only one thing that can block this tactic, and fortunately, it’s a very big thing: the 99 percent. And that 99 percent is taking to the streets from Madison to Madrid to say “No. We will not pay for your crisis.”

That slogan began in Italy in 2008. It ricocheted to Greece and France and Ireland and finally it has made its way to the square mile where the crisis began. “Why are they protesting?” ask the baffled pundits on TV. Meanwhile, the rest of the world asks: “What took you so long?” “We’ve been wondering when you were going to show up.” And most of all: “Welcome.”

Many people have drawn parallels between Occupy Wall Street and the so-called anti-globalization protests that came to world attention in Seattle in 1999. That was the last time a global, youth-led, decentralized movement took direct aim at corporate power. And I am proud to have been part of what we called “the movement of movements.”

But there are important differences too. For instance, we chose summits as our targets: the World Trade Organization, the International Monetary Fund, the G8. Summits are transient by their nature, they only last a week. That made us transient too. We’d appear, grab world headlines, then disappear. And in the frenzy of hyper-patriotism and militarism that followed the 9/11 attacks, it was easy to sweep us away completely, at least in North America.

Occupy Wall Street, on the other hand, has chosen a fixed target. And you have put no end date on your presence here. This is wise. Only when you stay put can you grow roots. This is crucial. It is a fact of the information age that too many movements spring up like beautiful flowers but quickly die off. It’s because they don’t have roots. And they don’t have long-term plans for how they are going to sustain themselves. So when storms come, they get washed away. Being horizontal and deeply democratic is wonderful. But these principles are compatible with the hard work of building structures and institutions that are sturdy enough to weather the storms ahead. I have great faith that this will happen.

Something else this movement is doing right: You have committed yourselves to nonviolence. You have refused to give the media the images of broken windows and street fights it craves so desperately. And that tremendous discipline has meant that, again and again, the story has been the disgraceful and unprovoked police brutality. Which we saw more of just last night.

Meanwhile, support for this movement grows and grows. More wisdom. But the biggest difference a decade makes is that in 1999, we were taking on capitalism at the peak of a frenzied economic boom. Unemployment was low, stock portfolios were bulging. The media was drunk on easy money. Back then it was all about start-ups, not shutdowns. We pointed out that the deregulation behind the frenzy came at a price. It was damaging to labor standards. It was damaging to environmental standards. Corporations were becoming more powerful than governments and that was damaging to our democracies.

But to be honest with you, while the good times rolled, taking on an economic system based on greed was a tough sell, at least in rich countries. Ten years later, it seems as if there aren’t any more rich countries. Just a whole lot of rich people. People who got rich looting the public wealth and exhausting natural resources around the world. The point is, today everyone can see that the system is deeply unjust and careening out of control. Unfettered greed has trashed the global economy. And it is trashing the natural world as well. We are overfishing our oceans, polluting our water with fracking and deep-water drilling, turning to the dirtiest forms of energy on the planet, like the Alberta tar sands. And the atmosphere cannot absorb the amount of carbon we are putting into it, creating dangerous warming. The new normal is serial disasters: economic and ecological.

These are the facts on the ground. They are so blatant, so obvious, that it is a lot easier to connect with the public than it was in 1999, and to build the movement quickly. We all know, or at least sense, that the world is upside down: we act as if there is no end to what is actually finite — fossil fuels and the atmospheric space to absorb their emissions. And we act as if there are strict and immovable limits to what is actually bountiful — the financial resources to build the kind of society we need. The task of our time is to turn this around: to challenge this false scarcity. To insist that we can afford to build a decent, inclusive society — while at the same time, respect the real limits to what the earth can take.

What climate change means is that we have to do this on a deadline. This time our movement cannot get distracted, divided, burned out or swept away by events. This time we have to succeed. And I’m not talking about regulating the banks and increasing taxes on the rich, though that’s important. I am talking about changing the underlying values that govern our society. That is hard to fit into a single media-friendly demand, and it’s also hard to figure out how to do it. But it is no less urgent for being difficult. That is what I see happening in this square. In the way you are feeding each other, keeping each other warm, sharing information freely and providing healthcare, meditation classes and empowerment training. My favorite sign here says, “I care about you.” In a culture that trains people to avoid each other’s gaze, to say, “Let them die,” that is a deeply radical statement.

A few final thoughts. In this great struggle, here are some things that don’t matter:

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What we wear

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Whether we shake our fists or make peace signs
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Whether we can fit our dreams for a better world into a media sound bite.

And here are a few things that do matter:

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Our courage

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Our moral compass
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How we treat each other

We have picked a fight with the most powerful economic and political forces on the planet. That’s frightening. And as this movement grows from strength to strength, it will get more frightening. Always be aware that there will be a temptation to shift to smaller targets — like, say, the person sitting next to you at this meeting. After all, that is a battle that’s easier to win. Don’t give in to the temptation. I’m not saying don’t call each other on stuff. But this time, let’s treat each other as if we plan to work side by side in struggle for many, many years to come. Because the task before will demand nothing less. Let’s treat this beautiful movement as if it is most important thing in the world. Because it is. It really is.

Have a good week!

Kathleen

© Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.

10/2/11 “Competition”

Good day, team.

This week’s challenge is about competition. First, let me share a recent experience. A few weeks ago, I learned that Missoni, a famous, high-end Italian design house, would put a limited release of clothing and household items into Target stores. Some smart marketing person at Target came up with the bright idea that if you could convince high-end designers to create an exclusive line just for Target, at low Target prices, their stuff would sell like hot cakes and it would broaden their brand recognition across a more diverse customer base. Knowing

For example, typical Missoni dresses sell for $800 to $2,500. At Target, a dress of the same style in a somewhat inferior fabric would sell for $60. Now, that’s what I call a bargain! Knowing how much I admired Missoni’s clothes and that a good friend of mine was also a fan, I marked my calender for the day of the sale.

So at 7:30 a.m. on the morning of September 13, I drove to a Target that I deemed less popular than others and joined the 10-person line forming at the door. “Hey, this is good,” I thought. “I can compete against 10 other people.”

Securing my fanny pack (you have to have your arms and hands free to grab the goods) stuffed with credit cards, cash and my cell phone, in case my good friend called with a last minute request, I anxiously waited for the doors to open. I began to notice that we were all jockeying for position. People were inching up toward the doors, and occasionally, a more aggressive participant would nudge someone. As the minutes ticked by, our anticipation grew, and the tension was palpable. I have to admit, I was becoming anxious myself. My heart rate increased, and I could feel the competitive urges in me growing.

Finally, the doors opened. The first person in line, a very tall, domineering woman, ran inside and went up to the first rack of Missoni clothing. She opened her arms wide, grabbed both ends of an entire rack of clothes, lifted everything up in one fell swoop and threw it all into her cart. The game was on — it was every woman for herself! I soon realized that looking for the right size or style was not possible. I joined in the frenzy, throwing anything I could grab into my cart before running to the next Missoni display. Pity the poor store clerk who had just opened a box of Missoni socks and tights. Before he could set up the display, we surrounded him like locusts in a field and gobbled up the items right out of the box as if he wasn’t even there.

Seven minutes after the doors opened, nothing was left on the displays — not a sweater, skirt, blouse, shoe or sock. Every piece of merchandise was in someone’s overladen shopping cart, and as I looked around, I could see the expressions of victory and bewilderment on people’s faces. What just happened? How did we get so swept up in the insanity of competition for this stuff? It was as though we were starving and had to compete for the last few sacks of rice.

I realized I had to find a place in the store where I could go through my items and figure out which ones I actually wanted to buy. As I searched for a place to discretely make my choices, I happened upon a mother with her two teenage daughters who were doing the same. We were all embarrassed to look at each other. The past seven minutes hadn’t brought out the best in any of us, and we knew it. When I suggested that I go get an empty cart to use for our rejects, I saw relief on their faces. The opportunity to share made all of us feel better.

As we tried on various items and talked about what we’d selected, we began to laugh and joke about how crazy the competition had been. Each of us had seen a competitive side to our nature that in its determination to win had only one goal in mind: get the goods. Upon reflection, it all seemed like a crazy thing to do, particularly when you found items in your cart that were two sizes too big or something you would never wear even if someone gave it to you for free.

You could say that I accomplished my aim. I got some goods at a great price. But as I walked out of the store with a cart full of white plastic bags filled with items for me and my friend, I felt a little sick to my stomach. Was it the lack of breakfast or too much coffee before the early morning frenzy that brought about the nausea? Or was it the anticipation and anxiety I felt as I had rushed through the store? Perhaps it was the sudden realization that I had just spent a fair amount of money on clothes that I didn’t need, while people all over the planet actually do compete for that last bag of rice.

Four hours after Target sold out of most of the Missoni items, they began to show up on eBay for four and five times the price. Angry online customers sent vituperous Tweets and emails to Target complaining about their inability to buy online because the Target site crashed soon after the items became available. The following day, every major U.S. newspaper and newsfeed ran a story about Missoni at Target.

I believe competition in games and sport has its rightful place. We enjoy watching people win, especially when it’s our team, and the heightened inner state that occurs when we achieve our goals is a glorious experience. But when it comes at the expense of others, competition can seem displaced. Something about my shopping experience made me feel like my competitive instincts were not used for the common good.

This week, take a look at what you’re competing for. Do you find yourself at work getting overly aggressive like the woman who grabbed an entire rack of clothing in one fell swoop? Is the thing you’re competing for worth it? Perhaps you’re competing for a promotion or more attention from your boss or a family member. Have you ever competed in a passive aggressive way by withholding information from someone?

Two weeks after my shopping spree, the Missoni items hang in my closet with the tags still on them. I haven’t decided whether I’ll keep everything or return some of them. My husband reminds me that I work hard and deserve to splurge on myself once in awhile. And much of what I bought is just downright cute and will be fun to wear. But on the morning of September 13, I saw a part of myself that I am not particularly proud of. For someone who likes to say that her religion is kindness, I wonder who that person was who showed up at Target that morning?

Have a good week,

Kathleen

© Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.

9/25/11 “Engagement”

Good day, team,

The coach’s challenge this week is about engaging in your work and finding the energy with which to do it. Studies show that the average person puts only between 25 percent to 40 percent of available energy and ability into his or her work.

This percentage may be shocking, but time and time again, studies show that we could all improve our level of engagement on the job. There’s nothing more gratifying than working for or with someone who’s energized and always ready, willing and able to serve the customer. Each of us struggles with the same things: how to get all the work done, how to think of new and better ways to do things, how to improve our performance, etc. But when it comes to figuring out how to increase our energy on the job, we often fall short of solutions.

Here are some ways to increase your level of engagement and help your team do the same.
1) Get involved in the activities in front of you. Be present for what you’re doing in the moment.
2) Take ownership for your responsibilities and results.
3) Know where you have power and where you don’t. Stay involved where you can make the greatest difference and are most empowered.
4) Keep your network alive and well. Know who you’re affiliated with and continue to keep the energy flowing between you.
5) Understand what you’re most competent at. Leverage your strengths and don’t be afraid to face your weak spots.
6) Give yourself credit for your achievements. Find ways to reward yourself for a job well done.
7) Don’t be afraid to ask for recognition or to give it. Simply recognizing where we add value is often its own reward.
8) Make the connection between what you do and who you are. A job that has no meaning for you is the wrong job.

When managing teams, you can increase energy and engagement by giving your team the authority to make decisions and act upon them. Don’t forget to recognize all the different phases the team is going through, regardless of how smooth things are. Be alert to signs that the team needs additional coaching when times are tough. When things are going well, let everyone be involved in the rewards and recognition. Team members usually know better than anyone else what motivates them.

Try increasing your energy level this week by using some of these suggestions to re-engage in your work. In the words of Harry S. Truman, “I found that the men and women who got to the top were those who did the jobs they had in hand, with everything they had of energy and enthusiasm and hard work.”

Have a great week!

Kathleen

© Copyright 2011 Pathfinders Coaching, Scout Search Inc., all rights reserved.